✧༝┉┉┉┉┉˚*❋ ❋ ❋*˚┉┉┉┉┉༝✧

I don’t want to accept it
I’m still missing you
How could I forget?
We promised

I don’t want to accept it
I can’t understand
How could I forget
the day you lied to me?

✧༝┉┉┉┉┉˚*❋ ❋ ❋*˚┉┉┉┉┉༝✧

It had been a year since the passing of Felix.

Chan sat by his piano, eyes stinging with tears as he played the melodic tune, which echoed off the keys onto the walls of the room. Trying so hard to keep up with the sweet tune, he mumbled lyrics of heartbreak. Alas, his sobs were way too strong, leaving his singing to become silent, whilst his cries only became louder.

He looked at his journal, pages filled with lyrics, scribbles, and tears. His fingers traced the rips of the previous page by the edge of the book, which he had so messily discarded due to his fit of rage.

He picked up his pen, hastily writing more lyrics down as the words came rushing into his head. He sat there for hours, writing; hesitating; crying; and losing motivation, only to go back to finish what he started.

Felix. He's doing this for Felix, his beloved. In the end, it'll be worth it.

Chan had spent his year working on this song, hoping one day it would fill the void within him. He knew deep down he would never be the same without Felix. At some point, he had lost hope, questioning why he was even wasting his time writing this song. It was to express his feelings, of course. Feelings he would never recover from. The only source of motivation he had was Felix's love for music. He reminded himself daily that music was Felix's escape from reality, and now, Chan had finally understood as it was slowly becoming his too.

Felix would've loved a song written for him, especially if it was composed by his lover, Chan. And Chan would have gladly written any song for his Sweetheart, and sung to his heart content, just to see the joy spread over Felix's freckled face at Chan's lyrics. This wasn't possible anymore. He wishes he could sing this song to Felix. Although, if it were possible, he was sure the meaning of the lyrics would be less painful, and so much more beautiful.

Chan looked at his journal once more, feeling bittersweet as memories flooded his head of the younger boy. More sobs escaped from his mouth, as he wrote the finishing lyrics to his song, which detailed the memories of what he experienced the past year without Felix.

His fingers fiddled over the keys of the piano, finding the strength to continue singing. His song was finished, and now all he had left was to perfect it. Although it was way easier said than done, Chan had finally finished his project, after another hour of tears.

He packed up all his belongings and closed the casing to the piano. He put his shoes on, grabbed his coat, and started to make his way to the bus stop. Once the bus had finally arrived, he hopped on, taking a seat at the back of the bus. He looked down at the journal in his hands, slowly opening it. His eyes scanned the many polaroids of the blond beauty; pictures from their dates; little love notes they snuck to each other during classes. You name it.

Felix had always loved to keep these small things as a memory for himself, feeling they were way too precious to just throw away. And how Chan was so very grateful he did but also saddened as he understood the true nature as to why they were never meant to be binned. Although he was assured that Felix would have kept them either way.

He turned the pages, his heart starting to feel heavy as his vision landed on the letter that Felix had left him before he had left this world. That was one of the last items Felix had left for Chan, and despite the letter holding so much pain, it also brought some sort of closure but at the same time, it didn't.

Chan saw his stop was near, quickly pressing the 'STOP' button to indicate he wanted to step off. He thanked the driver and made his way to the florist. He picked up Felix's favourite flowers, a colourful bouquet of hydrangeas, and made his way to checkout.

He walked along the pavement, holding the flowers and journal in one hand, whilst his other hand clutched the locket that hung around his neck. The sky was becoming darker as evening began to settle in, the sun nearly ready to take its leave. Chan had finally made it to his final destination of the day. Felix's grave.

The sun had set at this point, allowing itself to rest the same way Felix laid in his eternal bed, resting forever peacefully.

Chan had sat at the foot of his bed, holding the presents in his hands, whilst smiling at his lover.

"I'm back, my Love."