Missing? What do you mean?

A feeling of panic grips me. I look frantically around me, all my senses on alert. I really hope to catch a glimpse of her in a corner, and that this is all a big joke.

"I thought she was with you," Gallagher says.

I focus on him again and I clearly see the worry in his eyes.

"No", I'm just answering. "But... disappeared? She couldn't get very far in a wheelchair..."

"Her chair is in the bedroom," says one of the policemen, with a notebook in her hand. "If she left, it was by another means."

What? Her chair is here? I don't understand anything anymore about what's going on. How could she leave alone? Unless...

"Ben... where is he?" I asks nervously.

Dr. Gallagher seems surprised by my question. He frowns. Of course, he has no idea what they have in common.

At that moment, the answer is before my eyes. I see red as the nurse enters my field of vision, walking down the hall filled with police officers. Without paying any attention to the police or Gallagher, I'm heading straight for him, like a cannonball we just threw. Ben sees me, and before he can say anything or do anything, I swoop on him and tackle him against the wall.

"Where is she? Where did you take her?" I scream.

I hold him firmly by his white blouse. All eyes are focused on us. Strangely, Ben does not wear his despising mask. On the contrary, his horrible face is rather serious. Would he be... worried?

"Hey, hey, calm down, pal ! I don't freaking know where she is", he defends himself.

I hate to say it, but he seems sincere. Seems... Maybe he's messing with my head, knowing he likes to play these fucking perverse games.

"You're lying!" I shout.

I feel  hands grabbing my arms and pulling me back. But I'm not taking off.

"Tell us where the hell she is!"

When I turn my head, I see that two policemen hold me firmly. As soon as they let me go, I will just beat the shit out of this asshole. Dr. Gallagher comes up to me and asks the police to let me go. What they do. The director positions himself in front of me, preventing me from rushing into Ben.

"Calm down, Hero," he says, with a quiet voice. "Ben has nothing to do with it. It's not the first time."

My anger gives way to confusion. What is he talking about? I stare at Gallagher until he gives me an explanation. He sighs before he goes:

- You don't know why Stella Atkins is interned here. Even if I shouldn't, I'm going to reveal it to you, even though it goes against patient confidentiality protocol. Stella has a condition called depersonalization. As I see it, you are not at all familiar with the term.

Of course this disease is unknown to me! I haven't done a lot of studying, but that's not why I wouldn't understand.

- In fact, depersonalization is described as a sense of loss of self, with no control over the situation. This symptom is caused by trauma. In her case, Stella feels detached from her physical incarnation, in part because of her amputation. In general, her condition causes her major anxiety attacks that accentuate this perception.

Okay, I'm getting a little clearer now.

"And... you think it has something to do with her disappearance?" I ask.

- The adaptation of Stella in our institute has been incredible, continues the master of the place. She was completely disconnected from reality and didn't want to know anything. She gave us several crises of this kind, which almost ended badly. One time she almost threw herself off the cliff. And then there was the pool where she almost drowned. Do you understand now why I didn't object to the ways in which the treatments are administered to her? Sometimes, for the sake of one person, we have to use the hard way.

I instinctively turn to Ben, who is lowering his head. Is it shame? Regret? Is he capable of feeling emotions other than cruelty?

"Is that true?" I ask the nurse.

"Yes," he says, with his rocky voice. "Since your... argument, breakup, your... thing there, she began to emit warning signs of a future crisis: stress, fatigues, anxiety attacks... I thought I could handle it, but... When she's in that state, Stella completely rejects reality and acts as if nothing had happened. When I say nothing, I mean her amputation.

That's why he was literally glued to her. I almost feel reassured... Almost.

"So, during a crisis, she still thinks she has her leg? I ask, not sure I understand.

He nods his head. He assures us that he has thoroughly searched the institution, but there is no record of her.

"But how could she leave the complex without her chair?" I wonder.

- She had to go on crutches, suggests Gallagher.

I never imagined Stella in crutches. It was such an ordeal for her to show me her amputated leg, so I don't see her crossing the hall, in plain sight, showing off her wound. Unless she waited until there was no one left...

- How long has she been missing? I ask.

"At seven o'clock this morning, she was already gone," replies Gallagher.

I'm looking at the big clock on one of the walls, which says almost ten hours. So it's been at least three hours since she left.... But where did she go? I try to brainstorm to try to think like her, in the middle of a crisis. She rejects reality, so she's the old Stella... the old Stella who only lived for her aquatic passion. The evidence hits me then?

- She's not at the pool? I'm questioning Ben.

"No, I've checked twice already."

"And the first time, she wanted to throw herself off the cliff?" I ask.

- This is what she told us in one of her interviews, the director replied.

I think I know where it is. I actually know where it is. Why didn't I think of that earlier?

I run outside the building. I run to lose breath. I cross the parking lot that separates me from the edge of the cliff. I take the small path down to the beach where we had the best of nights. I try to pay attention to the pebbles dotting the way, so I don't fall and hurt myself.

After a few minutes, I arrive at the bottom and I see the pair of crutches on the sand. At least I was not mistaken. Now all we have to do is find Stella. I approach the shore to try to see her head coming out of the water, but the sea is dense this morning and the current rather strong. If she's been in this cold water for more than three hours.... I drive that thought out of my mind. A sense of guilt grips me. I am the cause of her crisis. Once again, as for Freddie. Decidedly, I fuck everything up!

Suddenly, in the distance, my eyes are attracted by a white spot on the surface of the water, tossed to the rhythm of the waves. As I squint, I see more clearly that this task is a garment. A dress, to be precise. My heart is missing a beat and I stop breathing. Without hesitation, I jump into the water and swim as fast as I can to the piece of cloth. As I go along, I unfortunately distinguish more than a dress. At that moment, I see only the very pale face of Stella, facing the sky, the blue lips, as peaceful as an angel sleeping...

******