decided to combine it here because its just a one-shot c:

uhh mention/act of suicide, its heavy i guess.

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What It Was Supposed To Be

He saw her.

She saw him.

But they where in two different places.

One was dreaming of the day she would be released from this hell, this prison- hell on Earth, while the other was wishing he could help, but he never knew how to do. So, in frustration, he sat there, fingers clacking on the table, annoyed at how much time went slowly by.

She was dying, he was alive. And he wanted to save her, but he didn't know how.

The clock ticked slowly by. He was getting pissed of. Why was time so slow when you didn't want it to be?

Suddenly, the door slammed open, a tired figure standing in the doorway, the cold, chilly air bursting in. "Close the door," he ordered, and she did, as quick as she could.

"Late again?" he asked monotonely. She shrugged. "Sorry," she replied, not looking at the Norwegian. Outside, he kept his pokerface, but inside he was burning; crying.

He got up and removed her jacket for her, the scars of the past showing along her arm. He mentally flinched, but her reaction was calm, cool. Gripping the jacket slightly, he hung it up on the jacket rack, reluctant to even do so. The girl turned around, her (e/c)ed eyes cold and unwelcoming.

"The bath is ready," he whispered, and her hands touched his gently. When he looked up, she smiled slightly.

"Thank you," she replied in the same, hushed whisper.

Their eyes meet once more, his dull, blue eyes contrasting from the sharp (e/c) she had. A spirit broken, but still fiery inside somewhere.

The two, hand intertwined, walked up to the bathroom, door shut and heat radiating off of the room. He breathed, heart unsteady. He couldn't ask why, he knew what she was doing.

She slowly untangled her hands from his and took a step forward. Hand on the doorknob, she turned back to the blond-hair male and smiled sadly.

"Thank you, Norge, for being there for me," she said softly, a lump appearing in her throat. But she pushed her emotions down, eyes watery but still emotionless. The Norwegian could only blink as his friend disappeared into the bathroom, a soft click of the lock sealed the deal.

Sitting down at the door, he could only look at his feet, tears whelming up from his eyes. Emotions he had never experienced had suddenly rushed up to him, choking him painfully. He couldn't take it anymore.

"(Y/n)," he said softly to no one in particular. "(Y/n), do you remember when we first met?"

The faucet was running.

"I remember," he said, voice cracking. He coughed and repeated. "I remember that day. Do you, (Y/n)? At the train station? Y... You where so lost. Here, in Oslo. A transfer student. Merely 16, scared out of her mind because she was somewhere cold, and with no direction what so ever."

He turned his head to the side, eyes closed. "You asked me, 'Hvordan kommer jeg hjem?' and I said, 'Du er allerede hjemme, min kjærlighet.' But of course, being an exchange student with limited Norwegian, you didn't know what I said." He tapped his finger on the door. "Do you know what it means, (Y/n)? Do you ever wonder what I even said, (Y/n)? Did you even care, at the moment, or did you not care, only to do so later in your stay here?" He looked down. "I wonder, min kjærlighet."

He lifted his head again, tears slowing falling. "There I go saying it. Min kjærlighet. Min kjærlighet... Do you want to know what that means, (Y/n)? Do you even care, so close to your goal?" He breathed. "Probably not, but I'll tell you anyways, min skatt."

He got up, facing the door, and pressed his head on it. "It means," he sobbed quietly, "It.. It means... my love. My love! What a weird thing to call someone you've only known for 5 years," he breathed. "But 5 years...! 5 years, (Y/n)! 5 years since you came here, since I met you, since I fell in love with you, jævla!" He pounded on the door, the tears not stopping.

"5 years...! 5 years shouldn't been enough, it shouldn't even be too much! But why," he hissed, "Why, did it have to be someone that I cared for?!"

He looked up, looking for an answer. "Was it not enough, (Y/n)?! Was it not enough for me- for you- to save yourself? I wanted to, so badly. Så dårlig! But no, you wanted this! And I was your friend, and I couldn't say no, nei! Because I... Because I.." He fell.

"Because I.. I elsker deg. Jeg elsker deg. Jeg elsker deg så mye, jævla!" He shouts. "Me, dum Lukas! Falling for a girl who was supposed to fall! Jeg hater det!"

He cried out, "It could've been different, det kunne vært annerledes! We could've have fallen in love, we could've been dating, we could've been married, we could've have kids! We could've have aged slowly together, happy for once, glad for en gang! And," he breathed, choking on his words, hands into fists, softly hitting the door. "I could've died for you- med deg!"

"But... But look where we are," he whispered. "You, dying before me. Me, helping you die. It shouldn't been this way. It never was supposed to be this way, (Y/n)! (Y/n), goddammit! (Y/n)! You idiot!" He punched the door, his sore knuckles bleeding from all the beating. "Idiot, idiot, idiot! I loved you, I really did! But is this was I am payed back for- guilt, anger, and despair? Your stupid, stupid death, dammit?!"

His voice pleaded for her to answer, but he knew she had already done the job. He just sensed it. At the moment, all he could think of her sad (e/c)ed eyes and the way she looked at him. Did she suspect? Did she even wonder at all?

"(Y/n)... You.. Idiot," he whispered.

"Jeg elsker deg så, så mye."

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word count: 1018

phrases/words, in order that they appear:

• Hvordan kommer jeg hjem?: How do I get home?

• Du er allerede hjemme, min kjærlighet: You're already home, my love.

• Min kjærlighet: My love

• Min skatt: My treasure

• Jævla: Damn/Damn it

• Så dårlig: So badly

• Nei: No

• Elsker deg: Love you

• Jeg elsker deg: I love you

• Jeg elsker deg så mye, jævla!: I love you so much, damn/damn it!

• Dum: Stupid

• Jeg hater det!: I hate it!

• Det kunne vært annerledes!: It could've been different!

• Glad for en gang: Happy for once

• Med deg: With you

• Jeg elsker deg så, så mye: I love you so, so much