A/n: The first scene here is quite emotional. Self pitying it is. If you can relate yourself, don't be like her. Nothing's wrong being like her.

I was disgusted with myself. 🎵🎶

After Yuri took me home that night, I just stayed home.

I'm still broken.

I don't go to school.

I don't accept phone calls.

I barely eat and drink.

I closed myself to the world and built my walls.

I even changed my passcode so Yuri won't barge in anymore. I know she's worried and concerned but I need time to be alone.

I'm still figuring it out, what's wrong with me?

Lesbian. I'm allergic with that word. Bullshyt.

They put me in that fvcking word and described me just like that!

Is it a sin to love same sex?

What about normal couples committing sex even if they're not yet married? Is that an exception?

Maybe it is a sin and being like me is wrong. I am wrong, all of me is big a mistake.

I just want to disappear like I didn't even exist.

I feel something's wrong with me like I have infectious disease.

I feel useless.

Same as I feel nothing, empty inside.

Days passes but I couldn't care less, I'm totally wasted that's why I'm disgusted and hate myself for being like this.

I deserve to be rejected, to be hurt and to be criticized because being like me is crime and immoral. That marked my mind.

This was the very first time, I refused myself. All my confidence vanished and turned to shame.

I can't face them with this shit in me!

I'm asking why I need to be like this? I wished to be normal but my heart won't listen.

It likes girls.

And it beats still for her.

I was snapped from my reverie when my phone vibrated on the nightstand.

I was in my bed lying on my stomach lifelessly. My stomach continued to grumble and I could feel my lips were dried. My eyelids were heavy cause of lacking sleeps.

My phone fell on the floor, I took it and realized that I didn't touch it since that night. 

Low battery. I weakly stood up and connected it to the charger.

I opened the messages from family and friends including my dad, sis and Yul.

Of course, no text from Taeyeon. Why would she care? We just met and I'm just nothing but a lesbian to her.

But unknown number caught my attention, I read it.

From Unknown

Hey Tiffany, u didn't call or even text me.

Anyway, is there something missing to you?

Tiffany?

I have your wallet and I want to give it back to you.

Where can I meet you?

Your IDs are here, is it not important?

Call me if you want to get it, I tried calling you too but you're just ignoring me.

All that messages are sent different time.

Who's that? That person knows my name, who could that be?

Shit. My wallet! I need it back!

I facepalmed. And not thinking, I called the unknown number. It rang in line few times then someone picked it up.

"Hello?" It's a girl. She has a sweet voice.

"Who are you?"

"I thought you will never call me Tiffany."

"Who are you?" I repeated.

"Do you really want to know?"

I sighed, she's annoying "Where can I get my wallet?"

"Fine, let's meet at Babeans near your crib." Wait what? She knows my address too??

"Who are you??" I almost yelled.

I heard low sound of breathing "It's Summer, the girl in the club. I hope you remember me and Yuri's my friend. When you both left the club, I saw your wallet on the counter so I took it. Don't worry, I didn't explore it or something I just look at your IDs. I swear, it's intact."

I sighed, Yuri again. Is she trying to set me on a date?

"Okay Summer, let's meet there this afternoon. Anyway I'm sorry and thank you for keeping my wallet safe."

"It's nothing, you're welcome dear and see you."

"Okay," then I hang up. I put my phone down on the nightstand.

I walked to the mirror and saw myself, I looked in terrible condition.

I have black eyes like panda and my skin was very pale white.

My lips also hurts because of its dryness.

I need to get ready, I need to show people that I'm fine so they will not ask questions.

Babeans. Taeyeon will not be there in the afternoon, still, that place will remind me of her.

At Babeans.

I'm already sitting in my usual seat near at the glass wall. I ordered  Double Chocolate Chip Frappe, it's not so me because I prefer Strawberries and Creme regularly.

I didn't see Taeyeon around but as I toured my eyes in the place, it reminds me of her so I just glued my eyes outside. I shouldn't think of her so I stared blankly at the people walking and passing by. Busy street as the cars were stuck in traffic jam.

Also, I'm glad the weather's fine... not too hot neither cold. This lifted my mood a bit.

Then the barista came and put down my order on the table. I could sense that she's still on my side, I looked at my Praffe and saw familiar figure in my peripheral view.

I gulped, no way.

I slowly looked up to confirm my suspicion.

I froze and my heart beats wildly when I saw her face.

It's Taeyeon, no way.

She smiled a little and it gave shivers down my spine. My pale skin became reddish as my blood circulation was back to its normal pace. And she's giving me positive energy.

I feel so alive just seeing her.

She has still this effect on me.

I stared at her in awe then I noticed that she was panting and sweating, did she run or something? She looked concerned to me?

She took out her pad of sticky notes from her back pocket of her jeans and started to write but it was intervened by a tall familiar girl.

"Hi Tiffany, sorry if I keep you waiting sweetie," the girl from the club, Summer.

I have no doubt that she's a friend of Yuri because she's also tardy, I tried not to roll my eyes.

Summer sat down in front of me and gave me a box of chocolate, the packaging looks expensive though.

"Token for being late," she held my hand and kissed the back of it. I quickly pulled my hand away.

I glanced at Taeyeon and she looked not very happy with that, her expression changed as she gazed at me and Summer.

She grimaced and gave me a dirty look.

Nah, I know. What a homophobic, right?

Summer looked at her "I order Malted Mocha latte, thank you."

Taeyeon didn't even glanced at Summer and she just turned around then walked away.

"What's wrong with her? I would think that she's just jealous if we know her," Summer nonchalantly said.

Oh no, if you just knew that she's straight and she's just disgusted with the scene.

My mood fell down when Taeyeon walked away, she took all of my energy with her.

Summer took out my wallet from her bag and handed it to me.

I smiled "Thank you Summer."

Summer nodded as her order came but it's not Taeyeon anymore. Jessica put down the cup of mocha latte "Thank you, enjoy your drink."

Her icy glares made me nervous, she glared to me? And what? Where's Taeyeon? Is she sick to see me with another girl? That we will infect her?

I wanted to cry but I just keep it cool, I will never show myself weak in public.

"So... you will treat me on a date?" Summer teasingly said.

I stood up "Thank you so much for taking care of my wallet. I'll make it up to you some other time."

I can't stay here anymore, I need to leave as much as possible.

"Are you going home? Let me give you a ride?" She offered.

I shook my head "Thank you but I can walk and it's just near. I need to go, thank you so much."

Summer nodded and it's my cue to leave the place. I took her token with me and as I opened the door and left the place, I could breathe again.

This was the last time I will go in that place because it suffocating me when I'm in there.

I feel humiliated even if she didn't talk to me.

With just her eyes showed how much she hates to see me.

I couldn't take it anymore, it's weird that it happened to me.

My heart is so innocent with this. 

I know, this was fucking freak and hopeless.

I'm hopeless.

*****