< Chapter 10: What You Did >

♥ Jamie’s POV: ♥ 

I was ashamed of myself.

I didn’t mean to ignore him or push him away like that, I just needed space. For some reason, I couldn’t get over what happened last night, and the thought that Justin’s actually capable of rape scares the living shit out of me.

I tried to convince myself he would never do that to me. I know how much he loves me, but I can’t help but think maybe all of that goes away when he’s drunk. As selfish as it sounds, I expect him to be loyal even when he’s under the influence and I expect of him not to mistreat me either. I know I might sound like a bitch but is that really too much to ask? Wouldn’t every girl expect that of their man? I wouldn’t have a problem if he expected the same thing out of me.

So if Justin’s capable of doing that when drunk, what am I supposed to do? He’s already cheated on me once when he was drunk, and I know it was a long time ago and that I should probably forget it, get over it and move on but it doesn’t change the fact that it happened.

But I couldn’t help but wonder… Why was I so uncomfortable when he touched me back there? He only grabbed my wrist lightly and my first instinct was to pull away?

See, that bothers me because usually my instinct would be to go closer to him. I usually crave his touch, but this time I pushed him away. Why?

Did last night really affect me that much? Why couldn’t I look him in the eyes properly when he showed up a few minutes ago? I couldn’t think of him the same way… Why?

I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to feel like I’m scared. For god’s sake, I’m engaged to him. He always treats me like a princess, what more could I want?

This isn’t helping. I’m just confusing myself by thinking about it. Maybe I should get some more rest after all…

—

♥ Justin’s POV: ♥ 

“I was a pretty weird kid,” I chuckled, holding Jason tighter in my arms. I had just finished feeding him his formula after he woke up at one point when I was watching him sleep. Now I was in my room, laying back on the bed and watching t.v while telling Jason a story from when I was in middle school. “But anyway, so Ryan and I were just shooting hoops in the gym when your mommy came in with a couple of her friends. Now, I know what you’re thinking, daddy and mommy were just best friends in middle school, but I still felt the need to impress her.”

I looked down at Jason, watching as he stared at me, drooling onto his shirt. I chuckled before continuing the story.

“So, not surprisingly, I started dribbling the ball like a fucking pro, pulling all these cool tricks I learned a few days before that. I made sure your mommy was looking when I threw the ball in the air, and I watched while it was mid-air and approaching the net. Obviously, I made it in. But, at the time, I was so happy because it was a nice shot, and I was really far from the net. Anyway, your mom’s jaw dropped and she couldn’t believe I actually made it in. She ran over to me and hugged me so, so tightly. I can still feel her arms squeezing me from that day. She began asking me all these questions like, ‘how did you do that’ or ‘did you see what you just did.’ And I just smiled at your mom and hugged her again. All her friends were giggling at us and… I was just a happy little guy. Those were the days, buddy.”

I leaned down and kissed Jason’s forehead.

“When you get older, I want you to find a woman as amazing as your mom,” I whispered to him, poking his nose. “But…” I trailed off, my voice becoming sad. “Your mommy isn’t feeling well right now, I can feel it. There’s something she’s not telling me, baby boy, but I’m gonna find out what it is. Do you think it has something to do with what daddy did?”

Jason cooed, reaching his tiny hands out at me and grabbing my nose, giving it a little squeeze.

“Gah,” he murmured cutely, his eyes shining into mine.

“Don’t you dare talk back to me like that, mister,” I pretended to be mad at him before forming a smile and bursting into laughter.

I love my boy.

All of a sudden, there was a single knock on my door and I stopped laughing in time to see Jamie opening the door and taking a few steps inside. She looked me up and down, noticing that Jason was in my arms.

“Babe,” I called out to her, “You feeling better?”

“Uh,” she hugged herself, “Yeah, a little bit… Did you feed Jason?”

“Of course,” I chuckled, “He’d be crying of hunger if I hadn’t by now.”

Jamie’s lips raised at the corners slightly. It was a small smile that I knew was 100% forced. Everything was suddenly quiet, and I sighed, standing up and walking over to the baby seat. Placing Jason carefully on it and strapping him in, I then turned around to face Jamie again.

Approaching her, I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her towards me. “Jamie, you have to be honest with me,” I whispered, “I know there’s something wrong.”

Her lips quivered and she pushed me away slightly. I released my grip on her and took a few steps back.

“Nothing’s wrong…” she muttered.

“Baby, did you see what you just did?” I tried to get my point across. “Did you see? You shoved me away. I hugged you to my chest and you pushed me off you. How can you say there’s nothing wrong here?”

“Because there isn’t,” she bravely replied.

“But you don’t usually do that, Jamie, and you know it.”

“So?” she shrugged, hesitantly looking at me in the eyes. There was silence for a second before I spoke again.

“Tell me what’s wrong… Please. If I did something, let me know. If something else happened, let me know. Just tell me. This relationship is all about trust…” I urged her to open up to me.

She sighed, walking over to my bed and sitting down on it. I kept my eyes on her, waiting for her to explain.

“Last night, Noah dropped you off,” she played with her thumbs, avoiding eye contact, “Obviously, you were drunk.”

My heart skipped a beat. “Did I… Do something to you?”

I found it hard to breathe. The thought of me mistreating Jamie made me want to stab myself. Being drunk was no excuse—I should not be hurting my baby.

“No, no, you just-…” she paused, closing her eyes before reopening them and looking at me. “It was cute at first but then we started kissing and you suddenly wanted sex. I, on the other hand, didn’t want to because my parents were asleep, we were in the living room and I was just too tired for it. So I told you to stop and… You w-wouldn’t listen to m-me… I… I guess I just got scared… I thought you were going to force me to. That’d technically be considered rape… Right?”

Her voice was shaky and I stared wide-eyed at her, unable to believe what she was saying. I did all that? I did all that to her while I was drunk?

“Jamie, I would never—”

“—I know. I realize that. I just… I was thinking back to when Nathan did that to me. The time when Ryan had to come in and save me. I was terrified of him. I didn’t know there was a side to him like that. I don’t know if I’m overreacting… I’m sorry,” Jamie was sobbing quietly, hiccuping once in a while. My heart collapsed and I felt terrible for putting her through that.

“Babe, you shouldn’t apologize for the way you feel. You felt like you were being forced to doing something you didn’t want to do. It was completely my fault. I had no idea what I was doing, and I obviously don’t even remember it, but it’s no excuse. I never, ever want you to feel like that around me. I’m supposed to keep you safe..” I trailed off, sitting down next to her and wrapping my arms around her small frame. I kissed her cheek before nuzzling my nose against it, reaching my hand to grab hers and intertwining our fingers together. While I held her close, I realized she made no movement to push me away again.

“Still…” she whispered, “I hope I didn’t make you feel like I don’t love you, ‘cause that’d be a lie. No matter what you do… I’ll always feel the same.”

I leaned down and rested my head on her shoulder. “Me too,” I assured her, “I will always love you. No matter what.”

My precious Jamie… She’s always been like this. So caring, yet so sensitive. It was hard for her to be okay with things, so how could I have expected it to be different back when she was pregnant? Especially when her hormones were going insane?

It’s always been this way. I remember when we were still keeping our feelings for each other inside—when we were still just best friends as opposed to being in a relationship. She’d always sit there by herself, overthinking something her current boyfriend at the time had done. Like when Nathan-the-asshole was apparently flirting with another girl. I remember how upset and angry Jamie was, and she and I talked about it because she trusted me. Or how Aiden—the only ex boyfriend Jamie’s ever had that I actually genuinely liked and hung out with—had to cancel two dates because of basketball practice. She thought he was making up excuses not to go on the date when, in reality, there was nothing he could do. He really liked Jamie and felt terrible about it. But, don’t worry, it worked out at the end. They had the date, but obviously the relationship didn’t last.

It’s just the way she is. And I wouldn’t have her any other way. Even though I’ve been confused by it when we were younger, I like her sensitivity because it makes her who she is. If she weren’t like that, she wouldn’t be Jamie. You know what I mean? I’m a pretty flawed person myself. It’s obvious I’m way too overprotective but I’d want Jamie to love me with all my flaws too because it makes me who I am as well.

It just… applies to everyone. It doesn’t change how I see her. I still love her so much.

“Justin…” Jamie called out to me, her voice raspy.

“Mhm?” I hummed, leaning away from her so I could meet her gaze. She suddenly stood up, her face contorted in queasiness. Instead of answering, she ran out the room without another word, leaving Jason and I alone. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion and I was about to call after her but the words never came out. I glanced over at Jason, who stared at the television with interest, and decided he’d be okay here alone for a few seconds.

I ran out the room to the same direction Jamie went and noticed a light turned on down the hallway. I followed it until, eventually, I reached the bathroom, with the door halfway open.

“Jamie?” I knocked quietly, slowly opening the door. I stopped in my tracks. Jamie was on her knees near the toilet, with its top open and she looked up at me, her face red.

“I feel nauseous,” she whimpered, her hands trembling. I leaned down next to her in concern and, the minute her eyes widened, I quickly gathered her hair and held it up while she threw up inside the toilet. I patted her back as she paused and puked again. After it was over, she leaned back and sat on the floor. I grabbed a paper towel and wet it slightly on the sink before dabbing it on her mouth, wiping away excess vomit. “Thanks,” she murmured, breathing in and out slowly before she looked at me, the shock evident on her face.

I stared deep into her eyes, my face solemn. After a few seconds of silence, I contemplated whether or not to ask the question I’ve been itching to ask her.

“Jamie…” I spoke softly, not taking my eyes off of her. Her mouth was open as if she wanted to say something, but she knew I’d ask anyway. My heart skipped a beat and I sucked in a breath of air. “Are you pregnant?”

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I have nothing to say other than #PLOTTWIST

Oooooh Jamie!

And sorry it was a little shorter than usual, I just wanted to post a really quick surprise chapter :)

- Nina xx