Hush, Howl 

I've never had a peaceful sleep that night. My guilt was flashing out of nowhere and won't even let me sleep a wink. Darren was still sweet and caring despite of the answers I gave him when he...confessed. He was still trying to act cheery, even though deep inside he feels crushed. I can see it in his eyes.

         I know that I was feeling the same for him. And knowing the fact that he feels the same way for me made my heart leap out of joy.

         I mean--he likes me, as he stated. And over the past few days, I've been keeping mine a deep secret. I am feeling the same, I like him too.

         Oh damn it!

         I tossed over my bed and buried my face on my pillow in frustration.

         Darren. Darren. Darren. Darren. The way he smiles. Admit it. Your heart flutters.

         I know I want to let go. Be happy even for once. But the past was hindering me. With every second that goes by, I know that that day is coming closer. I just want to be alone. It's something that I need to face. Alone.

         Darren. Darren. Darren. The way he talks. He has those cute dimples you know!

         Ugh! I tossed the pillow off my face and glanced at the time. But instead of the clock, I saw the flowers behind it. Fresh and lively inside a vase filled with water. Something which was just given to me in an occassion that just occured.

         Darren. Darren. The way he's so sweet and romantic. You like him, don't you?

         That's it!

         I harshly threw the covers off me and hopped out of my bed. I pulled open my drawer where I last placed my flute and stomped my way out of my room.

         As I opened the door out, I took a deep breath and walked as quiet as a mouse.

         After I got out of the house through the back door, I ran towards the forest in my pajamas. It's dark and eerily quiet. There's no one there but me, nature and probably wild animals.

         Despite of the darkness, I managed to navigate my way towards my usual spot.

         I sat down the tree stump and raised the tone plate over my lips.

         I think I know just the song to release my frustrations.

         My tune doesn't sound vulnerable. In fact it was filled with energy. I guess I'm using it as a bridge to lash out my frustration and irritation.

         I closed my eyes and saw memories flooding into my brain. I soon found myself slowly altering the tune to the one Darren and I were playing, so I quickly focused back to the current song.

         Darren. You love him.

         Ugh, even my flute is starting to scream Darren.

         Noises rustled from my right. Frustrated, I stopped playing my flute and threw it away from me. I watched it as it hit the tree and bounced off before settling down on the ground where I can see it.

         I buried my face on my palms and propped my elbow above my knee to support my head. Rubbing my face, warm liquid oozed on my palms and I realized that I was crying. I wiped away the tears with the sleeves of my pajamas and sobbed violently.

         I don't know why, but everything is just too overwhelming for me.

         First, I found myself falling for a handsome stranger, second, I realized that that day was inching slowly.

         The day which I always want to avoid.

         The night was cold, one sign that reminded me. December is still coming in, despite of everything that was currently happening.

         That's why I continued to weep, because it was a few weeks before Christmas when my parents died. I might've forgotten to mention it, because I was utterly confused with what to do with the past, the memories...the pain.

         I know that I've been busy from the last few days, struggling in my everyday life for school.

         That day...it reminds me of something that I don't want and want to remember. There are two conflicting emotions that are forcing their way into my heart and only one can enter. For most of the time, I'm confused of which one to let in.

         There was a sudden lick on the back of my hand and I looked up to see silver orbs staring back at me.

         I could've sworn I thought it was Darren.

         Darwin. Darren.

         Their eyes show pretty much the same emotions.

         'Feeling sad like me, boy?' I asked through my mind, he licked my hands again. I wiped off his slobber and slid my hands around his neck and pulled him close into a warm hug.

         His head laid on the crook of my neck while I buried mine into his soft, warm fur. He smell woodsy and like pines...not like a wet dog.

         I'm so confused...

         I don't know what to do.

         If mom was here, she'd probably know what's best.

         Darwin whimpered and I pulled away, only to have him lick my face. I wiped off his slobber and gazed into his eyes with my teary ones.

         The look in his eyes were silently telling me not to lose hope.

         Is it just me? Or this dog thinks like a human of some sort?

         I smiled weakly at him and engulfed him into another hug, closing my eyes at the comfort of his presence.

         The sensation felt as if Darren was there and not the wolf. The aura was the same, the warmth emanating from his figure was the same...

-*- 

I never thought I'd wake up with me lying on my bedroom, changed in fresh clothes. The last time I checked, I was in the woods with the wolf.

         I looked around me, my hands scanning my surroundings. All I felt were the soft, cuddly sheets.

         I must've fallen aleep.

         I was laying under the covers and there was no sign that I've been in the woods last night.

         I sighed and tucked the strands of my hair behind my ear as I sat up.

         Seeming that today is another school day, I hopped out of my bed and proceeded to do my usual morning routine. I got a small glimpse from outside my window, hoping that there will be snow soon besides the cold weather. But nothing greeted me except the bright rays of the sun.

         After I finished taking a shower and dressing myself into a neat pair of clothes to shield me from the shivering cold temperature, I opened the drawer where I usually place my flute, but to my shock, it wasn't there.

         I began to search my entire room, frantically. It must be somewhere! Under the covers, under the bed!

         It isn't anywhere!

         Panic and fear crawled towards me. I can't possibly lose one of the most important treasures that my parents gave me!

         I began to weep. Tears beginning to flow from my cheeks.

         "Hey, Saf. Are you up?" Hearing Rosy knocking behind the door, I wiped away my tear-stained cheeks and sat on the edge of my duvet. I glanced at my clock and realized I have woken later than I usually do. Now, we'll be heading straight to school.

         The door creaked ajar. Rosy's head peaked inside. When she saw me crying, she opened the door fully and walked over to me. "Is there anything wrong?" She asked, sitting beside me and placing a comforting hand over my shoulder.

         I grabbed the box of my flute and showed her the emptiness it has. The hollow depths molded for my flute to rest in.

         Rosy gasped in realization as I placed the empty box on her lap. "Your flute's lost!"

         Thanks, captain obvious. I mentally said.

         "Would you like to us to remain home and find it?"

         I shook my head as an answer. Raising my hands, I began doing my sign language. "No. You go to school, I'll stay home."

         She opened her mouth to object but she chose against it and stayed quiet. She knows how much important that flute is for me. It's something that I have since I was young, without it I wouldn't feel complete.

         "I'll say you aren't feeling well." She said and walked out of the door to leave me alone.

         You can't blame me. That's something I wouldn't trade for the world.

         I spent the rest of the day searching every inch of my room. So far, no progress at all.

         I recieved a message on my phone two hours later from Rosy, stating that our principal wants me to do the honors again in playing my flute. But I texted her back, saying to tell the principal sorry because I can't play without my flute, which is obviously lost. And I won't play another flute besides it.

         My cellphone beeped a few minutes later, this time, it was from Darren.

         He was asking about how I was, and that he was sorry for the flute that I lost. He even placed an emoticon at the end.

         I did not expect him to ask me anything after last night when I turned him down. He must've still felt...bad after last night.

         Running up to my room, I took off my slippers and crawled on top of my duvet. I began fiddling with the keypad of my cellphone after hitting the reply button to text him back.

         'I'm OK. Tnx. I wnt t say srry 4 wat hppnd lst nght. Stll feel bad bout it.

         -S'

         I hit the reply button without even thinking. I was lost in my own thoughts and when I realized what I just said, I began to panic. I'm so stupid! Why did I even say that?

         'It's fine. I knw ur nt ready yet. Can I cme ovr ltr? Got smthng t gve u.

         BTW I miss ü.

         -D'

         i know that isn't really the best thing I heard so far, but I can't help but feel flattered of his determination. Although I can't help but a little bit suspicious of what happened last night. Because of all anger and frustrations, I threw my flute away. But I did check out the forest where I was last in, just a few minutes after Rosy left for school and auntie for work. I found nothing there, and I'm starting to think everything that happened was a dream.

         A dream that seemed very real.

         I began typing in the message that I'm going to send.

         'Cool, dats gr8. Cn't u give it to Rosy? I thnk she won't mind.

         -S'

         I hit the send button and sighed as I leaned back against the fluffy pillows on my bed. My phone beeped and vibrated in my hands. About a minute later and I looked down at the screen. There was a new message recieved from the same sender, so I took a minute to save his number and inserted his name.

         Hitting the open button, my screen processed before finally showing the message Darren sent me.

         'It's smthng I wanna gve u in persn.

         -D'

         I squinted my eyes over the words, scrutinizing the screen carefully as if it's just a mirage that I'm willing to get out of.

         What's so important about that thing that he needs to give it to me personally instead of passing it over to Rosy to give it to me? It made me curious...I was dying to know what it is so much it hurts. Was it really that valuable?

         I typed in a message telling him that I'm agreeing and I'll be waiting for his arrival later. Since I'm tired searching and all, I decided to drop on the seat in front of the computer and log into my account in facebook.

         My account only had about fifty-three friends. Nerds, geeks...all those who are in the bottom level of the social status.

         I got a notification that Louise Anderson, the elective secretary of the prom commitee was inviting me on an event. Prom was only four weeks away. Which alarmed me. I thought Rosy said it was two months away?

         Oh, well. Guess everything changes.

         My phone beeped, catching my attention. I absentmindedly placed it beside me.

         Checking what it was, I discovered that it was a message from Darren again.

         'Gr8! C u ltr.

         -D'

         I placed the cellphone back down and stared at my computer screen.

         Prom. Prom. Prom.

         Who am I going to take? Ugh. Surely, I'll go there alone.

         The day dragged on slowly and I spent most of my time in front of the computer, making my eyes sore. Even before I know it, my cell phone beeped again. Another message, I suppose.

         I grabbed my phone and opened a new message sent by Darren.

         'I think I can't make it. Sorry, Saf. Something came up. I'll be seeing you some other time.</3

         -D'

         Since when did he decide to make his words full? It makes me sad I can't see him.

         I hit the reply button and began inserting a message.

         'K, wat hppnd? Smthng wrong?

         -S'

         I pressed send and got a reply a few minutes later.

         'Family issues, u know? Srry, Saf. I'll be seeing u when I can.

         Always remember though. This hasn't got anything to do with what happened last night. And I'll try and keep in touch with u as often as possible. I don't want u to worry about anything.

         -D'

         I got to admit that I was still feeling a little guilty of what happened last night. But then, who can blame me? I like Darren, too. But I'm not ready for a commitment if I'm not much sure about my feelings. I'm starting to feel a little bit confused and frustrated right now. Was what happened in the woods last night real?

         And what kind of family issues is happening between Darren's family? They seem really happy and all, I don't think anything bad would happen to them. Whatever it is, I wish that issue would be dealt with soon.

         I sighed. These things that are happening around me will make me go crazy. I don't know if I can handle it.

         Maybe, I can't handle all of this. Alone. I think I'm going to need help after all. It was really selfish of me to think that everything occuring in my life is something which must be dealt by myself. I need help.

         Still, I can't help but feel curious. How'd Darren get my number? He must've asked Rosy for it or something.

         More problems are approaching and I'm not sure if I can solve any of them. Prom, my flute, my feelings for Darren, what happened in the woods last night...what am I going to do now?