Kaori

The day of me giving birth came just like what date we had expected. Nagpa-panic ang mga kasama ko habang ako naman ay palakad-lakad lang sa hospital. Kady was at our house to get the baby's clothes and Hussein was hissing and mumbling beside me.

"Fuck! Babe, can you stop moving around?! You're scaring me to death!"

Ayan na naman siya sa reklamo niya. This is what the doctor instructed me to do. Also, no'ng huling usap namin ni Nev ay binigyan niya ako ng tips. That's why hindi na ako masyadong nag-aalala. Nev and her husband might come and visit me later.

"Hindi ka ba nakinig sa doktor kanina?"

"I did! Are you sure you will do the normal delivery? Mahihirapan ka kasi hindi natin sinunod 'yong payo ng OB mo."

"What? That we sould've did sex a lot?" napalabi ako.

"It's making hot love, damn it."

"Oo na! And yes, I'm sure. Hindi ko kayang isipin kapag nag-cesarian ako."

"We should do that-"

"No! Manahimik ka riyan!"

A few moments later, I felt pain. Hussein's face paled and he immediately carried me. Sinalubong naman agad kami ng stretcher. Hussein held my hand tightly while whispering I love you's.

"The baby is about to come out! 10 CM! Faster!" the doctor shouted and it made me more panicked.

"You can do this, baby. I love you. I'm here. I love you."

I screamed my heart out in pain.

"Tangina! Kasalanan mo 'to!"

"I know, baby. I'm sorry. I love you."

"Push, Kaori. Push!"

I did as what they instructed. Hindi ko na alam kung saan ibabaling ang ulo ko. Kay Hussein ba na mahigpit kong hawak ang kamay o sa kisame na puro ilaw.

"The baby's head is coming out. Push!"

"H-hindi ko na kaya..."

"A few more push, baby. You can do this."

I cried in pain as I pushed more and more. I never thought giving birth could be this hard and painful! All I know is that it is painful and all of that. I have never given importance to this matter. Noon, sa klase, hindi ako masyadong nakikinig kapag human anatomy ang lesson namin. I wasn't interested with any of it!

Ngayon pa lang kinukwestiyon ko na kung kaya ko pa ba 'tong gawin kung sakali.

"Baby, please, for our baby."

I glared at him. This is all his fault!

"Lalabas na, misis!"

"You're doing great, my queen. I love you. One last, baby. I love you. Thank you, baby."

Para akong nahimasmasan at nakahinga ako ng maluwag nang may lumabas sa 'kin. I heaved a long sigh and closed my eyes. But before all of it, I heard a crying sound of a baby.

I woke up in a room full of noises. Their attention was in a baby. There were just a few people inside the room but the noises were loud. Hussein is sitting next to me, looking at the baby. Pansin ko ring hawak-hawak nito ng mahigpit ang kamay ko.

"Kaori! Ang liit ng baby mo! Mommy ka na talaga! Naunahan mo pa ako!"

Dahil sa sigaw na 'yon ay pumalahaw ng iyak ang baby. Kady ran towards me with teary eyes and hugged me tightly.

"K-kady, para kang tanga!" tapik ko.

"Hindi na ikaw 'yong dating Kaori na kilala ko."

"Kady, 'yong baby." I forcefully removed her grip on me.

Napasimangot ito at bumalik sa kinauupuan. The doctor smiled at me and handed me the baby. Napatingin ako sa baby. Nang makomportable ito sa braso ko ay tumigil ang iyak nito at nakatulog agad. Ramdam kong may namumuong luha sa bawat sulok ng mga mata ko. I chose to brush it off and stared at the baby longer.

"It's a healthy baby girl, congratulations," she said.

"Congratulations, Kaori!" Nev greeted.

"Congratulations to the both of you," Nev's husband, Eros, said.

"Congrats. Ayos na 'yan," nagtatampong irap ni Kady.

It brought smile to my face. Nev was the one who recommended me with the doctor.

"See? Baby, you did great." With all smiles, he said.

Malamlam ang mga mata nito habang nakatingin sa amin. I pursed my lips and nodded.

"Babalik ako rito mamaya para ibigay ang form para sa name ni baby. Also, the baby needs breastfeeding from the mommy. Congratulations ulit."

"Thank you, Doc Scent." Nev smiled and I did the same.

"We'll get going na rin, Kaori. Hinintay lang talaga namin na magising ka. Hindi kasi mapakali itong asawa mo. Babalik kami later," Nev announced.

"Thank you for coming, Nev," tango ko.

"Lalabas muna ako at bibili ng makakain. Eight hours ka ring tulog, hindi pa ako kumakain!" mungkahi ni Kady na ikinatawa ko.

"Thank you, Kady. The best ka talaga."

"Dami mong alam!"

"Syempre, tinuruan mo yata ako." Nagmamagaling kong sagot.

She snickered and left the room.

"Baby, kanina mo pa ako hindi pinapansin," he darkly muttered.

Using my free hand, I reached for his face. "Ang pangit mo pa rin." I chuckled.

Of course, that was a lie. He was never ugly. Ang totoo nga ay sumobra pa sa standard ko ang angking kagwapuhan nito. Handsome is not enough to describe him.

He rook my hand and planted a peck at the back of it. Saka ito tumayo at pinatakan ako ng halik sa noo. Nang bumalik sa pagkakaupo ay tumagal ang titig nito sa 'kin. He wasn't smiling or anything, he was just staring intently at me.

"Staring is rude, big boy. Wala ka sa staring contest."

"I know. I love you. No, I adore you. So much. That's why I really want to keep you beside me."

"What's with you today?" natatawang tanong ko.

"Thank you for giving me our little angel. That's... what exactly what I... want to say." He stammered. "Thank you for coming into my life."

"Thank you for giving her to me, too. And for always being with me through ups and down. I just can't wait to marry you and be with you for the rest of my life."

Minsan napapatanong ako kung tama ba ang naging desisyon ko. Na iwanan ang pamilya ko at sumama kay Hussein. I feel so selfish. How could I leave them, right? My parents sheltered me, they adored me... too. Tinalikuran ko ang lahat para sa lalaking ito. I doubted but with no regret. Tinatanong ko ang sarili ko pero hindi ko pinagsisihan na iyon ang naging desisyon ko. There's no such thing that can justify what I did. It was all wrong... but also worth it.

"Do you want to hold her?" I asked. "Or did you carry her earlier?"

He shook his head. "I don't know how. S-she's tiny and I might..."

"You won't, love. Come. Hold your daughter."

Reluctant but he still did. He draw near me and I made him carry his daughter. A smile creep into my lips as I stare at him holding our daughter. Malawak ang naging ngiti nito nang bumaling sa 'kin saka ulit ibinaling ang atensyon sa anak.

"I think..."

"Hm?"

"We should get married. As soon as possible. I want to change your last name quickly. You're already marked, but not yet signed."

"Ikaw talaga. Wala akong takas sa 'yo eh," napailing ako.

"Bakit? Nagbabalak ka?" mas lalo itong napasimangot, nawala na ang ngiti sa labi. "Don't even try it. Different countries, different battalion. One call and they'll definitely move to track you."

"Sira ka ba?"

"Gano'n na nga. Hindi ka na talaga makakawala sa 'kin. Hindi kita kinuha sa lalaki mong bisugo para lang pakawalan. You were mine at the start and still mine at the end. Get it?"

"Wala akong lalaki. Nambibintang ka ah!" depensa ko.

"Payag ka nga na siya ang tumayong tatay sa anak natin. And you expect me to agree with that? Heck no!"

"Oo na." Irap ko.

"Akin ka lang."

"Oo nga," nayayamot kong sabi.

"Oh, and I won. It's a baby girl," he smirked. "Ready yourself after the wedding. We'll break beds."

"Mag-isa ka!"

When the baby started crying, he panicked. Agad niyang binigay iyon sa akin at tinitigan nalang ang baby na hawak ko. I swiftly moved my patient's gown and breastfeed the baby.

"Can I sip the other one?"

"Para sa anak mo 'yan, hindi para sa 'yo."

"That's alright. We can share."

"No."

After the breastfeed, the doctor came in with the papers.

"What would you like to name the baby?" she asked.

Hussein wrote down the name. We've talked about this already. He happily embraced my free hand again as if he's addicted to it.

Shivani Alekka Norhaya De Russo.

*****