—
WARNING;
Mentions of Anxiety attacks
And PTSD from abuse. Be warned.

Readers be advised there will be dark themes.
Read at your own risk.  
—

Post traumatic stress disorder is a condition of exposure to a life altering experience, which's impactful enough it can impede your ability to recover.

Live every day as though nothing has changed.

It has. Since the fateful day i was kidnapped, taken from my family, I lived in a constant state of the unknown. Will Malcolm, my dad who is well beyond deceased, come back to life spontaneously again? What if he is truely is not in hell as Lucifer promised he was.

Those are my thoughts which weighed on my soul and heart. It's like I can't live normally, no matter how much I want to ignore them. Life I have come to known before was long gone.

But if I am grateful for one change.

I have met new people, such as Mazikeen and Lucifer.

They're both two meaningful individuals, in my life.

" Something troubling that mind of yours? It's an unusual sight to see you looking all down."

My voice carried in the air, my wings retract in back to my spine. Amenadiel, brooding, glance to me. My face shift to one of interest, after I see pieces of tree bark in his palm.

" I believe I am losing my powers, Ellie. I went to retrieve an item of interest, a vial of Lucifers blood, your aunt Chloe intended to be tested and then it just Stopped. That before has not happened."

He told me, in confidence, flinging those pieces of tree bark up. Each float for a solid minute.

I listen to them drop on the dirt floor, taking a seat on the free space next to amenadiel on an empty park bench. " Do you know why you are losing your powers? Thats a huge problem. An Angel losing his abilities."

Los Angeles and the vibrant night-life, which adjoined it, were just additional background noises distracting us to the possible detrimental impact this'll have on amenadiel. A big concern. He found my hand, diligently caressing the skin of it.

" Why.. why would my aunt have Lucifers blood.. unless."

I lost track of my thoughts hearing a regret-filled sigh come from him. " It's my fault, Ellie. The day Malcolm died, I brought him back. It's an atrocious decision I regret making. I wanted Lucifer to go back to hell. I have lived this past year wallowing in my self-deprecating sadness, I didn't take in account of how I wasn't truthful with You."

He confesses. " I'm so sorry, Ellie."

'How could he have done that, knowing who he was.' I tore my hand away from amenadiel's.

His confession brought back a memory, I have tried suppressing, of the evening before I was rescued. Welled-up eyes full of tears, my body lowered its self down on the ground and I start hyperventilating.

' No. please don't make me relive that day. No, please don't.'

I hear amen's distinguishable voice fading to a distant silence and in desperation I clutched my erratic heart.

This betrayal felt worse than when I was taken away. Drugged. Abused. Deprived of sleep and left to suffer from being in the unknown, if I was going to live through until the next day.

' I feel. I feel.. sick.'

A deep seeded anger bubbled.

" You KNEW how bad, of a human, Malcolm is. He was. And you still brought him back? To what? To hope he would evict Lucifer out of his home here on earth?"

I exclaimed. Shouting at the top of my lungs to get my point straight.

" I trusted you, Amenadiel. I trusted you!"
I cried. " And.. you broke that by bringing him back!"

I pushed his chest, out of infuriated frustration. He doesn't budge once taking the brunt of my pitiable hits.

I knew well I had full potential to actually use my given celestial strength.

However in my mindset I was reverting back to the weaker, pathetic, version of myself. Back to my human self.

The old me who is easier to break.

" Elisabetta. Elisabetta. Stop. Stop."

Amenadiel firmly halted my out-burst, pinning and strapping my arms to his chest.

" Each hour of the month you were gone I prayed for forgiveness each and every day. Every night. Non-stop. For the whole month I spent searching for you, Ellie. I never stopped. I never.. I never stopped. He is.. he's gone. Now. For good, Ellie. Malcolm is."

I could sense the world shrinking, considerably, closing in on me. My heart is deviating from its usual cadence of rhythm. Palpitations strong. I became overwhelmed, giving up the fight, and I convulsively start crying in amenadiel's chest.

" Cry, Elisabetta. Cry. It's okay to feel this way. But don't sit with this emotion, for too long. Or it's going to bring a darkness you can't escape."

' I've escaped hell on earth. What else is worst, than being in a situation where I thought it was surely my last days on earth? Oh, well, it's this. My guardian Angel betraying me all in the name of exacting an act of pitiful revenge.'

" I can't be here, 'round you, Amenadiel. I need space. Don't follow me."

I wasn't in the rightest of mind-sets, to begin thinking of flying. A nice night walk in the hills would be nice right now for me.

" I am afraid if i am, I'll say things I will regret saying later on."

I turn my back to Amen and fervently wiped clean the tears off my face.

' Because I most certainly will and I don't want that to happen.' Much as I love amenadiel, his action in reviving Malcolm Graham brought a ruination and impasse to our bond. The howls of coyotes echoed in the night air, and shrubs rustling from raccoons finding places to sleep, sounded creating an ambient nature-filled air.

I halted in my stead, my senses screaming at me to face the danger straight ahead and fight, bracing my fists in a fight-stance.

" I know you are out there. I can hear you. I'm not afraid of you."

I announced, though I'm less than inclined now of my confidence in fighting. I'm still learning.

The figure reveals itself emerging out of a bush and I am aware of the fact I am alone, a hiking trail to be precise is where I'm standing. He is short in structure, his squared and refined jaw chiselled to an almost perfected vertical shape. His attire is similar to amenadiel's angelic one.

' He's an Angel. Oh crap. Who is he?'

The man, whose calculated and distrustful behaviour has not once faltered, pulled back his teeth.

" Well. Well. Who do we have here? An Angel? Who is not part of my family? I knew I sensed divinity. Who just might you be? Oh, how rude of me. I forgot, on earth you introduce yourself before all other useless customs humans made. I am the Angel Uriel. And you are..?"

I didn't wish to piss off an ancient, thousands of years old, Angel. I answered, uncertainly.

" I am E..Ellie, Sir." My formality must've pleased Uriel and the left side of his mouth turned. He, appeased, conceitedly smirks. ' i am undeniably uncomfortable.'

" I sensed you were a little different than what you were before. With how you carry yourself, your weakened form. I hate to be course but one would say you were a Human. Am I wrong in my assumption?"

He began to creep around, in a circle, an intended and purposeful way to intimidate me.

" the question remains, though. How? How were you, one measly human, able to became one of us. It doesn't make sense. It's unheard of."

Uriel, using narrowed eyes, glares in a leer .

His eyes full of unspoken disdain for me.

" However. I am curious to know.. of how."

' I died, shot in the gut point blank. My angel guardian, who I am pissed at, had used divine intervention and a piece of his feather, that he gave me to heal my shoulder, somehow made it I came back to life. Now I am an Angel.'

How ridiculous would that sound, to a human, if I told one. He's an Angel for his father's sake, mind my use of vain in your name lord.

" Well. I'd like to stay here, and chat, Uriel. I need to.."

he doesn't allow for me to past. Instead, I feel Uriel use a powerful grip holding me in place.

" Let go of me. Now."

I shouldn't challenge an experienced, older, trained Angel. There was a slight hint of speculation in his eyes when he'd stare at me. Skepticism clouded them.

" I said let go. I don't want no trouble."

He is eye level, to me. Our heights matching.

' He's quite short. In average male human comparison.' Uriel takes the first action of releasing my arm, a mild form of surprise set in his features. Without uttering a single sentence more, sparingly he casts a last look which is unreadable, leaving me alone.

' He gave me the creeps.' I thought. ' Hope I will not see him again, any time soon. Hmm.'

~•~

Having dealt with the fact one of amenadiel, and Lucifers, brothers knew about me made me vigilant of who exactly I'm dealing with. In fact, after I've triggered my divination, it's as if I'm a beacon for the supernaturally gifted.

This is my life. Angels, demons, and the devil's my partner in crime. Minus the criminality, of course. " He's practically a kid. He's your age, Ellie. Can't be older than that."

Mom stated.

I sighed, at the thought I'd be forever nineteen and never age again. A body and soul frozen in time. I more than appreciative of the blessing I received. If it meant I'd be alive for an eternity.

" Yeah, nineteen or so. Puts it in perspective to how life can be taken, just like that." Ella says, clicking her fingers to make her point.

" Kinda reminds me of the story, you know, of how you survived being shot in the abdomen Ellie. Oh, I am sorry. Sensitive topic. Way to go, Lopez."

Ella face palms her head, profusely apologising for bringing the topic of my 'death' up.

" Don't. It's all good, I'm completely fine, with talking about it, E. Don't feel like you have to walk on egg shells when it's mentioned."

I tell Ella with a timorous, and a less than convincing, smile.

' I don't need to be babied. It happened and I can move on from it.' I take in my possession extra blue crime scene gloves, scanning the bedroom of hotel gleams apartment. " I will start looking for any stolen belongings, that might've been taken, from our victim."

I don't await an answer and instead I walked out into the luxurious lounge section of the hotel room.

Forensic experts were taking photographical evidences, softly talking amongst themselves, I kneeled on the deep crimson blood-stained carpet.

" You aren't fooling me, Darling. I have an astute inkling you are lying to yourself 'bout how you truely feel. You know, how you were.."

Lucifers sudden change of voice from his usual suave manner, and even if I have my enhanced depth perception, startled me.

" Sorry, Ellie."

" I'll be fine, Lucifer. It's nothing more than an excuse, for me, to get right into my focus on my line of work. Put my mind straight on what is more important which is my job. That way I won't have to think 'bout it."

I explained and I directed my attention on the pool of blood. The metallic particles, essence, encasing my evolve sense of smell.

" Besides. I ain't the first person to have been shot. I won't be the last." I chortle warily, dissipating my pain into an humorous response. " I will be fine, Lucifer." I repeated.

" That's not healthy, Darling. Even I know, of all things according to the minds and mental health of humans if I have learned from my time with doctor Linda, it's clear avoidance. I want you to talk to me." Lucifer presses on in his insistence, for me to talk, crouching down and holding my wrist. Sparks fly. I don't meet his troubled gaze.

" Don't shut me out. Please."

" I.. I said I don't want to talk about it. I'm fine. Talking isn't going to make it go away, Lucifer. It's a reminder I was living through my worst nightmare. Hell on earth. I was powerless. And relive those five seconds it.. it took Malcom to.. to take me and I couldn't escape."

Great, now I am breaking down in the middle of a murder crime scene. ' I can't be in here or be around these people. I can't have them see.. me like this.' Just as I thought, Lucifer follows quick behind each step I take are mirrored. He lead me into a vacant hotel room, unnoticed. I crossed my arms situating myself on an empty and freshly washed bed.

" I went out of there in hope to have space, you know, Lucifer. Not to be dragged into another hotel room. Why did... you bring me in here?"

Not that I minded how it was just the two of us. ' Woah. Slow down the dirty thoughts there, El. Sorry you had to hear that, big man.'

" because I didn't need to have a conversation, we'll share, eavesdropped on. And I wanted to save your dignity of showing your vulnerability 'round those humans. Angel emotions can be, let's say if history has proved us right, well.. we all know what happened."

Lucifer stated with a intropesrtive, marooned, quarter smile. He sat a couple of inches from my leg. " As the human saying goes, I've heard, I'm all ears. All yours."

' This new side of Lucifer, I've come to think I'll never see, is sweet. Human.'

A need to have a connection, and touch, overwhelmed me and I conjoined my hand to his sturdy built one. It remained quiet for which felt like hours before I start to talk.

" it all started when began doing my training at the academy. It was small, first. The Sargents yelling orders, and getting in our faces to get their point across. It reminded of.. it reminded me of how Malcolm would have a full blown outburst if I didn't listen or obey his instructions. He'd threaten to do one of those.. punishments he did." I felt a weight pressured harshly on my chest. " It.. it began as simple as a shake, to intimidate me, then it progressed."

" You know I don't like raising my hand, to you. What sort of father likes to strike and hit their little girl? If only you just listened."

I reel my face away, shameful. Malcolm's hand felt unnaturally sweet petting my purple, bruised, cheek.

" Such beauty tainted by the work of a dead man. But hey, whose fault is that. It's not mine." His cracked, charred, lips violate my scarred flesh kissing my 'pain' away. I cried.

I wanted this misery to come to an end, now.

I haven't admitted, nor have I told, anyone else the memory. Sorrow was weighing the heaviest on my thoughts. Humiliation. Fear. Seeing an emotion of fury flash in Lucifers eyes before he showcased his dark, malicious, red devil ones I shook my head.

" He's dead. Lucifer. I'm here."

" That treacherous, little, bastard. How dare he have the temerity to commit such a blatant, insidious, act of defilement. I'll bet he took sick pleasure, in treating you with such repulsive actions. I'll have his head for it."

He is convulsing in seething anger. He starts to disturbingly and demonically growl, eyes wide in a manically intense rage. ' Oh. No. This will definitely not end well. I need to calm him.' In a spare of the moment action, I crept on his lap and enveloped him in an embrace. This was an intimate experience I didn't realise we've never actually had. Yes, we have hugged. However it feels more personal. We are alone. Lucifer had calmed exceptionally fast. He lowered his head in the space of my chest sternum bone. ' Good.'

" I won't ever let no one hurt you again, Ellie." He murmured in my hair. " I promise darling."

I nuzzled my head, resting my eyes, on Lucifer. Content. ' I want to believe you, Luc. I really do wish I could.'

I don't ponder on it for too long, taking in the time to be close with him.

There's an indescribable, unspoken, change which is felt and I can't help but start to think this will be a pivotal time in our relationship.

I could feel it and I knew Lucifer did including.

~•~

A trip to a law firm Charlotte Richards, a lead suspect in the case we were building, founded came up with a lovers quarrel and a confession of infidelity in a time span of two minutes. The husband of Charlotte hadn't seen her, for three days, he was hoarding cocaine in his personal walk-in closet which was definitely a surprise.

Pounds of the stashed white substance were on the inspection table, finger print analysis that are helping to determine proof is displayed on a monitor.

" Thats a lotta coke. You think the attorney's husband was dealing?" Uncle Dan, handling another box load of the powdery and illegal drug, comments whistling.

" when I was talking to him I didn't get the sense he's.. the entrepreneurial type of guy. It's just strange. I only saw a depressed husband, whose wife is a workaholic and cheating on him. Not a dealer."

I replied, cautious to not accidentally cut open the cocaine bag.

" Doesn't make sense. How is it hundreds of pounds of this stuff, end up in a house like theirs. Why sell coke when you have the big house? Money? It just.. he didn't seem to lead on he is the one dealing it out."

Uncle Dan nods. " I agree. Maybe the kid, who was found in the room, was a street dealer. Or.. something. Working with the Richards." Uncle Dan says, making a good point. 'Discreet. But could have went south, I feel it did.' AFIS still scanning, for a match in the database, I cleared my throat.

" The box I assume has what does remain of the confiscated cocaine? Yeah?" I asked and I moved to open it. " Uh, this was a delivery for you, honey. Found it at your desk." I frowned, I wasn't expecting an online order from no one or company. Using a box cutter I broke off the sealant. ' What in the world is .. This..'

there in front of my eyes was dozens of white roses and a cursive note dedicated to me on top. ' Ellie.'

" Wow. You have an admirer, Honey. Read it." Dad encouraged. " This is.. wow." He replied.

I flipped open the piece of folded paper, reading the contents.

' Ellie, Darling.

I'm aware of your fascination for symbolism, and the importance of flowers, you have. I remembered your tiresome story, about the difference between a dandelion and a bloody dahlia, which I hate to admit I found interesting. That is beside my point, though. I wanted you to see that even in hardship you'll still flourish like a dandelion does in spring.

I hate seeing a poisonous weed, wither its way and dilapidate the internal and external beauty in you. Don't let a fungus grow in your garden, kill at its source, darling.

Your devil in shining armour. Lucifer.'

This was another beautiful sentiment Lucifer has done which left me speechless. ' All of.. all of these roses.' Uncle Dan groaned.

" Of course these are all from that dick. It had to be him."

I plucked on of the thorn-less roses smelling it, distinctly smiling.

JASMINE SPEAKS;

Lucifer sending those flowers, and their little moment in the hotel room, ugh. Get you a man who listens to you. To be loved is to be seen. It truely does make me feel single writing these.

How did you like this chapter? Lucifer being a romantic devil? And Uriel meeting Ellie?

Betty will be meeting Charlotte, the goddess, in the next chapter. I have to say I loved her even if she did and try hurt Chloe.

She will be different, with Ellie, but still canonically she'll try and do her in show business. Nothing will change it.