April 29

Dear Diary,

I always thought that real and true are the same word. Different in spelling, different in pronunciation but the same meaning. But now, I finally know that they are far from each other.

And I know how they're different from each other.

Out of all that Layla Aldente has told me, these has been one of the highlights because, when I heard it, I went back to my senses.

He was with me the whole time. I felt him. I knew he was true because I feel him not only close enough to touch even just for a temporary time, but I feel him in my heart. He touched my heart too much that he owned it completely. I became committed to him.

What we felt was true. Because if it was a lie, I know this will eventually go away. This feeling would never ever stay here because it's a temporary feeling of something here at the moment, but he never left me for the past 15 years.

I was never completely healed. I just stopped thinking too much of him and tried not to let the thoughts of him interfere with my reality. He wanted me to finish everything and then I did.

But that doesn't mean he's also real.

Yes, he was true. But Layra made it clear to me that being true doesn't mean you're real, and vice versa.

He may not have a body, he may not be beside me during the wildest moments in my life, he may not really have consciousness. At least I know that he was true for a moment. If he's not, why does he remain free rent living in my head and my heart?

That's true. That's love.

I remember I had a dream about him one night, when he mentioned about an ex girl he had.

He said:
Lesson here is that as human beings, we know if something is permanent or temporary. We shouldn't center those things if we are not sure if it's permanent to us. We won't be able to take the changes that we need to do if you've already set everything up. You'll fall down, but you need to stand up again for your sake.

And I really valued that lesson he told me. I believed every inch of it. I lived up to it because I always think he was right. We feel whenever someone is for temporary, and if we don't wanna get hurt, we should save ourselves from the pain.

But now, I firmly stand against with what he said.

No, he was wrong all along... We sometimes wouldn't be able to tell if someone is for long and for a while only. There are people that come and leave. We welcome them, and we will grieve for them. And while they are still there, why shouldn't we give our utmost love and respect for them? And when they leave, let's just treat it as someone that we used to know, because that's life, we are bound to receive and to lose, and to receive someone that is capable in staying.

I know that now, because I knew he was temporary. I know he would eventually go away, and when he was still there... I gave him my love. I gave him respect. At least he knew that I cared for him and I loved him even just for a short time being together, and when he left, he still knows that, because I was with him until the last. And that's what matters.

If you're afraid of losing someone, just think that it's normal. Taking risks is a part of life. If you don't take risks, then what are you living for? How will you know what's in the road not taken? Pain is inevitable, but you shouldn't stop from feeling it. Pain is not for evermore.

Pain is what makes us human.

This is not the end. One thing is for sure, after all, no one knows when's the end.

Forever dreaming,

Kei

♡๑♡๑♡๑♡

Thank you for stopping by and giving this story a chance.

I enjoyed writing this a lot because this is far from what I grew up writing. This one was more simple but complex at the same time, and that's what makes it so unique.

At first, I was convinced that this was an epistolary, but now I think this is a novelette. So I'll stop calling this one an epistolary.

The ending ends with Kaiden saying Kei's name. That's it. This is an open ending story. You can think whatever ending suits best and what you want. You can think that Kaiden just said Kei's name because he keeps hearing it in his sleep, you can think that Kaiden said Kei's name because he's the Kaiden in her dreams. Or he never really woke up and he died peacefully.

I'm considering writing a sequel for this, but only if I have a time. I want to end it this way. If you don't like the ending, I understand.

Thank you! Thank you to every support I received for this story. It means so much in the world to me to be able to express myself in these words. To be able to tell a story that will touch someone's heart.

Kaiden and Kei's story doesn't end here. There's still a long path ahead, but I won't write it anymore...