< Chapter 85: I Need You >

♥ Jamie's POV: ♥

It’s been four days since the whole Nathan incident. I couldn’t bring myself to put anger and pressure into Justin by telling him what happened, so yesterday when we Skyped again, I put a smile on my face and talked to him as if everything was fine. It felt like I haven’t seen Justin in 2 months, and it’s only been four freaking days. If there’s one thing I learned from this, it’s that 3 weeks is actually a longer time than I imagined it to be, which made me really upset.

“Jamie!” a voice snapped me out of my thoughts and I looked up quickly from my bowl of cereal.

“Huh? What?” I asked Ryan, who was staring suspiciously at me.

“You totally zoned out,” he commented, raising an eyebrow.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, taking a bite of my cereal.

He sighed loudly, leaning back on his chair. “I know what you’re thinking, Jamie.”

I looked up at him innocently. “What am I thinking?”

“You’re thinking about Nathan,” he stated, as if it was the most obvious thing. Just the mention of his name made my heart cringe.

“No, I’m not,” I lied.

“Jamie, you need to tell Justin eventually. He deserves to know,” he whispered.

“I-… I can’t… I want him to focus on his shows over at South America, and if I tell him he would do the exact opposite,” I pointed out.

“But what about when he lost his memory and you stalled on telling him the truth about your pregnancy and the fact that you two were dating… You can’t keep doing this to him. If Allison, for example, was keeping things from me just so I wouldn’t focus on them, I’d rather have her tell me than not,” he admitted, and I pouted.

“It just seems so… Selfish. I want him to have fun, you know?”

“Maybe he’d feel guilty for having fun while you’re over here experiencing all kinds of pain,” he said. “I mean… You’re pregnant, you’re on crutches, you miss him so much, and now your dick of an ex came back and sexually harassed you… Don’t you think he’d prefer it if he knew what was going on back home?”

“Ryan, stop making me feel guilty,” I whined. “It feels like anything I do is the wrong choice. On one hand, I want him to know but, in another, it feels like he shouldn’t yet.”

Ryan stared at me silently before speaking again. “You know what? You do what you gotta do. Just remember I told you so.”

“Really, Ryan, really?” I asked, frustrated. “You’re going with the whole, I told you so, shit?”

He raised his hands up in defense. “I’m just saying.”

I shot him a glare and then the doorbell rang, but I didn’t stop staring at him. He gave me a funny look before standing up to get the door and I sighed, finishing my breakfast. From where I sat, I could hear the door opening and the sound of Phoebe’s voice greeting Ryan. I relaxed, glad that she was here.

“Jamie, hi!!” she beamed as soon as she saw me, walking over to me and hugging me tightly.

“Hey, Phoebs,” I hugged back, “how are you?”

“Good, I hope you’re feeling better,” she said, pointing at my ankle.

“It’s healing,” I gave her a weak smile. “So what brings you here today? You wanna chill with Ryan and I?”

“That, and I also wanted to ask you something,” she said, her voice sounded really excited which just brightened my mood for some reason.

“Okay, ask me,” I giggled, as she sat on a chair next to both Ryan and I.

“Can I pretty please, please, please plan your baby shower?” she asked, her eyes glowing into mine, and I let out a surprised gasp.

“You want to do it? Of course you can!” I squealed, attacking her with another hug.

“AHH thank you!! It’s going to be so perfect, I promise! I can even get Allison to help me out!” she turned towards Ryan who smiled approvingly. Suddenly, I forgot about all the weight I had on my shoulders and focused on Lil J and his baby shower.

“Are you going to start planning or something?” I asked, eyeing the notepad and pen she brought with her.

She blushed lightly. “Well, yeah… I kinda had some ideas,” she said. “Want to hear one? I was thinking about location.”

My ears perked up. “Sure, go ahead.”

“Okay, so I was starting to think about how you guys should have it in a place that’s super cool and awesome but then I remembered that going out to a place that’s fancy might attract fans, paparazzi and other people so I was thinking one of the options is in your backyard. It’s big enough and I promise I can decorate it in a way you wouldn’t even recognize it. Plus, it’s outdoors and in the comfort of your own home and we wouldn’t even have to worry about outside distractions. If you want a place that’s fancy, well… I can make sure it looks that way too,” she explained, reading off a few notes from her notepad.

My mouth gaped open and I stared at her in awe.

“Wow. You really put a shitload of thinking into this, didn’t you?” I said, clearly amazed.

She shrugged casually, waving me off. “You know… The usual,” she giggled.

“You’re so fit for this job,” I laughed. “And I think that’s a really good idea. If anything, we can come up with others but so far I completely agree with you on that.

“Aww thanks, honey bunny,” she giggled, and we continued talking about plans and ideas for the amazing baby shower.

----

“Thanks,” I told Ryan, as he dropped a huge bag on the table. I leaned towards it and pried inside to see it was full of bags of chips. Wow, that made me a lot more hungry.

“No problem,” he yawned, stretching his arms out. I suddenly felt guilty again. Every time I get a midnight craving and Ryan ends up walking the streets in his pajamas to get it for me, I feel lucky to have him around but, at the same time, I feel really guilty. He’s not even the father of my child and he has to suffer from me waking him up almost every night. He said that it was okay and to not worry about it but I couldn’t help but feel like a bitch sometimes, even though the cravings weren’t really my fault.

“You can head on upstairs and go back to bed if you want,” I suggested and he gave me a light smile.

“See you in the morning,” he nodded, patting my shoulder as he disappeared from the kitchen. I let out a deep sigh and began to open the various bags of chips, digging in to please my cravings of salty substances.

I ate by myself, sitting in silence as I stared out the window into the dark night. The light from the moon was gloomy and I was starting to miss Justin again. He never seemed to get off my mind and it’s bothering me because it just makes me feel depressed all the time. Maybe Lil J misses his daddy too, and his sadness is adding on to mine.

I continued to have depressed thoughts and crunching on the potato chips when, suddenly, my phone (which I brought down with me to entertain myself with while Ryan was getting me food) began to vibrate intensely against the table’s surface. I raised my eyebrows, confused as to who in the world would call me at four in the morning. But once I looked at the screen, I saw a picture of Justin and his name displayed through the caller I.D. I almost had a heart attack and I quickly answered, pressing the phone to my ear.

“Babe?” I beamed, then waited for the person at the other line to speak.

“Hey baby,” Justin’s voice whispered shakily. I could sense by his uneven breathing, unusual low voice and the tone he had answered me with, that something was wrong.

“You okay?” I asked, the joy that fulfilled my stomach instantly replaced with uneasiness.

He didn’t reply, the only sound I could hear was his breathing and I was getting intensely worried.

“Justin?” I said softly.

“Do you still love me?” he asked out of the blue, causing my heart to drop.

“You called me at 4am to ask me if I still love you?” my heartbeat was beating so fast, I could barely focus on the situation at hand.

“I just… wanted to make sure,” he whispered.

“Of course I still love you. I never stopped. Why are you even asking such a silly question?” I bit on my lip.

“Forget it..”

“No,” I quickly jumped in. “I don’t want to forget it, just tell me why you’re so… unlike yourself right now.”

There was silence again and, for a second, I almost thought he hung up on me. Once he sucked in a deep breath and exhaled it out, I knew he was still there.

“I had a dream,” he explained. “Well… More like a nightmare.”

Concern laced my voice. “What happened in this dream of yours?”

“Nightmare,” he corrected.

I rolled my eyes playfully, even though he couldn’t see me. “What happened in this nightmare of yours?”

“Don’t get mad…”

“Why would I get mad? It’s a nightmare, it happened randomly.”

“Okay,” his voice shook. “In the nightmare… Selena, uhh.. She forced sex on me, basically.”

My stomach dropped. “And then?”

“Then you found out, but you thought I wanted to have sex with her because… Well, I don’t know. Nightmares work in mysterious ways. Anyway, my point is that you got really mad at me. Really, really mad.”

I gulped. “That’s it?”

“No, that’s not it,” I could picture him shaking his head. “We got into a huge argument. It was far bigger than any other argument we’ve ever had combined. The worse part is that… Is that it all seemed so real, and the argument got pretty heated. It lasted a while, too.”

I could hear the pain in his voice, and I swallowed hard again.

“At the end of the argument, you yelled louder than I’ve ever heard you yell in my life and… You broke up with me. Not only did you break my heart at the moment, but you told me you don’t love me anymore, never will love me ever again, and that you don’t want anything to do with me. You took our child with you and left me. I wasn’t allowed to even visit my kid. Actually… I never, ever saw you again.”

It felt as if someone was ripping my heart out and stabbing me continuously. Everything around me stopped at those words and I froze, wanting to reply to him but unable to form coherent words.

“Jamie?” he whispered. “You there?”

I don’t think he knew it, but I could tell he was crying. At least softly, but he was definitely crying.

“I’m h-here,” I stuttered. “I’ll always be here. I love you so much, Justin, and even if I get mad at you, it wouldn’t make me stop loving you. Nothing in the world can make me stop loving you. I’ll never leave you, do you understand me?”

More silence.

“Justin,” I said, more strictly this time. “I’m never leaving you. Do you understand me?”

“I do,” he whispered.

“Good.” I leaned back on my chair and let out a sigh, running my hand through my hair.

“I miss you,” his voice became more fragile. “I miss you so much.”

My heart shattered into a billion pieces. “I miss you too.”

There was a slight pause, and he began talking again. “What are you doing awake at this hour?”

“Cravings.”

“Ah,” he chuckled softly. “Is Ryan enjoying midnight trips to the grocery store?”

A pang of guilt rushed through me again. “I feel so bad… You know, for making him go. It’s not even his baby and he has that responsibility.”

“You know if I was there I would do it all for you.”

“I know but… I still feel bad.”

“It’s alright, I’ll make sure to pay him back later with something,” he said. “So it’s all good over there? He’s taking good care of you?”

“Yeah, he’s awesome. I don’t know what I’d do without him right now, honestly,” I let out a small smile.

“That’s good.”

My voice lowered to a whisper. “But it’s just not the same.”

Justin took a few seconds before replying. “What do you mean?”

“I still miss you, and I wish it was you here with me.”

“Is there a specific reason, or…?”

“Well… honestly? Ryan doesn’t stay awake with me and keep me company while I eat my midnight cravings the way you used to do. I know it sounds completely selfish and I’m probably sounding like a total bitch, but… He buys me the food—which I’m grateful for— and I end up eating all by myself and it’s quiet and lonely which is perfect for me to start thinking about how much I miss you again. I don’t blame him for going straight to sleep all the time, ‘cause I’d do that too but… I’m just saying I wish you were here because we always have a nice time just talking in the middle of the night while we keep each other company and eat random food I had craved for that night. Just you and I,” I explain as honestly as I could.

There was silence again as Justin tried to register the words I had just finished confessing to him.

“I’m sorry,” he sighed. “I should really be there for you.”

My eyes widened as I suddenly regret even opening my mouth about that. “No! I’m not saying it’s your fault either! You being in South America isn’t the wrong thing to do right now. Only because I miss you, it doesn’t mean you should let your fans down.”

“It doesn’t mean I should let my girlfriend down either. Not to mention our baby.”

My heart fluttered at the word girlfriend. I know it sounds weird, but he never really referred to me as his girlfriend, even though we’ve been dating for quite some time. I just never heard it come out of his mouth. It was a nice feeling to hear it though. It just makes it sound more official.

“Justin, I’m not going to argue about this again. Just have fun at all your concerts. I’ll be seeing you in two weeks and a few days, don’t worry.”

“But I miss you,” he said, for the billionth time.

“But you love performing and doing what you do, too.”

“True…”

“So go do it.”

He sighed, though I could sense a smile on his face. “I will. Thanks, baby.”

“No problem,” I smiled like an idiot. “Now I don’t want to hold you up from your sleep so get some rest, okay?”

“You too. Make sure you continue eating and relax your sexy ankle so it can heal properly. I’m going to go back to sleep and you should too. I love you,” he said.

“I love you more.”

“Impossible.”

“Way possible.”

“Liar.”

“Who are you calling a liar, doofus?”

“Who are you calling a doofus, liar?”

“Well played.”

“I know, baby.”

“Okay, good night. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

We soon hung up after that, and I suddenly felt much more better as I finished up the bag of potato chips. I was about to go to sleep again, but the thought of Nathan crossed my mind again.

What am I supposed to do?

***************************

Oh the struggles…

What do you guys think of this chapter?

(Btw, IGHP reached 3,800k reads so THANK YOU! To show how grateful I am, this was a surprise chapter for you guys!)

(And Happy Father's Day to everyone!!)

Also, (in case you missed it) a cute little #Jastin video on the side :)

(if you can’t see it, the link is on my profile)

- Nina xx