After a lunch of homemade soup, a heaping pile of red candy snacks, and two movies, the color returned in Harper's cheeks. We snuggled inside a nest of blankets on my bed. She pressed against my side, and my pre-Calc homework was spread across my lap.

"Did you hear the rumor that your boyfriend bought like two hundred condoms for Homecoming? Extra-large." Her eyebrows lifted. "With a body like his, he'll break your—"

"No." Was nothing private or secret anymore? Lord help me if Jake heard that one. "He's being a gentleman, I swear."

"He is?" She looked surprised, which I couldn't blame her for. When we first met, Logan was not a gentleman when he'd tried to use me to throw Jake off his game.

Key words being 'tried to.' He hadn't succeeded, apologized, and we'd move forward.

"He's taking my V-card seriously." I finished the last homework question. My teacher was so cruel. 'It's only three questions' was fifteen given the a through e parts on each, which I tucked into my bag and dropped onto the floor.

"Wow," she mumbled. "I'm surprised. And impressed. How do you feel about that?"

"Lucky."

Given my limited experience, him considering my virtue felt safe and trustworthy. Then again, my bar was so low on appropriate boy behavior, maybe I wasn't the best barometer here.

"And frustrated?" I stared at her, and we dissolved into giggles, relieving some of today's tension. "If you have an itch, let Logan Junior scratch it."

Logan junior? She didn't mean—My laughs dissolved. "No. I am not—I can't." I didn't need a vibrator, which I only owned because of her, relieving my frustrations.

"Just kidding... Ellie," she said, testing the nickname. "And you can if you want. Auditioning the finger puppets isn't as bad as you think."

Auditioning the what? I blinked, so she continued with a finger gesture curling her first and middle fingers into her palm, "You know, girl's night in, happy hand time, play clitar hero... Take matters into your own hands?"

I cupped my forehead. How could this kind of talk never faze her? She was a female version of Jake, and apparently, not done with this embarrassing topic.

"Do you still have the dildo under your bed?"

"Yes." My eyes rolled. "Still unopened, for the record. Probably where you're sitting. I'm afraid Mom will find it in the trash. What happened to the other nineteen?"

"I still have them." She sighed. "Guess we'll be getting reacquainted for a while."

My brain needed a few seconds to translate her words. She wasn't resolving the issue with Ryan, which she should. I couldn't imagine what he was thinking right now.

"You can call him if you'd like."

Her body stiffened like every previous time I'd mentioned him. But, again, she shook her head and diverted the conversation, "I have a better chance of complimenting Jake than saying anything to Ryan. I'm...doing him a favor."

She was totally discrediting herself, which I frowned at, but her stubborn look kept my mouth shut.

Twenty minutes into the movie, her elbow nudged me. "And what's wrong with self-inflicted pleasure? How can Adonis light up your flight path if you don't know where the on-switch is?"

"Light up my..." I waved off her masturbation nicknames. "We're not in a hurry. Just because I have no idea what I'm doing in the physical department means I'm ready to dive into your...depths."

"What about him?"

"Figured we're going with the lowest common denominator of experience here." I scrunched my nose. This topic wasn't one we just tossed out between homework assignments, football stuff, and kissing. "He's been with girls before, and he's good at it. Really good. But he knows it's my first time, plus given my past, he doesn't want to do anything I'll regret. So, it's very—"

"Prudish?"

Nothing felt prudish last night. And while I liked it, a lot, the newness was...maybe I was overthinking things. Putting too much pressure of importance on moving our relationship forward. "I was going to say confusing, but let's go with noble."

"It is noble." She sounded intrigued, her eyes darting towards his tall, broad-shouldered frame in a picture on my dresser. "And prudish. Exactly how many girls are you talking about?"

"I don't know." The question hadn't occurred for me to ask. "Since his freshman year. Chloe was his last girlfriend sophomore year, but he hasn't dated anyone since."

"Hasn't dated, or been with anyone?" Her question hit the target on the bullseye. "You should ask him."

She was right, being physical in a committed relationship with someone you loved was different from a 'wham-bam, I'll never see you again,' experience. How many previous partners Logan had shouldn't matter, but it did. It mattered by the uncomfortable feeling rising in my stomach.

Tracing a faded yellow daffodil on my quilt, I looked down at my lap. "I know."

"Promise I'm done with the unsolicited bossiness." She pulled back and gave me an apologetic smile. "It's your relationship, and now officially longer than mine, but if you need a what-not-to-do specimen, look down the hall at your dickhead brother."

Except for Chloe, the only thing Jake could prove with relationships was how bad he was at them. His number of genuine relationships fit on one hand, but the number of girls he'd slept with? I didn't even know.

"Fine. Let's finish the movie." I nestled against her.

Two hours and one destroyed pizza later, darkness set outside my windows. We'd settled into a 'lazy tiredness but not ready for bed' state. I finished my American History reading, prompted Harper through her Algebra homework, and now she flipped through her phone.

"Thanks, Ellie," she whispered. "For being with me."

"Of course. You were there for me when I was in a tough situation."

She tensed again, drawing a sharp breath and looking at me with rising tears. I wrapped her up into a side hug. "It'll be okay."

"Ellie," she started when another knock pounded on my door.

Again? I tipped my head back and ground. "Hang on."

Opening the door a tiny crack revealed Jake's curious eyes. I pressed my finger on my lips, squeezed out the door, and shut it behind me.

"Jake!" I whispered. "For the third time, go away."

He peered at my door as if trying to look through it. "Mom said Harper's here, but I'm supposed to leave you alone." His dark eyes filled with confusion.

I palmed his chest, feeling racing beats beneath his shirt, and gave a gentle shove. "Great listening skills."

He barely budged, instead studying my closed door. "Is she... okay? Did Ryan—"

"She will be." I pushed again. "They broke up, so leave her alone. Please."

Jake's fists tightened, and his eyes flashed a shade darker. "That skinny fucker, I'll—"

"No." I pushed his chest again. "Stop. Just stop. She broke up with him but... something happened. She's upset, so if you have any decent bone in your gigantor, neanderthal body, give her some space."

"Fine." He stepped back and dragged his hand through his hair.

"Thank you." I brushed past him and entered the bathroom.

Closing the door behind me with a sigh, I used the toilet and brushed my teeth. As I ran a fluffy towel over my cheeks, the weight of today weighed on my mind, and I blinked at my tired reflection as I pushed my next birth control pill out of its package spot.

Unlike Harper, my birth control was for painful and irregular periods. Sometimes, two months passed without me getting one. The 'shitty ovary' issue ran on Mom's side of the family, so she had no problems with me taking the pill when the issue came up at my annual exam.

I ran the tip of my finger over the remaining pills in the pack. Even with the hormonal regulation, sometimes my period came beyond thirty days.

Just because I took protection didn't mean I was ready for sex...How did anyone know if they were? I didn't but did know who I could ask.

Not Jake. Definitely not Jake. Fortunately, there were zero signs of him in the hallway. Hopefully, he'd finally taken the hint and stayed in his stinky-ass room tonight.

My relief lasted six steps. Inside my doorway, I nearly tripped over my own feet at the sight in my bed. Harper's broken sobs pierced my heart, but my feet and the rest of my body were frozen still. Only my lips parted open, but I couldn't breathe.

Jake sat in my place. Shirtless, his shoulder and arm muscles were taught with tension, wrapped around her while she cried into his chest. His backward baseball cap showed his face furrowed in frustration. His lips moved, but I couldn't hear his words.

When he tucked his chin on top of her head and rubbed her lower back, I turned away. For once, I was glad that he didn't listen.

Giving them privacy, I wandered into the kitchen with the goodie bag from the clinic in hand. Mom and Dad were in bed, so now was the best time to toss anything out.

"Oh my..."

Thirty condoms, six months of birth control pills, Harper's post-plan B instructions, and more sex-related pamphlets than an entire health class needed scattered across the table. I stuffed the condoms back into the bag, and the birth control pills saved me from getting more refills, so I set those aside.

One of the pamphlets, Understanding Teenage Male Sexual Health, popped out. My eyes widened at the explicit STD testing details. After skimming over more information than I'd ever wanted about male reproductive anatomy, I shoved it into the bottom of the pile.

As my hand moved, another pamphlet fell out. Everything but Sex.

"Hmm."

My eyes widened again, this time at the possibilities of sexual activities a couple, or single person, could do without actual penetration. Unfortunately, after Homecoming, Logan and I were already halfway through the list, and one suggestion left me with a sense I'd never look at our couch's armrests the same again. Touching bare skin, kissing—oh, kissing down there.

The rest of the pamphlets were disappointingly littered with 'Make sure you know your partner' propaganda.

I stuffed the birth control pills into my sweatshirt's front pocket and everything else into the bag with the stash of condoms. For now, the bag would get stuffed under my mattress. It was getting pretty lumpy.

As much as I wanted to file talking about Logan's past under a future me problem, we should talk sooner than later. At the very least, I deserved to know he was clean.

Just as I stood, Jake appeared. His eyes were glossy in deep thought. Holding a death grip on his phone and blocking my exit, he stared at me as if I offended him.

"Ellie," he spat through gritted teeth. "You have one minute to explain what the fuck this is."

"What now." I took his outstretched phone. A picture of me and Harper leaving the clinic was on Camille's blog. Seeing one of my arms around her and the other clutching the same bag I held now made my stomach drop.

"Does she ever mind anyone else's business?" Anger pumped through my veins, not at the invasion of privacy but at how Jake insinuated why we were there. "Why do you think Harper's so upset?"

"You were there for her," he stated. "Not you."

"Yes, dipshit. Why do you think she's so upset?" In my mind, I strangled sense into him, but physically shook the bag under his nose. "If you don't believe me, look for yourself."

I shoved Harper's instructions into his chest, with the clinic logo and her last name displayed on top. The anger in his eyes visibly dissolved as he read over it.

"Shit, I'm sorry," he muttered. "Thanks for being honest. Now I feel like an asshole."

"You should. No secrets, remember?" I pressed my lips, but relented and gave him some credit, "Guess I'm glad you actually checked with me first."

Baby steps of progress were still progress. More than I could say for his stormy silence.

"I'll take care of this." Jake nodded at his phone. "If not for Harper's sake, then yours."

"Thanks for comforting her." I lifted my gaze to my bedroom. "You big softie."

"Yeah, well..." He raked his hand through his hair and cupped the back of his neck. "Don't tell anyone."

"Can I ask what you said?"

The garbage disposal brushed past me en route to the fridge, leaving it open and searching for options. "Nope."

Of course not. "She'll tell me anyways."

A string of curse words followed. "Fine. I told her she could have one free pass and punch me in the balls to make her smile, but she started crying."

He removed a container of leftover meatloaf and potatoes and popped it in the microwave. Not looking at me stretched our thirty seconds of silence into minutes, which didn't end when he grabbed a fork from the silverware drawer and sat at the table with his back facing me.

"Don't worry, your marshmallow softness for Harper secret is safe," I assured him with a grin.

"Don't fucking share that," he said in a cold voice and glared over his shoulder. "Or I'll deny it completely."

"What's going on with you lately? Something's crawled up your butt, and everyone can see that you're pissed off."

It was beyond Harper. His moods were giving me whiplash.

"Harper's not the only one who's single now." His back and shoulders expanded with a sigh, he slumped over and stabbed a piece of meatloaf with a fork. "Chloe broke up with me this morning."

"What?" My jaw dropped. "I thought you guys made up last night?"

And, if true, why wasn't he more upset? If anything, from the back, he just looked...hungry. Rounding the table, his focus was on obliterating his plate clean.

"So did I," he said and stuffed more forkfuls into his mouth.

There was a reason his eyes avoided me. How could he so casually eat? Each scrape of his fork furrowed my eyebrows tighter.

I'll never understand boys. "Jake, I'm...sorry." My throat clenched. Affected by it or not, breaking up sounded like the worst Homecoming experience. "Why this morning?"

"She didn't want to ruin the evening." His open hand squeezed into a tight fist. "It's for the best, even if it was a pity date."

His smile last night was so satisfied, so what the hell happened?

"How's it best?"

For one brief moment, his eyes met mine. Obvious pain pierced them, which he blinked away. My heart squeezed like a similarly tight fist in my chest. For all of his asshattery, he was still my brother.

"She..." He frowned at his remaining food. "Didn't want anything long-term, so she broke it off sooner than later."

The logic of not delaying an inevitable breakup was sound, but it felt more like settling self-preservation.

"I can respect that." I chose my words carefully. "But still, that sucks."

"Yeah." When his head lifted in my direction, his eyes sparkled with a small amount of mischief. "Never thought I'd see the day where you're with someone but Harper and I are single."

"You'll rebound," I said dryly. "But please be nice."

His jaw clenched, hardening his cheeks and putting a glare in his eyes. "Said I'd squash the rumors. After that, I'll be as nice as she is to me."

I shook my head and headed out. Whatever temporary unspoken truce these two had just made would end the next time Harper insulted him. In the short term, my brother's decent human moment was nice.

"You should be like this more often," I said over my shoulder.