TW/CW: suicidal thoughts

Dear Daiki,

Hi. I missed you. A lot. I won't lie I do regret running away from you, but I thought (I still do) you'd be better off without having to deal with my sorry ass.

Anyways, this was supposed to make you not cry. Whoops, fucked that up too huh? Um, this should be the last time you hear from me and there's a few things I'd like to get off chest if you don't mind.

Here goes.

Do you remember back in high school, we were juniors, and it was December. Cold as fuck. Well, I'd left my scarf at home that day so you had given me yours. You're exact words (I remember this like it was yesterday) were "It looks better in you than me". Internally? I was a mess. I don't think you'll ever understand how happy that made me. I̶ ̶t̶h̶o̶u̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶m̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶a̶c̶t̶u̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶c̶h̶a̶n̶c̶e̶.

But then- I'm not sure why I thought I'd have a chance. You had the hugest crush on Zio back then (not that you still don't). Zio walked past us. You tried not to make it obvious (now that I think back you probably knew I like you), but you weren't good at that. You were... mesmerized. It honestly looked like I was watching movie where the main character had just found their love interest (which is pathetic, I'm not even the main character in my own head). I'd just about died then, so I said something about going home and I'd give you scarf tomorrow. I did.

A few days later, we played some games at my house. And subconsciously I guess before you fell asleep you kissed my cheek. God, I'd give anything for you to do it again.

About a week after that you finally had the courage to ask Zio out. Of course, it well and we'd started hanging out with him. This time Zio and I forgot our scarfs. You gave him yours (I don't blame you or anything. It just... hurts like a bitch that you chose him over me).

I grew to hate him. Hated everything about Zio. From his fucking friends to the near perfect relationship you two had. (This was when I started lying to you, saying I was too busy to hang out.) Don't get me wrong, Zio's a great guy, real sweet. I just could not find it in me to like him, at the very least hang out with you guys.

I do still like you. Hell, we're in our third year of college and I've liked you since sophomore of high school, I'd go as far to say I loved you. But don't feel bad it's alright, I get her you like him better. I get that, really I do.

I'm sorry. (God, I wish I were Zio. Anything for you to look at me like you do him.) You always told me not to do stupid shit until I've talked to you. Well, we haven't talked in five years before last weekend, so I'm counting this as talking to you about stupid shit.

I love you and again I'm sorry.

Reece

Reece tried to smile looking at the handful of Advil he had. Advil was some strong shit, if someone found him the doctors would know sure as hell it wasn't an accident. It worked fast too, Reece just hoped it was fast enough.

He swallowed the pills washing it down with a red bull he found in his mini fridge. No sooner had he finished the can was Daiki banging at the door to let him in.