< Chapter 11: Scared >

♥ Jamie’s POV: ♥ 

It made sense.

We did have unprotected sex a couple of times and I just finished throwing up. It had to be morning sickness. Am I pregnant?

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” Justin’s lip trembled.

“Justin,” I breathed, “I didn’t.. I d-didn’t know..”

Justin’s eyes scanned mine, his facial expression showing absolute shock. He looked completely taken aback, his face pale as he stared at me, unable to believe reality. It kind of reminded me of when I told him I was first pregnant with Jason. How blank his face was. How he couldn’t speak before Kenny had to drag him away.

“H-Holy…” Justin trailed off, slapping a hand to his chest. He collapsed to the ground and began breathing in and out constantly. It looked like he was having a panic attack.

“Are y-you okay?” I asked in concern, butterflies in my stomach. Justin gulped, closing his eyes for a second before looking back at me again.

“Do you know how hard it was for me when I first heard you were pregnant the first time? Do you remember how nervous I was because we’re too young to be parents? I-If you’re pregnant again, I don’t… I don’t t-think I’m ready. Jason’s enough for me right now, I’m not even sure how to be a father yet completely, I can’t even… I don’t… We’re still so young.. Two kids? Two kids at 19… Jamie, I-… I don’t…”

“Calm down,” I said softly, attempting to comfort him when, in reality, I one-hundred percent agreed with him. I wasn’t ready either. I’m still figuring out how to be a good mother to Jason at nineteen years old. How am I supposed to give birth and care for another child? Maybe if we were older, I’d be ecstatic. But, in a way, we’re still the same damn age.

“I’m… I can’t do it… I just… Two kids. I’m 19 years old… What am I gonna tell my parents? Gosh, what about my beliebers? I’m 19, Jamie… Two kids at 19?” Justin was stuttering and repeating words frequently and it didn’t seem like he was even breathing properly. I was beginning to get seriously worried about him.

“Justin, baby, please breathe,” I tried to stay calm while I crawled over to him, wrapping my arms around his torso and leaning into him, my ear to his chest. I could hear his heart beating fast, causing my stomach to churn. “It’s gonna be okay…”

Justin started to sound like he was suffocating, taking sharp amount of breaths in and out. My heart dropped and I grabbed his hand, squeezing him tightly. Upon feeling my touch, Justin’s breath slowed down and he soon began breathing normally, letting out a long sigh afterwards.

“I’m sorry…” he whispered. “I’m just… scared.”

“Me too,” I whispered back. “I guess we’re back to square one.”

Justin looked down at me, his eyes attentive. “Are you feeling nauseous still?” he asked me, brushing a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

“I think I’m good,” I shook my head before sinking to his chest. He held me tightly, placing a kiss on my forehead before nudging me slightly.

“We shouldn’t leave Lil J in the room too long by himself,” he said, slowly standing and helping me up with him. “Have you eaten breakfast yet?”

“No,” I answered weakly. “You go ahead and continue your father-son time with Jason. I’ll go make myself something to eat.”

“Jamie—”

“—I’m fine,” I smiled up at him. “I know how much you worry about me but it’s not like going down to the kitchen all by myself is such a dangerous and wild task.”

Justin chuckled, squeezing my hand. “You never know,” he smirked, “There’s a lot of sharp knives in there.”

“You’re so protective,” I scoffed playfully, kissing his nose before wrapping my arms around his waist and hugging him tight. I felt his arms embrace my body as he hugged me back, and soon we pulled away. “I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

“Okay,” he smiled, and we both went our separate ways.

As I began downstairs, I started feeling a little queasy.

Me? Pregnant? Again? Who would’ve thought. You’d think we would’ve learned the first time to be a bit more careful. But how? Justin and I have this huge problem that we’re just so head over heels in love that we can’t keep our clawing hands off each other. It’s impossible for us not to want to have sex and when it ends up happening, who has time for protection?

Yeah, you see the problem here?

But it’s different now. We already have a son who, don’t get me wrong, we love with all our hearts but for us to still be nineteen and pregnant with another kid? We’re just simply not ready. We barely know how to keep up with Justin’s fame on top of raising Jason. How are we to raise another child?

When I imagined myself being pregnant again, I imagined Justin and I at least in our twenties and ready for the challenge. I wanted to be able to plan the miracle instead of hearing about it by accident, even though I’d still love all my kids regardless.

For all I know, Justin could be pretty upset about all this too. I don’t mean that he won’t want the child, but for god’s sake, he was having a panic attack! I was genuinely scared I’d have to take him to the hospital or something along those lines. He’s never been so shocked to the point where he couldn’t breathe like that before.

If I thought being pregnant with Jason was going to be difficult, wait until this pregnancy kicks in. It was hard enough telling all my family and friends about first being pregnant at 18, but now I have to tell them I’m pregnant again at 19?

Jesus Christ…

Soon, I made it to the kitchen and began taking out bagels to toast. I grabbed a butter knife and took a scoop before spreading out butter across the toasted bagel. I could hear my stomach growling just looking at it.

I then poured myself a glass of orange juice before sitting down and taking a bite of my breakfast while picking up my phone. I dialed Phoebe’s number and pressed the device to my ear, munching quietly as I waited for her to pick up.

“Hey,” her voice rang in my ears, happiness in her tone.

“Hey, you’re in a good mood,” I giggled.

“I am,” I could picture her grinning, “and I don’t exactly know why.”

“Oh, you’re having one of those smooth and easy days, aren’t you?”

“Why, are you not? I mean, you’re with your family,” she pointed out. “And Justin,” she emphasized Justin’s name in a teasing manner.

“Yeah but… There’s something I have to tell you,” I lowered my voice. I guess the drop in my voice immediately let Phoebe know this was serious.

“What happened?” she asked in concern.

“Are you alone?”

“Noah’s here so… not really.”

I paused. “Wait, is that why you’re so giddy?” I decided to tease her back.

“Oh shut up!” she laughed. “Just tell me. I’ll go to the bathroom while we talk so that way we have some privacy, okay?”

“Okay.”

For a while, I heard shuffling in the other line and then Phoebe told Noah she’ll be right back before I heard a door close and Phoebe sighed.

“Alright, I’m alone. What’s going on?”

“Umm…” I bit my lip. “Do you promise not to freak out?”

“I guess.”

“Phoebe…” I warned.

“Okay fine, I won’t.”

“You sure?” I felt butterflies in my stomach.

“Jamie, for god’s sake, just spit it out!” she whisper-yelled impatiently. I bit my lip even harder before blurting it out.

“I think I’m pregnant.”

There was a pause and all I heard was slight static on the other line. It was so quiet, I was beginning to think that maybe she hung up. But then she replied.

“Again…?” her voice was quiet.

“Yeah,” I gulped.

“Wait, does Justin know?”

“Of course he knows, Phoebe. He helped me while I threw up. I’m 99% positive it’s morning sickness. I mean… We recently had sex… And then shower sex… And—”

“—Alright, enough with the sex talk,” Phoebe stopped me. “But… Wow, really? Pregnant again? Don’t you think it’s too soon for another baby? Jamie, none of us are even twenty yet.”

“I know,” my voice was shaky. “Phoebe, I’m scared.”

“Wait, but how did Justin even react to this theory?”

“He’s the one who asked if I was pregnant and I told him—honestly—that I didn’t know. But how he took the news? It wasn’t quite how he took the news about Jason the first time…”

“Meaning… What?”

“Meaning he basically had a panic attack. I mean, he genuinely had trouble breathing and he was so… He was so scared. I could tell. I remember when I was pregnant with Jason, he’d always look so… I don’t know… Pale? I’d always ask him if he was okay and the answer I got every time was that he was scared. He was scared to be a father and, god Phoebe, I don’t think he wants to do it again this early. Jason’s not even halfway to being one year old and I’m already pregnant? I’m with Justin on this one, I’m scared.”

“Aw, Jamie…” Phoebe sighed. I could tell how sympathetic she felt but I also knew she was aware that there’s nothing she can do about it. And to her, that’s the sad part. “I’m sure you guys can make it through this. You and Justin have been through a lot and I promise you that if you two stick together, you can do anything.”

“I guess…” I took another bite out of my bagel, “but it doesn’t change the fact that this is some scary stuff to me. To do all this again?”

“Talk to Justin. You guys have to work on this together. Tell him everything you told me. That you’re scared. Exchange feelings and then make each other feel better. It’s all gonna be okay, I promise.”

“Thanks,” I sighed, not knowing what else to say.

“No problem,” I could picture her smiling. “Oh, and is Justin okay?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Well you said he had some sort of panic attack so I just wanted to make sure.”

“Honestly, I don’t know what could be going through his brain right now. I tried to make him feel better about it but, knowing him, his mind is probably still racing.”

“Aw, make sure he’s okay, alright?”

“Alright,” I nodded.

“I have to go. Noah’s calling for me. I’ll text you later, okay? If you need me to come over, I will.”

“No it’s fine, keep hanging with Noah. I’ll be okay.”

“Alright, good luck,” she said, and soon after that was when we hung up.

After finishing my breakfast, I returned back upstairs and suddenly remembered the feeling of waddling up the stairs back when I was pregnant. Oh, how I’m not ready to go through this again…

I was going to go back to Justin and Jason when, suddenly, a thought popped into my head. I quietly snuck my way back into the bathroom and locked the door. Leaning down near the sink, I opened up the small cabinets and looked around. Scanning every item until reaching the very back, I spotted what I was looking for. My heart did a flip and I thanked the lord for finding an old pregnancy test I remember seeing all the time when I opened these cabinets. Reaching in, I grabbed the pregnancy test and carefully took it out of the wrapper.

Since you probably don’t want to hear about me peeing, I’ll skip the part about the procedure and go straight to the fact that I was now pacing back and forth, the pregnancy test laid out on the flat surface of the sink as I waited for results. I sat down on the toilet with its top cap closed and buried my face in my hands. I don’t know how long I was sitting there like that, but after a while I stood up to check up on the test.

I could feel the butterflies swarming my stomach, and for a second I began to contemplate whether I should even look at it or not. I gulped, taking in a deep breath and looking at it.

My heart skipped a beat.

I blinked my eyes repeatedly, wondering if this was real. The test results came out with two lines. Two. I'm pregnant. I can’t believe it. I really am pregnant? What am I gonna do?

I slapped both hands to my mouth to cover it, shock spreading throughout my body. I tried to blink back the tears, but it wasn’t working. I didn’t know why I was crying, really. I just was. It wasn’t because I was upset, but it wasn’t because I was super ecstatic either. I just didn’t know what to feel. Of course I want another baby. But right now?

Should I even show these results to Justin?

No, he might have another panic attack.

But he has a right to know, it’s his kid.

Do I really wanna overwhelm him by confirming it?

Would I lie to him?

No.

Then what am I waiting for?

I grabbed the pregnancy test from the sink counter and unlocked the bathroom door before making my way down the hallway and into Justin’s room. When I came in, I saw Jason sitting on the baby seat, kicking his feet up and babbling at the television.

Aww, my boy’s so cute.

I smiled and looked around until I spotted Justin standing up, his back towards me as he looked out the window. My heart sank. He wouldn’t just stare out the window like that unless he was either upset or worried about something. And I know what that something is.

“You okay?” I spoke up, startling him. He turned around quickly and, upon seeing it was just me, he relaxed a little.

“Me? Uh.. Yeah,” he nodded hesitantly. I gave him a look. “Jamie, just… Don’t worry about me.”

“I can’t help it,” I sighed. “It’s just because I care about you and… You—…” I stopped and took in a deep breath. “Can I please just show you something?”

He looked at me blankly before raising an eyebrow in concern. “Of course.”

I approached him slowly, raising my hand up to reveal the pregnancy test.

“Two lines,” I spoke softly.

Knowing exactly what two lines meant, Justin’s eyes widened before they closed and he turned away, letting out a small whimper. He looked up at the ceiling and sucked in a breath of air before breathing it out slowly. I watched helplessly, biting harder on my lip before I decided I wanted to prevent another panic attack.

“Baby, it’s okay,” I wrapped my arms around his waist and made him face me. He looked me in the eyes and, looking back at him, I understood everything.

It’s not that he doesn’t want the baby. He’s simply scared. Why?’ Just ‘cause he’s Justin. That baby I used to play with when I still wore diapers. That kid I used to share a pillow with during nap time in kindergarten. That kid I used to share lunches with in middle school. That kid who didn’t complete the whole 4 years of high school with me because he was too busy becoming the biggest pop star on the planet. That kid I call my best friend. And that kid who I’d soon call my husband.

He’s Justin. The father to my child. I know him better than I know myself.

“Remember our plan? We go through things together,” I cupped his cheek to my hand. “I’m just as scared as you are. But I know I’m not backing out… Are you?”

Justin’s eyes glistened with tears and I could feel his hands shaking. “I d-don’t k-know.”

I frowned slightly, pouting my lips. “What do you mean you don’t know?”

“It means I don’t know,” he breathed, leaning away from my touch. I watched as he walked over to Jason and picked him up over his shoulder, planting a kiss on his cheek and walking towards the door.

“Where are you going?” I asked, taking one step forward.

“I’m taking Lil J to his uncle Ry for a bit,” he said, turning his head to look at me. “Is that going to be a problem for you?”

I swayed side to side slightly on my toes. “No…” I trailed off. “Be safe.”

“Thanks,” he slightly smiled. “Love you.”

“I love you too,” I gave him a small wave before he left, leaving me alone with the television as my only company.

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Hola guys!

I just wanted to quickly upload a chapter before I had to dive into my many homework assignments. I hope you enjoyed this chapter but all I’ve got to say for this is…

Uh oh.

(By the way, quick side note, in the story it’s still 2013 so if you’re wondering why Justin’s 19, that’s why :)

- Nina xx