I'm so good at chapter titles👍

•How all the not-original Phantom Troupe members became members

Eat food, drink water, and get 5+ hours of sleep today or pew pew pow pow 💥‼️‼️💥🤕🤕🤕💥 💥💥‼️‼️💥

So I wents and dids that oogling, or whatever you youngins call it these day. And after I- good googley moogley that's one heck of a tortoise‼️‼️

What was I sayin?

Oh, right, after sharin' my controversial opinions and getting banned from them there "dark web" (I think it's the internet segregation for those colored folks), I found out that the original troupe members were, er, what were there names again?

Churro? Frankenstein, Unicorn, Machi, Packing-roomba, Fanta, Kow-a-bunga and Shark Tank‼️‼️‼️

After doin' some more research, 'n getting banned from Columbia(though I can't remember which one), I went down to Georgia.

I was looking for a steering wheel.

But suddenly out from the shade, some kiddo name Johnny came, all there with them fancy flavored cigarettes and illegal plant substances, fired up as he shouted "Ur pretty good ol' son‼️‼️"

This was confusion' me cuz he was quite younger than me. Calling me son wasn't appropriate, so that hurt my feelings and I felt like taking it out on the next 378 customer service workers I talked to.

The Johnny boy then took a long chug from a 32 gallon container of straight vodka. This was concernin' cause he could lift so much, and was 18 feet tall.

"So- fuck that shits strong, yeeee-haw," Johnny said taking a moment to yee his haws, before screamin at the top of them lungs "🔥🔥But 💥sit down‼️‼️‼️ in that 💣💥💥chair right there!!💥🔥🔥🤕🤕💥 and let me🔥show 💥💥💣you how‼️ it's 💥💥done‼️‼️💥"

Then a chair started chasin' me, all around. But it was kinda slow cuz it could only scoot in my general direction.

That was what I thought, at least. Until sonny over there started playin' sum ukulele or whatever it is, and that demon chair it started violently charging at me.

After Johnny stopped, he started tryin' to get me to give him my "gold fiddle"

Which was either a robbery, or him tryna "rizz me up", as the kiddos say.

And Johnny wasn't very nice. It's like if you, like, y'know, you, you buy a house, and some immigrants, like them lil' leprechauns and, yeehaw, all keep tryna break in, so you shoot 'em' and then, er, the leprechauns are trying to break, leprechauns, what was I, where are human skulls the leprechauns? Have I lost, they're trying, where are, to break in? Where's the, there they, where, yep yep yep, where where where, there are bugs in the leprechauns, slurs for the leprechauns, slurs for 1000 days, where are the leprechauns, bring me the leprechauns. Road work ahead, AÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ, I need, feast feast feast, the Easter bunny won't survive, where leprechauns. Where where where

Ah, but back to my research. Found out there "legal" names are:

Chrollo, Franklin, Uvogin, Machi, Pakunoda, Feitan, Nobunaga 'n Shalnark.

'N at some point after some newbies joined they started gettin' numbered tattoos. Immature kids, you know.

Anyway, I'm going to take my third nap of the day now, and hope I don't pass in my sleep cuz my family keeps tryin' to kill me to get me money. But lucky Johnny already stole it, so they can take the L

As the kiddos say, yk.

Anyways, onto how the other members—Hisoka, Shizuku, Kortopi, Bonolenov, and Phinks, Kalluto—joined them there bible group

—

As you may already know, the Phantom Troupe is a very exclusive bible group. There are very few members, thirteen, to be exact. This is because Chrollie was a huge fan of the 12 apostles, and he considered himself to either be Jesus or the Antichrist.

Which one exactly? We're not quite sure yet.

Now, the only ways you can get into this very exclusive club is to either:

A: Kill a current member, and replace them.

Or

B: Wait for a vacancy, and get either nominated by one of the Troupe Members, or pray and hope Chrollo personally picks you out.

Now, why is this relevant?

Because all of the non-original members must've done something either brilliant or stupid to catch the attention of Chrollo and the other Troupe members.

Let's start with the one person who we actually saw before and after becoming a Phantom Troupe member! (Totally not because they're my favorite.)

⋆˙⋆˙✮-Kalluto-✮⋆˙⋆˙

Honestly we all know he got to join simply because of his last name. The real question is how he ran across troupe members in the first place.

Since it was already said that Illumi was watching all, or most of Killua's missions, at least when they were younger, it probably wouldn't be too different with Kalluto.

But, assuming Kalluto was already a Nen user, they might've let him do simpler missions without supervision.

So, here's what I think went down.

"Du du du, don't mind me, just killin people for arguably no reason." Phinks hummed to himself as he slaughtered everyone in the news station.

Unfortunately, someone really hated one of the weathermen because they said it'd be sunny and then it was actually rainy, so they got rained on.

So, obviously, they turned to a life of crime. And used all their stolen money to pay the Zoldycks to kill the weatherman.

So, when Phinks broke down a door, because the door deserved it, and found Kalluto passively murdering the weatherman, he was all like,

"Wowza."

And then Kalluto was like "New phone, who dis?"

And Phinks was all like, "Bitch I'm a Phantom Troupe member, I can do anything I want."

And Kalluto, ignoring his father's warnings of the Troupe, went like "Well I'm a Zoldyck, and I can do whatever I want more than you. That's why my dad could kill your friend without consequences."

And Phinks didn't appreciate that comment much, so he was like "Well fuck your dad."

And Kalluto was like "No thanks, that's a bit weird."

And Phinks, used to that type of joke, was all like "Why don't u fight me, and we can settle this like real men. Or, well, women, in your case."

Kalluto, being a man, didn't like that comment. So he got offended and went like "I'm a man, and mine's probably bigger than yours. Also I'd lose a fight, but I'd give you paper cuts in between all of your fingers where that little web thing is before dying."

Phinks was, for the first time, kinda nervous to fight now. So he was like "Um, no thanks. You can't hit a girl."

And Kalluto was like, "Wait, ur a girl?"

And Phinks was like, "Well one of us has to be a girl, and if it's not you it's me."

And Kalluto was kinda mad cuz he wanted to be the girl in this relationship, so he went like "Well fuck you and your mother. Or lack thereof."

Phinks instinctively went :0

"Bitch I'll pull ur hair out."

"Bitch I'll pull ur teeth out."

"Bitch, I'll replace your hair with wet spaghetti."

"Well, bitch, I'll turn your elbows into macaroni noodles."

"Dang, I actually don't like that much."

"Oh. Sorry."

"No worries, no worries, wanna be nominated for a cult?"

"Dang, I'm already in a lot of cults, so-"

"We have ice cream."

"Deal."

And so that's how that happened frfr.

Moving on,

⋆˙⋆˙✮-Phinks-✮⋆˙⋆˙

So, after doing some more research, I found out that not only was there actually a part where they chose their leader. So Chrollo didn't actually just elect himself as leader like I first assumed he did.

So, about three years before the Troupe was formed, they chose Chrollo as their leader.

Why is this relevant in the Phinks section?

Because Phinks A: doesn't deserve the screen time. And B: was there at the time that they nominated the leader. But not when the troupe was founded. Meaning he probably met up with them later and just got added on at that point.

Moving on because Phinks had gotten more than enough screen time already,

⋆˙⋆˙✮-Hisoka-✮⋆˙⋆˙

Hisoka was one of the members that we actually got an approximate time as to when he joined.

Because, in the Yorknew arc, he told Kurapika he joined after the Kurta Massacre. Which, he could've been lying about for his own benefit. But, because I don't think he would've taken four or more years to fight Chrollo, I think he was probably truthing.

Plus, we also know that he defeated a previous Troupe member, and took their spot. So we don't really have to question how he joined. Instead, we'll question about his thought process before killing the previous #4 of the Troupe.

At what point did he decide, "hm, why don't I join the troupe?"

It started just before the Hunter Association administrated the Impassive Wood Burning act in 1999.

Hisoka woke up one afternoon, and turned on the tv so he could have background noise as he built his card towers all by his lonesome.

In the news, it was suddenly cut out to announce that "Wowzers, guys!! These bible kids are taking the hardwood floors out of every single house and replacing it with carpet in the middle of the night!! It's worse than when the grinch stole Christmas!!"

That's when Hisoka fell in love.

And by fell in love, I mean he started protecting his house from the hardwood floor thieves.

Alas, it wasn't enough. And Chrollo managed to steal his hardwood floor. But, feeling bad, he tucked Hisoka in, and read him a goodnight story. It went something like this,

"You don't have any parents, you grew up with peasants. You never got any presents, because your parents weren't present. And now, because of the shitty presidents, your hardwood floors are no longer relevant. This is what you get, for loving adolescents."

He should be the next Dr. Seuss frfr.

Anygays, after that Hisoka trained relentlessly on Roblox Rap Battles so he could make a comeback. But, because by the time he finally got into the troupe Chrollo had gotten a glow up, which will be one of the next chapters topic, Hisoka fell in love and decided against it.

The end🥰

⋆˙⋆˙✮-Shizuku-✮⋆˙⋆˙

Shizuku was another one of the members that joined after the Kurta massacre. We know this because while Feitan and his group was heading to Yorknew, he mentioned that two members had been replaced since the last time the entire troupe had gathered. Which was approximately three years before.

Remembering this, I realize that Hisoka actually was truthing when he said that he joined after the killing of the Kurtas.

Unless Feitan was also lying, but I doubt it.

So now we know that Shizuku was the replacement for the last #8.

The main question is if she killed the previous troupe member, or if she was chosen to replace them after the troupe member died of other causes.

More research was done, and I found that the member that Silva killed was, in fact, #8. So Shizuku was the chosen replacement, so we have swapped the main question. So, who nominated her, or how Chrollo found her.

Because her ability isn't all that fighting-oriented. And her strength—measured by the arm wrestling test—is only twelfth in the troupe, I doubt she'd actually beat any of the other members.

So, how'd she get chosen?

Well, that's simple. Because Transmuters are all infected with the cat disease, which makes them cats or incredibly cat-like, Feitan was scared by her vacuum.

Because Feitan is notoriously hard to scare, the other troupe members hired Shizuku on the spot.

It was really obvious guys, idk how we didn't notice this before.

⋆˙⋆˙✮-Kortopi-✮⋆˙⋆˙

Kortopi, contrary to popular belief, isn't actually a child. I had assumed they hired a toddler, but no.

His age isn't actually shown on the Hunterpedia. But we know he's been a troupe member for at least three years. And he maintains the same height for the entirety of the show, so I'm guessing he's a short adult??? Idk, I don't think any hxh characters grew in the anime. Little bit of a design flaw.

Anyways, I'm assuming he's some special creature thing, like Bonolenov is. Which explains his shortness, and why his eye is so fucking round.

Getting that out of the way, Kortopi was most likely one of the members that Chrollo found before the troupe was all the big.

Which makes sense, because he's the weakest—again measured by the arm wrestling test, but I don't think he skips leg day, so maybe he is secretly the strongest, we'll never know—in the troupe.

And, while he can probably fight, I'm guessing his main purpose is just creating shit with his ability.

Yippee 🥳

"Now, assuming you aren't a child, you can't eat tomato soup backwards" -Kortopi, at some point, probably.

So, now we just need to figure out how Kortopi ran across the troupe in the first place.

Well, what I think happened is that he was forced into a fight against Shalnark. And he just kept copying tables, and kicking them at him with his ultra strong legs.

"Stop tossing fucking tables at- AGH- THAT FUCKING HURTS YOU KNOW!?" -Shalnark, probably.

"Idk I don't feel any pain." -Kortopi, not understanding how table tossing works.

"BECAUSE YOU ARENT THE ONE GETTING PELTED BY- AHHHHHHGHH-" -Shalnark, after a table came flying at him.

"Technically these tables are fakes that I created, so obviously they don't hurt because they're not real." -Kortopi, still not knowing how table tossing works.

"THATS NOT HOW THIS WORK- MOTHERFUCK-" -Shalnark, who only years later would get his cursing problem under control.

After being pelted with about eighteen tables, Shalnark finally forfeited the match. And Kortopi was jokingly offered his spot in the troupe Phinks.

After accepting, because why not. Phinks and the rest of the troupe members present, giddily explained to Chrollo that Shalnark was no longer a member, and Kortopi had taken his place.

Chrollo, giving up with trying to explain that that's not how it works, just "rehired" Shalnark on the spot.

Shalnark used this amazing opportunity as an excuse to hug Chrollo, to get the fatherly love he never received as a child. The end🔥🔥‼️

⋆˙⋆˙✮-Bonolenov-✮⋆˙⋆˙

This one's also really obvious guys. But he was one of the earlier members too. Probably being hired around the same time as Kortopi.

See, the troupe was raiding a museum. And Bonolenov was casually pretending to be a mummy, chilling in his coffin. So when Feitan opened the lid, Bonolenov screamed really fucking loud out of fear and shock.

Feitan immediately got spooked. And so Bonolenov was offered a chance to join. They later learned that he could do that music stuff, after he did it calmly at Feitan to try and calm him down.

It had the opposite effect, and Feitan wouldn't talk to him for three years.

Bonolenov didn't like it much when Feitan later on instant forgave Shizuku for scaring him.

Disrespectful.

Word Count: 2630

Fun Facts:

• Had to do actual research for this chapter, so I hope you at least learned something😖😖 Anyways this will all be on the test, so I hope you were taking notes.

• This chapter took forever cuz I had to keep stopping so I could go to work, and eat, and sleep, and all that dumb stuff:(

•So I was looking at everyone's numbers, and Uvogin, one of the original member, is literally number 11??? So I'm really starting to question how late it was when they decided to get numbered tattoos. Also just now realized the spider tattoo is 12 legged, not 13, because Chrollo is the head.