< Chapter 86: Frustrations >

♥ Justin’s POV: ♥

@justinbieber: Day 6 in South America. still missing my family and friends back home. love you guys

I sent the tweet just as Scooter shouted another countdown to when the concert starts. I’m on in a few minutes and I currently stood in the bathroom, staring at my reflection in the mirror. I took in a deep breath, closing my eyes and calming myself before running out backstage.

Let’s do this.

I went out and performed for the screaming crowd, trying to forget about what Jamie must be doing right now and how much I wanted to go to her just to give her a comforting hug. Aside from speaking with Jamie every chance I got, I’ve also been talking to both Ryan and Phoebe, who gave me the message that Jamie isn’t too happy lately. She’s been upset all week ever since I left and it’s killing me. I’m trying to enjoy my shows and do everything for my beliebers, but I also have to face the fact that I’m going to be a father. I just want to be there for Jamie. It’s the least I could do since… You know… I got her pregnant.

“Good job, kiddo,” Scooter patted me on the back, once I had finished the concert. “Amazing as always.”

“Oh you know,” I fixed my jacket teasingly, giving him a smirk.

Scooter chuckled and I headed back towards the bathroom to change. I took a quick shower and put on fresh clothes and, while I was fixing my hair to get it to look swaggy, my phone began to ring in my pocket. I curiously pulled it out and looked at the caller I.D.

Jamie ;)

I laughed, knowing that Jamie must’ve taken my phone and added that winky face to her contact name on my iPhone before I left for tour.

“Wassup, babe?” I answered, smiling to myself as I awaited her response, except the reply I got wasn’t one I was exactly expecting.

Jamie was crying. She was crying. Her sobs filled my ear, destroying my heart little by little until I couldn’t feel myself breathe anymore. It felt as though the world was slowly crashing down around me and I didn’t even know what was wrong yet.

“Jamie…” I mumbled soothingly. “Baby, what’s the matter?”

It seems as if every once in a while, we switch roles. One of us starts to feel extremely upset to the point where the other one has to be the comforter, and then a few days later, it’s the other way around.

“J-Justin, I h-have something I n-need to tell you,” she hiccuped, her voice shaking as she cried continuously through the phone.

“Please don’t cry..” I begged, the back of my eyes starting to water as well.

“Sorry, I j-just… I…”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. Just tell the doofus what’s bothering you,” I cooed.

I could hear her let out a small laugh before she went back to sobbing. “There’s something I should’ve told you a while ago,” she confessed lowly, her sobs slowing down so she could talk.

My heart dropped. “What did I do now?”

“It’s not you… Trust me. It’s someone else,” she said.

“What do you mean, it’s someone else?”

“Umm,” she shifted uncomfortably. “Remember the first Skype we did after you left over there to South America? The very first one with Ryan?”

I swallowed hard, my Adam’s apple bouncing slightly. “Yeah… What about it?”

“Later that night, someone showed up at Ryan’s door,” she breathed heavily.

Anger flashed through my eyes. “Was it Selena?” I growled.

“No, actually.”

“No?”

“Nope.”

“Then who was it?” I asked, feeling completely lost. Who else could’ve shown up to make Jamie feel so hesitant?

“You promise not to freak out?” she said.

“I promise,” I bit my lip.

“Justin…” she warned. “Don’t freak out.”

“I won’t!”

“I know you well enough, you know.”

“Then trust me when I say I won’t freak out,” I frowned.

The minute she sighed, I could already picture her rolling her eyes. “Whatever, I’ll just tell you anyway.”

“Okay,” my thoughts ran all over the place. “Who was it?”

“It was… Uh..” she paused, quiet static filling the lack of conversation between us. “Nathan… Nathan’s back.”

My heart stopped and I almost dropped my phone at the mention of his name. My jaw dropped and I froze, unable to believe what I was hearing.

“You’re kidding, right?”

“No..” she whispered quietly. “Sadly, this isn’t a joke.”

“Fucking shit,” I groaned, kicking the bag that rested on the floor. “This is just fucking unbelievable. Crap.”

“Justin,” Jamie sighed.

“Sorry, I know. Bad language,” I stomped on one foot, not happy at all with what I had just been told.

“Don’t forget you promised you won’t freak out.”

“I won’t,” I quickly added. “Now what did that douchebag do?”

She was silent again, and I was getting really impatient.

“Jamie, answer me,” I said irritatedly.

“Don’t freak out,” she reminded me.

“Jamie, tell me what he did. Now,” I was pacing back and forth.

“You already sound pissed and I haven’t even told you. Calm yourself and don’t freak out.”

“Jamie!” I almost screamed, running a hand through my hair in pure frustration. “Stop stalling already! Tell me.”

“Fine!” she shouted. “You wanna know what he fucking did? He sexually assaulted me, ok? He kissed me forcefully and if Ryan didn’t come in to help me, he probably would’ve raped me. YOU HAPPY NOW?”

I stopped in my tracks, feeling my body go numb.

“He did-… He did what?” my voice was so low, I was beginning to wonder if I had even spoken.

“You heard me loud and clear,” she sobbed, her voice fragile and weak.

“Jamie…” I whispered. “Jamie, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok…”

“I should’ve been there for you— I… I should’ve-… I should’ve..” tears were streaming down my cheeks as I repeated those words over and over, unable to stop myself.

I should’ve… I should’ve… I should’ve…

I kept saying them to her out loud, despite her constant begging, telling me to stop.

“Justin, it wasn’t your fault..” she cried.

“I should’ve… I should’ve…”

“Please stop.. Snap out of it.. please..” she whispered.

“I should’ve… I should’ve… I should’ve…” I was on my knees now, tears dripping to the floor as I repeated the phrase continuously, inwardly beating myself up for not being there for her when she needed me.

I ultimately dropped my phone and the line went dead, but I continued repeating the words.

“I should’ve… I should’ve… I should’ve…” I continued out loud to myself.

“Justin?” a voice outside the bathroom called out. “You okay in there?”

“I should’ve… I should’ve…” I was crying really hard, the tears violently collapsing from my face as I kept a solemn expression. I literally couldn’t see anything because the tears blurred my vision completely.

“Justin!” Scooter’s voice filled my ears as footsteps rushed over to me. I felt hands on my shoulders as Scooter began shaking me vigorously. “Justin, come on. Snap out of it.”

“I should’ve… I should’ve… I should’ve…”

“Listen to me. What’s gotten in to you?”

“I should’ve… I should’ve… I should’ve…”

“Kenny!!”

There were sudden footsteps following our direction behind me and a conversation broke out between Scooter and Kenny—one I couldn’t quite understand through my trance of repeating I should’ve… I should’ve… I should’ve.

In the swift of a movement, arms picked me up and I was swung over strong shoulders I recognized to be Kenny’s as he carried me off somewhere.

The rest was just a blur to me.

----

I opened my eyes, blinking a couple of times to get used to the light. I sat up and groaned, rubbing my eyes before looking up in front of me.

I realized I was back at the hotel room, and the memories of what happened earlier today at the concert’s center’s bathroom flashed through my brain. This time, I didn’t feel any tears or sadness. All I felt was anger. My hands curled up into fists and I began breathing heavily, rage pumping within my veins.

I stood up, walking over to the bed provided for me in the hotel room and began punching violently at the mattress. I punched harder and harder each time I hit, the punches becoming more and more addicting to me.

Maybe that’s why I had that nightmare the other night. It was warning me that something was going wrong back at home. Except in my nightmare, Selena forced sex on me and Nathan didn’t go that far with Jamie. At least I hope so, or else I would kick his ass ten times harder.

“Justin stop!” a voice shouted, and I was suddenly grabbed by both wrists.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” I snapped, pushing the person off of me and turning around to look at him or her.

“Calm down, man,” Kenny said softly, raising his hands up in defense. “What the hell has gotten into you?”

“The love of my life needs me and I’m a fucking disappointment,” I sighed. “I’m going to be a father, for crying out loud! Why-… Why do I have to be so far away? I miss them so much, Kenny. I need to be there for them. I need to keep them safe—it’s my job. I have to… I  need to.. It’s not an option, and I can’t ignore them. I have to go back ,and I have to k–”

“–Justin,” Kenny interrupted. “What happened?”

“There’s a certain jerk I need to beat the fuck out of… Right now.”

“You’re on tour, man… Focus.”

“Focus? Focus? You want me to focus?!” I laughed bitterly. I turned around, facing an invisible crowd. “He wants me to focus,” I said to no one in particular.

“Dude, you’re scaring me.”

I turned back around. “I better be fucking scary. There’s a faggot out there I need to take care of.”

“Will you please watch that mouth of yours? And you can’t just go off and do whatever you’d like. We have another concert tomorrow,” Kenny sighed.

“I have other things I need to do too, you know.”

“No, I don’t know.”

“Too bad,” I gave him a look. “You don’t know what it’s like. You don’t know what it’s like to worry about the people you care about the most in the world because you’re so far away. You don’t understand. I’m supposed to keep Jamie and the baby safe. And I think I’m doing a real shitty job at that.”

“Justin, it’s not your fault, whatever it is,” he sighed. “What even happened? Why are you freaking out now?”

I paused at the words freaking out. That’s exactly what Jamie told me not to do. We stared at each other, Kenny holding a warning expression on his face when, suddenly, there was faint knocking on our hotel room door.

“Oh no,” Kenny rolled his eyes. “It might be a random, crazy obsessed fan.”

“Or it could be a normal fan,” I pointed out.

He laughed. “True. Want to go check?”

“I’m clearly not in the mood.”

“Justin…”

“Fine.”

I stepped up down the small hallway, facing the front door and looking through the peephole to see who was standing on the other side. Through the small lens, I saw a cute little girl. She was probably around 7 and she held a small gift bag. I stood still, waiting for a sort of sign before she placed the bag on the floor, stepped back and ran out of view. I let out a small pout, wishing she had stayed and I unlocked the door, opening it slowly.

The gift bag was a nice blue with Bieber written on the side. I stepped forward, picking it up, and went back inside. After closing the door and making sure it was securely locked, I headed towards one of the rooms and pried open the bag. There was a soft material inside and curiosity got the best of me as I picked it up.

It seemed to be a purple shirt for newborn babies, and it had giant, white letters written at the front reading: my swag came from my mommy and daddy. A huge smile plastered across my face as I pulled out a small note that rested on the bottom of the gift bag.

Justin Bieber,

My little sister Susie and I are huge fans of yours and we know it must be tough to be a pop sensation who is gonna be a father soon. We just want you to know that we support you and Jamie through everything and we’re so happy you two are having a baby boy. We decided to get a small little gift for baby Bieber and I hope this brightens your day a little. Don’t let hate get to you, and remember that true Beliebers are proud no matter what. We love you!

- from two of your proud Beliebers, Roxy and Susie.

I folded the message and put everything back in the bag, setting it down on a table before going towards the front door and opening it.

“Susie?” I called out, scanning the empty hallway. “Roxy?” I waited for any sort of sign but the hall remained silent. I went back inside and shut the door, bummed out that I didn’t get to thank those beliebers. I wanted to thank them personally for putting a smile on my face, even when I was in my shittiest mood.

My beliebers… They’re always there for me.

********************************

Isn’t this chapter just full of mixed emotions?

Haha hope you guys enjoyed update Wednesday :)

- Nina xx