The winter vacation was over, and it was time to return back to school for the second semester. I went back to my house. Dad said he was given permission to stay for the whole new year! I kissed Dean and thanked him for everything. He held my chin up as he welcomed me. I have never been this happy to be home. I had my bed, my clothes, everything in general. And I even had Dad. Nothing could go wrong now.

Dad would drop me off at school, he wanted a little more bonding time. He told me to take care of my trenchcoat and to have a good day. I smiled as I waved back to him. I didn't want to go. I wanted more time with Dad as possible. To me, the year isn't enough. Hesitantly, I would walk into the school, glancing back to see if Dad was still there. And he was. Gesturing for me to hurry up. I giggled, and ran into the building.

As team manager, I had to go wherever the team went. We traveled to many other cities around the area, for competition. I would sit with Dean on the bus in the very back and we would kiss. Luckily everyone was to distracted with their phones or their own conversations to even notice us. It was just me and him there. Kissing, and laughing silently to ourselves. I was pretty sure the team new that we were together, but they didn't make the effort to really show that they did. I know Jo did. And she would tease us too. She was so cute, thinking that we cared. Coach Crowley didn't seem to care about our relationship. He was half drunk and he said we could if squirrel here doesn't get distracted from his swimming. Which he didn't. Dean would bring home the gold every time. Freestyle 200 meters: First place. Butterfly 100 meters: First place. IM 100 meters: First place. Backstroke 100 meters: First place. He never let the team down. And I was there, on the sidelines, taking pictures with the camera Coach lent me. He dove: Click. He swam: Click. He got out of the water and stood in victory: Click. I loved to see him smile when he won, or lost seconds in his time. The other swimmers swarmed him, throwing congradulations and just cheering him on because of every accomplishment he made. But he'd ignore them all, and just look straight to me, saying every time: "I win the gold for you, Baby!" I would look away blushing, hoping that nobody heard that. His compliments were always embarrassing; but I loved them all.

It's January 20th. Dean's birthday was on the 24th. I asked him what he wanted, and he whispered his answer in my ear: "I want you... right now." He repeated the same words I said on Christmas Eve. I gasped and pushed him off laughing, saying that he was dirty minded. He laughed too, but only to grab me, hold me by the waist and kiss me dearly. He tasted like chlorine, because of the water he would manage to get in his mouth during practice. Then he would pull back to say that he doesn't want anything, because he has everything he has ever wanted. I smiled, just saying how wonderful he is. After practice, and I had just stepped outside of the Aquatic Center to go home, he would grab my arm and pull me to the side and behind the building, and we'd just make out for a good amount of time. Sometimes he would take off his shirt because started he started to get hot, even when there was still a little snow around us. I would trace my hands over his chest and arms, feeling my scars that I left. They were almost gone. Nobody has asked about them, thank God. Sometimes we would stay there for a good hour, and other times Jo would interrupt us, snapping a picture with her phone. This girl had like a tracking device on us. She always knew where we were. I ran to her, fighting for her phone to delete the picture. We both laughed as she tried to pull it away. Jo would hold it up high so that I couldn't reach. Okay, that's cruel. I'm a short person. When it came to that, I would fake cry and she'd apologize, still smiling, and she would delete the picture. I'd embrace her, wiping off my fake tears. Jo was my best friend. My first friend I made.

Dean would drop me off at home. He said he would so Dad didn't have to. Sometimes we would go pick up Sam first and we'd all toss jokes back and forth or Dean would turn on the radio and we'd sing along to the songs we knew. Sometimes Sam would sing by himself because Dean nor I knew the song, and sometimes Dean sang by himself because neither Sam or I knew the lyrics. I never sang by myself. Even to the songs I only knew. I was too shy to. Short noticed, our song came on. 'I Can't Fight This Feeling' by REO Speedwagon. Dean and I would look at each other as the memory of our first date refilled my mind. Our first kiss. He would take my hand and start the song when the words came on. I would sing the next verse. We took turns, and when it came to the chorus, we sang it together. Dean would sing in a higher key just to harmonize with me. I knew he could sing, but never like this. After the chorus, he'd squeeze my hand tightly, and we would share I love you's. Sam yelled at us to get a room. Dean agreed and said we'll take his. That shut Sam up. When we drove up to my house, I would kiss Dean goodbye, thank him and climb out of the car. I tried not to slip on the snow as I went the the backseat window. Sam rolled it down and i kissed his forehead, promising I'll visit on the weekend to play video games. He would squeal excitedly. As they drove off, Sam would yell out the window that he'll be waiting for our rematch at Call Of Duty. I had no idea how to play that game. It was either I was extremely lucky that day, or he just plain sucked at shooting.

I would walk into my house, greeted by a tight hug from Gabriel. I laughed as he lifted me into the air. We did everything together now. Homework, eating snacks for no apparent reason, or just horse playing around the house. He was there when I cried, he was there when I needed help. Gabriel was there. He smiled all the time now, and his room was cleared of anything dark. He removed the tape of the windows, and his room was clean. I could go in there whenever I wanted now. He'd actually let me play Xbox too. And he'd make fun of me because I kept getting shot by other players. At this time, Dad would grab us both by surprise and hug us dearly. Kissing each of our heads and saying how mom is smiling from heaven because of how well were getting along. Then Gabriel would scoff, say yeah right, and grab my glasses and run out of the room. I would scream his name and chase after him. I could hear Dad's laughing in the background. I'd chase Gabriel down the stairs, and slam into him, trying to reach for my glasses. Gabriel was a bit taller than me, which was unfair. He did exactly what Jo did, but with my glasses. He would laugh at me as I tried to reach, but eventually he gave them back, and I would push him and call him a jerk.

At dinner time, Raphael would serve everyone and we'd all eat with laughter and funny stories. Dad wanted to hear everything that happened to us in the past years. Gabriel would bring up my most embarrassing moments, including my first day of highschool.  Raphael would agree, and Dad would look at me with a laughing smile. I covered my face with my hands, my trenchcoat sleeves falling. When the laughter died down, Dad would ask how I was doing.

"What do you mean?" I replied, chuckling confused.

"You know what I mean Castiel." He said.  I did know what he meant. I swallowed hard. I tried my best not to think about it. Because every time I did, I would get scared and I wanted to run away.

"I'm fine... dad." I added, a bit unsure. He placed his fork down. The table was silent now.

"I can pull you out of the place of manager of the team if you want. I know your condition Castiel." Dad suggested.

"No!" I quickly answered. Dad licked his lips and looked at me seriously.

"Are you sure it's safe for you to be there?" He questioned, starting with his hand gestures. "You're not only there because of-- Dean?"

I gasped lightly. "How dare you bring him into this!" I said, my voice not changing. "I am there for my credit."

"You could have gotten that credit through something else. Like being a trainer, or ROTC." He kept at it. "Both very easy classes without many athletic qualities." I knew where he was going with this.

"I didn't want those, Dad."  I replied. Gabriel sat there awkward. Raphael excused himself and walked into the kitchen.

"But then yet you take the job near the the thing that you fear the most! The thing that almost took your life!" Dad persisted. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because I don't want to be afraid anymore!"  I almost yelled. "I don't want to be that weak and small person in this family scared of the basic need of a human! I don't want to live like that anymore!"

Dad nodded his head slowly. "Okay. I completely understand Castiel." He replied, his voice sounded happy. Like if I passed a test.

After dinner, washing dishes, and baths, I laid in my bed snuggling against my pillow. I missed Dean, I missed his cuddling, and I missed his warmth. He helped me sleep better. He was like the missing puzzle piece. Suddenly, Dad walked into my room and kneeled by my bed. He kissed my cheek as he brushed the bangs from my eyes.

"I'm proud of you Castiel." He whispered. "You're taking care of yourself real well, that you're willing to stand and conquer your worst fear."

"Thanks Dad..." I smiled, as I whispered back. 

"You are truly a diamond in the rough... Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.” He added. "I love you son."

"I love you too."  I said. He smiled small, stood up and slowly walked toward the door.

"Goodnight Castiel." He said.

"Goodnight." I answered. He nodded and closed the door, leaving me in the light of the stars and moonlight that shined through my window. I sighed as I laid in my bed. Then I heard my phone vibrate. I reached across my pillows and grabbed it from the dresser. I looked at it; there was a text. It was from Dean.  I opened it:

From: My Love
To: You

Hey Baby. I can't lie to you, but I miss you laying next to me. I miss your warmth and your light heartbeat. I wish to you sweet dreams. Goodnight my love, I'll see you tomorrow morning. I love you.

I was smiling like crazy. I sighed happily as I replied:

To: My Love
From: Me

I miss you too. Solitude lies next to me tonight as I think of only you. Goodnight Dean, I love you more than anything. You're the candle in my window on this cold, dark, winter's night.