Phil

   The boy next to me continued his drawing of the majestic beast. I noticed that he had the biggest smile on his face. It was the first time I had seen him actually smile this whole week. I liked it. Later on, (Y/N) returned to the room.

"Hey guys, where's PJ?" She asked, flopping down on her own bed.

"Uh . . . I'm pretty sure he went to the cafeteria," Dan replied, shrugging.

"Yikes. I pray for the staff." (Y/N) chuckled, "Hey, do you guys know how to play 'Cheat'?"

"Yeah, actually," Dan said, putting down his notepad. I nodded in agreement.

"Oh, wait, how are you going to play Phil?" She frowned.

"I have an idea." Dan picked up his notepad again and handed it to me, along with his pen. "You can use this to communicate, okay?"

I gave him a warm smile and grabbed the items from him. (Y/N) set it up, splitting the deck into three piles and giving each of us one, and the game began.

/I'm not gonna bore you with some card game/

•

"I think that's the dinner bell," PJ spoke up.

"Of course that's what you would wake up to, you dumbass," Dan laughed, walking towards the doorway.

Our game had long since ended and we were doing our own things. I was reading again, Dan and (Y/N) were talking, and PJ had been sleeping. We all filed out of the room and into the dinner line. The way we got food reminded me a lot of my high school cafeteria. We would all have trays and go down the line, picking out the food we wanted. After all, this was a recovery home, not a prison. At least not to me.

"There you go Phil," one of the lunch ladies, Dorris, said as she handed me some fries. I smiled at her and gave her a thumbs up.

After I had gotten all I wanted, I walked over to a table where (Y/N) and Dan were already talking at. As I was walking up, I heard a part of their conversation.

". . . shut up. What about you, Howell? Got a little thing for someone here?" (Y/N) smirked at him.

"Well . . . Maybe."

Suddenly, Dan looked over to me and I saw a full blush spread across his face. I sat down next to him, knowing that I looked the exact same. I pretended to not have heard what they were talking about and smiled, waving at (Y/N). She gave me a questioning look, but decided to leave it for now.

     I pointed to the empty spot next to her and shrugged. "Where's PJ?" she asked. I nodded.

     "Uhm, I think he wen-"

     "Hey guys! Sorry, I couldn't choose which dessert I wanted . . . So I got both! Then my ADHD kicked in and I started talking to Dorris about sheep. It was nice. Then she reminded me that I have friends that I needed to sit with so here I am!" PJ rambled on and on.

     I gave a little, but silent, giggle. Everyone around me did the same, but theirs came out as loud laughter. Sometimes I envied this, the fact that I chose not to speak meant that I couldn't make jokes with my friends. It hurt, but it would hurt so much more if I had to talk . . .

     "Now, if you don't mind me asking, this whole time I don't know why Phil is here." Dan turned to me, a curious look on his face.

     I shook my head. I couldn't tell him. I hadn't told anyone. And I wasn't about to start today. Maybe PJ knew, because he talked to the nurses a lot. His ADHD let him make many friends, unlike (Y/N). She was very preserved and only really talked to us guys and her councillor. She said that she was fine and that she didn't mind, she liked us as friends. But I could tell that she was just itching to talk to everyone.

     "He doesn't like to talk about it. Then again, he doesn't like to talk in general so . . ." PJ gave a half-chuckle.

     Dan sadly nodded and went back to eating. Without Dan noticing, PJ gave me a questioning look. As if to say "Can I please tell him?". He knew. But that was okay. I mouthed the word "Later" and looked down to my own food.

•

   I was reading peacefully as (Y/N) was writing some kind of poem on a notebook she had. PJ and Dan had left not to long ago for reasons I didn't know, but I had an idea of what it was. About ten minutes later, Dan came almost sprinting into the room. He grabbed me by my shoulders and pulled me into a tight hug. I could feel his tears soak my T-shirt, and I suddenly burst out crying. I had barely thought about what happened all that time ago, blocking it out of my memories.

I felt comforted for the first time in a long time.