But those stars don't reach back, they're better left alone.

A/N: reminding you one more time, read this only after you've completed the main fic and make sure it's before the epilogue.i'll be doing an FAQ about all 3 parts of the fic once the epilogue is posted.

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It started when I was about seventeen, I think.

Mother had sent me away to the Academy when I was 16. They didn't like to admit it then, but that was what they did with the kids who they thought didn't have a future. The losers. The ones who didn't have enough talent or courage or whatever to make something of themselves. So they made somthing of you instead.

The truth is, her wife was the one that convinced her to do it.

Not that I disliked her, no, but I think she had it out for me. Apparently singing and sitting in my room drawing all day wasn't how she envisioned her child spending their life. So when I wouldn't do what she wanted, I suppose the easiest thing for her to do was send me away.

So there I was, attending the Academy, assigned to a major that would best suit my "abilities". They told me I was going to be a pilot. More specifically, an explorer. They told me it would be my job to fly to nearby star systems and research and report on what I found there. And if I found life, I was never to make any form of contact with it.

Despite my anger from being sent away like that, the idea of being able to explore the stars intrigued me, and it was one of the only things that kept me going.

At the Academy they taught you everything you would need to know to be successful in your major. The most important in my case being how to pilot a ship.

After a year of practicing, I was confident enough to go exploring on my own.

I think that's where I made my first mistake.

Well, in my opinion it wasn't a mistake. It was the best damn decision of my life. But anyone else from back home would tell you otherwise.

Not to mention I still had three more years of training left. But that's beside the point.

When I was seventeen, I decided I was going to get a head-start on my career. I snuck out of my dorm in the middle of the night, with nothing but a backpack and my sketchbook, and stole one of the practice ships.

Like I said, best damn decision of my life.

And that's how I ended up on Earth. I can't say how I found it, I just flew in a direction that felt right until I finally came across something. Though that route would become very familiar to me later.

The second best decision of my life, and what many would say was an even bigger mistake, was landing there.

I met Lindsey in one of those places where all the human's go to drink things and listen to loud music. I like those places. That was my first time being in one though, and coming from a place like my home... suffice to say it was a bit of a shock. I remember being very confused. Although, my memory's still fuzzy so that might just be me right now.

Somehow, at some point, she found me in the crowd. It was after her band had played a show. She saw me from the stage, I think. Saw that I was scared and alone. She came to help me. That reminds me of someone else, too. But that's a story for another time.

She tried to talk to me. I remember being even more afraid then. I couldn't understand anything. And the way they communicated! Humans, I mean - they're so dull. Their minds are so weak. They couldn't understand anything I tried to say to them. They couldn't even hear me. They were too busy making noise with their mouths. Mouths aren't for talking, that's what minds are for. Yes, mouths are for singing - sometimes - and for everything else. But talking? It feels so strange to talk to them. To not be able to communicate like I did when I was home.

That's the only thing I missed, I think.

But I digress. Lindsey tried to talk to me. I couldn't understand, and I couldn't talk back. It was the most frustrating thing I had ever experienced. Up until that point, at least.

I don't remember what exactly happened after that, but I remember leaving that place with her. She took me somewhere, another building. Looking back now, I'm fairly sure it was her house. I think we ate there. And tried to talk more. I still can't remember.

It's hard now. Remembering. After what they did to me. I haven't gotten to that part yet.

I can't really recall the details of our relationship - me and Lynz. The only things that are even somewhat clear are the big things. The very important memories. Like Bandit.

Now, it didn't happen that fast. I went back home before we had Bandit. Before we even had an actual relationship, even.

I had been gone for a week or two when I went back the first time, I believe. And I only stayed for a few days before I left again. There was hell to pay when I got back the first time. I don't remember what they did to me, but I know after it was over, that's when I left again. I was gone even longer and when I came back the second time I only stayed for a single day. I do remember why I went back the second time, though as I look back now, it was the first bad decision of many.

I don't consider going back the first time a mistake though. If it wasn't for that, I wouldn't have known how important everything on Earth truly was.

It was so different.

I went back the second time after Lindsey told me she was in love with me. I was scared and I didn't know what to do. So I left. And truth be told, I was only home for a few hours before I decided to go right back.

We had been together for a few months, I think, when she first told me that. She had let me stay with her, teaching me things and how to live among humans. I don't know what she thought of me before she found out what I truly was, but I remember crying when I realized afterward that she would treat me no different.

I think it was the first time I felt truly accepted.

As I look back now, maybe she was a little out there. Or whatever the expression is. Something. Something allowed her to stay calm and treat me like any other person. At least for a while - but that doesn't matter right now.

It was liberating.

I don't remember when or how we fell in love. I just remember being in love with her. I know we went to millions of different places, and did all sorts of things. But I just can't remember them anymore.

I think the saddest memories are the ones you can't remember at all.

But again, those things remind me of someone else too. We'll get there.

I know we were together for a few years before we had Bandit. That was a surprise for both of us. I didn't think our DNA would be compatible. But here we are. I don't remember when or how she told me. I don't know how I reacted, or how I felt at the time. I know how I feel now, but everything is always different in retrospect. The point is, we kept her, we had her, and I spent four long, wonderful years with her. It's so fuzzy now, looking back. Like looking through muddy water. I know for a fact that they were wonderful, but like I said: the saddest memories are the ones you can't remember at all.

However I do remember what happened at the end of those four years.

Lindsey wanted to speak with me, I remember that. I think Bandit was taking a nap. She talked to me for a very long time. I could understand a lot, then, after having been on Earth for so long. It was easy. But I wish I couldn't have understood her. I wish I could forget this memory again. She told me she was leaving me. Or that I needed to leave. That I should go back home, that Earth wasn't the place for me. I told her this was my home, but she wouldn't listen. She told me she couldn't have her little girl growing up knowing what her other parent was. What she was, in part at least. Lindsey said it would be too much for her. I couldn't understand it. I had no idea what to do.

I left. Just like the last time.

I know now and I knew then that I couldn't go back home. They would find out and they would kill me. Or worse.

It was treason to be with another species the way I had been. But I think I wanted to find out what would happen. That maybe I wanted to die. I can't remember clearly, but even now when I think back on that time, I still feel that way a little.

When I got back home it was exactly what I had imagined it would be. They arrested me on the spot and put me on trial just a few days later. It was strange. Everyone knew who I was. Somehow they knew what I was doing. I don't know and I don't care how they found out. Not anymore.

In my world they do one of two things when someone commits treason: they either kill you, or they wipe your memory and banish you. In my case, they chose the latter.

My memory gets especially fuzzy at this point. I think it's because I tried to block out a lot of what happened anyway.

I know though. I know what they did to me.

After they wiped my memory they put me into a Pod. It's a type of ship we have. It can only hold one person though. Sort of like those things humans call "a lifeboat". I think that's what they're called. Don't take my word for it though. I've only seen Titanic once.

Anyway, they put me in the Pod, and took me back out into space on one of their Motherships. They could set a trajectory from there, and send the pod wherever they wanted it to go.

I think it's fairly obvious where they sent me.

And I know I should be resentful for what they did. For taking all those memories of my family and the love of my life.

But I can't be angry. Because if it wasn't for that, I would never have met the second love of my life.

The love of my new life, I suppose.

~

A/N: noticing new things? you might even notice more if you reread...