Dream #20 - Final

"Here are your patients for today," the senior intern told me as she hands me the information of the patients that will be under my care for the day.

I took the folder from her hand and examined what's written on it for a short time. I didn't read them all.

"Thanks, SC," I thanked her, calling her with the nickname she really liked.

She gave me a big smile. "There are comatose patients I want you to handle for me. I have surgery with Doc. Miranda later."

I nodded and said good bye to go to my first patient.

I finished a lot of things before I finally went and did the tasks SC assigned to me. I had already finished recording some patients' histories, so I took the folder containing the information for the patients I needed to check. Most of these are comatose patients, as SC mentioned earlier, and I need to make sure they get the proper nutrition and so on.

"The next one is in the ICU. Those are all basic things, I expect you can do it on your own now? I still need to guide the other two intern," Marga said as she looked at the time from the wall clock, she's a physician assistant that was guiding me since earlier.

"I got this, Marga. Thanks."

I prepared myself before I went inside the ICU for my first patient. While I'm looking for his infos in the medical chart SC gave me, I already entered the room.

I checked the patient's medical record number right in his bed, and as a result, I saw and studied his documents.

My gaze was drawn to the patient's name. My eyes were drawn to the shape of his name because it was so familiar.

Kaiden.

That was the patient's name.

My heart began to beat faster, as did the ECG machine. But the longer I stared at the patient's information, all I could hear was my heartbeat. I froze in place.

I read the full name of the patient. Kaiden Carter.

And a memory came across my mind.

"What's your name, young man?" my mom asked Kaiden while she gave me a piercing glare.

I should have known that she was skipping work!

"Kaiden Carter, ma'am," he answered when my mom asked.

My mom's glare didn't left me, but she nodded at Kaiden. I'm in big trouble, aren't I?

It was an old dream I had. Kaiden came to my room at night when he was sick. We were about to leave the house in the morning when I realized my mother hadn't left the house and had caught us leaving.

My heart is racing frantically as I remain frozen in place. I placed the folder gently on a nearby table and took small, gentle steps towards the patient's bed.

He's been in a coma for 15 years! That's a long time, and Kaiden died exactly 15 years ago.

I closed my eyes when I realized I was standing in front of his bed. I opened my eyes slowly. I recognized a familiar face and a very familiar feature. With his growing stubble in his face, he appeared mature.

I don't know how long I stared at him. I didn't even realize tears were falling from my eyes. If it hadn't been for a nurse who went inside, I'd still be standing there, trying to tell the difference between reality and a dream.

She noticed I was crying and went over to ask me a lot of questions.

"Doc. Kei? Are you crying? What happened? Is the patient alright?" she bombarded me with a lot of questions but I stood there unashamed while still staring at Kaiden.

She left me to check the patient and his vitals. And I fell down to my knees as I cried out loud. I was almost hyperventilating and I couldn't think straight. I hear the nurse shouting for help and she held me.

"Somebody help! Doctor Kei!"

I didn't even know what's happening around me. I was focused in catching my breath and my mind was clouded. I kept crying in confusion and in sadness.

So this is what happens if you contain all the pain that you felt just to convince everyone and even yourself that you're fine. I was never okay, I never heal, I just tried to pretend that it was alright so I can move on with life, but the truth is the wounds are deeper than I thought they were.

The skin may looked like it was healing just fine, but there are internal wounds that I even failed to see. I never moved on.

"Here, drink water, Kei," Doc. Miranda gave me a glass of water that came from her office.

I was still disorientated. I never told anyone what really happened and the nurse from earlier didn't know what to say to the other interns and the other doctors about what happened to me.

They had to call a male doctor to carry me forcefully from the ICU. That's what I remember and after that I don't know anymore.

I inhaled and exhaled and leaned back to my seat. Some of the interns are with me and Doc. Miranda. They were all watching me carefully, and I didn't even feel awkward, not until now.

"I'm fine..." my voice broke down a little when I spoke for the first time.

"Do you feel anything? Are you nauseous?" Doc. Miranda asked me and I shook my head.

"I'm sorry for the trouble I caused. It's just that..." I stopped when I was about to tell some extra details.

If I tell them a little about me and Kaiden, the questions will grow more roots until I have to say every singe detail from our past. That will be complicated. They must've think I'm weird and sick from seeing me in that situation, in knowing my stupid past, they will think I belong to the psychiatric ward, not a doctor.

"You can tell us, Kei. We won't judge. We're just worried about you."

"The person..." I stopped again to think about what I was about to say. "The patient, rather..."

"You mean in the ICU, where Nurse Gian saw you?" she asked in a calm voice.

I winced quietly but nodded as a response to her.

"That's Kaiden Carter. He's been here for 15 years. His family visits on a daily basis, every after lunch or dinner. He was involved in a intense car crash. What's with him, Kei?"

"I... I know him. I've been looking for him for 15 years now," I said and I looked down.

I heard a couple of gasps, but they remain not speaking as if they are waiting for me to continue my storytelling.

"That's why you react that way?"

"Yes..." I said and looked up to them.

"Uh..." she looked at the other interns. "You can all go now to your respective areas. I believe you were all given tasks for the day. I'll just talk to Kei."

They all nodded and said good bye to me. I only nodded as a response and I leaned more to my seat as I watched them all exit the room.

Now, it's just me and Doc. Miranda in the room.

"Now you've seen him, what will you do?" she started.

"I honestly don't know, doc... When I last saw him, he was... He said he'll just rest," I told her, recalling what Kaiden told me before he died.

"Talk to his family. Do they know you?"

I shook my head. Even Kaiden doesn't know me. I don't even know if he's the real Kaiden. Kaiden isn't real, in fact. Maybe he's just some guy I came across in the street and I dreamed of. Life is really weird.

"I can't assign you there for now, Kei. If you're this emotional when you're near him, it'll effect your task and performance with the patient. I know you understand our rules and ethics as doctors."

"I understand, Doc. I'm not asking to be permanently assigned to him either. I'm just going to visit... Hopefully, I don't cry and freeze again," I joked a little, and she chuckled.

"I'm glad you understand. You're a great doctor. Now, let's go back to work. You can visit him after your shift, you know the drill."

I didn't follow Doc. Miranda's suggestion.

I never talked to Kaiden's family. Not because I'm shy, but because I'm not even sure if he's Kaiden.

But who's Kaiden anyway? I know for a fact that the Kaiden I spent my time with is not a real, but he was true... The Kaiden that I've been visiting for the past two weeks is a real life Kaiden. They have the same face. I don't know if they have the same voice, beliefs, eye color, and if he knows me.

But I couldn't help but wonder if Kaiden is real... If the Kaiden I'm face to face with is the Kaiden I've met in dreams. What if we really met in dreams? What if we have the same dreams? I don't know. The more I think about me, the more I assume things, and I hate that.

Because if he wakes up and he doesn't know me, I will be full of disappointment and shame in me.

For the past two weeks, I've always visited him. I make sure to know when his family members visit so I can avoid them to avoid questions. But if they caught me inside I'll just act like his physician, there's not question on that.

I always talk to him...

"Kaiden... Are you Kaiden?" I asked him as I remain a distance against him and I stood before him.

My heart beats faster than normal. I know that's never normal because I'm a doctor. I know I'm feeling something, not internal or any illnesses developing inside me, but because I feel him... I feel something.

"If you're Kaiden... How will I be able to wake you up?" I said and laughed at the memory that passed in my head.

He said if I'm done with what I need to do, I can wake him up. If he's Kaiden, should I wake him up already? Just like what he said. I'm only a doctor. I'm not some kind of God that knows when someone is going to die or when someone is about to wake up from a deep and long sleep.

Even the smartest doctor out there wouldn't be able to know when will someone wake up or how can we wake them up.

"Kaiden, I'm so close... so close in finishing my goal, but I can safely say that I'm in the finishing line. I can wake you up already," I told him and sighed. He's asleep but my mind is expecting for a reply.

"I just—" I stopped mid-sentence when I noticed a faint movement from him.

I bend over a little and leveled my face to him so that I can see if he really did make a move.

"Oh my God!" I keep saying that over and over again.

"I swear to God, Kaiden. Please—" I stopped again when I saw his finger moving.

I squealed when he did it again but this time with my finger touching his finger that keeps moving.

"I'm going to call your doctor. Hang on a minute!"

"This is a miracle," Doc. Yranez said as he finished examining Kaiden.

"Should we call his family?" I asked him and he nodded.

"I think they deserve to know the good news, Kei. Well done. I don't know what you did, but keep doing that," he joked and I laughed with him.

"I didn't do anything to him. I'll get in trouble if I did."

"Just kidding. I'm gonna contact his family regarding this. I'm so glad for Kaiden Carter. He's really fighting for his life."

I want to be beside him and fight for his life until the end. He deserves to live and no, I'm not saying this because I feel hopeful about him being the Kaiden I met in my dreams, but because every human being deserves to live, especially if they hadn't do anything wrong to have their lives taken from them.

I was beside Doc. Yranez all the time while he was taking with Kaiden's family. He insisted that I stay beside him to get to know his family a little. He knows about Kaiden and I, but not too much. Just the things that I told Doc. Miranda.

"Praise the Lord!" Kaiden's mother cried as she cried in her husband's arms.

His mother was pretty and looks very regal. She's wearing a semi formal expensive looking dress that reached above her knees. His father is in a midnight suit and tie.

Kaiden also has an older sister and an older brother. Both are also looking so expensive.

I start to wonder if La Mercia is also existing and if it is, does the Carter family from this reality own it too?

"Thanks, doc... Thank you," Kara— Kaiden's older sister thanked Doc. Yranez and me.

I didn't have any contribution to his healing but I just smiled as a reply.

They all walked inside Kaiden's room which is still inside the ICU after more talking with Doc. Yranez.

I looked at them as they disappeared into the room, and I sighed.

"That's pretty heavy," Doc. Yranez commented.

"What?"

"Kaiden Carter, your sigh, everything. What's it like to finally meet Kaiden's fam?"

"I don't know what to feel, doc. Am I supposed to feel any thing?"

"Yes, of course. If you really had something special with him, you must've felt a lot just by meeting his family."

"I'm not aware of the feeling. I'm just so happy right now that Kaiden is slowly regaining his consciousness."

"I'm glad too. 15 years in coma is no joke. I don't know much about how he first came into this hospital because I've only been here for 12 years, but I know for a fact that it's a heavy thing."

"Heavy... Why do we need to carry them if they're that heavy any way?" I asked him.

"It's like buying a lot of things you love, and they end up being heavy for you to carry, but you still continue to carry them because you want them, you need to, and you're willing..." he meaningfully replied.

I didn't reply to that because I still don't get it. My mind is too clouded to think straight.

"You're willing to carry all these weight because you love it, you want it and you're willing, Kei. Hard work will pay off."

And I'm alone with Kaiden again after a long shift and a long day I had.

I'm so tired and seeing him makes me feel at ease. He feels like home, and home makes us feel safe, comfortable and happy.

"Kaiden, how are you?" I asked him while smiling.

I know he hears me. With all the talking I did, he responded. He hears everything I say and I'm taking this opportunity. Because if he wakes up and he doesn't know a bit about me, then I won't be able to talk to him any more.

After he wakes up and he doesn't know me, it's time to finally move on. I'll never forget him, but I shouldn't let him interfere with my life again. I'll just have to accept the fact that he was never real. He's in my heart and my head, but he can't be beside me.

If anyone sees me in this situation, they'll really think I'm crazy. I cry a lot, I smile a lot, and it's all because of Kaiden. He's to blame for all of the crazy stuff that's happening with me. And I don't mean it in a negative way. It means that I feel things, that I'm human. We feel things.

"Your family is nice. I remember I didn't got to meet them."

Whenever he tried to introduce his family to me, I wake up. I never knew a single thing about any of his family members.

"They look so fancy and expensive. I also didn't know you have two siblings."

Kara and Nate Carter. Kaiden's older siblings. I don't know how old is Kaiden from here, but his sister and brother are much older than him.

I didn't speak any more. I sat beside him, in a chair. I used my arm to support my head as I placed it on my palm. My elbows are intact with the bed. In this way, I'm much closer with him.

I keep staring at him while thinking every memory we had. I don't know what mom will think when she sees about this. She's happy that I'm over with that episode.

I think she'll convince me this time that this Kaiden in front of me is just some random dude that looks like him. Or maybe she'll think that I don't know what Kaiden looks like because I'm only dreaming about him.

But he looks so real...

He's just a few inches for me to touch. For me to hug.

I noticed faint and fleecily movements from him again. Which means he's really responding.

"Kaiden—" I was cut off.

He started moaning and groaning and I froze to my spot, watching him as he tried to twist and turn. He keeps groaning, maybe because of the pain of having to lie there for a lot of years, for a decade and a half.

"Kaiden?" I called his name, confirming if he's really awake.

My tears started falling from my eyes when he moved a lot more. His eyes still closed.

When he opened his eyes, it met mine. I couldn't see him properly because of the tears clouding up my eyes.

"Kei," he muttered while looking at my eyes.

The End