"Time to burn this shit up."

One of my hands clenched a red, thick envelope and the other a scrap piece of paper. I set the annual Christmas card from my mother, still completely sealed, on the metal workbench in the Harrison's small garage. My eyes shifted to the other paper with my sinful admissions that sprang up like a dormant STD the minute my eyes laid on Jake's name.

Why couldn't he have gotten uglier over the past two years? At least a broken nose? Or a butt-chin? Or... herpes?

Well, at least the chances are high that he has herpes.

Since I'd seen Jake at his and Ellie's Dad's funeral, a storm of unpleasant reactions fired off inside me that had lingered dormant since whatever the hell our exchange was in Seattle during his, Ellie, and Logan's ESPN interview. While all of my reactions were completely inappropriate during a funeral and wake, my brain couldn't help where my vagina went.

Fuck, I hate my hormones sometimes.

I'd hoped that after high school my high sex drive would've calmed down, but nope. My vagina decided she was free and open for business and the changes in the fuckboy I'd known in high school into the still-a-fuckboy version of Jake Harrison today drew her in like a hungry, starved predator. The abstinence break I'd taken since I saw Jake in Seattle had only wound me up tighter than Jake's fat ass crammed into those football spanx pants.

Or tighter than the limit between pain and pleasure.

No, no, no. Not going to happen.

While most people probably thought I just had PMS every Christmas, I hated that holiday. I hated how families enjoyed their time together, shared loving, sappy expressions and mistletoe kisses, and even that fucking creepy, green-haired Grinch.

I particularly hated how my mother, who'd abandoned our family when I was thirteen, felt like Christmas was an appropriate time to pretend that she cared. Like my birthday cards from the woman, I never read her notes, gave zero fucks about her updates or money, so I burned them sealed shut. Dad never approved of this bi-annual ritual so the Harrison's garage was my burning shrine to the two middle fingers I smoked up to the sham of the woman who called herself my mother.

Besides, Dad's got his own... welcomed distraction lately anyways.

I wasn't sure what, if anything, was between my dad and Logan's mom other than Dad was obviously attracted to the woman. On the drive home from the funeral, I assured him I was fine whoever he dated since I wasn't always going to be around to be ignored by him. My assurance, which I'd thought was generous, only earned me a silent head shake while Dad most likely mentally questioned where he went wrong with me.

With this year's addition to the burn pile, thankfully Jake was nowhere to be seen when Ellie joined me out in the garage. As usual, she was less than supportive of my therapeutic, cleansing activities.

"This is really stupid Harper," she complained and shut the door to the house behind us. "You should adult up and stop burning this stuff. It's just a Christmas card, what if your mom sent money?"

"Then she'll know when it never gets cashed," I deadpanned.

"Harper, seriously." Ellie rolled her eyes at me, then exhaled sharply. "You need to reconcile with your mom."

"Fuck no. I have an addition this year." I scoffed and held up my Jake-inspired list, which I handed over to her with Mom's card.

My lips rolled inward as I braced myself for Ellie's reaction. Our renewed friendship was still slightly rocky, so I knew I potentially pushed her boundaries when I shared my mind's fucked up idea with her. Honestly, my proposed approach was the best solution I thought of that removed all of my inappropriate thoughts about her brother and snuffed out the annoyingly ridiculous effect he had on me.

It's all just fantasy anyways, hopefully she gets that.

Once I burn it, just like Mom, poof. Outta sight, outta mind.

"Harper.. what the - oh my gawd!" Ellie's wide eyes lifted up to mine and the paper rustled slightly as her hand shook. "This is about... Jake? Are you... serious? You and my brother Jake doing this... stuff?"

Disgusts me just as much.

I nodded but made absolutely clear the obvious fact, "There is no me and Jake."

She tossed me an impassive look like none of her believed me, so I added, "Just lingering dirty thoughts that I never acted on. Sorry, I've... been in a dry spell. Seeing him again got my lady bits all worked up, apparently I'm that desperate for any form of testosterone."

In case she needed a further push, I emphasized, "Trust me, there's no feelings there."

Ellie's eyes moved from my expression, which I hoped looked sincere enough since that emotion generally wasn't in my vocabulary, down to the paper. Her lips parted, she pursed them slightly, then looked down again.

"That's putting it mildly, shit Harper." Ellie's eyes scanned the paper. "This is quite the naughty list. And the fact these, umm... items have anything to do with my brother, that's just -"

"Wrong, I know. I'm beyond freaked out by my own brain, trust me. But they're only thoughts Ellie, I assure you I have no interest in doing them." My foot twitched at the blatant lie, so I pretended that I tapped it into the concrete floor of the garage. "So all the better to burn them... Please."

"Harper, don't you -" Ellie started her hope-filled 'think you should try' suggestion that none of me wanted to hear the end of, so I interrupted and shut that shit down before it started.

"The sooner I can get that asshole out of my head, the better." I sighed and took the list out of her hand. "Especially since we're going on that ski trip, I can't be in the same small space without burning these thoughts out of my brain. I don't want to do something we'll all regret."

Ellie only shook her head, which meant she silently disapproved of my methods. They were atypical, I understood that completely, but appreciated how she stood silently and without any air of judgment. I reached up to an empty coffee can that sat on a workbench shelf and stuck Mom's envelope inside first.

Right when my hand lingered over the can with my 'naughty with Jake' list and dropped it inside, Ellie's hand grabbed my wrist. "You have to read them off, put them out in the universe, then burn them," she insisted.

"Fuck, fine," I relented, grabbed the paper, and handed it to Ellie in a silent 'you read it' gesture.

Ellie's eyes narrowed and she looked anything but amused. "First... Harper, I can't say these words. Not yet at least. I'm going to step inside for a bathroom break, so for the sake of my ears read them while I'm gone and I'll come back with more matches, okay?"

"Weakling," I teased her with a quiet giggle.

Never send a sweetheart to do a sinner's work.

My heart thumped a few beats faster while I held up the list and read off each item in as monotone a voice as I managed, although the associated mental images and suggestive urges they inspired told me four nights trapped in a cabin with Jake might be harder than I'd thought.

With a slight cough that cleared my throat, I pulled down my shoulders, straightened my spine, and muttered, "Have Jake cook me a meal butt-naked so I can hand jerk him off at the stove."

I held back a snort on the second item. "Sit on Jake's face while I eat said meal."

My traitorous core area throbbed to life when I read, "Let Jake fuck me senseless in all holes until I can barely stand for the next week."

My lips curled up at the last item and satisfaction finally threaded through my voice, "Kiss Jake goodbye."

My shoulders relaxed when I shredded the paper, tossed everything into the coffee can, then stared downward like my eyes burned up the paper for me... which of course, they didn't.

"Harper..."

A strained, near choked male voice nearly ripped my bones out of my skin. I turned around in its direction and every working part of my body halted its normal operations. A flush of warmth spread across my cheeks, my jaw dropped open, and...

Traitorous vagina, stop throbbing like a homing beacon!

Jake had some audacity when he slid out from under the car inside their garage, sat up on a wheeled cart, and gave me what I knew was his best panty-dropping look. He directed two smoldering dark brown eyes with a flash of mischief and a slight upwards curl in his lips up at me. "What -"

Oh fuck no.

"Motherfucker!!" My hand reached out to the workbench, grabbed a hard and cold metal something, and I flung it at him. "You perverted eavesdropper!"

"Harper, I -" He ducked at my horribly aimed wrench, so I grabbed a hammer and aimed right for his balls. The asshole dodged it but the entire garage erupted with a loud, clang sound when it hit a stack of metal shovels on the wall behind him. "Stop!"

In how loudly my pulse buzzed in my ears and air passed through my flared nostrils, I barely heard the slight creak in the garage door behind me.

"Harper!?" Ellie stood behind me, her eyes wide and mouth open. "Why the hell are you throwing tools at Jake?"

One of my index fingers jabbed the air in Jake's direction. "Peeping Dick was here the whole time."

"Jake?" Smugness rose inside me when Ellie's eyes turned to her brother.

Dickhead just pointed to the wheeled cart he sat on and thumped his palm on the car's hood. "I was working on the electrical connections for the rebuilt motor. You two -"

"Don't you dare blame this on us, douchewaffle!" My hand found another option and aimed at Jake's head... this time the one above his shoulders. Unfortunately, he ducked right as the screwdriver flew over his shoulder and scratched the car's hood.

"Okay, I'm going to let you work this out between you two." Ellie sighed and abandoned me as she went into the house. But at least she added, "Jake, nice knowing you. I'll make sure to mention 'He went out a douchewaffle' at your funeral," and slammed the door behind her.

By the time my eyes shifted away from the shut door, Jake had stood up fully and his large frame occupied most of the airspace in the cramped, single-car garage. His eyes darkened the longer he looked down at me, which further reinforced my suspicions that him, me, and a small space in the middle of nowhere Canada was not a good idea.

"Harper..." I swallowed at the sound of my name spoken in his deep voice, with just enough rasp that my core throbbed again.

My hand had enough sensibility because, as he took quick, long steps in my direction, I reached up, squeezed a tight fist, and swung at his stupidly chiseled jaw.

Jake's reflexes were better than mine, as one of his large hands caught my wrist. I worked with momentum and swung with my other fist but with the same result he grabbed that one too. With a quick twist, again my back lurched the car back a few inches and he pinned me in place with my arms overhead and his hips thrust into mine.

The fucking car did me no favors, as it lurched back under Jake's weight on me, then forwards and pushed my pelvis back against his. His eyes darkened a shade and that smirk I desperately wished had no effect on me deepened. I prayed my exterior remained impassive because internally my vagina threw a celebratory pity party from the friction rubbed between us.

"Calm down," his deep, even-toned, dare I guessed sexy voice and breath fanned across my cheeks. Under his grasp on my wrists, my fingers twitched at the mental image they wrapped around his throat.

Or... around something else.

I hated how his eyes heated up my skin while they lowered down, from my lips to the curve in my neck to the swell of my breasts that heaved with my elevated breaths. My lips rolled inward against the moan that threatened my dignity when he leaned his broad, hard chest against my breasts and the soft flesh of his lips trailed over the shell of my ear.

"Thinking like that gets me wound up too," he admitted quietly with a gentle press of his 'that wasn't there last time' pelvis into mine. "But we both know your hands can do much better things than hitting me, Harper."

I pulled back and glued my eyes onto his because I knew if I lowered them to his lips then I'd have kissed him. Rich brown tones like swirls of melted dark chocolate darkened the more I studied them, as his pupils enlarged like a feral animal. His reaction flipped my internal 'screw him already' switch and I willed my breath back to normal.

"Right." I scoffed and softened the tension in my body. He paused for a moment then released me and flooded a much-needed gust of cold air between our bodies.

"Good thing your aim is terrible when you're angry." Jake smiled, not a cocky smirk like normal but one that more resembled the charming pre-teen who'd been my first crush.

That's even worse Harper, go back to thinking about his dick before you go soft.

"Ha! Gotcha." I barked out a laugh that hopefully sounded genuine. "Like I'd want to do any of those things with you."

"So just a joke?" His dark eyebrows lifted and, since I didn't trust my voice, I nodded silently. His shoulders shook with a laugh which I joined in after a few moments. "You and me again? We'd be terrible."

At this point, any tension had evaporated and relief flooded through me that whatever had built up from the other day had completely dissolved.

Apparently I just needed to laugh it off.

"Could you imagine?" I gasped, braced myself, and squeezed one of his biceps in my palm. "Thank God we're not that fucked up anymore."

At my words, Jake's laughter stopped instantly and his eyes bored down at me. The longer he stared, the darker his gaze became, the larger his pupils dilated. His lips gently parted and he ran the tip of his tongue gently between them, just once.

"And what if I still am?"