The lunch break was already over. And my luck was over too!

The whole of the school got the news of the hella foolish scene I had created, in the center of school corridors early morning. Every single time someone looked at me, I did curse myself for the wrecked shit I had caused to my damn self once again. I knew it would not take minutes until the whole of the school would eventually start jerking me off in the middle of the streets. And that was my biggest fear, for real. I could not imagine that happening with me and that was where I was lost all day until Isabella came and gave me another unwanted peck on my nose. Damn, I felt flabbergasted.

"Bella! Are you mad or what? You already what's been going on in the school lately and still you're being such a pervert!! Sick of you:|" I squealed in her ears and somehow let her go off my face.

"Why! What's the matter with you again, now? Are you crushed that those guys caught you with Jemima?? Or there is something else that concerns you so much my baby, is there?"(pulling my cheeks again, pervert)

"I have much worse concerns than that."

"Like what? Haha. Don't tell me now that you care about them finding me as your erotic girlfriend!"

"It's not about them finding out. They already know that something between the two of us. So there's no damn to give about it anyways."

"Huh? Then, what's gotta be the trouble, troubling you baby??"

"I don't know. It's just like I don't want to be embarrassed in front of them, them, anymore."

"Them? Whose them? I thought you did not care about people when it came to the two of us. Did you?"

"Ah."

"What ah? Answer my question, bastard!"

"Don't dare, tell me you care about that silly playgirl of our class."

"Ah, who, whom.. whom are you talking about darling?" I stuttered.

"Don't dare to lie to me about her, asshole. You know I love you more than anybody else. And even if we are nothing more than best friends, you ought to be mine! Only mine!!!"

"Nobody has the right to snatch my best friend's heart except me, okay? Do You Understand!" She ordered while I smiled, shy.

"I, I do understand, Bella."

"Better for you!!"

Evenly, harder it was for me when situations like these arose, leaving me stuck in between, duh. I was a damn failure when it came to convincing people of my lies and that was what exactly happening right now. This failure of mine had always made me feel nauseous you see. 

It was not like I did not love or care about Bella, but I never really loved her the way I wished to love someone else, in my life. Deep down I have always felt lust for a lot of girls including her, but love? Love was not my cup of tea. Never.

~

The afternoon passed by and nearly at the fall of the evening, I was sitting in the park with several thoughts in my mind. The most troublesome of all was, whether if, would any of this ever make a difference in my life? This so-called feeling called love is admired by almost everybody but accepted and nourished by a few. Inside, I always thought I was lucky to be away from these permanent feelings of affection that take a toll on your life. But on the sad end, even I did not know the truth of my unreal heart.

Sitting on the sea-saw like another child 7-8 in age, I withdrew my thoughts to the incident that took place in the morning today. I knew and was certain that thinking about it would make me feel embarrassed and ashamed in the school for another few weeks but maybe it was not my mind that controlled my thoughts, but just my little, poor heart. Staying in this sunset seemed beautiful and so did thinking about those moments in the dusk when I still remembered her happy face, and of all, 'her!'

Her fragrant effective beauty, with her tortilla skin, made me wish to reach her destination, defeating its darkness ahead. Her heart-shaped eyes forced me to look at her in the abode where could only exist the two of us, with a smile. It just seemed like the two of us were made for each other and my loveless lust was lust-refrained love. Damn, how beautiful were these thoughts as I kept rewinding these incidents again and again, until everything and all of it settled deep within my heart, forever.

Yeah, I know these thoughts were weird at the moment, for a young guy like me who until date never saw a girl for her life but just her body and entangled outside beauty. But do trust me, even I have no answer for this as never before did such a thought touch the shallow depths of my heart, which now wished to explore the further deep at last.

I returned home at around 7 in the evening when my mother was ready to serve us dinner with her enthusiastic and loving smile. I was happy today, and to be honest happier than ever when I had no reason to be. Just a crush she is, I thought, but still it seemed that her heart attracted my soul more than her fuckin body.

I did not wish to think about her anymore. But out of my uncomfortable intrusive thoughts, her thoughts eventually became more repetitive. Not merely repetitive but happier enough to draw a smile full of blush upon my face. It was tough for me to handle my thoughts and eventually, the forthcoming reason for my defeat, as I started to think about a way to stop thinking about her. I began to concentrate on my food as Mom served it on my plate with my favorite chicken meat and two veggies. At first, I thought my favorite kind of dinner will distract me but god damn, even that failed to work. I was doomed, for sake.

Away from my mom's gaze, I took out my phone the very next moment and opened my Instagram to text one of my online friends, a boy, this time. His nickname was Bram, the actual name 'Abraham' whom I always spoke with whenever I needed advice on girls, dating, and love affairs. Though, today I had no actual reason to text him at the dead, I thought I had that one absurd reason to do so.

As always, he was online citing the way leisure his life was, living alone in Canada, and working for an average franchise company. Though I had the uncertain reason to text him, I did not know how to begin which was for the non-interactive behavior I never associated with, whatsoever. Alas, it was tough. This was tough!

"Hey."

"What's up, dude!"

"I am good, what are you doing?"

"Just home, a few minutes back.

"Anyways. We can talk about myself later. Now tell me, who is that lucky girl, this time;)"

"Dude."

"What happened? Does she have a boyfriend??" (questioned, kiddish)

"Don't poke fun at me, Bram. I am just confused and lost at a place right now."

"Where? Under her pants! Shit."

"Bram, I am in no mood to joke about!"

"Haha. Chill! So, now tell me what is the real problem."

"Nothing, it is just that I am tired of these intrusive thoughts. They suck the shit out of me, dude!!"

"So, what do you want me to do? Help you find a good counselor or something?:)"

":|"

"I can help you with your love affairs, and lusty events in life man, so if that's what troubling you, you are at the right place!"

"I am yet to realize if that's my concern or not!"

"I see. Did anything happen in school?"

"I did fumble a mistake today in school, but am not sure how big of a cost would I need to pay for it!"

"Tell me what exactly happened!"

And then I narrated to him the whole incident that took place in the school, whether it was about Isabella, my school best friend, or Jemima Hewitt whose voice had never touched mine until yesterday.

~

Now I am doubtful of myself even more. Since, what Bram said after hearing my unconvinced heart, I could hardly register my glance over my day-to-day life and stop thinking about everything so deep within my traumatic concern. To date, I had never been troubled about something so much but here I was now, feeling utterly troublesome of my thoughts and feelings. Until the point, I told Bram about the way I kept thinking about Jemima in the park, he thought of everything as another attraction. But as soon as with passing moments, I started unfolding the rainbow blood of my shallow heart, only one question dangled in his mind.

"Was I, another average playboy, falling in love?"