In a previous life...

I was always a simple man, with a simple wish. I had secrets, more than most, but this fundamental thing about me never changed. Even in the underground world of spies and intrigue, my heart always yearned for one simple thing to be happy:

A family.

When I first met Helda, I didn't know she was the daughter of the Lord of the estate I lived on. I came across her one day, standing in the gardens, a beautiful girl with a bright, kind smile. I felt nervous, having never seen such a pretty girl before.

"Do you like flowers?" I asked her, my heart in my throat. Around her I felt foolish, tongue tied.

"I love them!" She laughed at my question, and I couldn't help but smile.

We met frequently after that, despite the differences in our statuses. We spoke of many things, gradually learning about each other, our lives, of our hopes and dreams.

___________________________

"What do you want most in life?" She asked me one day, stroking the blue flower I had given her earlier.

"I want to be happy." I grinned at her. "Family, friends... if I had people who truly cared for me, I wouldn't want for anything else."

"A family... what about your father?"

Her question dampened my mood, and I frowned as I thought of the overly serious man working in the stables.

"He doesn't care about me much." I tried to keep my tone light. Truthfully, my father hated me. He often complained about being stuck with me after my mother had died, and about how useless I was. I didn't say that, however. I didn't want her to think less of me. I just wanted her to smile at me like she always did.

"..." Despite my efforts, an awkward silence stretched between us. I looked down at my lap, only to be shocked when a small delicate hand reached over and grabbed my own.

"I care about you." Her soft words stuck a chord in my heart, shaking me to my core. I looked up at her, unable to hide the emotions in my eyes.

I loved her.

Even without a mother or father, perhaps I could build a new family. One that I loved and loved me in return. I smiled at Helda, blinking back tears.

My dream was coming true.

___________________________

SLAP!

"You brat! You were sniffing around the Lord's daughter!" My father's hand struck my face with force, knocking me to the ground. I spat out blood, having bit my tongue in the impact, and shakily climbed to my feet. The flowers in my hands were trampled on the ground, and I stared at the ruined blossoms in dismay.

"I love her."

"She's beyond your reach, fool. Stop dreaming!" His sneering words made me angry, but before I could retort he through a small bag at me.

"The lord has already given his order. You are to leave today, and never return."

I clutched the pack, stunned. My father was turning me out without hesitation, just because the Lord had seen me bringing flowers to his daughter?

What would they do if they knew how close we truly are? Suppressing this thought, I took the bag and left, writing to Helda what had happened.

___________________________

A few weeks went by, but she didn't respond, causing me to panic. I sent letter after letter until finally her maid sent me a message, describing her condition.

"You're pregnant?"

I went to see her, sneaking into the estate and finding her alone.

"Run away with me, we'll make a life together." I was nervous, excited, my hands shaking as I tried to reach out to hold hers. "I may not have much, but I will love you and our child with all of my heart.

My hands grasped nothing but air. She stepped away, out of my reach, shaking her head. I felt pain in my chest, my blood freezing in my veins at her distant expression.

"You can't give me what I want." Her voice was cold, unfamiliar. Was this the same girl who held my hand and told me she loved me? What had happened?

"What do you want?" I begged her. "I'll do anything to make you happy." I was fired up, ready to go to the edge of the world and back for her. I would make this work. I would make a life for us. I could already see a wonderful future, with her and our children...

"A title. Can you give me that?" Those two words crushed my spirit, extinguishing my naïve dreams. No matter how hard I worked, I couldn't make my blood more noble. It was not a true request. It was a rejection.

"But... our child..." My words cracked.

"Will be raised as the child of a noble. It has nothing to do with you." She stepped even further away. "So please stop approaching me. Stop writing me. Pretend you don't know me. Don't ruin my chance at happiness."

She walked away, leaving me broken hearted behind her. I couldn't speak, could barely leave. The feelings we shared, the dream of a family... were worthless to her in the end.

I snuck back out of the estate, never to return home again.

___________________________

Starting a new life wasn't easy.

I found that there was money in secrets, and although it required some dark deeds in the shadows, obtaining and selling those secrets soon made me a force to be reckoned with in the underworld of the Capital. I gathered a team, infiltrating all areas of society. The little white lies, the darkest secrets, I knew them all and would sell them for a price.

But no matter how hard I worked, how much money or power I gained, it didn't change the fact that I was alone.

Helda married right away, and was given a title and a position in society just like she always wanted. She gave birth to a daughter... our daughter. I gathered all the information I could on her, watching the young girl who seemed to love flowers, just like her mother.

Raewynn. My daughter.

I passed the years by, watching my child from the shadows, despairing of the remnants of a dream that still haunted my heart. But it was too late, I had lost my chance at family.

Or so I thought. Until I met her.

___________________________

The first time I saw that girl, I couldn't help but reach out a hand towards her. I was walking to a meeting, and happened to pass by a young beggar on the streets. I had seen countless before, I knew I couldn't save them all, so I tried to look away, hardening my heart. But after once glimpse, I already found that she was impossible to ignore.

Despite the dirt that covered her, the fatigue that clearly showed on her face, and the too-thin frame, her eyes stared right at me, studying me curiously. They were bright, intelligent, but buried within her gaze was a sense of anger and grief incomparable with her age. I paused, despite myself, and looked down.

"Poor thing, you starving?" I spoke up softly, and her eyes narrowed, watching me more closely. She seemed to be in good health besides being malnourished, and seemed smart enough to be able to be useful. I made up my mind instantly, holding out a hand to help her to her feet. "You can work for me, get back on your feet."

She studied my hand, distrust clearly written on her face. Something flickered behind her eyes, and I couldn't help but wondered what had happened too a young woman to cause such a sad look.

"Why would you help me?"

I shrugged. I wasn't completely sure myself. "Who knows? Maybe in another life you can pay me back."

A silly joke, one that meant nothing. How could a young girl ever help me out, even if we met again in a different life?

___________________________

"Again."

The girl glared at me, the expression vicious. "I've already done it a thousand times."

"Can you even count to a thousand?" I handed her back the throwing knife with a grin.

"Easily."

I laughed. Her words were forced through gritted teeth, I had a feeling that if I kept pushing her, the next target for the throwing knife might be me. Every day she was louder, more self-assured. Watching her actions and expressions slowly match the brightness I had initially seen in her eyes made me feel happy. The girl was quicker than I had expected, picking up skills and knowledge at a speed that left me amazed.

THUD

The knife flew from her hand with practiced ease, striking the center of the target with a solid sound. The girl let out a cheer, jumping up and down .

"Good job!" I complimented her without thinking, and she froze in place, her eyes wide with shock. I laughed at her expression.

"Why are you acting so surprised at a simple compliment? You worked hard. You deserve it."

She shook her head. "I've always worked hard. That doesn't mean people will care." The pain I sometimes saw hidden in her eyes was clearly visible. At the sight, I felt a slight tug in my heart. Forcing a smile, I reached out and ruffled her hair, ignoring her annoyed reaction.

"I care." I paused, and stepped back. "Which is why it should be perfect. Do it again."

"..." She stared at me silently for a few moments, and I wondered if she would revolt. Instead a bright smile lit up her face, startling me.

For a moment I thought of my daughter Raewynn. Did she smile like that sometimes too? As I struggled with my thoughts, she had already gathered the throwing knifes and positioned herself farther away from the target.

"I'll do it perfectly then."

___________________________

Each day the girl grew more confident. I found myself struck by her intelligence and hard work. After only a few months, she was one of my most talented runners. The air around her changed, becoming less suppressed and angry to one more bright and cheerful. I watched her change day by day, amused at how such a thin, quiet girl had become so different.

One day I overheard two of my men talking:

"That girl keeps taking all the best jobs. Should I teach her a lesson?"

"Idiot! She's Rig's daughter! If you mess with her, he'll kill you!"

"Ugh, I'm glad you said something, I'll steer clear."

I watched the man run off, a smile tugging at my lips.

My daughter?

I had investigated Lenora when I first picked her up, of course. Her story wasn't pretty. To start so high up, a valued and treasured daughter of the duke, only to be thrown away and lose everything. She must still be hurting, even if she never brought up her family or her old home. The more time I spent with her, the more I felt a kindred spirit from her, a special kind of loneliness that searched for a family.

A daughter like her... wouldn't be bad.

I treated her with special interest from then on, teaching her everything I knew. She learned things quickly, especially when it came to business negotiations and threats... even I was scared of how talented she was in that regard. She stayed by my side more and more, and I couldn't help but feel proud of her as my adopted daughter.

Finally, one day, I took her to see Raewynn.

We sat in a tree, watching the smiling girl in a flower garden. In a quiet voice, I explained my history with her mother, and the girl's identity. Lenora seemed to stare at her with great interest, almost falling out of the tree in her haste. I reached out to hold her in place, but was barely spared a glance by her before her attention was focused on Raewynn once more.

When we came back home that evening, she was still smiling. "You should tell her!" She jumped up and down with excitement.

I frowned, shaking my head. "I'm not sure, she might not be happy to hear the truth." In my heart I still remembered how her mother looked at me the day I asked her to come with me... like I was disgusting, worthless. I felt a brief moment of fear, at the thought of Raewynn looking at me like that as well.

"But you're amazing, much better than any silly earl! She should know who her real father is!" Lenora smiled warmly, pulling on my sleeve. "I know I would want to know."

Really? The dream I thought I had abandoned so long ago stirred to life in my chest at her few words. Would it really all work out so neatly? What if it did?

I made up my mind, sending a letter to my young daughter. In it I explained the truth of who I was. The moment it left my hands, I felt panicked. What if she was too young to understand, she was only thirteen... I agonized over it for days, until finally a reply was sent my way.

Both she and her mother wanted to see me.

I was overwhelmed. The letter seemed to imply that if the meeting went well, they would consider running away, starting a new life together.

Had Helda regretted her decision that day? She wanted to be a family again? Part of me was hurt and angry after her betrayal, but I couldn't contain the yearning that sprouted deep within me.

A family.

Was it really within my reach?

I left Lenora behind, telling her that if we left, I wanted her to come with us. She may be grown, but I had come to regard her as my daughter. I didn't want to leave her behind.

"You can be part of the family, have a younger sister..." I smiled as I told her, "I can't run off without both of my daughters, now can I?"

She cried into my shoulder, promising to wait for me to return. My spirits raised, I headed towards the meeting point, happy.

My family.

My dream was coming true.

___________________________

Once I arrived at the promised spot, however, there was no one else there.

Was I too early? I felt uneasy. I had honed my instincts on the streets these past years, my gut told me something was wrong. I knew, I should get out of here, quickly.

But if I turn and run away, what if I miss them? I hesitated, unwilling to lose this chance...

But I hesitated just a moment too long.

A blade pierced my chest, the sound reaching my ears before the pain hit. I grunted, shocked, slumping to the ground, a weak hand lightly clutching at the handle protruding from me, my fingers slipping on the surface slick with blood.

"Is it done?" A voice I knew better than any other, even after all these years spoke up. I closed my eyes briefly, not wanting to open them, not wanting to see the person in front of me.

"Yes." A stranger, a man, answered her.

"Finally." She let out a sigh of relief, and unwittingly I opened my eyes and saw her.

Helda.

She knelt down, looking at me with a cold expression. "You should have just let the past go, Rig. You're lucky I found the letter first. I can't risk what you know getting back to my husband. Did you tell anyone else?"

Lenora. I shook my head resolutely, denying her question.

"Hmph." She stood up, studying me closely. "To be safe, track down his people, and kill them."

The man who had stabbed me shook his head. "That wasn't part of the deal..."

"I'll triple the amount." She shook her head slowly. "Just get rid of them."

Helda walked away, never once looking back at me.

The masked man stared at me with a frown. "Sorry friend, at least your friends will join you in the afterlife." He reached down, pulling out the knife. I felt my entire chest become soaked with blood, my vision going dark as he left me behind too.

I just wanted to be happy. I wanted a family.

I thought of their words, tears filling my vision as I realized that Lenora might be harmed. The bright girl, who had just learned to laugh again. Who just started to smile after so much pain. Who was so lonely that she cried at the thought of being a part of my family... What would happen to her?

"Lenora." I whispered the name, feeling pain, feeling regret.

My daughter. I'm sorry. I have to leave first.

Please be happy, find a new family.

Please...

"RIG!"

___________________________

In another life...

"RIG!"

I opened my eyes, having fallen asleep by the window, startled awake at the sound of my name. Blinking, my thoughts scattered, I looked around, only to stop my gaze on the young woman standing before me, my breath catching within my chest.

"You look beautiful."

Lenora stood there, her hands on hips, a smile tugging at her lips as she rolled her eyes at the compliment.

"I would hope so, given all the work Marile and Erica have put into this!"

She turned around, showing off the flowing white gown, the golden trim shining in the sunlight pouring through the window. She was always lovely, her appearance bright and confident, but today she was stunning. Her clothes and hair were carefully styled, an excited blush coloring her cheeks.

A beautiful bride.

I stood up, giving her a tight hug. "Nate is a lucky man."

She grinned. "You two gave him a hard enough time when we first got engaged."

"How else is he going to know how precious you are to us?" I shrugged. "If I didn't like him, he wouldn't still be standing, prince or no."

"I know." She reached out, touching my face gently. "You and Hallers both defended him against his parents. It meant a lot to him."

I looked away. "They should know they have a good son." I muttered. It's true that Hallers and I both had many long "talks" with Nate after the engagement, which he took in good spirit. But the moment we saw his father make a disparaging remark against him... Hallers was the first to crack.

"Prince Nathaniel is the finest young man of his generation, you are foolish if you don't recognize how lucky you are to have him as your son!" The words the normally stoic butler shouted out that day still shocked everyone. I had stepped up as well, agreeing loudly.

Nate, his eyes teary, had simply hugged us both, thanking us quietly. A good man, a little quiet, but he was kind and intelligent. More importantly, he made Lenora happy. He was accepted into our odd group without issue after that day.

"Thank you, Rig. For everything." Lenora's words brought me back from my thoughts. I looked at her for a few moments, feeling I had to ask one last time.

"Are you sure you don't want your father to give you away?"

At my question her face grew cold, her normally cheerful gaze growing harsh. "The old duke? He is not my father. Not in any way that matters." She shook her head. "Rig, in both lifetimes I've lived... you've always been there for me. You won't leave me now, deny me having my father with me on my wedding day, would you?"

I smiled. She often spoke about a past lifetime, one that I never remembered. It was strange to hear about. I knew from what she had told me that I had cared for her like a daughter then as well. It seemed almost too much to believe, but no matter my thoughts, I couldn't help but be grateful that it caused her to seek me out in this lifetime.

"Of course not, girl. We'll take care of you."

"Good!" Lenora clapped, "Before the ceremony, I have a surprise for you!" She leaned out the window, looking outside while chuckling. "And it looks like it's just arriving!"

"A surprise?" I was a spymaster... I didn't get surprised. Curious, I turned as she walked past me, opening the door to her rooms with a flourish.

I paused, completely shocked.

"Hello... father." A young girl, thirteen or fourteen years old, stood in the doorway, watching me with a shy expression. I knew her... how could I not? I had spent years watching her grow up, hidden in the shadows of the garden.

"Raewynn?" I choked out the name, barely able to speak, then turned to Lenora. "How...?"

She answered my unfinished question with a smile. "You hadn't had a chance to see her since coming to Tilendria with me. I know that you said you would be fine, just hearing reports on her wellbeing, but how could I ignore the sacrifice you made to help me?"

She stepped forward, taking Raewynn's hand with a smile. "Due to some... arranged circumstances, I have been able to correspond with Rae regularly, and as we got to know each other, I invited her here to come to my wedding... And see our father."

Father. The word repeated in my head over and over, I could barely breathe.

"Arranged circumstance?" I didn't recognize my own voice, my mind was racing.

"You know how much Raewynn loves flowers, and learning about their uses?" Lenora waited for me to nod, before continuing with a satisfied grin. "Well, I arranged for her to learn under a master gardener."

"Hello cousin." the new Duke of Armeny, stepped into the room behind the girl, smiling. "I brought my apprentice, as you asked."

"Henry!" Lenora hugged him tightly, then stepped back to show him her gown. "What do you think?"

"Hmm... we're missing something." He looked her up and down with a serious expression.

"Roses?" Raewynn tugged on Henry's sleeve with a grin.

"Too traditional. How about lilies?"

"Not enough color." Both of them were excited, getting into a lively debate before deciding on peonies. Henry ran out to grab a potted plant from the carriage while Raewynn inched closer to me, a curious expression on her face.

"You both are ridiculous." Lenora smiled while watching her.

Raewynn shrugged, still staring at me. "Flowers are amazing, you just don't appreciate them enough."

"I don't think it's possible to appreciate them as much as you and Henry." She patted Raewynn on the head. "Now talk with our father for a bit, he's still in shock." Looking around, she sighed. "I have to go get Hallers. He's been crying ever since he saw me in my wedding dress."

"Hallers?" I couldn't help but be skeptical. That stone faced man could cry?"

She grinned. "Take your time, you two." I realized just how much effort she must have made to arrange to bring Raewynn here without raising suspicion, and felt a warmth in my chest. I stepped closer, hugging Lenora tightly.

"Thank you."

"Of course." She whispered back. "We're family."

Family.

I sat down to talk to my daughter, waiting for the wedding to begin. A smile stretched across my face and for the first time in a long time, a weight seemed gone from my shoulders.

___________________________

The time for the wedding to begin arrived. Hallers finally calmed down, taking his place to the other side of Lenora as we brought her to the wedding hall. The Queen, a beautiful smile on her face, wiped tears from her eyes as she hugged Lenora tightly.

"Mother." Lenora's voice sounded muffled, as if she were holding back tears.

"I'm so happy for you, dear. My daughter's wedding day."

I agreed with the Queen, looking down the hall where a nervous but clearly happy Nate stood, shifting in place as he tried to catch a glimpse of his bride. Henry patted him on the shoulder, pointing at some of the wedding decorations, obviously complaining about the flowers. We walked Lenora towards them, Raewynn scattering petals ahead of us, Erica and Marile supporting the bride's train behind her, both grinning from ear to ear.

Hallers, the Queen and I all took turns kissing our daughter for good fortune, before placing her hand in Nate's. I stood off to the side, watching the couple speak their vows of love, my heart full.

The bride and groom kissed, and I cheered with the rest.

This strange group that gathered around Lenora, we were more than simple friends, people brought about by chance. We looked out for one another, cared for one another.

A family.

What more could a man ask for?