13

I sat in my stiflingly hot math lesson, tapping my pen on the table and staring absently at the clock. My mind fell back to Tina, and I wondered what her problem. I couldn't even remember why I had become friends with her, probably another of my big mistakes that led me to... well.

I remembered my first day at school. I had walked in, covered in makeup and wearing my shortest skirt. I had been twelve, so everyone was giving me that 'look' that let me know they were going to bitch the instant I turned my back on them. I kept my head held high and walked alone to one side of the playground on my own. I wouldn't show it but I was completely terrified, no friendly face met mine. Then someone prodded my shoulder and I turned round.

'Hey' grinned a twelve year old Tina. She had green streaks in her hair for some reason and a white crop top showed off her belly button piercing. I thought she was beautiful. 'I'm Tina.'

'Hey' I replied 'Olly.'

'Cool name' her eyes swept over me, and she raised an eyebrow. Looking impressed. I felt suddenly so happy that someone like her would be impressed with me 'I love your clothes.'

'Umm... thanks. I love your hair.'

She stuck out her tongue 'it was a dare' she said.

'I love dares' I said. Kasia had dared me to make out with the guy at the party I lost it to.

'Really?' Tina smiled secretively 'do you want to come and meet my minions?'

I shouldn't have gone. I should never have gone.

But then again I should never have hung around with Tina.

And I shouldn't have got drunk at those parties.

And I shouldn't have got pregnant.

Actually I definitely shouldn't have got pregnant.

'Olivia, are you paying any attention' asked Miss Grahame.

I looked up at her, all grey hair and huge glasses. 'No' I replied truthfully, watching her reaction. She sighed. 'Are you really going to be like this?'

I shrugged 'I'm paying attention now.' I glanced back at Tina, who was leaning back on her chair in one corner and watching me with an amused look on her face. She pushed some hair out of her face and gave me that challenging look. 'But I'll probably fall asleep later.'

'Olivia...'

'What?' I said, in mock confusion 'you're really boring.'

She stared at me for a moment and I returned the stare with cold eyes. 'Go outside please' she said quietly. I stood up, kicked my chair in and walked towards the door. Looking back at Tina for a moment. Are you happy now?

Her look said it all. Not ever.

'That was genius' said Tina as we walked out of the lesson.

'Great' I said sarcastically 'I aim to please.'

'Oh come one, at least you weren't being boring.'

'I love you Tina' I said 'you have hilarious ideas of the word interesting.'

Tina paused for a moment, the look on her face had the look of concentration on it. 'You're so incredibly cold Olly' she said.

'You're too hot then' I replied.

'I know' she replied, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

'And please get more up yourself.'

'See what I mean' she said 'what's wrong with you?'

I suddenly felt really annoyed at her and turned round. 'Seriously, what's wrong with me? What's wrong with you? You keep following me and stuff. Are you in love with me or something?'

'Yes' she said, dangerous sarcasm edging her voice 'yes, I'm totally in love with you. That's why I go out with guys. God your dumb.'

'How the hell am I dumb?' I demanded.

Tina rose an eyebrow.

'Shut up' I almost shouted.

'I wasn't aware I was talking' she said calmly.

'Seriously' I said in a quieter voice 'I was thinking about it and I don't even know why I ever became your friend in the first place. It's pretty much made everything shit.'

'You were my friend cos I was the only one who wanted to talk to you' she replied 'I don't know why I ever bothered though, you're so boring.'

'I'm not being boring, not wanting to spend my life like this' I said.

'Like what?'

'Like you' I replied.

Tina stared at me for a moment then gave a knowing smile 'like me?' she repeated quietly 'I wasn't aware I was pregnant.'

I was suddenly frozen. I stared at Tina dumbly, feeling my eyes widen. 'What are you talking about?' I whispered.

'God Amy, give me some credit' she said, tossing her hair over her hair in arrogant Tina-style again. 'Like two months ago, every morning I feel really sick and I don't know why. Then you saying how you were always hungry and getting fat, the non alcohol stunt, and don't you realize I have kind of noticed the bump. God how many guys have you slept with?'

'Two' I said 'what about you?'

'Well I don't know' she replied, glancing around.

'It's gotta be hundreds' I said, spitefully.

'Don't be ridiculous' she said.

'I'm not' I said 'you probably have. And come on, I know you've had at least two abortions.'

Tina stared at me with those dark eyes and that stare I couldn't match 'you act like such a saint' she said 'and I might be a slut, but you're the biggest bitch in this place.'

'No I'm not' I replied 'you're both.'

Tina laughed 'Oh my God, you're still living in a world of fucking delusion. I'm not going to list your faults though, I'm not as bitchy as you. But let's see. I've slept with a lot of guys, but I know all their names. Do you know the guy you lost it to. Or even better baby daddy's?'

I didn't say anything.

'I thought so' she said, then waved 'laters Olly.'

I stood completely still watching her go. Then looked up at the people staring at me 'what are you looking at?' I asked angrily, and pushed through them into the toilets where I burst into tears.

14

IS IT TRUE?

I stared at the text, then deleted it. Then deleted five others that were pretty much the same, thinking one thing.

Shit, now they know. Everything's going to be awful.

I pulled a cushion up off the sofa and hugged it, smelling my mum's perfume on it. If I closed my eyes I could still pretend this hadn't happened, that it was all just the nightmare it seemed to be.

Then my mobile vibrated next to me. I pulled it out again and read the text.

WHAT GUY'S THE DAD. IS IT MIKE?

It was damning evidence that it was true. It was all true.

'Joshua' I heard my mum shouting from next door, and I turned the volume down on my TV to hear. 'Please don't hate me.'

'I don't hate you' he replied.

'Please don't hate Olly then.'

'I don't hate Olly' he was shouting now 'but I hate that fucking kid who got her pregnant and screwed everything up .'

I could hear mum crying 'it's not my fault.'

'I know it's not.'

'Then why are you so angry.'

He didn't reply.

'Why?' she sobbed.

'Well it's all shit now isn't it?' he said 'that's why I'm so angry. It was going to be so good and now it''s just all turned to shit and there's nothing we can do.'

'It will be over. Over in five months. Just five months. Can't you-'

'No. I can't get past it' he paused.

'But you're basically her dad.'

'Maybe if I was her dad this wouldn't have happened.'

'How can you even say that' yelled mum.

'Because it's true and you know it is' he replied 'seriously can we cool this off.'

My mum let out a deep heartbroken sob 'I love you' she said 'please don't leave me.'

'I'm not leaving you. I love you as well, it's just-'

'Just what?'

'Goodbye Catherine.' I could hear heavy steps then Joshua appeared at the door. 'See you around Olly' he said, his voice straggly hoarse.

'Bye' I said as he turned away and left. I closed my eyes and listened to my mum's heartbroken wails and felt my own tears fall into the emptiness. Like it wasn't real I stood up and walked into the kitchen doorway. 'Mum?' I said.

She looked up with red rimmed eyes sand I saw a glass in her hand of clear liquid. 'Go away' she said, her voice croaky and sobbed 'you've ruined everything.'