Chapter 1: Last Hymn

"Hey, Captain, if you are going to choose between the two talents, singing or dancing?"

"Singing."

"Why?"

"So, I could sing with her."

***

Kanina pa kaming nakatayo rito sa deck habang nakatanaw sa karagatan. Ang tanging naririnig ko lang sa pagitan namin ay ang mga hampas ng alon ng dagat. Hindi ko alam kung gaano pa kami katagal sa posisyon na ito kaya nilakasan ko na ang loob kong magbukas ng usapan.

"Are you a reader?"

He had been using his binoculars for almost an hour while looking at the ocean.

I liked the ocean. I really did, and the moment that my whole body was once swallowed by it, I vowed to myself that I would sail— and find its mysteries until my last breath.

I had always been fascinated by the beauty and wonders of the ocean. Isn't it strange that scientists were more focused on outer space than the insides of our planet— the depths and mysteries of our own seas?

My hair was blown by the wind as I continued to stare at the man beside me. I tried to control myself not to pull his binoculars just to see his eyes—dark blue like a glimmer of the ocean at night.

"Yes. I do read sometimes. How about you? What is your favorite novel? What is your preferred genre?"

"I read random books with different genres," sagot ko.

Just like him who was still refusing to tear his eyes away from his binoculars, my eyes went across the ocean again.

"Do you write?"

Nagulat ako sa tanong niyang iyon.

"No... but my friend. I am just a supporter."

"Really?" he sounded unconvinced.

Ibinaba na niya ang hawak at tuluyan ko nang naagaw ang atensyon niya mula sa dagat. He leaned closer to meet my eyes with a gentle smile on his lips. "Not just a marine engineer but a novelist. Can I get a glimpse?"

Kumuyom ang mga kamay ko sa magkabilang gilid ko nang mas ilapit niya ang mukha niya sa akin. Ngayon ay tila nahihirapan akong makipagtitigan sa kanya, hanggang sa natagpuan ko na ang sarili kong nag-iwas ng mga mata sa kanya.

"It's not yet completed, Juan. And I am not the writer but my friend."

Tinitigan niya lang ako saglit bago siya muling tumuwid sa pagkakatayo niya.

"Oh, so you just read the draft. Usually, writers don't spill their drafts unless you're the editor. She's kind then."

I laughed, "Maybe, but some of her works have an unacceptable ending, sometimes reading her books brings the worst feeling." Naiiling na sabi ko habang inaalala kung paano iyon sabihin ng ilang kaibigan ko.

"Why worst if she captured your heart?" he asked.

I tiptoed, and I pulled Juan's binoculars from his hands. I hid it behind my back as I slowly walked backward. I might have mentioned the word worst, but I didn't say that I didn't like it, or that I had not enjoyed it.

He grinned, shook his head, and slowly followed my steps.

"You will consider the novel and its author the great and the best for you if she made you feel the best and the worst, Juan."

He smiled. "Mind introducing me to this interesting author?"

My eyebrows arched. "Why not? It's my pleasure to introduce you to him."

He stopped walking and his hand that was about to reach me haltered, his brows knitted."So, it's a he..."

"Yes! A very handsome he."

"I don't want to meet him, Astra."

"But you told me that you want to meet him."

"No. I don't like male writers."

"Why not? You're such a bias, Juan! Come on, this will be quick." I pulled the locket necklace from my uniform.

"W-What's that?"

I started to open it until I saw my own eyes and my smiling face. I placed my locket in front of Juan's eyes. He saw his own reflection.

"Juan, the greatest novel that a person could ever read is their own story. The greatest author that they could ever meet is always themselves, for us, the author of our lives, can be the reader of our best and worst." I widened my smile.

"Now tell me, what is your story?" hindi ako agad nakasagot sa kanya habang mariin nakatitig sa akin ang kanyang asul na mga mata.

Hindi rin nagtagal ay ibinalik niya ang kanyang atensyon sa dagat.

"I can't wait to hear more of your story, Cadet Escoda."

"How about you, Captain? What is your story?"

"My life is boring."

"Don't you think your adventures are boring? I don't think so."

"It's not yet completed just like yours."

I nodded. "Then tell me, what's the second-best novel?"

"Hmm... I think—" I snapped my fingers with a proud smile on my face.

"Let me whisper it to you, Juan."

I tiptoed as I placed one of my hands near his ear. "The story of the heroes, they may be dead. But their stories will forever live."

Juan continued my words with a famous quotation for the heroes.

"Dead upon the field of glory, a hero fit for song and story."

Years ago...

"Napalilibutan na namin kayo! Sumuko na kayo!" I shouted. Before sitting back in my hiding place, I started to assemble my gun for another movement of our team.

I took a deep breath before looking at my partner straight into his eyes, his beautiful eyes that mirrored mine with an intense determination to save the hostage.

"Ililigtas natin siya, Partner," he said with a nod.

Before moving into a mission, we need to identify our target, the enemies, and their capabilities on the battlefield. We may be inside a strenuous realm, but intelligence is always the greatest weapon— a weapon that would never be forfeited.

"Cover me," sabi ko.

With my fast movement, I jumped to my feet. I raised both of my hands with guns to release several bullets. My legs started to move quickly for my next hiding position.

Sa sunod-sunod kong pagbaril agad kong tinamaan ang unang lalaking nakita ng aking mga mata.

"Ouch, I'm dead! I'm galing ni Astra! Tinamaan ako sa puso, aray ko po!" My brother, Kuya Cirdan laughed so hard.

He made an exaggerated tumbling like he was in an action movie.

Naglabasan na rin sa kanilang mga lungga ang dalawa kong kapatid na hawak ang kanilang mga water gun. Tawa na nang tawa si Tatay sa aking likuran na siyang aking kakampi, habang tumatakbo na papunta sa akin ang dalawa kong kuya na nakatutok na ang baril sa akin.

"Ang seryoso ni Astra! Hindi naman siya papayagang magpulis!" pinagbabaril nina Kuya Alfred at Kuya Elron ang mukha ko gamit ang kanilang water gun.

Nakatayo na ako at hindi kumikibo habang nakasimangot sa kanilang lahat.

Nang mapansin na ni Tatay na hindi na ako natutuwa sa nangyayari, agad siyang tumakbo patungo sa direksyon ni Nanay.

Napatili si Nanay nang buhatin siya ni Tatay at halik-halikan ito sa kanyang pisngi.

"Panalo tayo, Astra! Nakuha natin ang hostage! We saved her!" kapwa na tumatawa sina Nanay at Tatay sa akin para lamang aluin ako.

This was not supposed to be like this! Panira talaga kahit kailan ang mga kuya ko.

I continued showing my poker face while my two brothers were still in front of me. They were all busy with their water guns!

"Napapalibutan na namin si Astra! Lunod na siya ng water gun!" tumawang sabi ni Kuya Elron.

My bullies forever!

Naniningkit ang aking mga mata habang pang-asar na dumidila sa akin ang mga kapatid ko na wala pa rin tigil sa pagpapaulan ng tubig sa mukha ko.

"Alfred! Elron! Tigilan ninyo na si Astra!"

Hindi na ako nakatiis, pinunasan ko muna ng aking mga palad ang aking mukha bago ko pinagsusuntok ang dalawa kong kapatid na walang ibang ginawa kundi tumawa nang tumawa sa akin.

"Sabi na inyo, Inay, hindi siya dapat laging kasama namin. Dapat may kalaro rin itong babae, look what happened to her? Huli na ang lahat. Mas tigasin pa sa amin si Astra!"

Lumapit na si Nanay sa amin at pinitik niya ang tainga ng mga kuya ko.

Ngumisi lang ulit ang mga ito habang inaasar ako ng kanilang mga mukha. May hawak na towel si Nanay at sinimulan niyang punasan ang mukha ko.

"Huwag ninyong laging inaasar si Astra, kasi idol niya ang Tatay ninyo."

"Oo nga naman, huwag ninyong inaaway ang unica hija ko. Mahal na mahal iyan ng Tatay niya," ngumiti ako nang napakatamis sa sinabi ni Tatay.

"I will be a police officer or a soldier, Nanay. Just like Tatay. Bahala na sila kuya," taas noong sabi ko.

My father gave me his big thumbs up. He was very supportive from the very beginning, sila kuya lamang ang laging kontrabida sa buhay ko.

"See? I'll be a strong soldier someday." I rolled my eyes to my three brothers.

Sabay-sabay ngumiwi ang mga ito sa akin. Nakaupo na sila sa sofa habang pinagmamasdan akong pinupunasan ni Nanay.

"No, you should be feminine. Puro na kami lalaki dito, dapat nurse ka. Sobrang gandang nurse na laging naka-white. Ang ganda-ganda ni Astra, tapos susunduin ka naming tatlo sa hospital dahil marami ka nang manliligaw na doktor, dito ka sa bahay liligawan. Pwede silang manligaw sa 'yo kapag nanalo sa amin sa inuman." Lumapit na si Kuya Cirdan, ilang beses kong hinampas ang balikat niya nang buhatin niya ako.

"Put me down! Put me down! Kuya!"

"No, baby ka namin. Maybe you're a bit different compared with the other girls out there, but that doesn't change the fact that you're still the princess and the baby of the Escoda family." Pinanggigilan ako ni Kuya.

And he even kissed my cheeks!

"Kuya naman, e!"

"Basta Nanay, huwag ka papayag magsusundalo ito! Hindi kami papayag tatlo."

"I don't want to be a nurse! I want to be a soldier! Bakit ba ang e-epal ninyo?" Sabay-sabay ulit umiling ang mga kuya ko.

We were interrupted when a sudden call came up. Lumabas si Tatay dahil may tawag siya sa telepono.

We waited for him to come back, and when he returned, rushing inside our house, my heartbeat hammered fast.

"We have an operation."

Nagmamadali na si Tatay habang tinutulungan siya ni Nanay na ayusin ang kanyang uniporme.

"Anong operation, Tatay?"

"Katulad nang dati," sunod-sunod na kaming niyakap ni Tatay.

He is in a Special Action Force of the Philippine National Police. Sa tuwing aalis siya ng bahay, hindi nawawala ang kaba sa aming lahat.

"Babalik ako, katulad nang dati." He kissed our mother a goodbye. Yumakap siya sa mga kuya ko at ilang beses niyang hinalikan ang ibabaw ng ulo ko.

Katulad ng lagi niyang ginagawa, pinaaalalahanan niya ang mga kuya ko na alagaan kami ni Nanay, paulit-ulit niyang sinasabi kung gaano niya kami kamahal.

"Babalik ako, kakain pa tayo nang sabay-sabay."

He was about to turn his back when I pulled his uniform.

"Tatay, kinakabahan ako. Don't go. Just stay here."

Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko habang naririnig ko ang pag-iyak ni Nanay.

"Kailangan ako ng bayan, anak, tinatawag si Tatay ng kanyang tungkulin."

"Natatakot po ako... babalik ka po..."

Umiling na ako sa kanya habang umiiyak. Bumuntonghininga siya, yumuko at sinalubong ang mga mata ko. "Ano ang sabi ni Tatay kapag natatakot ka?"

"I should make a hymn in the wind, and my voice will be heard."

Hinawakan ni Tatay ang magkabilang balikat ko at sabay kaming sumipol sa hangin. His favorite hymn whistle always calmed us, until my brothers joined in, trying to calm themselves.

"Kapag narinig ninyo ang sipol ni Tatay, bumalik na ako. Mahal ko kayong lahat, mahal na mahal hanggang sa kahuli-hulihang bala ng aking mga baril."

We made our family hug. Isang matagal at napakainit na yakap.

Tuluyan nang tumalikod sa amin si Tatay. He waved his goodbye with a smile that only heroes could ever give.

And yes, that was the last time that my hymn was heard with the whistle of my father.