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“Not that I don’t love having you over, but usually you wait until you’re actually invited.” Ben teased, with his arms still holding me up. They had snaked around me when I bumped into him and had prevented me from falling right on my bum.

It had been Ben’s house that I had just walked into. Not mine.

I knew that I couldn’t risk Dean meeting my parents, so I decided to stop a few houses short of my own. Ben had been a neighbour of mine seen we were kids. I knew where the spare key was hidden and knew that it would solve all my problems. With all the times I was over here as a kid I had almost become an adopted member of the family. I knew that they wouldn’t mind me stopping by and Ben’s mom, Lily, had been wanting to see me for ages anyway.

“I’m sorry Ben, it was kind of an emergency.” I said apologetically, quickly turning and looking back out the window for Dean.

“An emergency? Are you alright?” Ben asked, moving so that he was next to me peering out of the window. He obviously saw Dean’s retreating figure walking away from us. “Was that guy bothering you? Did he follow you home? Do you want me to do something about him?” Ben asked, concern and anger leaking into his voice.

“What? No!” I said, quickly waving him off. I appreciated that he cared about me but I didn’t need him to protect me, not from Dean.

“Well, then what’s going on? Who was that guy?” Ben asked, his tone still slightly harsh.

“He’s someone I met the other day. We just ran into each other again and he walked me home.” I explained, a small smile slipping onto my lips thinking of how literally true that statement was. We did actually run into each other. Well, he technically jumped on me, but that’s close enough.

“Then why did he walk you to my house? Are you scared of him knowing where you live and coming back and stalking you or something? You can tell me if you are, you don’t need to be embarrassed about it. You know I’ll always look out for you.” He said, gripping my shoulders and spinning me around to face him.

I could tell from his expression that he was serious, but I couldn’t help finding it slightly amusing thinking of Ben trying to take on Dean in a fight. Ben had never thrown a punch in his life whilst Dean had probably been fighting since he was a child. That was a fight that wouldn’t last long. And it would end up with Ben on the floor.

I made sure that none of my amusement showed on my face though because I knew Ben’s anger came from a good place and it was only because he cared for me that he was now glaring down the road where Dean’s silhouette had disappeared.

“Ben, I know that you’ll always have my back but I don’t need you to defend me here. I’m not scared of Dean. He wouldn’t hurt me.” I said placing my hand on his shoulder. I loved that he cared about me, I really did, but I didn’t need a guard dog.

“So then why didn’t you let Dean walk you to your door then?” Ben asked, spitting out Dean’s name like a dirty word and wrinkling his nose in distaste.

Ben was like family to me, and I was the same to him. He had always been more of a brother to me than a friend. We had grown up together. I had spent the majority of my childhood at his house. I could understand him worrying about me. I would do the same for him. But his accusatory tone was starting to anger me. I didn’t understand why he was getting so annoyed by this. I already told him that there was nothing for him to worry about.

“You know what my parents are like. They would have taken one look at his black uniform and slammed the door in his face.” I said, honestly.

Ben knew that my parents weren’t the most understanding of people and I told him more about what went on in my house than anyone else, but he still didn’t know even a fraction of what my parents were really like. He didn’t know how they treated me. He just thought that they were hard people to impress, which I guess is true, but that is a bit of an understatement. I’ve been trying to impress them for 18 years and I still haven’t done it.

“WAIT! He’s in DAUNTLESS?” Ben cried out incredulously, his eyebrows rising under his hairline and his eyes almost popping out. “You befriended someone from dauntless?”

His reaction surprised me, and I was momentarily stunned into silence. I had expected that sort of reaction from my parents but I didn’t think Ben would be so prejudiced as well. What did he have against dauntless? I knew that our factions weren’t exactly the best of friends, given that one loves peace and the other loves fighting, but I always thought that relations between our factions weren’t that bad. I knew that most people in amity didn’t get along with those from candor, but I didn’t think we were the same with dauntless. I thought that our whole ‘be kind’ philosophy would stop us from being prejudiced against all other factions, but I was starting to think that maybe I had been wrong.

“Yeah. So? What’s wrong with him being from dauntless?” I asked, frowning.

“He could be dangerous, that’s what’s wrong! Everyone knows that the dauntless are always itching for a fight. What if he took that out on you? You don’t even know the guy, how can you be sure that he won’t hurt you? And they’re all reckless. They’re going to get themselves killed doing the stupid sh*t that they do, and I don’t want any of them dragging you down with them!” Ben all but shouted. I could tell that he was panicking and he seemed to be getting angrier and angrier with every word that he said.

“Ben, calm down, he’s not like that. Dean’s nice and he’s not going to hurt me. Please stop worrying for no reason.” I said trying to calm him down.

A small voice inside me was telling me that I shouldn’t have to try and explain myself to him. I didn’t need to run my decision by him or need his approval. It wanted me to shout back at him rather than just stand there and take the abuse he was hurling at, not only Dean, but also an entire faction.

But I didn’t listen to that voice. That wasn’t how someone from amity would react. And although I was only talking to my best friend I knew that I still couldn’t act how I wanted to. I couldn’t be myself. I needed to fit in. I am a part of this faction and I have to act like it.

“I am not worrying for no reason! This is a brilliant reason to worry! You’re running around with someone from dauntless who you don’t even really know and you expect me to trust that nothing is going to happen to you!” Ben cried incredulously.

“I expect you to trust me.” I retorted, the anger starting to seep its way into my voice despite my best efforts.

“I do trust you, you know that.” Ben sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“Well clearly you don’t! Because if you did, you would also trust my judgment.” I snapped. My annoyance was now on full show. I wasn’t even trying to hide it anymore.

Ben sighed once more, dropping his shoulders in defeat. He could see that I wasn’t going to give in on this one.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I do trust you. I just worry about you sometimes.” He said in a tired voice, pulling me back into a hug.

I let him, knowing that he needed one. It was difficult for him to see me putting myself in a ‘risky’ situation. He wanted to look out for me and I was grateful that I had someone in my life who would do that.  

But when I pulled away and looked back up at his face I could see the tension in his eyes. He still wasn’t happy. He wanted to keep on pushing the matter, but the amity in him told him to calm the situation down.

It was in his nature to back away from fights, and he was doing that here. He still didn’t agree with me but he wasn’t going to argue it anymore because he was an amity and they keep the peace.

I suddenly felt exhausted, the excitement from earlier and this argument with Ben had finally caught up to me. All I wanted to do was go to sleep, but I knew that I still had one more obstacle to get through. My likely to be very angry parents stood between me and my bed. I wasn’t sure that I had the energy to put up with their shouting. Maybe I was going to be so late that they’d already be in bed. But a quick glance at Ben’s hallway clock told me it was way too early for them to be in bed.

“It’s ok, Ben. You’re only looking out for me. And I really love that you do that.” I said honestly. “I just wish you’d understand you don’t need to save me here. Dean isn’t going to hurt me.” I noticed Ben’s eye twitch at that, but he didn’t make a comment, for which I was very grateful. “I should probably go back to my own house now. Sorry for just barging in here.”

“You know that you’re always welcome here.” Ben said rolling his eyes, and waving off my apology. “Did you want to stay for dinner? I’m sure that my family wouldn’t mind. You know how much they adore you and they’ve been complaining that they haven’t seen enough of you recently.”

“Thanks for the offer but I really should be getting back, my parents will be waiting for me. But tell everyone that I said hi.” I replied smiling and pulling him in for one last hug.

I was slightly disappointed to be leaving. I always loved having dinner with Ben’s family. The Newtons always made me feel at home when they were around. They were just so different from my own family. They were chatty and funny and were so nice. The Newtons were a proper amity family whilst we only pretended to be one.

But I knew that I couldn’t stay. I had already made my parents wait long enough. They would be really pissed off by now. I was kind of scared to find out what awaited me when I got home. I couldn’t remember the last time I had been this late.

By now I’m sure that they’ve already eaten without me, but they were still going to be angry.

It was with hesitant steps that I left Ben’s house and trudged the final 20m to my house.

I stopped and looked up at the building. I really didn’t want to go in there.

It looked just like any other house on the street and that’s the way my parents wanted it to be. But what went on inside would never happen in any other house in this faction.

I slowly turned my key in the lock and poked my head around the door, trying to see where my parents were. I couldn’t see them anywhere. Hope surged in my chest thinking I would be able to make it to my room without confronting them, but that was soon crushed when a shadow appeared in a doorway.

I turned around to face my father, wincing. I knew he was going to be angry at me.

Angry was an understatement. The look on his face was one of pure rage. And it scared the crap out of me.

My mother soon joined him in the door way and her expression was icy.

“It’s nice of you to finally join us.” She said in a clam voice that showed no emotion whatsoever.

“Where the hell have you been?” My father roared.

The two reactions were at odds with one another but that was why I think my parents worked so well. They shared the same goals but their methods of getting there were different. My mother didn’t get angry and shout, she was just cold and distant all the time, whilst my father exploded in fits of anger. They balanced each other out perfectly. I just messed up their balance.

“I-I was finishing something up at work.” I stammered, quietly. I purposefully left out the part where I spent the afternoon riding a train with a stranger from dauntless. I knew better than to go around mentioning Dean in front of my parents. They would definitely not approve.

“That is not good enough!” My father shouted, taking a step towards me. I mirrored his actions with a step back. He didn’t strike me often but it has been known to happen when he was really angry so I thought it best to stay out of reach to reduce the temptation.

“I know. I’m sorry.” I said, staring at the floor intently, wishing it would swallow me up.

“You know when we eat. You know what we expect of you. Why is it so difficult for you to stick to that?” He yelled again. But this time he didn’t come any closer, causing me to say a silent thanks to whomever might be watching from above.

“I’m sorry.” I say again, hoping that if I keep my answers short he’ll leave me alone.

I am slightly surprised when it is my mother who speaks next and not another yell from my father.

“We have already eaten without you. Your meal went cold and so has been thrown out. You have already wasted one meal today so you will not be getting a second.” She said in a voice so detached that I wondered whether she felt anything at all. The lack of emotion felt like a sucker punch to the gut.

How could my mother care so little about me?

I tried to think of the last time I had ever seen her smile because of me, but I was drawing a blank.

It must have been years ago ...

If ever

“You heard your mother, get out of here!” My father shouted. I snapped myself out of those depressing thoughts and ran to my room as fast as I could, I didn’t need to be told twice.

Once I was in my room I leant my back against the door and slowly slid down it until I was crouching on the ground.

All in all, that hadn’t gone too badly.

Admittedly they did shout at me and I now had nothing to eat, but it could have gone a lot worse. And they could have dragged it out longer.

I looked at my bed adoringly and crawled towards it. I clambered in and the soft, warm covers surrounded me in a cosy embrace.

Despite how tired I was, I couldn’t shut my eyes and try to sleep. I just stared up at the ceiling with a massive grin on my face. My palms were still stinging from where I’d landed on them earlier and I was aching in places that I didn’t know I could ache but I was still smiling like a mad woman.

I had never had so much fun in my life and it was all because of Dean Collins.