It was a month since the day Kaz had knocked on Dominic’s door, agreeing to the adoption and making Dominic and Ryan very ecstatic. As a “welcome home” gift, Ryan had bought Kaz her very own bedroom suite.  Something she’d not had before.  At her guardian’s place, she’d used a second hand bed during her stay there. Without being too explicit, Dominic had updated Kaz’s wardrobe, with more jeans and designer T. shirts.  Kaz loved them, but scolded Dominic for spending too much money on her.  No pressure was put on Kaz to attend church. Every Sunday when the Shaws and Ryan attended church, Kaz slept in, until Dominic returned, then they would prepare a family lunch together. Neither did Josh, her boyfriend put any pressure on Kaz to attend church with him.

All in all, Dominic was very happy to have Kaz around. Kaz could often be blissfully heard laughing with Mr. Shaw or robustly arguing with him about cars .

Some weeks later.  It was a Friday afternoon.Josh was sitting on the lush grass in the Shaw’s garden together with Kaz. They were playing music and having sandwiches and coke. Dominic and Ryan were in the patio, working on the guest list for their wedding. Dominic could hear Kaz giggling about something. She looked up and smiled, feeling so joyful to see Kaz carefree. Her eyes full of bright laughter these days. Even Kaz’s social worker hardly recognized Kaz anymore. She had transformed from the angry, serious, recluse to a bright, cheerful, beautiful out going young lady. Dominic looked down again, when Ryan informed her of another two colleagues from the local newspaper he’d like to include on the guest list.

‘Sure,’ Dominic smiled, adding the names to the already bloated guest list.

 She looked up again when she heard Kaz squeal with laughter. Josh was tickling her with a blade of grass. Kaz used the bottle of sparkling water next to her and sprayed Josh’s face.

‘Honey, I want your attention please,’ Ryan moaned.

‘Sorry,’ Dominic murmured and shifted in her chair, giving her attention to Ryan.

‘Kaz,’ can I ask you something,’ Josh used his handkerchief, to wipe away the sticky water from his face.

‘Ask away,’ she munched on her chicken sandwich.

‘Tell me why you have such an aversion to hearing about God.’

Kaz stopped chewing.  She tried to swallow the little morsel of food in her mouth, but it went the wrong way and she choked. Josh quickly patted her back none too gently, to relieve her air pipes.  Kaz coughed and sipped from the water. Dominic looked up with concern.

‘Okay now?’ Josh smiled.  Kaz nodded, she wrapped up her uneaten food and pushed it away.

‘Kaz, are you going to answer me,’ Josh prompted, using his index finger and thumb to force her to look at him.

‘No, okay! No!’Kaz stood up.

‘Why not?’Josh breathed heavily. ‘I feel there’s a burden you’re hiding from. Tell me why talking about God, makes you so angry Kaz.’

‘I said no!’Kaz raised her voice angrily.

 Dominic looked up with concern, hearing Kaz’s raised voice.  The pen fell from her hand.  She observed Josh lift himself up and reach out to Kaz. She hastily stepped back. 

Kaz could feel burning rage consuming her.  She wanted to run far away from Josh.

‘Talk to me please Kaz,’ Josh persisted, gripping her arm.

‘Leave me alone!  Leave me alone!’ Kaz screamed.

‘Kaz!’Dominic rushed down the stairs.

‘I want to help you,’ Josh gripped her shoulders.

‘Kaz!’Dominic called out, but Ryan stopped her.  ‘Ryan ___Kaz is not okay,’ Dominic pleaded.

‘Stay the hell away from me!’ Kaz screamed, oblivious to Ryan and Dominic on the steps. ‘I don’t need you,’ Kaz sobbed.

‘Ka__.’Dominic attempted to call out, but Ryan, placed his palm over her mouth. ‘Ryan ___please,’ Dominic mumbled with difficulty, with Ryan’s palm blocking her mouth.

‘Josh is on to something sweetheart. Allow him to draw her out.  Kaz needs to.  She is fighting something, it needs to come out.

Dominic was mumbling incoherently from behind Ryan’s hand, he very slowly removed it.

‘Give Josh a chance, sweetheart.’

 ‘Kaz, you can be set free,’ Josh urged.  ‘Bottling things inside you, can kill you. Talk to me. I want to help you.’

‘I don’t want to talk,’ Kaz yelled. ‘I want you to leave me alone.Just leave me alone!’ She shrieked.

‘Ryan!’Dominic cried out, when he refused to allow her to go to Kaz. ‘Can’t you see Kaz does not want to talk?’

‘She needs to Dominic,’ Ryan asserted.

Josh was fighting the same battle. He was holding Kaz by the shoulders refusing to let her go. His eyes were locked to hers, urging her to trust him, to release the demon that was killing her spirit.

‘Tell me Kaz,’ Josh murmured.  Let it out.’

She shook her head, not wanting to hear his voice, not wanting to believe what he was saying.

‘God loves you,’ Josh smiled.‘He wants you to be set free. You just need to reach out to him.’

‘Does He!’Kaz challenged.‘Maybe Your God loves you, but He certainly does not love me!’ Kaz sobbed.

‘God loves you,’ tears welled in Josh’s eyes.‘He wants to set you free.’

‘Oh yeah! Where the hell was your God, when my own father tried to rape me?’ Kaz screamed.

‘OMG! ’Dominic sobbed.‘OMG’ she repeated, this time using her own hand to cover her mouth.

Josh just stared, dumbstruck. He blinked and tried to re-focus, trying to absorb what Kaz had just uttered.

From the corner of her eye, Kaz could see Dominic and Ryan on the stairs. She shoved Josh away and ran as fast as she could to her bedroom and slammed her door shut.

‘Kaz!’ Josh called out. He wanted to console her. He wanted to take her into his arms pray over her and let her know, she was now free.

 Dominic jerked out of Ryan’s hold and ran after Kaz.

How could her own father have been so inhumane? How could he do that to sweet, dear Kaz? What the hell was he thinking?  Kaz could not imagine a father figure attempting something so brutal.

God put fathers on this earth to protect their children. Fathers were just stewards of God’s children. They had no right to violate the trust God placed in them.

‘Kaz,’ Dominic gently tapped on Kaz’s door. ‘It’s me Dominic.  May I come in___ please?’

All Dominic heard was sobbing from behind the door. ‘Kaz___please, may I come in?’ Dominic was sobbing on the outside.

‘It’s opened,’ Kaz mumbled between her sobs.

Dominic pushed opened the door and rushed in. She found Kaz on the floor, against her bed, her head hidden by her knees.

‘Kaz!’ Dominic whispered.

 ‘Now you know,’ Kaz sobbed. ‘Now you know that I am trash . I am worthless. I was just ___.’

‘No Kaz! No!’Dominic stopped her. ‘You are none of that sweetheart. You are worthy and beautiful and precious,’ tears streamed down Dominic’s face.

‘Really?’ Kaz sneered.‘So why did my own father try to violate me? Maybe I deserved it!  Maybe I needed the punishment.’

‘Stop it! ’Dominic drew Kaz into the folds of her arms. ‘Nobody deserves punishment. Nobody deserves to be ___violated. ’Dominic could not even bring herself to speak the word.

‘Then why?’Kaz shrieked. ‘Why did he do it?’

‘I am so, so sorry sweetheart,’ Dominic cried openly. ‘I do not have the answer. All I know is it was not your fault. It was not your fault,’ Dominic repeated, gently patting her hands down Kaz’ s hair, soothingly.

‘He ___was big and strong,’ Kaz whispered. ‘He came into my bedroom . I could not get him off me,’ she cried. ‘He was suffocating me!’

‘Hush sweetheart,’ Dominic spoke softly.

‘He tore my night dress off my body,’ she cried. ‘He___ said, “if___ if your mother can’t perform her duties then you must . He had no clothes on Dominic, not a stitch. He looked repulsive.’ Kaz looked into her eyes . ‘When he tried to remove my underwear, I screamed at the top of my lungs for my mummy.’

‘You did good sweetheart. You did good.’

‘I __ I don’t remember much after that. Everything happened so quickly. I just heard this loud bang and I screamed again, when I felt this hot blood falling all over my body,’ Kaz shivered violently.

‘Where was your mummy?’

‘In her room. Dad was always working late. He had his own motor repair shop.’

So that’s how Kaz knew so much about cars.

‘Mum drank a lot,’ Kaz murmured.‘She had said she drinks because my father was never around.  He’s claimed he stayed away because she was always drunk!’

‘You poor thing,’ Dominic whispered. ‘Do you have siblings?’

‘Nope.  I was the only one . With a drunk mother and an absentee father, there were no more kids.’

‘So ___where is your mummy now?’ Dominic asked the burning question that she had been itching to ask since the very first day she’d heard of Kaz’s case.

‘That night ___ she thought my father was an intruder. Without thinking, she grabbed my father’s firearm and shot him ___ dead with his own weapon! She’s in ___ an institution,’ Kaz mumbled. Dominic gasped.

‘Is that where you go to every Tuesday afternoon and Saturday morning?’ Dominic whispered, drawing Kaz closer to her.

‘Yes,’ Kaz murmured, ‘but she does not know me,’ Kaz cried. ‘She does not recognize me. ‘When I go there, she calls me; “nurse.”

‘Oh no,’ Dominic sobbed, hugging Kaz.

‘I try to tell her, it me Cassandra,’ Kaz swiped her hand across her teary face, but she says; “Oh nurse, you have a lovely name.”

‘Is that why you don’t want to use that name?’ Dominic smiled compassionately. Kaz did not answer.  She remained quiet.

‘It’s such a beautiful name,’ Dominic smiled.‘I love it.’

‘I loved it too,’ Kaz looked up into Dominic’s face, ‘but if my own mummy ___.’ Kaz left her sentence unfinished.

‘I’m so sorry for all you’ve endured Kaz. Losing your father and your mother being resigned to the institution, you have had to deal with so much on your own.  I’m so glad, God has sent you on our path___. Oh forget I said that,’ Dominic quickly added, not wanting to get Kaz started again at the mention of God.

Kaz smiled.‘I have Josh to thank for so much,’ she lifted her eyes to Dominic. He’s taught me self confidence.He’s taught me that there are good people on earth like, you, and your mum and dad ___’

‘And what about me?’

Kaz and Dominic looked up to see Ryan and Josh standing at the door. There was concern in Josh’s face, but Ryan was smiling, relieved that Kaz was over the worst.

Kaz looked at Dominic and giggled.  It sounded so beautiful to Dominic. She smiled and cupped Kaz’s face endearingly. Kaz turned to look at her boyfriend.

‘Josh,’ she rushed into his arms.‘Thank you,’ she whispered .‘You were right. That debilitating; lead weight I’ve been carrying around for the past two years, it’s gone.’

 ‘I’m glad,’ Josh murmured. ‘May I say something,’ he pleaded.

‘Yes,’ Kaz smiled.

‘God did not want you hurt,’ Josh began. ‘God would use any means available to protect the innocent.  Your mum made herself available to be used by God.’

Kaz let her arms fall, her hand covering her mouth . Kaz finally had revelation of this God that Josh loved so much.

‘So ___ the injustice; the crime; the violence, the poverty in this world, is it because the ones your God chose, have not made themselves available to be used by your God?’Kaz queried.

Josh gently nodded.‘Not only my God Kaz, yours too. He loves you as much as He loves me and the Lord Jesus,’ Josh smiled. ‘And there is nothing you need to do to earn God’s love. He loves you unconditionally.’

 Dominic walked to Ryan. She smiled up at him and slipped into his arms. Ryan drew her closer, hugging her. They were both so relieved that Kaz was finally rid of all her demons.  Dominic made a mental note to ask Kaz, if she would permit her to visit her with her mum, the next time she went.

 ‘I want to know about your___our God,’ Kaz breathed heavily.‘How do I get to know Him?’

‘I will lead you in a simple prayer,’ Josh hugged Kaz.‘Will you repeat after me?’

‘Yes,’ Kaz replied unhesitatingly.

‘Say, Lord Jesus, I repent of the life I’ve lead.’Josh began.

Kaz repeated that.

Josh began again, ‘Say come into my life Lord Jesus.I accept you as my Lord and Savior.’

Again Kaz repeated the prayer.

Josh continued, ‘Say Lord Jesus, cleanse me of all unrighteousness, teach me Your ways and remember me in the Lambs Book of Record.’

Kaz repeated that final prayer and raised her eyes questioningly.

‘“Lambs Book of Record?”’ she whispered.

Josh smiled.  Kaz heard Dominic and Ryan laugh softly behind her.

‘There is much we will all teach you Kaz,’ Dominic smiled, ‘but take baby steps.’

‘Oh and fire away any questions you have?’ Ryan invited. ‘We all had a million questions when we accepted the Lord into our hearts, you will too.  Never think any question is irrelevant or unimportant.  If you have a question, an answer can be supplied,’ that’s a promise,’ Ryan asserted.

‘Oh Kaz,’ Dominic left Ryan’s arms and hugged Kaz.‘I’m so happy for you.’

‘So am I,’ Ryan joined them and offered her a hug as well.’

‘And so am I,’ Josh cleared his throat, now may I have some time with my girlfriend.’

‘Not in the bedroom,’ Dominic warned.‘You can go back to the garden.’

They all laughed happily as Josh linked his hand in Kaz’s and drew her outside into the garden.

‘I thank God for bringing you into my life,’ Kaz whispered to Josh.

‘And I thank God for all he’s done in your life Kaz.  I cannot explain to you how happy I am,’ he smiled boyishly.

‘Umm___ Dominic and Ryan are staring at us,’ Kaz grinned.

‘I bet if we sneak behind the tree, they won’t be able to stare,’ Josh grinned.

It was Saturday afternoon Josh was in Kaz’s bedroom, they were supposedly doing their science project together, Kaz thought it appropriate to leave her bedroom door ajar. They could be heard giggling, laughing, and in conversation more than doing their science project.

‘Do you two need any help?’ Dominic found an excuse to check on the youngsters.

‘No thanks, Dominic,’ Kaz grinned, aware of why she was there.

No thanks, Ms. Shaw,’ Josh spoke simultaneously.

‘Josh___.’

‘Yes Ms. Shaw.’

‘Well ___ seeing Kaz calls me by my name, you may as well, outside of school.’

‘Thank you,’ he nodded, not yet bold to exercise the privilege.

‘Okay then, shout if you need help,’ Dominic reluctantly walked away.

‘Do you think Dominic would offer to do our tests as well,’ Kaz whispered, with a grin.

‘Highly unlikely,’ Josh smiled. ‘Let’s get going with our project.

‘That’s the third time you’ve said that,’ Kaz giggled.

‘It’s your fault,’ Josh laughed softly.  ‘Stop telling me those jokes.’

‘Oh, I heard this one in the nursery school yesterday ___.’

‘Kaz!’ Josh hissed.‘The project!’

‘Okay, okay,’ she relented.‘By the way you’re cute when you get cross,’ she teased.

Josh laughed, ‘You know something?’

‘Umm ___are you guys thirsty?’ Dominic was back in like twenty minutes with two cans of coke.

‘Thanks,’ Kaz hopped off the bed and took the cans.‘We’re still busy with the project,’ Kaz bit on her lower lip.

‘I see so,’ Dominic stared at the books. They had not done anymore, since the previous time she’d been there.

‘Refreshments time,’ Kaz smiled.‘Let’s take a break.’

‘Let’s take a break from what?’ Josh questioned .‘We’ve not done a stitch of work yet.’

‘I want to watch some motor racing on TV for about thirty minutes,’ Kaz pleaded. ‘The Grand Prix is about to finish.This is the most exciting part of the race.’

‘Kaz at this rate we’re never going to finish,’ Josh cautioned, even though he followed Kaz and slumped onto the couch next to her in front of the television. The race did not finish in thirty minutes like she thought.  It was an hour later that the race was completed.

‘Hey guys,’ Dominic strolled in again for the third time.‘Are you hungry?’

‘Yes please,’ Kaz answered.

‘No!’ Josh declined.We will eat after we’re finished.

Kaz glared at Josh and sulked.

‘We should be done in an hour,’ Josh announced, unperturbed by the deathly glares, Kaz was directing his way.

‘Fine, we’ll work,’ Kaz walked Dominic to the door.

‘I know what you’re doing,’ Kaz whispered to Dominic.

‘What do you mean?’ Dominic lowered her head guiltily.

‘You’re checking up on us,’ Kaz grinned.

‘I just came to see if you’re hungry,’ Dominic justified.

‘And before that if we were thirsty and before that if you could help with the project,’ Kaz grinned.

Dominic looked over her shoulder at Josh, busy drawing something from the text book.

‘I ___ just want to make sure you’re okay,’ Dominic finally conceded.

‘Do you know I’m still a virgin?’ Kaz whispered with a grin.

‘I ___ I ___ I don’t think that’s any of my business,’ Dominic’s face coloured profusely.

Kaz laughed. ‘You’re trying to protect me from Josh, aren’t you?’ she accused.

Dominic kept her head lowered.  She did not answer.

‘Josh is not like ___my father,’ Kaz murmured. ‘He won’t hurt me.’

Dominic’s head swung up, concern on her face. ‘I wouldn’t want anyone to take advantage of you,’ Dominic asserted.

Kaz linked her hands to Dominic’s. ‘I’m safe in your house,’ Kaz smiled.

‘I warned you, I will protect you like a mother lion,’ Dominic smiled.

‘Thank you Dominic,’ Kaz hugged her.‘I like you protecting me. I like it very much. Can I tell you a secret?’

‘Okay,’ Dominic inhaled wearily.

‘Josh promised his father, he would stay celibate until he married.  Apparently both his parents were, when they married.’

‘Oh!’ Dominic’s face was now blood shot red.  Kaz laughed.

‘I___ feel so stupid,’ Dominic grinned.

‘You’re amazing.Thank you for being in my life,’ Kaz held Dominic’s hands tightly.’

‘Go and finish your project,’ Dominic instructed.‘ Otherwise I’m telling your teacher, only Josh gets the marks and not you.’

‘What!’ Kaz pretended to be offended. ‘You’re supposed to be on my side!’

‘I’m fair and I don’t take sides,’ Dominic tried hard to keep a straight face.

‘Ms. Shaw, could Kaz and I go to the movies tonight, when we finish our project?’ Josh asked nervously.

He’d forgotten her allowance for him to address her by her name.

‘Sure no problem,’ she answered instantly.

Josh was surprised.With all the repeated trips she kept making to check up on them, he did not think she’d consent. He was surprised, but he was not going to dwell on it.

‘Thank you,’ Josh nodded.

‘Get back to work,’ Dominic instructed Kaz and disappeared from the room.

‘Yes, ma’am,’ Kaz teased. And Dominic did not return to check on them for the next two and a half hours that they focused on completing their project.

‘Finally we’re done,’ Josh stood up and stretched, exercising his arms above his head.

‘Yep, finally,’ Kaz sighed, walking up to Josh and wrapping her arms around him.

Josh looked down at her and smiled.

‘You are such a wonderful person Josh,’ Kaz hugged him.

‘So are you,’ Josh grinned, returning the hug.

‘Ready for our movie,’ Josh smiled.

‘I don’t mind what we do, as long as we’re together,’ Kaz whispered.

‘You stole my line,’ Josh laughed.‘I hope you’re always going to feel that way.’  

                                                                       -the end-
AUTHOR'S NOTE:

If you feel an emptiness in your life and need God's guidance.  You can give your heart to the Lord Jesus Christ, as Kaz did and God will fill you with His Presence. 

Say the same prayer that Josh used to lead Kaz to the Lord.

God loves you.  He wants to have a relationship with you.  (*__*)