Dream #9

/awake/

"After dinner, I need to talk to you, Kei. Come to my office after you clean this all up," my mom told me in the middle of eating our dinner.

I started feeling anxious. Different scenarios started forming in my head. Mom was serious, she's not joking...

She finished eating first. We ate in complete silence and I already knew something was up. She typically ask me a lot of question, we're that close to each other. It's just me and my mom, so I have no choice.

After she was finished eating her food, she left her dishes in the sink and looked at me, as if she's reminding me what I need to do after I finish my chores.

I nodded at her, she left me alone in the dining room.

While I was cleaning the dishes, I was thinking of things that I have done to make mom this serious. I can't do things to let her down, it's just me and her... We need to help each other. She works for us, I study for us.

I heaved a deep sigh as I arrived my mom's office door. I almost sign a cross, but I immediately told my subconscious to stop because it's stupid.

Okay, I just need to go in there, answer my mom's question, explain the issue she needs to know about, and that's it! I will be going on with my life again, and be with Kaiden.

Yeah, right.

I knocked three times at her door, and I heard her say that I can come in. So I turned the doorknob and opened the door.

She's in her table, in front of her laptop. The whole room was bright and cold, it didn't help the anxiety I am feeling right now. It keeps sending shivers on my spine and up.

Can you imagine a room that is bright and white, and cold? It's as if you're inside a doctor's office or the principal's office after getting in trouble.

"Sit here," mom said, pointing to the chair in front of her table.

I sat in the chair quietly. My movements were careful as if doing one simple mistake can make everything worse than it is.

"So... I heard you failed your finals exam."

What the hell...

How did she heard about it?

Last week was our finals, I was a bit confident about the results, but it turned out I failed most of my subjects. I begged for a remedial exam because I can't fail this year... I am graduating from high school and I have plans for college.

But I guess they already told my mom although they gave me a chance to recover my fallen grades.

"Aren't you gonna say something? Defend yourself if you can. Reason out, Kei," she said seriously, her glasses are already in the table and she's looking at me intently.

Her gaze was locked to me and I can feel it like it's piercing me.

"I... I'm sorry," the only thing I was able to say.

I can't tell her that my mind was clouded too much. I was worried... Worried about Kaiden.

"Sorry? I told you to give me reasons. Even if it's shallow, I'm gonna listen, Kei. I'm mad... Yes... But that's it. Who's not gonna be mad to hear news like this?"

"I'm sorry, mom... This sem is just not for me. I'm having trouble with my subjects a lot. But don't worry! I'm gonna past this remedial exam, I promise!"

"It's not about you failing the exam, listen..." She said and fixed herself a little, dusting off invisible dirt from her clothes. "It's about what you're going on, Kei. I'm also worried about your grades, because you're getting a scholarship for college. But the main reason why I called you here is that I want to know what's making you like this... This is not you!"

I looked down. Feeling embarrassed knowing the reason. Is my reason really shallow? I am worried for someone that only exists in my dreams.

I want to blame Kaiden, but is he really the one to blame if he doesn't even know this reality...

He hasn't showed up in my dreams for 5 days already, and it's making me worry!

"I get it... You must be pressured? Am I pressuring you? I can accept it if you can't reach the target GWA you need. I can always work hard so you don't have to get a scholarship—"

"Mom... Mom..." I stopped her. It's definitely not her fault!

"No, I'm not pressured! You don't have to do that... I will do better. It's not your fault, you don't have anything in this, it's my fault!"

"So what is it then? What's the issue, Kei? I want you to be open to me. I know teenagers have a rebellious phase in life but it's just the two of us here... I want to be close to my only family," she said and I saw her eyes glistening.

Tears started filling up in my eyes.

"I can't tell you yet, mom."