< Chapter 12: Decisions and Secrets >

♥ Ryan’s POV: ♥ 

I was laying on the couch with my phone on my stomach while watching T.V and having a lazy day. My thoughts have been invaded with what had happened last night lately. I vaguely remember every detail, but I do know the important ones.

Like kissing Selena, for example.

God, out of all the regrets I’ve had in my life, this is the biggest one yet. Why the hell did I allow myself to do that, even under the influence? How could I have been so stupid?

My phone vibrated and I saw that Phoebe replied to my text. We’ve been having a casual conversation where she asked me how yesterday was, and I asked her how her day was with Noah. I didn’t want to tell her about what really happened just yet. In fact, I wasn’t ready to tell anyone, especially Justin. I honestly don’t know how he’d react. Me kissing his ex? Specially after all the harm she’s caused to him and Jamie? I’m such a terrible best friend.

I’m just the worst.

I sighed, texting Phoebe back while trying to keep my tears contained. The minute I hit ‘send’ to the text message, the doorbell rang and startled me. I slowly put down my phone next to me on the couch and stood up, lazily making an effort towards the front door and, upon reaching it, I unlocked it and opening it. On the other side stood a very conflicted Justin holding his son in his arms.

“Justin…” I said out loud. “What are you doing here?”

“Can I come in?” he asked, his voice rough as if he hasn’t slept for five days.

I gave him a look. A look I’m sure he knew I would give him. It was a what-the-fuck-happened-to-you look.

“Sure, go ahead,” I stepped aside, letting him in before I shut the door and turned around. Justin plopped himself down on the couch and mounted Jason into the baby seat I keep in my house just for when he visits. He then leaned back and slapped a hand to his forehead, letting out an irritated sigh. I heard him murmur profanities under his breath and he closed his eyes. “Justin, seriously,” I spoke up, after a moment of silence. “What’s wrong?”

I walked over to him and patted Jason’s head affectionately before sitting down next to Justin, who covered both his eyes with his left hand. He let out a groan and then removed his hand and looked at me.

“I feel like a jackass,” he muttered. “And I don’t know what to do.”

I furrowed my eyebrows. “What are you talking about?”

“Don’t… Tell anyone, okay?” he whispered. “Not Phoebe, not your parents, not my parents, not anyone.”

“You know our bro-talks are confidential, right?” I nudged his shoulder. “You can tell me anything.”

I felt a rush of guilt throughout my veins. Here I am, telling him that he can trust me with his life, when I’m keeping such a huge secret from him. Just looking into his eyes makes me feel so… terrible.

“Thank you,” he sighed, glancing at Jason to check how he was doing before meeting my gaze again. “I, uhm… I recently found out Jamie’s pregnant…”

I did a double take. “Wait… You’re kidding, right? Again?!”

“Shh!” he hushed, before groaning again.

“Well, uh… Congratulations! Another baby!” I smiled, before it slowly faded and my facial expressions were replaced with concern. “At nineteen…?”

“I know,” he whined, “I don’t know what to do. We’re still so young and we’re having another child.”

“So… You don’t want it?”

“Ryan, I love her,” he sniffled. “I love Jamie so, so much, but… Another child? I barely know if I’m doing it right with Jason!”

His breathing patterns began to alter and tears surfaced his eyes.

“Justin calm down,” I spoke softly. “It’s going to be okay. It’s just the same thing as if Jamie had twins the first time, except the second baby’s coming now.”

“But—”

“—If Jamie was pregnant with twins the first time, wouldn’t you have still been happy?”

“Well… yeah. I told her I didn’t care if it was triplets. That I’d still love her, and still be there for her,” he murmured.

“Then how’s this any different?” I asked him, watching as he threw his head back in frustration.

“But… What are my parents going to say? Her parents? My beliebers?”

“I know I still love you and Jamie the same. I’m sure they will too,” I shrugged.

Justin paused and looked at me, his breathing returning to normal. “You’re right…” he whispered. “It shouldn’t matter. It’s not the end of the world, right?”

“Right,” I smiled.

Justin smiled back before his eyes widened and he slammed his fists into the couch. “Shit,” he yelled, startling me a little.

“What’s wrong?” I asked again.

Justin stood up and pointed at Jason. “Can you watch Lil J for about 20 minutes? There’s something I have to do.”

I blinked at him, still confused. “What—Where are you going?”

“I don’t know why, but when Jamie told me she’s pregnant and she took a pregnancy test and shit, I got upset. I don’t know, I just wasn’t thinking and I thought man, I’m not ready for another child. I think I might’ve been a bit rude to her when I left without allowing her to protest. I need to make sure she doesn’t hate me or anything,” he explained quickly.

“Oh,” I said, “Well go ahead. Jason and I will be right here when you get back.”

“Thanks man, I owe you,” he smiled.

“Yes you do,” I winked, before Justin chuckled and quickly exited the room.

—

♥ Justin’s POV: ♥ 

I practically ran to my car and drove the short distance from Ryan’s house and back to Jamie’s. I felt my heart pounding loudly inside my body.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Would I, even for a second, begin to think about leaving Jamie because of a pregnancy? Well, I didn’t technically think of leaving her. I would never think such a thing. But I was considering taking a pause, and there’s no excuse. I can’t leave her. I won’t leave her. I don’t even want to.

Of course I want another child with the love of my life. The only thing that freaked me out lately was how soon it was going to be. But Ryan’s right. If Jamie were to have twins when Jason was born, it wouldn’t have affected my love for neither of them. So why did I freak out back there when I shouldn’t have?

Why?

Upon reaching Jamie’s house, I stopped the car and quickly got out. Instead of knocking on the door, I pulled out my spare keys and unlocked the front door, quietly stepping inside. The first thing I did was look around to see if Jamie was anywhere around here. But the house was dead silent and it was freaking me out. I slowly climbed up the stairs and walked towards Jamie’s room, pressing my ear to the door to hear if she was in there. I focused on the sounds inside and, the minute I recognized what it was, I felt my heart sink.

It was sobbing.

I could hear Jamie crying even from here. I bit my lip, feeling as if the world was crashing down below me.

Raising my hand to the door, I knocked on it lightly. “Jamie?” I called out, waiting to see if she’d open up.

There was no reply. I pressed my ear to the door again and, this time, I couldn’t hear sobbing.

“Jamie, baby, I’m sorry,” I called out again. “I didn’t mean to upset you, I promise.”

No reply.

I clutched the doorknob into my hand and was surprised to see it wasn’t locked when I turned it. I slid the door open quietly and immediately spotted Jamie on the floor, her back against the wall as tears streamed down her face.

“Oh my god,” I whispered, rushing over to her. I dropped to my knees and moved closer to her, testing to see if she didn’t want me near her.

Sometimes, back when we were kids, I would do something that’d upset Jamie and she’d curl up into a ball and cry. Whenever I’d try to apologize or comfort her, she’d sometimes smack me away. But other times, she wouldn’t. So I always learned to approach her nice and slow just to see if she was upset enough to hit me until I left her alone, or if she’d just let me comfort her.

“Babe?” I muttered, slowly reaching my hand out towards her. Her knees were pressed to her chest and her face was buried into her arms, but she didn’t make an effort to push me away. So I scooted closer.

She began sobbing again, her entire body shaking as I placed a hand on her arm.

“Jamie, I’m so sorry,” I whispered in her ear before kissing the skin on her arm. “I know you probably hate me right now but I swear, I didn’t mean it. I want this baby. I want to raise another child with you. Please, baby, I hate it when you cry. Specially when it’s my fault.”

But she only cried even harder. I felt my heart sink lower and I shook her slightly.

“Jamie, please look at me,” I said softly. “Please…”

She lifted her head up and wiped her tears before looking me in the eyes.

“I didn’t mean to just take Jason and leav—”

“—Stop,” her voice cracked. I paused and watched her as she sat upright. “I’m n-not crying because of what y-you did.”

I looked at her in confusion. “But… I was a jerk to you.”

“Yes, it made me upset. But I’m not crying because of that,” she whimpered.

“Then why are you crying, princess?” I caressed her cheek with my hand, concern in my features.

“I… I don’t know,” she sniffled.

“What?” I scooted closer to her. “What do you mean you don’t know?”

“I don’t know…” she whispered. “I should f-feel relieved but.. I d-don’t.”

“Babe, what are you talking about?” I furrowed my eyebrows. I was beginning to get a little worried. “What’s wrong?”

She looked up at me, her eyes glistening with tears. “Justin..” she whispered.

“I’m right here, baby,” I took her hand in mine and squeezed it.

“Umm… I—… I got my period,” her voice was shaky.

My eyes widened and it felt like time froze in that moment. I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. I continued to stare at her until I felt the word choke out of me.

“W-What?”

Jamie’s bottom lip quivered and a tear slid down her cheek. “I guess I-I’m not pregnant after all.”

I blinked a couple of times, waiting to see if she was joking. But she stared at me with a face that was nothing but serious.

“But…” I trailed off.

I just came to terms with it. For a second, I was excited. A new child with Jamie? Sure it was shocking, but I love her so it shouldn’t be much of a problem.

But now? 

“The pregnancy test—”

“—It was wrong,” she interrupted. “It does that sometimes.” There was a small pause before another tear slid down her face. “I know… I know I should be happy because it was a false alarm but… To be completely honest, nothing would make me happier than another Bieber.”

I chuckled, letting out the tears I tried so hard to keep inside. “I’ve always wanted a tiny baby girl,” I whispered.

Jamie looked up at me, a smile on her face. “You want a girl?” she asked, her eyes sparkling. “I didn’t know that.”

“Well, now you know,” I said, wiping off the tears on my cheeks.

Jamie watched me as I continued to wipe the tears off my face before she grabbed my arm and tugged me towards her. I dropped to the floor next to her and she cuddled her head into my chest.

“I forgive you,” she said, “For walking out like that earlier.”

I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head. “I shouldn’t have done that to you.”

“No, but at least you realize that,” she said, nuzzling her nose into my shirt. I leaned my head back on the wall and sighed.

“I should feel relieved too,” I spoke up randomly. “But the truth is, I’m not.”

Jamie didn’t say anything. I looked down at her and saw she had her eyes closed, her right hand gripping the hem of my shirt.

“You know something?” she whispered.

I ran my hand up and down her arm to comfort her. “What?”

“For a while there, I felt like we were six again,” she mumbled dreamily.

“Yeah?” I asked. “Me too.”

“How I’d turn all stubborn and cry until you decided to apologize,” she laughed softly at the memory.

“But you’d play hard to get and push me away sometimes and I never got frustrated. No matter how many times you hit me, I never left you crying because I loved you too much,” I bit my lip.

I caught Jamie smiling and I couldn’t help but smile too.

“Wanna know something my mom told me?” she released my shirt and placed her hand on my chest, opening her eyes.

“Mhm,” I hummed.

“Back when we both still wore diapers, whenever we were together and you cried for food, I’d start crying too just because you were,” she mumbled.

I looked down at her. “Really? How do you know it was because I was crying?”

“Because when they finally fed you and you quieted down, so did I…” she trailed off, her eyes locked on the floor. “I never liked it when you cried.”

I kissed her head again. “I didn’t know that,” I whispered.

She blinked a couple of times and looked up at me, her gaze staring straight into mine.

“Well, now you know.”

***************************************

Awh, what’d you guys think of the chapter?

And I’m wondering what you’re all thinking. Are you upset Jamie’s not really pregnant, or are you happy?

Love you all :)

- Nina xx