I knew it was probably best for me but I was wanting to back out and just drive back home. However, I was so nervous about it and about being late that I just ended up being twenty-five minutes early. It was slightly cold as I waited in my car for an appropriate amount of time to arrive just perfectly early because on time would be too late but too early would be rude.

It all started at work when I was on break at the same time as Ryan. He was telling me about his weekend plans and that tonight he was having a small get together with some of his friends. For some reason, he felt the urge to invite me. I felt bad, he seemed excited to have me over for the first time outside of work. We were mostly work buddies but I think he was wanting to step us up to outside work friends.

I waited until ten minutes before the starting time and got out of my car, walking up to Ryan's apartment. I knocked on the door, biting my lip as I fidgeted with my rings. Ryan opened the door and smiled, inviting me in. I was the first one there and was immediately regretting this even more.

"Sit down, relax," he said.

I nervously sat down on the couch, pulling at my coat's zipper.

"What's your drink, Frank?" Ryan asked.

"Water is fine," I said.

Ryan smiled and handed me a bottle of water. People started arriving and I was introduced to them at first before I started getting a little too overwhelmed. I went to the kitchen to try and hide out a little, even though it was an open concept and you could still see into the other space. The door opened and I felt like I was hit with a small wave that made my heart stop. A girl with short black hair walked in, giving Ryan a hug. She was close to my age, probably about twenty-one. Her cheeks were a bit rosy, although I couldn't tell whether or not that was her makeup. Ryan took off her jacket and I could see her pale arms contrasting with her black crop top. She wore a dark red plaid skirt with some tights and boots.

I went to lean on the counter when I missed and tipped over a bowl, spilling some pretzels on the ground. I panicked as I cleaned it up and Ryan helped me to replace them, putting them on the coffee table. It was hard to join them but I sat in the living room with everyone as I slowly learned who was who. The short punk kid with the red streak in his black hair was Pete. The one with the short blond hair and blue eyes were Bert. Lindsey had the platinum blonde hair and the red lipstick. Ray had the big curly hair. Patrick wore a fedora. And, last but not least, the pale girl with the black hair was named Genevieve, but everyone seemed to be calling her Gee.

"So, we were all getting there but this asshole in line just keeps heckling," Lindsey said as she continued on the story I wasn't really paying attention to.

I felt bad for not listening. But I was even more embarrassed about me being here at all. These were all clearly very close friends and I was merely just a pity invite. I was over here practically seventh wheeling everyone. I was actually trying to think of an excuse to get out.

"Hey, Ryan," I said quietly. "Dude, I got a massive headache and—"

"You've only had water," he interrupted. "Would you like Tylenol and ginger tea? Perhaps a cold compress?"

"I should maybe just go," I mumbled.

"Okay, can it wait twenty minutes?" Ryan asked.

I bit my lip as I nodded. Ryan went on to make a toast--even though none of us were eating--about how we were dear friends and meant the whole world to him. Even though it was sweet, I couldn't wait for it to be over because I felt like my world was ending.

I practically tripped over my own foot as I made my way to the door. I slipped on my boots, lacing them up when I heard footsteps coming closer. I stood up straight and looked at Gee, who was standing in front of me with a soft smile on her delicate lips. Up close I could see her gentle hazel eyes that seemed to sparkle in contrast with her black eyeliner.

"You okay?" She asked. "I know Ryan can be a little overwhelming."

"Yes," I said.

"I've never seen you around here before," she remarked. "How do you know Ryan?"

"Work," I said.

"Oh, so you work at the record store too?" Gee asked. "Are you new? I've never seen you there before."

"Relatively," I said with a shrug.

"Oh, that makes sense," she said. "I've been pretty busy lately, haven't been able to go hanging out at the store much. Or even hanging out with friends, I am very happy to be able to come here tonight."

She laughed softly as she tucked her hair behind her ear. I nodded, putting on my jacket.

"It was nice meeting you tonight, though," she said.

She put her hand on my elbow and I knew it was meant to be some sort of friendly or flirty gesture but I flinched and pulled back.

"I am so sorry," she said. "I shouldn't have touched you without permission."

I nodded, looking down at my feet.

"I should get going," I said.

"Yeah, I'll see you," Gee said.

She seemed a little disappointed as I walked out of the apartment. I practically ran to my car, getting in and driving away. I was gasping as I tried to control my breathing before getting to my apartment. I went in and immediately felt as though it were easier to breathe. I sat on the couch, closing my eyes as I tipped my head against the back cushion.

After about five minutes, I opened my eyes and looked at the boxes around my apartment. I bit my lip, looking at the good amount of dust that had collected on them. I got up and went to the kitchen. I had a bit of food at Ryan's but was still a bit hungry. I opened the fridge and found it empty other than three bottles of water, a pint of milk, a bag of shredded cheese and half a bell pepper. I sighed, grabbing the shredded cheese. I sprinkled it on top of some tortilla chips and microwaved it until the cheese melted.

I watched tv while eating my subpar nachos. When I was done, I washed off my dish and grabbed a glass of water to take my medicine. I went to my bedroom, which again had boxes laying around. I sat in bed and picked up the book I had been reading after taking off my pants and socks.

I was just relaxing into my bed when I got a message on my phone. I sighed, picking it up to see a text from Ryan.

Ryan: Hey, dude, it was great that you could make it!

Frank: Yeah, it was cool

It wasn't really the truth but wasn't really a lie either. It wasn't bad overall but I could not have gotten out of there faster. I'm not sure what happened to change my mindset so fast. I didn't want to go in the first place but I was determined, I thought my therapist might like to hear the major steps I took. Somehow I ended up getting freaked out and needed to get out of there as soon as possible.

I set my phone down and sighed, chewing on my bottom lip. I took a few deep breaths in order to try and get back to my peaceful state of mind. I reopened my book, only to be dealt with another message that vibrated my phone. I groaned, setting my book down.

Ryan: I hope you met some cool people, I saw you talking to Gee before you left.

Frank: Yes

I wasn't saying anything more because there really wasn't anything more to say. Our paths had crossed for a very short and superficial conversation and that was that. She was nice, yeah, but everyone there was nice. I wasn't expecting everyone to go out of their way to be rude.

Unless...did it seem like they were being too nice? What if they were pretending to be nice but they all actually hated me? I bit my thumb nail as I recounted every single thing from the party for any indication that any of them might have hated me. I found no evidence but still decided they probably did hate me. I mean, who wouldn't hate me? I'm just a piece of shit.

I don't know why Ryan even invited me or why he would think I would fit in with all of his friends. Or maybe that was it, maybe it was all part of some elaborate joke against me. Maybe he brought his friends to see me and what a trainwreck I am knowing I would leave first and then they could all make fun of and laugh at me when I leave. I bet that's what they're doing right now, making fun of me.

I sighed as I put my phone on the nightstand. I wasn't that upset but I was a little bit disappointed. In the end I was already so depressed and defeated that this little incident really wasn't anything to me.

I looked at the envelope on the nightstand, seeing it was from my parents. It's been there for a week and I still haven't found the energy to open it. And tonight seemed to be no different as I turned off the light and laid down. I didn't even really sleep, just laid there staring at the ceiling, waiting for either unsettling dreams to show or for the sun to come up, whatever came first.