Dream #18

"Hey, you'll be late on your first day!"

When I heard my mother yelling and shaking me, I shook. I yawned and blinked open my eyes. She greeted me by opening the windows in my room.

I quickly closed my eyes before the sunlight burned them.

"Mom, I finished university already," I whined, brushing my eyes for any unwanted gunk.

"Of course you've finished! I was talking about residence! It's your first day, and you don't want to be late and make a bad impression, do you?"

Oh.

When I realized what she had said, I stood up. Because my eyes hadn't fully adjusted to the light, I can see dark spots. I always sleep with the curtains closed and no light coming in, so waking up with my eyes wide open is difficult.

"Residency?" I mused, despite the fact that I knew what she meant.

When I checked my phone for the time, I almost slapped myself and cry because I only had an hour to get ready.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" I asked, hurrying up to the bathroom.

"You trying to be funny? I've been trying to wake you up for the past hour!" was the only thing I heard her say before entering my bathroom for a quick shower.

While standing beneath the shower, I was trying to recall what had happened in the previous few days. The orientation in the hospital started yesterday, and it was a good day.

I met some old acquaintances from med school. The orientation took too long because we need to know what we need to know, and what do we need to expect in our first years.

I prepared my undershirt and other necessities, grabbed my bag, and went downstairs for breakfast.

I checked my wrist watch, which I will remove before I get into my scrubs later, to see the time. I still have thirty minutes left and I don't think it's enough!

When I arrived at the dinner table, I noticed my mother eating her breakfast without me because she, too, had to go to work. I kissed her and said goodbye.

"Hey, you need to eat breakfast!" she yelled as I was about to leave.

"Mom, time is running out! I'll eat breakfast when I get the chance!"

"You should know, as a doctor, that breakfast is the most important meal of the day!"

I smiled as she said it. It hadn't occurred to me that I was on my way to the hospital for my first day of residency... It's been a long journey, but I'm finally here! All I need is a few more years to become an attending physician.

I entered my car that's already outside the gate and drove to the hospital.

It was exactly 6:00 a.m. when I arrived at the hospital, it was too early, but it gave me enough time to get some coffee before the overnight resident informed me of what needed to be done, as well as the patients who would be under my care for the day.

Everyone was eying me from head to toe, if it was a different day, I would have felt awkward by the stares, but I'm so happy that I want to flaunt my day to everyone!

I went to the canteen's coffee machine and purchased a strong coffee for myself. It's not enough, but it'll do. I need to make a schedule so that my mornings are never like this again.

When I was looking for a chair, I noticed a large table with one person in it. It would be advantageous to socialize with other people in order to make a good impression.

"Hello!" I said to the person at the table.

She was drinking from her Starbucks cup and scrolling through her phone. She turned to face me when she heard me.

"Hello," she replied, but not with the same fanaticism that I had.

"May I sit here?" I questioned. She took a look around before responding.

She must have noticed that there are a lot of available and empty tables and wondered why I would sit next to her.

"Sure, I guess..."

I sat down and placed my coffee on the table. Despite her staring at me as if I were something interesting, I made myself at ease.

"What's your name?" she asked.

"My name is Kei. You?"

"Sara. I'm a resident," she said, her pride evident in her voice.

"I'm a resident as well, and today is my first day," I told her, smiling.

She looked down at my chest and at me. Looking at her staring at me made me feel uneasy. Maybe judging me too.

"I used to be like that," she murmured, returning her gaze to her phone.

"Like what?" I asked with pure curiosity while her eyes are fixated on her mobile phone.

"Cheery, friendly, trying to converse. I thought I'd make it until the end of my residency, but look at me now," she paused and pointed to her face.

Confusion has caused me to furrow my brows. I'm not sure... Not because of what's on her face, but because why she's complaining.

"I'm on the verge of quitting."

"Then why did you do it, and why are you still here?" I asked, sipping from my coffee cup.

When the coffee hit my throat and stomach, I shivered. It feels good to have something in your stomach again. I don't think I've had anything since last year.

"I have to," she simply stated, returning her attention to her phone.

"Why?"

"Stop asking questions, miss ma'am."

"Sorry, I'm just curious, this conversation reminds me of one I had with my therapist years ago."

And when I said "years ago," I really meant "years ago." It had been a very long time. It seems like only yesterday, but it has been a long time. I remember everything like it was a song stuck in my head.

"Therapist?" It was her turn to ask. I smirked quietly. It's time for some retaliation.

"Cut the questions, miss ma'am," I said, slightly exaggerating what she had said earlier.

Her gaze was menacing as she turned away from her phone.

"If you're curious then answer my first question first," I bargained and she rolled her eyes.

"I have to be a doctor, I have to finish this shit because if I don't, my parents will kill me, they will disown me, and I won't get any of the family fortune," she grumbled as she set down her empty coffee cup.

"Oh," is all I could say.

I couldn't relate to that because my mother has always been very supportive of what I want since I was in elementary school. At first, I wanted to be a teacher, and she told me, "Go for it!" 'I wanted to be a lawyer when I graduated from high school,' she said.

"Therapist?" she questioned once more.

"I had a condition back in senior high, it's very complicated, and one day isn't enough for me to go into details. My mom sent me to this psychotherapist and also a psychiatrist, who is her friend, and yeah, we talked about doing what you love."

"How does that relate to today?"

I leaned even more against the table to get closer to her. It looks like I'm about to whisper, but I just want her to hear me properly.

"She told me that if you don't like what you're doing, you'll be unhappy even if you're successful. Leaving something you love for the time being doesn't mean you never loved it, you just have reasons... We will always go back to what we love, regardless."

Unfortunately, our conversation was cut short. After telling her what Layla Aldente had told me fifteen years before, I told her I needed to get going because I needed to sign-out.

After sign-out, I spent a few minutes looking at my patients in the EMR and a lot of things. I check the time every now and then to keep track of it because I will undoubtedly fix my schedule later.

And it was time for rounds by 9:00 a.m., until I didn't notice it was time for work. It was a lot to take in for a single day, but I didn't even realize I was smiling the entire time until a co-resident pointed it out while we were waiting for the noon conference.

"You smile a lot. Do you enjoy it?" she inquired.

In surprise, I shook my head. "Was I?" I inquired.

"Yes, you've been smiling since earlier. I'm not sure what you're happy about," she laughed, and I laughed with her.

"I enjoy what I do."

The time was 5 p.m. when we were told that our shift was over and we were done for the day. Although I know it wouldn't be like this day everyday, but I feel so tired with all the walking around and examining.

"I'm leaving, thank you!" I told my co-residents, and they all said goodbye.

After removing my scrub and disinfecting myself, I went to my car. This hospital is a little far from my house. It will take me at least 20 minutes to get back home or to this hospital from my house.

When I returned home. Before I came in, I disinfected myself once more with the ready alcohol in our door. My mother does not get home from work until 7 p.m. So I have the entire house to myself.

I went to my computer to make my daily schedule, then printed it out and hung it on my wall so I could see it every day. I cleaned everything and made time to write in my diary. After that, I prepared my dinner because my mother texted me that she would be late.

It had been a long and exhausting day. I took a bath and promptly fell asleep when my body made contact with my bed.