Dream #15

/awake/

"Sleeping pills?" I looked at the bottle of pills that my mom gave me.

"Layra gave that to me. She said that you should drink this every night, 30 minutes before your sleeping time."

"What?" I stood up and faced my mom. "I don't have problems with sleeping! I don't need sleeping pills!"

"I never said that those are sleeping pills." she said and looked at me with her usual serious face.

"What are these then?" I urged her for an answer.

"Just follow what I said. You don't need to know."

I didn't have much of a choice. My mother always reminds me to take the medicines. She hands me the pills, and I'm forced to consume them in front of her. I've been sleeping like a baby for a week. I didn't have any dreams. My most recent dream involved the little child, Kamila.

And I quickly realize it's the medications that are keeping me from dreaming.

I had no idea what to do. Every time it's time to take the pills, she keeps an eye out for me. I need to dream about Kaiden again!

Layra Aldente is already aware of Kaiden and my strange nightmares. I finally gave up after two more visits... Because that is what I want. Someone who will listen to me without making judgements. Without thinking that I'm insane. She consoled me and acknowledged my feelings. But I don't believe I need medicines.

Today, I decided to purchase a new diary and replace everything. I'm not sure where my mother hid my old diary. I didn't bother asking her. I'll just start a new one again.

"Here's your pill for the night," mom said and gave me the pill.

I had it all planned out since last night. I just hope it works...

"Thanks," I said and put the pill in my tongue. I immediately pushed it into the side of my teeth and drank a little amount of water.

Mom was staring at me. I already feel intimidated. She's looking at me as if she knows I'm doing something wrong.

"Go clean up and get some rest," she said and turn around to leave me alone.

When I proved she was gone. I followed behind and went to my room. I dashed to my restroom to spit out the pill. It hasn't melted yet.

I brushed my teeth and looked in the mirror for a few seconds before taking a bath and crawling into bed.

I didn't dream of Kaiden, but I did have a brief dream about something. In my sleep, all I could see was darkness.

But I'm not giving up. I'm going to try to dream about him again. I just need to... I feel like dying. I'm too concerned about him.

I was skipping classes. My mother sent an excuse letter to my instructors, stating that I was visiting a therapist.

After taking a bath, I headed outdoors for breakfast. Mom was already preparing breakfast in the kitchen. She noticed me and motioned for me to take a seat.

"How's sleep?" she asked me while I was facing her back and she's cooking.

"Fine..." I hesitate.

She nodded but she didn't look convinced. I always feel like she knows what I was doing... She always looks at me as if she knows what I was thinking.

"I will be home late today. We have a company party later. So I'm giving you your meds right now."

I looked at her, a bit skeptical of her idea. Ain't that bad? Advancing a medicine? As far as I'm concerned, I'm still under the influence of the last pill I swallowed from last night... But she doesn't know that I didn't really took the pill.

"I asked Layra earlier. She said it's fine."

I nodded, not going to argue with her. Like I said... I don't have a choice. But I can avoid, though. I won't swallow the pill again.

"I'm leaving. Make sure you lock the doors, okay? I have a spare key. Don't stay out too late. There's leftover in the fridge, use the microwave," she instructed.

"Yeah, yeah," I said as I wave to her good bye.

She made me take the pill again, and I did what I did the night before. Because the pill is bitter, I had to keep my face from making a disgusted expression while I kept the pill in my mouth for a long time.

I spent the entire day reading a book, searching around the internet, cleaning my room, and doing other things before it was time to go to bed. I want to sleep, but I can't find sleep or comfort knowing that it's still early.

It was time for dinner. I took out the remaining meal we had and microwaved it for 5 minutes. I went through my nightly routines and got ready for bed.

When my phone rang for a call, I was busy arranging my bed. When I checked it, it was my mother who was calling.

"Hello?" I asked the person on the other end of the line. It was quite noisy in there, and I couldn't hear her from the other side.

"Kei? You had dinner already?"

"Yes, mom. I'm preparing for bed when you called."

"That's good. Make sure you locked the doors and the windows. Be aware of your surroundings. I won't knock, I have keys, always remember. We're not expecting anyone so don't bother opening the door for anyone," she instructed.

"Yes, mom."

"Don't ‘yes mom’ me. Make sure you do what I told you!"

"Yes, mom," I replied and laughed after.

"Tsk. I'll hang up now. Remember what I said."

She then hung up the phone. I hid my phone in the drawer of my nightstand and eventually turned out the lights.

I stared at the ceiling until I dozed off.