(I held his hand tightly and said I'm scared to continue further, can you hug me once?)

He got up from the sofa and brought some water. I gulped it and could feel his protective hands around me.

My heart began to race,I curled my hands around his waist. I was sure he could count my heart beat against his chest.

But later, after a little while, it began to slow down, and I then realised he was the cause and only cure to my swinging and skipping heart.

After few moments of perceiving the silence of the hearts, I settled on the sofa, beside him and continued.
*****

After few days , I called him once.

Me: I have a good news and a bad news for you. What do you want me to say.

Jay: good news first.

Me: hey idiot , my sister's match is fixed and she will get married next month mostly or 2months later.

Jay: woww.. that's great bey! I will definitely attend, and it would be our first meeting too😄😍

Jay: and the bad news??

Me: I lied to you.

Jay: about?

Me: I never had a bf. I didn't want any complicated relationship in our friendship, that's the reason I kept on telling lies about my imaginary bf.

Jay: 'why are you telling now' he said with a disappointed tone.

Me: I am really sorry bey, I was feeling very guilty. Really sorry.

Jay: "So, you thought I would take advantage of our friendship?" With anger in his words.

Me: no... I didn't mean it, I am really sorry. I didn't think it would hurt you alot.

Jay: if it was any other person, I would have not even talked this much.

Me: I accept your anger. You can scold me as much as you want. But please try to understand me.
****

I kept on texting him, but there was no reply.

After 2days he replied "hmm, it's ok😊 I can't miss you more."

Me: thank God.. I will never do it again.. really sorry.. thanks alottt.. you mean alot to me bey, missed you.

We talked for hours on that day.

And life will not be so easy the way we think. I lost my phone the next day.

And thanks to technology which made us not to remember phone numbers.

It's been 15days I didn't text him. I requested my friend to text him in FB, that I lost my phone and will be texting after I get my new phone.

She said he enquired about how was I and asked her to convey that he missed me and would be waiting for me.

I got the phone only after one and half month. First thing I did was installed FB and messaged him.

There was no reply. I waited for 1week, but he didn't even see the message. I texted him remembering the phone no. he given in our previous chat.

But still no reply, I called him but no answer.

I went to his profile and saw the comments.

I wanted to punch one commenter, hard on his nose so that he would bleed to death. He commented a three lettered word with 2 dots in between.

It was R.I.P

As soon as I saw it, my heart became numb. I couldn't sense anything.

I still though it was some prank.

But later after reading all the comments on his timeline I realised it was true and he committed SUICIDE.

I would have convinced myself, even if it was atleast an accident. But I was angry at him because he was only responsible for what he did.

It was already 15days and I saw the news now.

I broke out. I cannot stand this. I hate him. Why did do this bey, you could have atleast waited to talk to me once.
You promised you would wait, but... What's this??

I can never accept it, and I will not.
I tried all the means not to believe it. But, reality is reality.

I acted normal in front of my family only because I didn't want them to worry about me.But soon,I went into depression. I have taken appointments with psychiatrist and overcame it.

At a stage I begged god I would be happy even if he sent him as a ghost.

But still no use.

I deleted my FB account all my mails WhatsApp texts, messages, everything. Only in order to forget him, but I never can do it.

Everytime I look at a boy, I imagined him, his smile, his words. Even when I looked out the names of the shops would remind him of his name and him.

It's been three years. I'm still trying hard to forget him. I never knew the reason he did, it's still a mystery!

I now hate to see this SEVEN LETTERED WORD SUICIDE. Everytime I look at this word, it would scare me alot. How hard it would be for his parents and friends. Infact its hardest for me. A mental and emotional trauma which would never let us trust anyone.
***

PRESENT SCENARIO:
He offered his shoulder to cry on. After crying my heart out and after making sure no more tears left and drenching all his shirt, I asked him

"Is there any mistake of mine here? I feel very guilty for him. Atleast 1 call I did before he died, I would have definitely saved him."

"And do you still like me? "

Nihanth said, "I don't want to judge you , I don't know who is right or who is wrong. For that matter, I couldn't say what's correct, because it was YOU in that position and not me. One would know the suffering, only when one experienced it

this is life, you will not know what happens a second later. But one thing, now I respect you alot.

I would be lying if I say I like you, infact I love you."
***

I slowly adjusted myself to sleep on his lap.

I was too tired crying and more tired because of lacking sleep. He didn't resist.

After I was fixed in a position to sleep on his lap, I could sense his breath coming close to me.

It was becoming closer and closer making my heart beat faster and faster. "Idiot, let me sleep," I mumbled with eyes closed. But his breath touched my ears and then he started to whisper.

"Please don't cry on my lap. It may look awkward," with sincerity in his words.

With a sigh I slowly got up, wiped the dried up tears on my face and asked for some water while sobbing.

I drank some and poured it on his jeans and said "thanks for the suggestion."

Startled with my unexpected adventure, he was just BLANK.
***

A/N
Hope you loved this chapter and it's the chapter which lets you know the seven lettered word!! Feel free to comment, vote and share.. I infact feel sad after reading this episode! How do you feel??

I just wanted to get some change in ppl (atleeeeeast 1) who ll try to think of suicide, through this novel. Just try to think of others who will suffer your pain. The pain which you give others rather than yourselves is infinite.

I'll update the next chapter soon.😃