Chapter 27: Talking it out

One and a half months later....

****Caroline's POV****

My heels clacked against the old granite stairs as I headed to the common room. With 3 heavy books nestled uncomfortably in my right hand, I just wanted to lay them down and get back some energy with strong coffee. I had gotten into Oxford and so had Aaron. What a coincidence!! It had been two weeks since college began. We were here, at Lincoln College. I was doing the Diploma Art Design and Media level 1 course and it was way too interesting!! As a first year, I didn't have a hard time making friends. In the beginning few days, I was the topic of discussion what with all the earlier buzz but since I officially had broken up with Hayden, all the gossip eventually stopped.

I broke up with Hayden via text. I know what you're probably thinking. I wasn't being a bitch. Well, that wasn't my intention. I knew it wasn't the most classy move rather a very douchey one but I couldn't really woman up and tell it to him to his face. I knew if that would happen I would never be able to tell him what I really wanted to say because let's face it, the guy had a way of drawing a person in just with his stupid eyes and I was in no mood for that sort of shit.

After I sent him the text, there was complete silence from his side since I never got a reply back and it legit made me so panicky thinking of the possible bad things he must've done to himself because, not to brag, the guy was freaking crazy about me!! Aaron tried to calm me down and, not to mention, he was by my side throughout all of this which was really sweet and supportive of him. It could also be that he wanted to get rid of Hayden as soon as possible, but anyway. Aaron helped me get rid of Hayden's gifts or anything I had that screamed 'Hayden!'. After a week or so, I got a call from Hayden and I sincerely thanked the heavens for not letting him do anything stupid.

I didn't answer the call, though, and it went straight to voicemail. Hayden's voice was so hollow and lost that I felt so bad for doing this to him then remembered what state I was in. His voice cracked during those two minutes and it was only, "Why...w-why...what...happened..."

If Aaron didn't tell me to woman up and consider my feelings and the shit I put Kevin through and what situation he and I were currently in, I would've continued feeling sorry for Hayden. This was going to happen eventually. Hayden had to bear with it and learn to move on.

So after that day, I continued receiving a lot of calls from Hayden but didn't answer any of them. I wanted him to hate me so that he could move on faster. I knew I would be losing a great friend in him but if that was the price of helping him move on, then so be it. I wanted him to live a better life and not be stuck in the past.

But it seemed like Hayden never got my message. After realising that I wouldn't answer his calls, he even went to the extent of calling Aaron who just blocked his number after getting irritated with his continuous calls. I guess I would never be able to patch up those two.

Hayden showed up to my place more than once and all those times, he would just continue ringing the bell while we would ignore him and tell our parents to do the same. My parents were really happy that I had broken up with him. Who even liked him in my family?!

"Hey, douches!!" I commented as I slumped on the chair. Clarisse was doodling in her notebook and acknowledged my presence with a grunt. I chuckled at her and smacked her forehead to which she stuck out her tongue.

"Look at you both! So mature already..." Aaron mumbled as he rolled his eyes with a mischievous smile while eating his croissant.

"Oh shut up, grandpa! You don't know how to live life." Clarisse retorted, her pencil poking the tip of his nose.

"Don't know to live life?! Ouch. I know it better than you, love. Learn from the boss." He replied while wiping his mouth.

Rolling my eyes at their immature banter, I stood up and took out my purse to get me some coffee which I so desperately needed. I had been working on this canvas for days and I had had too many sleepless nights!!

A wrist holding my hand stopped me. Huffing, I gave Aaron my 'iamtiredofyou' stare.

"Pwease will you get moi a sandwich? A grilled cheese sandwich to be precise?" He pleaded with his ridiculous puppy dog eyes.

"Aren't you full with that croissant?" I asked.

"Darling, I can't be. Sports persons have a huge appetite. We work out so." He replied smugly.

"Look who's acting all mature now." Clarisse teased and we all chuckled.

"I've my moments." He did a hair flip and we all burst out laughing.

The 4 of us hit off a few days after college began. I didn't mention the 4th one, did I? Well, that was because he hardly made his presence noticeable. Like for example, right when Clarisse and Aaron were having their stupid banter, George [that was his name] thought he would rather continue reading This Was a Man by Jeffrey Archer rather than commenting on what they were arguing on. And trust me when I say this that George really had a way of throwing in such sassy comments that you would want to run off to Alaska in embarrassment. Don't ever land in such a situation...

It was a blessing that he preferred giving his undivided attention to his book rather than to those two idiots. George and I were in the same year, taking the same course. He was just doing the level 2 since he was a GCSE student. Clarisse and Aaron were in the same year as well although they took up different courses. Aaron was doing his Diploma for IT Users Level 1 and Clarisse was doing Beauty Therapy Level 1. Clarisse was my official makeup artist and hair stylist. She exactly knew how to make a zombie like me look presentable. She also gave my hair a ginger tinge and got me side bangs. Goodbye blonde highlights and brown hair. I had to say, though, the colour suited me and I looked really good with those bangs!

Some students around the room were staring at us. Some with jealousy. Others with admiration. I wouldn't blame them for looking at us like that. We had our reasons. Most of them were on their phones taking full advantage of the WiFi while a few girls and boys were playing on the Xbox. A familiar brunette who looked pretty yet bitchy walked up to our table and swept her hand against Aaron's shoulder while giving him a sideways glance with a wink and strutted out of the room.

"Now that, is your cue to go to the Janitor's closet or some dark secluded room and heavily make out with her." Clarisse sang in a bored tone while checking her nails.

George snickered. "Want to go, bruh? Want to do the deed??" He teased with puckered eyebrows and a stupid grin.

Aaron gave a nervous laugh while messing his hair. He was embarrassed and the messing was such a giveaway. I sat down as I eyed him.

"You make it sound so boring, dude!! "Want to do the deed??"" He imitated the way George said it and the 3 of us burst out laughing.

"But seriously," Clarisse continued after the laughter died down.

"She has been flirting with you ever since you got here, dude!! And now she's legit giving you an open invite to make out!! Why aren't you accepting the offer?? You secretly gay or something?"

Aaron's cheeks grew a tinge of red as he cleared his throat and gave a sheepish smile. The 3 of us were watching him carefully as he shifted nervously on his seat. I wanted to come to his rescue but the tiny sadistic part of me was having fun. His pleading eyes gave me a quick glance but at that moment, the telepathy was working but I just wanted to see how this went.

Knowing I wouldn't come to his aid, he sighed and stretched his hands, shifting closer.

"I'm not gay and I'm, I'm not interested in her. I don't want to goof around." He replied, looking down and then back at Clarisse.

"You got a girlfriend or you like someone else? What is it?" George continued.

He swallowed nervously. "I, I've a girlfriend."

Clarisse and George exchanged surprised glances and turned to give their attention to me.

"How come you guys haven't mentioned this?" She demanded, accusingly, while shifting glances at the both of us.

"We just...we..." Aaron stuttered. I sighed. This was difficult for him. He called Abigail his girlfriend but until he could meet her and sort things out, it would be extremely tough for him to say where they were at. I couldn't bear seeing him like that.

"Alright! Time for that grilled cheese sandwich you wanted!" I announced, totally out of the blue, as I stood up. Clarisse and George kept staring at us with blank expressions as I tugged onto Aaron's hand and made him get up as well.

"I don't think I've enough cash so come along, Aar." I said and he looked at me in puzzlement yet relief as we walked our way to the counter.

"You're welcome." I stated, my eyes scanning the menu.

"Yeah, thanks. It just got a tad uncomfortable back there. I don't know if I'm ready to tell them." He confessed, his eyes looking earnestly at me. I clasped his palm in reassurance and he gave me a smile.

"Tell them when you feel like it." I answered.

Nodding in agreement, we turned our attention to the barista who was busy preparing a mocha.

"One grilled cheese sandwich, please." I requested. I was about to unzip my purse but Aaron already beat me to it. I rolled my eyes at him as he shrugged with a grin.

"Caroline Donna Stewart?"

Aaron and I looked behind and saw a blonde haired bloke standing next to the nearest table looking at me with a crumpled note in his hand. He seemed like a first year.

"That's me." I replied.

Smiling, he walked towards me and handed me the note. Aaron scooted closer to take a peek at the note.

It read,

"I must see you. Please don't say no. You can yell at me if you like but I want to see you.

-Hayden."

My eyes grew wide as Aaron huffed next to me.

"Doesn't take no for an answer, does he??" He retorted while taking a bite of his sandwich.

"Where's he?" I asked the guy.

"He's waiting at the Starbucks next to campus." He replied.

"Starbucks?! Are you for real??" I questioned. Why Starbucks out of all places?! We could get unnecessary attention for all I knew and that was the last thing I currently wanted!!

The guy shrugged his shoulders. "My duty was only to inform you. Sorry."

Aaron chuckled at the boy's response and I elbowed him in return.

"You're supposed to be on my side." I pointed out, looking accusingly at him.

"I'm on your side. But do you want me to go and give him my peace of mind right now? Now that he has travelled all the way here, just go and talk to the bloke and finish it off. Tell it all to him." He encouraged.

Sighing, I realised the time had indeed come to speak it all out to Hayden. I knew this would hurt me like hell because the explanation mainly included the story of Kevin and I which I didn't want to be currently nostalgic about since Kevin gave up on me. Taking in a sharp breath of air at the memory, I gave my attention to the boy.

"Thank you...?"

"Keith." He answered with a smile.

Nodding, I bade a goodbye to Aaron who just gave me a thumb's up and walked off to the Starbucks right outside campus.

The Starbucks on this street gave a very antique glimpse throughout. It felt nice to come here. Aaron, Clarisse, George and I would come up here whenever we grew tired of the coffee in the common room. There were a few old teak tables with green almost rusty chairs outside the doors of the café. I immediately spotted the table I was looking for. At the last table, under the maple tree, was sitting a guy wearing a black bucket hat and black Ray Bans. Hayden was definitely trying to blend in and not be easily spotted. He was sitting stooped, his chin almost touching his folded arms.

"You could've just picked some other place, you know?" I greeted with a nervous chuckle as I took a seat.

He pushed his glasses a little away from the bridge of his nose and tired lost eyes greeted me. Giving me a small smile, he pushed them back in place. I diverted my attention, not being able to digest what I was putting him through. I knew I was again behaving like a Mother Theresa but there was too much hurt in those eyes!!

Get a grip, Carol. You're in a much worse situation. He needs to get over this. Remember, don't focus on the eyes, my conscience reminded me.

Getting a grip, I turned my focus back to him.

"Do you want to order something?" He asked.

Anything to make this less awkward would do.

"I'll have a mocha."

"Cool. I'll just go give the orders." He replied and walked into the café.

Heaving a breath of air I didn't know I was holding, I began looking around when my phone buzzed.

Cried like a cry-baby yet? How you holding up?

-The King.

I rolled my eyes at Aaron's text and quickly put the phone away after seeing Hayden come up to our table with our orders.

Placing my drink in front of me, he sat down. A few seconds of awkward yet slightly comfortable silence stretched.

"So no one recognised you at all till now??" I asked, to initiate a conversation.

He shook his head, smugly. "I'm acting the part well."

We continued drinking. Silence kept on stretching.

'Lord, please get me out of this mess!! Please get this over with!!' I internally chanted. I seriously wanted to run away!! This was getting way too awkward and we hadn't even started yet!!

"Ginger suits you. So do the bangs." Hayden commented.

"Thank you." I replied with a smile.

Again silence.

"So Hayden, let's not prolong this. Let's just talk it out." I initiated.

He seemed a little taken aback like he wanted to delay having this conversation.

"Oh, okay." He replied.

I shifted closer to the table and cleared my throat, ready to begin.

"Hayden, that night at Avondale Park...when you told me the entire truth, I didn't know what to say. I know I behaved like a bitch to you by totally cutting you out and hurting you in the process but I had my reasons, didn't I?"

"Just like right now." He stated monotonously.

"Hayden, listen to me. I acted out on the basis of what I saw. You would've done it too if you were me." I reasoned.

Sighing, he shrugged. "Maybe..."

"No, listen to me. I need to speak. I told you I had another guy. It wasn't like you didn't know." I whispered the end of the sentence.

Rubbing his forehead, he leant forward.

"So this is about that guy, isn't it?" He asked.

"I'm not done yet." I stated. I needed a lot of strength to do this. This irked my entire being.

"I made the deal with you only and only because I felt like a bitch." I continued.

He snorted. "So basically, it was a pity deal. Great."

I banged my fist on the table in frustration. Couldn't he let me fucking finish?! This was harder than I thought it would be!!

"Calm down..." He soothed.

"No! You aren't letting me fucking finish!! Can't you let me finish speaking and leave your inconsiderate comments for later?!" I seethed in response.

"I'm letting you speak, Caroline. All I'm stating are realisations that now make sense." He answered.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Don't judge already. Hear me out."

"So back to the deal." I continued.

"It was meant to be a one month thing and we were almost coming to the end of it but your actions told me that you weren't following the terms properly."

He scooted closer. "What's that supposed to mean?" He asked while sipping on his coffee.

"I don't know. I know we wanted to make things special but you were taking it to a whole new level, you know?? You were serenading me the whole damn time while all along you knew that I had another guy in mind and too much of it wasn't part of the deal!!"

"But it was working, wasn't it?? You were falling for me again." He whispered, pushing the glasses further away from his eyes. His eyes were reading me and I felt exposed.

"How dare you?!" I spat. He rolled his eyes, leaning on his back.

"You actually thought I would be acting like just a friend to you the whole time?! Carol, I got an opportunity to get back with you!! To be yours again!! Do you know how that made me feel?? You've no clue!! I had been dying for that moment!! So I decided to make every moment I spent with you special. Truth be told, I wanted you to forget about your other guy." He confessed, saying the words "other guy" with such distaste.

Tears welled up my eyes with distaste towards him. Sure he serenaded me. Sure I was confused about this whole deal. But after what happened between Kevin and me, I wanted to blame him for all of it.

"Great. What with that happening, the guy I r-really like, he's...he doesn't want to hear from me anymore...How...h-how could you...I..." I began stammering which turned into heavy sobs. I looked away and rested my face in my palms.

A hand slowly and carefully began caressing my shoulder and my sobs only increased. A chair made slight screeching noises as it was pulled close to mine.

"Hey...I know that right now I'm the one person you hate the most and I hate myself for doing this to you. I seriously had no idea that you really liked this guy. I can say that...that I'm sorry. But...Carol...you can't put all the blame on me, can you?" Hayden asked, earnestly. He had removed his sunglasses. My tear stained messed up face stared right back at him and he took that as his cue to continue.

"I mean, by agreeing to the deal you were actually agreeing to the risk of getting caught by the media. That was the major problem here. So...I don't think all of it was my fault. If it weren't for the media, the guy wouldn't have known."

I wiped away my tears and looked back at him. He made some sense. I couldn't blame it all on him.

"To tell you the truth, I was confused as fuck. On one hand, I wanted to make good memories with you because I was such a bitch and we didn't end things in good terms. I was so meaning to get everything right that the fact that we could get caught by the paparazzi didn't occur to me. Also, even when we were dating, you always made sure nothing like that happened so I guess I just trusted you. And then when it did happen, I kept cursing myself and started becoming really nervous of how I would explain it all to Kevin. I was scared of what he would think of me. And guess what?? He tried reaching out to me. Not to demand for an explanation but to just hear from me about all that was going on. And what did I do?? I never responded to any of his calls because I was just so fucking scared of losing him that I eventually did end up fucking losing him." I ended with a humourless laugh.

All was silent for a while as we dwelled in our own spaces.

"So the name's Kevin, huh? What is it that makes him so special if you don't mind me asking?" He asked, unsurely.

Sighing, I wiped away the last fresh tear that tumbled down my wet cheek and smiled into the distance as though reliving the memory. It hurt. Like hell. But it made me alive. It made me aware that I had something so special that I would do anything to save it...

"Kevin is the greatest gift I've had." I started. Pain flashed on his face for a second but that disappeared as quickly as it came and he gave me a reassuring nod to continue. His sunglasses were back on as he leant on his chair.

"You see how you're listening to me? You can't see me in colour. You can see me in certain hues. But my voice. What I'm saying means something to you. You're judging me on my words and not how I'm looking through those glasses of yours. You see how black your sunglasses are? That's Kevin's world. He taught me that love has no boundaries and limits. You can love a person no matter their supposed flaws and you must appreciate them for who they're. Put his riches, fame, talent and looks aside, and there'll you get a genuine human being. Someone you know who'll stand by you and will love you forever. He's all I could ever ask for..." I trailed, my breath hitching in the end. I was in such a daze as with every word, I was reliving his every laugh, his smiles and the way we got along, that I didn't notice Hayden staring at me in shock with his glasses now resting on the table.

"Woah...That was...deep...You...You expressed yourself in such a way...You must really love him..." He confessed, earnestly. I nodded, smiling at him as tears welled up my eyes again.

"But...why did you say that the colour black was Kevin's world??" He urged, his features contorted with confusion.

"Because...he's blind." I said.

That led to an eerie moment of silence where I just watched his reaction. He was so shocked that his eyes had grown as wide as saucers! Gulping, he continued.

"You're kidding, right?!"

"Why would I joke about something like that??" I asked.

"Woah...woah...woah...All this time...All this time we were hurting a blind boy...Shit...What was I even thinking..." He began rambling and I silenced him by grasping his wrist.

"I don't want you pitying him just because he's blind. Treat him like any other human being." I stated. He nodded in understanding.

"But, Carol...How...Where...When..." He stuttered while looking at me with awe.

"I shall tell you everything." I smiled and began my tale.

I told him everything. Just like how I had explained it all to Aaron. I told him the entire story which even included what happened between Kevin and me over the phone.

There was silence for a while. The sky was turning a darker shade of blue. I tugged at my jacket tighter to keep warm. The silence this time was comfortable and I felt relieved after explaining it all.

After taking a sip of my mocha while Hayden was staring at his empty mug, he finally spoke up.

"I'm sorry I did this. I really am. My pain is nothing as compared to what he's going through!!" He said.

I gave him a small smile as I clasped his palms reassuringly across the table.

"I told you. All of it is not your fault."

"Well, some part of it is. I'm sorry for being selfish. God, your story...it's heart-warming...and the situation you both are in now...it's...it's heartbreaking...but what're you going to do about it??" I was really glad that Hayden was being understanding. It made me happy that he was trying to be supportive.

"I don't exactly know what I'll be doing but I'm not giving up on him!! I'm sure he hasn't completely given up on me either because in reality, we felt something when we were together. There was this spark that we normally see in movies and read in books, you know?? We just gel so well!! I'm planning on surprising him by going to the US or something but I don't know when he'll be free and I don't want to seem like a burden." I said, sorrowfully.

He was silent for a few minutes. "Why not explain yourself to his best friend first? What was his name again? Riley??"

"Yeah..."

"Yeah. So tell him everything. He'll help you out if he's an understanding guy and if he thinks it's the best decision for both Kevin and you." He suggested.

I thought about it. He was right. I could talk to Riley about this but the thing was, I wanted to fix this on my own without getting anybody else involved. But I would still give his suggestion a thought. I had a feeling that Abigail knew nothing about this because from all her conversations with Aaron, what I gathered was that Kevin loved me a lot which meant she had absolutely no clue. She had also told Aaron that she wanted me to call Kevin and explain myself to which Aaron told her that he would explain everything to her later. I guessed they didn't inform her because she lived in a completely different continent and they didn't want her to start getting worried about Kevin. They might've also not told her because Aaron was in talking terms with her again.

The memory literally stabbed me so I tried grinning at Hayden. He couldn't see the tortured inner me and so he smiled back. A genuine one.

"I know I've been a douche till now but what I want is to make it up to you. I can help you through this." He offered.

"That's very sweet of you, Hayden. But right now, the less you're involved, the better. Plus, I want you to completely move on. We can then decide after that." I replied.

He understood what I was implying and smiled. I returned the smile and placed some bills for my drink and a little as tip while he did the same.

"So I guess we're good now?" I asked as we were walking back to the campus's gates. I had to wait for Aaron to pick me up. I had just texted him.

"Yeah, we're cool." He replied and gave me a hug which I returned.

"So I'll go, then. Will you be fine here?" He asked.

"Yeah. Aaron's coming to pick me up." I answered, checking my phone for the time.

"Oh, alright. I guess I'll leave before Aaron, 'The Big Brother Monster' comes." He chortled and I laughed along with him.

"I'm sorry you guys don't get along." I confessed.

He messed his hair and smiled. "We might. You never know."

"Right."

"Fine, then. Bye!! All the very best and sorry once again." Hayden wished as he began walking backwards.

"Thank you and I'm sorry too. Good bye!!" I wished back and after giving me one last wave, he turned around and began walking away with his hands shoved inside his jacket's pockets.

Holy macaroni!! That didn't end pathetically...Well, this was a start...

-----------------------------

Hey everyone!! I'm back as promised and I told you I was indeed working on the chapter!! This chapter took me a while to write and I'm sorry I left you all waiting. I know I suck at keeping promises since in the last chapter I had said that I would be posting chapters every Thursday but unfortunately, that didn't work out so well. Anyway, I was happy with the end result of this chapter since it's a pretty important chapter. I can finally tell you one thing that I'm sure of and that is...Part  1 of this book is soon coming to an end. Say in another...4 or 5 chapters??

I'm so thankful to each and everyone of you for helping me have a smooth journey with this book that I'm now almost done with Part 1!! I hope that you'll support me and not give up on me for Part 2 as well... :)

I want to take the time to thank and appreciate each one of you for openly showing me how much you're liking the book. It truly makes my day!! <3

Thank you so very much for getting this book 7583 reads and 214 votes!!!! I love you all wayyyy too much for this!! 

There've been some of you who've gotten in touch with me on here, Messenger and Instagram, and your amazing comments make me really happy!! Thank you for treating my book as special as how I'm treating it. It feels like we're all a family now. Like a proper Wattpad family and I'm proud to say that!! :D

This was my gift to you all on New Year's Eve!! It's a 12 page chapter, the longest I've written yet for this book...Pheww...But I hope you liked the gift!! 

Was the wait worth it?? ;)

Also, I've to get something else to your notice. As I already told you about how much I suck at sticking to promises, it shouldn't come as a surprise that I won't be able to update on every Thursday from next year onwards. My first year of college boards are beginning from the 18th of February and I've to start preparing for that. :( But I'll be back soon. I'll be back by March since my last exam is on March 4th. I'm hoping that you'll be patient and won't give up on me. 

I promise that Part 1 of the book will mostly be completed by April. I'm aiming for that becuase it has been way too long and I'm lagging behind...

So see you all in March!! 

I hope you've an amazing New Year and that you'll face it like a bawse!! ;)

Love you all!!!!