It's not my job I hate, it's the crap people give me for complaining about my job that I hate.

I'm a lifeguard at a public swimming pool. And every time I tell someone my job is stressful, they laugh in my face and say

"How is that stressful?! You sit in a chair all day!"

For those of you who go to school, I'm sure you can relate. Don't you sit in a chair all day? I bet you aren't stressed, with those due dates for big projects and homework and grades-

Yeah, lifeguarding is the same exact thing. It looks easy, I agree, but the thing is that we don't just sit in a chair. What do you think we're doing, twiddling our thumbs and singing and napping?

If so, then please go drown yourself right now.

During those twenty minutes in the chair (we have 20 minute rotations, and usually rotate to three chairs before getting a break. So that is one hour staring at the pool water) we are constantly scanning. Meaning we are moving our heads, and our eyes, and checking the water to make sure everybody's doing alright, no one's struggling, no one's drowning, and most importantly no one is doing the dead man's float.

I hate the kids who do that; they'll float with their faces in the water for a good twenty seconds before moving, and during that time I'm having a heart attack and preparing myself to jump in and save them. Now, common sense keeps me from just jumping in every time I see a kid floating, but it's still very nerve-wracking. Imagine that on occasion, as you walk through the door of your house, you see your mom or dad lying on the floor in a splayed position, looking totally unconscious and as if they had a medical emergency, and it turns out that 99.9% of the time they're doing it for shits and giggles.

Yeah, it can get pretty freaky.

Another thing: yelling at the kids. I'm fine with it, I'm a terrible and mean person all the time. But it just gets tedious, yelling at the same kids over and over and over. "No running." "No diving." "You can't jump off the diving board with goggles on." Blah blah blah.

And I have to keep telling them that, every time. The repeat offenders get on my nerves the most, because they can't get it through their thick heads that they need to follow the rules!

I know there are some moms on here, and you know how annoying and frustrating it is when you have to yell at your kids all the time for the same thing? Imagine doing that, but with 50 different kids and none of them yours. It can get awkward, embarrassing, and some parents will even cuss you out for enforcing the rules.

Okay, deep breath, this is where I'm going to try and not offend anybody.

The special needs kids.

I get it, I really do. They have a hard time differentiating between "right" and "wrong," especially if they have never been told which is which before. But we have to enforce the rules all the same, tell them it is wrong and that they shouldn't break that rule again.

But they don't understand when we whistle at them. Maybe they aren't paying attention, maybe they don't know to look when the guard whistles to make sure it isn't at them. Regardless, it's very frustrating, especially when kids who know better think they can get away with it too.

And even if you get frustrated at the special needs kids, you can't yell at them like you can the other kids, or else you're an asshole. We have to "play nice" or otherwise people will get angry. That frustrates me. It's not like I'm giving them a harder time than the other kids; I understand they are classified as "special needs" but I don't see why I have to treat them better, let them do what they want. It just doesn't sit right with me.

Moving on.

Saving kids. We unfortunately here at the pool have to prevent natural selection from claiming the life of some poor kid. It sounds mean, but let me tell you a story about a save that probably shouldn't have happened.

A girl around twelve years old, overweight, but an all-around happy-go-lucky gal, swam a little too far away from the shallow end and started to struggle. Drowning, she thrashed desperately until a lifeguard blew one long whistle, jumped in, and swam out to her and gave her the tube to use and keep herself afloat. The guard takes her back to the shallow end, and she smiles and thanks the guard. Thinking nothing of it, the guard starts swimming back to their chair, the Head Guard (third in command, our boss) and Rove (someone who walks around and makes sure the rest of the guards are doing all right) watching the water to make sure no other kids start drowning.

The guard makes it to the edge of the pool, and is about to jump out when they hear yelling.

"NO! STAY WHERE YOU ARE! STOP! STOP! STOP! NO, DON'T COME ANY CLOSER! STAY!"

They turn around, and that thick-headed idiot was swimming back to where she had just drowned! And, lo and behold, the sheep was going out to her father, because God only knows why.

So yeah. If we were just twiddling our damn thumbs that girl would have probably died. So just to be clear, if you're not ready to slack off, don't be a lifeguard. Or else you'll just be that asshole co-worker that no one likes.

So think twice before you think someone's job is easy or that they're just lazy asses who couldn't get another job. Because it's a lot fucking harder than you could ever imagine.