Things that annoy me about Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier fanfics. First, let me begin by stating that I've never read Bucky/Steve fanfics, so I have no rants about them.

This isn't supposed to target any specific story, or to hate on anything. This is just my weird ass opinion. If you agree with some of these, however, that's fine, too. Also, this stuff isn't in every BB/WS fanfic, just most of the ones I've read.

Also, I wrote this before Endgame. Or even Infinity War. (It's been in Drafts for a looonnnggg time) I have not seen Infinity War or Endgame (I know, I know) but I basically know I lot of the major things that happened in them. I think? ....

But anyway, let's get started, shall we?

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He always gets a haircut. Leave his long hair! It's gorgeous! It's rivaling that of Loki and Sam Winchester! Leave it alone! Maybe give him some better shampoo and conditioner, but just let him keep his long hair, dammit! 

Sure, a haircut can symbolize new beginnings, or a return to self, but dammit I'm a sucker for a dude with long hair, so....

But if it's a healing process, I can't argue with it.

But long hair, man.

Anyway....

He always calls her doll. Ughhhhhhh. I don't know why, but this bugs me so much. 

I literally have no idea why. It's not even a bad thing. It's not a bad nickname, as long as she likes it. It's endearing. But it bugs me for some stupid reason and I DO NOT KNOW WHY.

And honestly, not knowing why it bugs me, bugs me more than the actual nickname.

He always slips back into Winter Soldier mode and starts choking her. Why is it always choking? Why not throwing her out a window, putting a gun to her head, a knife to her throat, or throwing her over a table? (Okay that last bit sounded dirty 😏😏, oops)

But, no, it's always, always choking. Every damn time. And I kind of get sick of it after a while. I mean, yeah, I can see why it's the "go-to", but try to find some other method of attack or something, not just choking!

And usually, the reason why he chokes her is because she wakes him up in the middle of a nightmare! Y'know, if somebody's thrashing around and screaming in their sleep, you probably shouldn't touch them. 

Especially, you know, if they are a highly trained soldier with killer instincts. Like, you know, an assassin? One with say, a split personality? 'Cause that might not be the best idea. Just sayin'.

And I know, I know, the MC's nurturing instincts and blossoming love for him are screaming at her to help him, but in the long run it just causes more damage because she gets hurt, he has even more guilt, and I have to read about it. 😂

The girl gets kidnapped and he has to save her. Thus facing his fears of fighting people, facing Hydra, and revisiting his past. And having to admit that he's in love with her. And usually sacrificing himself to save her. Like "take me, not her", but they're both somehow rescued in the end.

But it's fine.

Like, for real.

I'm just obnoxious.

He is sent to kill her, but, without even knowing who she is, suddenly decides not to. This one time. Randomly. 'Cause love. Duh. How does this make sense? I mean, why didn't he not kill all the other girls before? Huh? Why this time? And don't tell me love has no explanation or they're soul mates or something, just...why? Why this time? They're not even in love yet! I don't understand it.

Love fixes all!!!!! Love is powerful. But not that powerful. It can't undo like 70 years of brainwashing. I mean, Steve might help more because he's from before, but some girl Bucky's only known for a little while isn't going to magically fix everything. Sure, she can help him cope, but she's not a cure for extreme PTSD and all the shit Bucky's been through.

Steve is there for like two seconds. Like I said, I haven't read any Bucky/Steve fanfics, so Steve is shunted to the side. Steve is awesome! He's Bucky's best friend! Don't toss him aside! Grrrr. 

(A/N: As I said before, I wrote this before Endgame, so my opinions on Steve are...on the "real" Steve, from the Captain America trilogy, not weird, out-of-character Steve who abandoned the best friend he had literally fought for three movies to keep/protect. Yes I'm pissed about this)

Breaking down and sobbing all over the girl. I mean, yeah, he's damaged, but I don't think he would just break down in front of some girl like that, especially since in the 1940s (and still today, unfortunately) guys were supposed to be all "manly and hide their emotions" and crap.

And yeah, he might tear up or something, or his voice might tremble, but I think he'd try really hard to keep it in. He just seems that way to me, like the kind of person who wants to weep in private, you know?

But honestly, I'm a sucker for this so...I don't know why I'm complaining. Maybe it's the fact that he seems to be vulnerable around people too quickly in some stories. And I guess, being treated like a robot for years, having no true human interaction, would make you desperate to confide in someone, but I feel like, as much as he's been mistreated, he wouldn't be so trusting so fast.

 I don't know.

Opening up about nightmares in extreme detail. If I was having nightmares about the hundreds of people my mind-controlled self had murdered, I wouldn't tell anybody about it. If they tried to get me to talk about it I'd say I didn't really remember anything. Even though I did. And it haunted me every time I closed my eyes. 

I don't think Bucky is going to just start blabbing about all of the horrors he's remembering. He seems more like a reserved person, like he might say, "I remembered something", but he won't go into detail. 

But in a lot of stories, he goes into crazy specific detail like hair color, young or old, male or female, how he did it, all this stuff, and yeah he'd probably remember all that, but he isn't going to tell someone all that detail. He's gonna write it in his journal.

He picks her up like she weighs nothing. Okay, yeah, he's strong. And of course, all the love interests are tiny little 4'11" skinny ladies (which is fine), so to him she is very light, but if a dude suddenly picked me up "bridal style" - as it's nearly always described - I'd freak out and want back on solid ground. I have trust issues, people! 

So instead of always swooning and being like "ooh this is romantic!", maybe she could make him put her down. And he actually does. I don't know.

But I'm also a sucker for people being swept off their feet so...who cares if it's a tad overdone?

Slow dancing!!! This always happens. She turns on some song from the '30s or '40s, and they start dancing to it and they get all close and romantic and shit. Yeah, dancing is romantic, but sometimes these scenes get a little...old. To me, anyway. This is just my weird ass opinion. You do you, okay?

 I like it better if they go somewhere and there's dancing and she tries to get him to smile by dancing around in a silly way, and then they wind up slow dancing. 

It's just a lot less awkward than another "slow dancing in the kitchen, then staring at each other, turning pink, and trying to deny their love" scene. Ugh.

I'm not saying don't do it...I'm just saying I'm annoying.

He's super overprotective. This gets obnoxious. I'm like, yeah chivalry is great. Taking care of your lover is always great. 

But being so crazy about taking care of them that you won't let them go anywhere alone, you buckle their seat belt for them, and always chase them down and give them a jacket - well, that's a little annoying and clingy. 

However, overprotectiveness can be a sign of anxiety, and anxiety goes along with PTSD, and Bucky and PTSD are basically synonymous. But this just circles back around to the whole "She's his cure" thing because she's basically the entire world or all he cares about or something — which does make sense, yes — but I don't know, is just always seems to happen. And it gets a bit old after awhile.

But anyway.

Those little magic words. You know, something about a freight car (cue John Mulaney impersonating Mick Jagger saying "not funnay!") and seventeen or something...why doesn't he just hold his ears?? Haha, no I know it's serious, but these words always wind up in there. Which is fine. 

They're just always there and I hate them, so. That's why I mentioned them. But they're a good villain, I suppose, so it's fine.

All of this stuff is fine. I'm just annoying and nit picky.

The title always has something to do with:

Ghosts. He was a ghost, hiding in the shadows for decades.....

Winter. His heart was cold, his eyes like ice, blah blah....

Some weird word whose definition is the first thing in the description. 

Surreptitious (acting in a stealthy way). Okay, not the best word, but I'm too lazy to find a better one.

His eyes are always described as "icy blue". And yeah, he's the Winter Soldier, and I appreciate word play and all that, but blue eyes aren't always icy. 

Sometimes they're blue like a clear September sky, or blue like Andy's walls in Toy Story, or blue like a robin's egg, or blue like the deep, stormy sea. Not always icy.

 If you're trying to keep everything winter-themed because of his time as the Winter Soldier, call them a "cold blue". Or use words like frigid, raw, chilling, frosty, bleak, sharp. Even hawkish. Piercing. Penetrating. Intense. ALGID. Algid is cool (pun intended), it means cold, chilly.

She always calls him James while everyone else calls him Bucky. I don't know why this one bothers me, it's not even bad (none of these are bad, I'm just annoying), but I get so bugged by it....I guess I just like his nickname, I don't know. 

Like, "who the hell is Bucky?! His name is James now!!!!" And I'm like, "But James is such a common name (which is fine)! Call him Bucky! It's more unique!"

Now, I'm not saying these things are bad, just maybe a little overused. They're probably not even annoying to anyone else, but I'm just weird af and anyway....I've read plenty of awesome Bucky Barnes fanfics that include these "cliches" and it didn't ruin the story. 

These things aren't bad, though. I'm just weird. Like I said. Please don't be sad. Or mad.

Also, I just want you to know that every time I typed "soldier" it came out "solider". So that was frustrating. There's probably still a "solider" in there somewhere....