Several weeks have passed and throughout those weeks, Levi developed severe insomnia due to the fact that he was too nervous to go to sleep in fear that Eren would wake up screaming and crying. On good days he would get four hours of sleep, most days he would get two hours of sleep with a few short naps throughout the day. He did not mind this too much because, with Eren around, it made everything better. Eren noticed this. Levi's dark circles under his eyes and more cranky attitude was hard to ignore and it bothered Eren greatly. 

"Is it because of me?" Eren asked suddenly as they were having breakfast together. "The reason you can't sleep?" 

"It's not that..." Levi trailed off. 

"Bullshit. We both knew damn well it's me, and I'm not offended," Eren snapped. His face softened. "I'm sorry." 

"I've said this before but you can't keep apologizing for things you can't control," Levi said with a tired smile. "I'm okay." 

"You should take a nap right now. It's not like we're going to do anything today, and we both don't have jobs so we're never busy with anything," Eren said as he kicked at Levi's leg with his foot under the table. 

"Speaking of jobs, are you ever going to get one? I probably won't be able to snag one for myself since no employer wants a criminal working for them, and I would feel bad if you just stayed here with me for most of your time," Levi said, changing the subject. 

"I will one day, maybe after I return to school and finish. Definitely not now because I don't think my mind is at a stable point right now. The government is giving you a bit of money, and I can rely on my parents for money, for now, so we don't have to worry about money until later when we're both better, alright? Now as I was saying, you should really take a nap," Eren told him as he got up and collected their coffee mugs and brought them to the sink. 

"I want to be with you. Call it an obsession but I want to be with you all the time, even when I am not awake," Levi said as he cradled his face in his hands and released a long yawn. 

"Love is, after all, mutual obsession. I'll lay down with you and read a book while you sleep if you want," said Eren as he began to wash the dishes in overly soapy water. The hot water stung his dry hands. Levi lifted himself from his chair and extended his arms out to stretch. 

"That sounds really nice right now," Levi said with a small grin. "You don't mind at all? We just woke up after all." 

"Of course I don't mind. You've been treating me like royalty all this time, and I don't have any plans of doing anything of importance," Eren stated as he finished washing the dishes. He grabbed a rag nearby and dried his hands with it. "Come on, to the bedroom." 

"You're so nice to me but I suppose angels are nice to everyone, even towards the devils themselves," Levi commented as Eren pressed a hand to Levi's back and guided him to the room, where their bed was messy and unmade. Levi flopped onto the bed and rolled into place as Eren picked up a vibrant blue book from the bedside table and joined him. Levi was already under the covers as Eren pulled it onto his lap as well. Although Levi was just about to pass out from exhaustion, curiosity stuck his mind. 

"What are you reading?" he asked.

"Call me by your name by André Aciman. Beautiful writing," Eren responded as he tangled his free hand into Levi's incredibly soft hair. 

"Read it to me." 

"No way. I'm at a very awkward part," Eren refused. 

"Read it to me," Levi repeated, a bit louder this time as if challenging him. 

With a sigh, Eren looked down at his page and started to read in a hushed voice as if ashamed of what he was about to say aloud. "'Something unexpected seemed to clear away between us, and, for a second, it seemed there was absolutely no difference in age between us, just two men kissing, and even this seemed to dissolve, as I began to feel we were not even two men, just two beings. I loved the egalitarianism of the moment. I loved the feeling younger and older, human to human, man to man, Jew to Jew. I loved the night- light. It made me feel snug and safe.'"

"I don't know why you were so hesitant to read that. I like it," Levi commented as he lay a hand on Eren's covered thigh. 

"Would you believe me if I told you it's a sex scene?" Eren said and made a sideways glance. Levi was not affected greatly by the question but gave a sarcastic response in return. 

"You're telling me you just read porn to me?" 

Eren paused, he never thought of it that way. He always thought of porn as something more graphic and sticky, like Fifty Shades of Grey. He thought this book was raw and fresh, like how bananas must have been before humans changed them to make them sweeter, or a photo before all the photoshopping. It was lovemaking for what it really was without the pounding and descriptive details of sex organs. Untouched. 

"I like this passage. It reminds me of the two of us," Eren whispered with an easy and petite smile. 

"We're not Jewish, Eren." 

Eren suddenly tugged at his hair as if warning him. "You know what I mean." 

"Explain in further detail," Levi urged him. 

"We are like them because they don't care about their circumstances. I don't care about ours, I don't care that you were one of those who hurt me, or that you changed my life forever because I love you. But I feel like those three words aren't enough like whoever invented them wasn't prepared to give our love justice. It's ineffable, so great that you forget about all the bad things that ever happened, and maybe our story is endless cans of paint, and life is the canvas but we are unable to fit all the colours onto the canvas without mixing them and ultimately ruining the colours in their raw beauty.  Because we're too much, you're too much. You're the sun exploding that I haven't prepared for," Eren blabbered on, unaware that Levi was no longer as tired and had his full attention on him now. His grip on Eren's thigh tightened. "I think that's how I am now; yes, you may have destroyed me but how can I be mad towards something so beautiful? The sun is blazing hot but how does one get angry at it?" 

Levi didn't answer and just continued to stare at Eren, his facial expression unreadable and unmoving as if he were a video game glitch This was starting to worry Eren. "Say something." 

"I was going to, but then I started to wonder how, even though I am a horrible individual, was lucky enough to land myself someone as magnificent as you. It's a real mystery," Levi finally answered. 

For the next three days in what seemed like an eternity, Eren didn't wake up crying in terror the way he usually did. Although Levi was able to finally catch up on his z's, Eren began to have more panic attacks during the day. He would be doing everyday things, like speaking to Levi or out grocery shopping and then it came like an invisible sickness; first it started with his eyes. They would go black and dead, then his mouth stopped moving. He freezes up and stops wherever he was and sometimes if he had the control, he would attempt to keep walking in hopes that Levi wouldn't notice, but he always did. How could he not notice the way Eren's legs trembled and shook like sea waves, or how his eyes were threatening to spill tears? It always ended the same way with Levi dropping what he was doing and rushing Eren to the closest seat, kneeling in front of him or sitting beside him and stroking his air and telling him calming words until it passed. He didn't know what else to do. He knew Eren took medication for his anxiety in the past but stopped using it because of the side effects, so there was really nothing he could do except be there for him and making sure he felt okay afterward. Sometimes the attacks were like small ripples, but most days they were tsunamis. And most days, Levi was drowning along with him.

"My parents called," Eren said one day as they were out on the balcony, both with a mug of tea in their hands. 

"Oh?" 

"They want to bring me along on a trip to Italy." 

"That sounds awesome, are you going to go?" 

"I don't know, do you want me to do?" Eren answered his question with a question. 

"What do you mean? They're your parents, and it's Italy for crying out loud. I shouldn't be the one deciding where you go," Levi told him

"But what about you? Won't you be lonely?" 

"Of course I will, but I don't mind knowing you will come back to me. How long will you be there for?" 

"Two weeks. I was given only a three days notice," Eren replied. "I'll miss you, Levi. I'll be meeting them at the airport so could you drive me there? And then you can hug me before I go, or kiss me goodbye even though you already know I'll be texting you everyday whenever I can?" 

"Whatever you want, Eren," Levi said. 

The three days passed and although Eren knew he was going to come back for sure, he couldn't help but feel as if he would never see Levi again. It was most likely because they had spent so much time together, and moments, where they were apart, was extremely rare. Eren couldn't recall what life was like before being with Levi except for the obvious fact that it was lonely and cold. Eren dressed in comfortable clothes that morning; one of Levi's favourite hoodies with the mix of cologne and his pleasant body odor along with sweatpants and comfortable sneakers. Levi wore something of the similar fashion. The car drive was an hour long, and the entire time Levi had his hand in Eren's, unwilling to let go and feeling loathe for the time he would eventually need to let go. 

There was something comforting but bittersweet about airports, they always had this kind of atmosphere that felt as if they are set in another universe. The smell of overpriced coffee and the sound of people sniffling as they kissed their loved ones away, ready for adventure but saddened by the sacrifice. Eren's parents, Mikasa and Armin wouldn't be arriving until later on because Eren wanted to arrive a little early so he could have the time to bid Levi farewell and have some time to be with him long before he would need to go. They sat in one chair, sharing it, with Eren in Levi's lap and arms hanging around his shoulders and neck with his hoodie over his face so that Levi wouldn't see how sad he looked. Sure he was excited to explore Italy with his family and his best friend after not seeing them for some time, but Eren couldn't bear the thought of sleeping alone, not being told I love you romantically or kissed violently. What if he had panic attacks? Who was going to comfort him? Those coming on the trip with him had perfectly healthy mental states of mind, they didn't know how to react if Eren were to freak out on them. They wouldn't know the right words. 

"I'll send photos and I'll bring back souvenirs," Eren mumbled into Levi's chest.

"I'll call you every night to make sure you're okay," Levi whispered. "I'll tell you how much I love you so you ever forget or feel lonely." 

Eren removed his hoodie and raised his head to press a chaste kiss on Levi's lips, which quickly turned into a heated one as Levi forced his mouth open with his tongue. Eren's hands crawled upwards Levi's voice and pressed their lips even harder against each other. Levi had his hands planted on Eren's waist, kneading his skin through the thick material of the hoodie and earning a gasp out of him when one hand dipped under it and onto the small of his back, giving him the opportunity for his eager mouth appendage to coax Eren's into playing with his. Although it did look like, it did not feel sexual at all. It was a sorrowful lover's kiss. Eren could feel a sob trying to break through from his throat, so he tried his best not to pull away for air as much as he could so that his lips would stay on Levi's to make him forget. 

"I have to go," Eren murmured with a shaky intake of breath as he forcefully tore himself away from Levi's mouth. "I almost don't want to go, but I know this will be good for me because I haven't seen them in so long." 

"Two weeks isn't so bad. You'll me again before you know it," Levi told him quietly before Eren got up from Levi's lap and adjusted his hoodie. He threw the hood over his head again before turning towards Levi once more. "Don't say goodbye. It just makes it even sadder, and I'll see you again." 

"I love you," Eren said instead as he leaned forward to give him one last gentle kiss to his already aching lips. 

"I love you too, angel. Have fun."

already another update? i'm proud of himself. I remember back when I was writing freiheit I would update like four times a week or something, but this chapter was really fun to write so I was able to finish it quickly :^) 

I hope you liked the little taste of angst in this chapter!

-t