If I were to have one wish, it'd be to stop hurting others.

I don't know how I do it, but everywhere I go lingers an unintentional pain that seems to hurt everyone I come in contact with.

M̶a̶y̶b̶e̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶I̶ ̶S̶t̶o̶p̶p̶e̶d̶ ̶L̶i̶v̶i̶n̶g̶

Maybe if I stopped trying to act...Maybe then I'd earn their love...?

---

~January 4th 8:00 pm~

Well what do you know, another day of being ignored...

Tired of my daily routine I decided to head to bed early. I didn't need to be bothered with their harsh words today.

Curling up in the blanket, I allowed myself to cry. Tears slowly pooled my eyes before streaming down my cheeks leaving a familiar chilling sensation. I hated this. It's not like anyone really cared to notice the damp pillow. I sat there feeling like a miserable child as I sobbed loudly. I didn't understand it.

Why was I crying?

I knew my place, I knew I didn't deserve their love for being so painful but it hurt so damn much...

My chest stung...I held the pillow close. I had to finish soon. I couldn't imagine how harshly they'd tease me if they saw me at my weakest...

To my horror, I saw a figure in the doorway. Panicking, I ran into the washroom roughly wiping my now red and puffy eyes with a towel. I threw on my shades running out. It was my little Jyushimatsu.

Though his smile remained his eyes looked distressed.

"Heh, what ever could be the matter my little Jyushimatsu?" I asked holding out my arms for the fifth brother whom eagerly jumped me into a hug.

Overjoyed, I gently squeezed him in my arms. Savouring the moment...The one time I actually felt like a big brother since t̷h̷e̷n̷.

His shoulders shook.

Frantic, I gently cupped his cheeks to see his face. He too was crying.

"A-Ah, do not fret bruzza! I shall accompany you until you feel better, ok?" I asked.

He nodded quivering gently. I tucked him into the blanket. "I'll go make you some food-" I offered before feeling his large sleeves tugging at my arm. "H-Hm?" I asked finding myself nervous. I didn't want to mess up. Not again...

"Why were you crying...?" Jyushimatsu asked. His voice weak.

I looked away. My heart pounding as I began to sweat. 'He saw, does this mean he's actually concerned...?' I thought allowing myself to dare the possibilities. "A-Ah, I simply watched a sad video~" I cooed not wanting to upset him further.

Jyushimatsu then presented one of his brilliantly bright smiles. He tugged on my arm. Dragging my out of the room.

Taken aback, I followed eagerly. "Where are we-"

"Sh!" He cut me off with a giggle. "We gotta be quiet! We're gonna go for a secret walk!" He declared with a childish hum. Whispering loud enough for everyone to hear.

They all knew of his plan but decided to let him think he was sneaking out.

I tilted my head. "Secret?" I asked as he darted outside.

He began running. Leaving only the sounds of his slippers tapping against the chilly ground below.

"Jyushimatsu?! Bruzza? It's cold out be careful!" I cried running after him.

Following the trail of giggled I eventually found Jyushimatsu making a snow angel. It seemed that he didn't care about the snow in his hair.

I sighed and chuckled. He had given me quite a scare. "So you come out here to play?" I guessed.

Jyushimatsu nodded eagerly. "Sometimes Ichimatsu comes so we can find kitties but I can have fun alone too.." he mumbled clearly focused on something else.

I followed his eyes only to see a cat themed snow man.

Jyushimatsu's eyes sparkled. "Woahaha, I gotta show Ichimatsu Nii-San this!~" he cheered peeking around at it eagerly. He clearly wondered who made such a thing.

I sat and watched. Though I didn't understand his excitement it definitely made me feel better to see someone so happy.

"So what else do you do on your secret walks?" I asked not wanting the day to end.

He looked up at the night sky. "You'll see soon!" He cheered beginning to drag me to our next location. The local park.

There was a vendor giving out free hot chocolates. Jyushimatsu happily walked over grabbing two.

He handed one to me, the warm cup instantly warming me up. "What now?" I asked sitting on a nearby bench.

Jyushimatsu pointed up. "See? Look, Look!" He exclaimed pointing at the dazzling stars. It was beautiful...Enough to bring one to tears.

We stayed like that for a while. A comfortable silence filling the park.

"It's Ichimatsu Nii-San!" Jyushimatsu suddenly cheered. The sudden booming loud voice causing me to jump, my hot chocolate spilling onto Jyushimatsu's lap. Burning him.

Jyushimatsu suddenly winced letting out a squeak.

I looked down realizing what I had done. However, it was too late. My eyes widened. I began to think of what to do.

Towel?

Ice?

Candy?

Jyushimatsu's smile trembled. "A-...A-Ahaha, I-its ok...it was an accident..." he whimpered before erupting into sobs.

Ichimatsu ran over.

I was dead.

"What happened?!" He asked in a growl. His normally calm and collected lazy time now fired up by rage.

Jyushimatsu sniffled as he was lifted into Ichimatsu's arms.

Ichimatsu then used his free hand that wasn't cradling his little brother to pick me up by my collar.

"What the FUCK did you do SHITTYMATSU?!" He asked.

I felt my body begin to tremble. Looking away. "I-It was a mista-" I was cut off to the feeling of a fist to my cheek. Wincing, I allowed him to throw me back onto the bench.

More bruises on my back due to the harsh wood.

A small 'tch' like sound rose from his lips. Giving me a look of disgust.

I didn't mind, it was my fault after all.

---

*One Hour Later*

Once Jyushimatsu had calmed down he finally climbed away from Ichimatsu. Though he said he forgave me I knew he was still upset...

He walked in between me and Ichimatsu holding our hands.

For some reason, he seemed to be acting as if nothing had happened...

---
(( January 4th 10:00 PM))
Jyushimatsu had been swinging my hands for quite some time now. After a moment of silence I cautiously spoke up. "Thank you Jyushimatsu..." I murmured not bothering with my cool guy act.

He giggled cupping my cheeks. "Don't be sad! It's ok!~" he cheered before pulling away without my noticing. I had been too excited to be noticed that I hadn't seen him leave.

My hand felt cold...I decided to reach into my pocket. To my luck, I had some lolipops left. "Heh, my little Jyushimatsu~, Care for a-" I paused looking forward.

Jyushimatsu had completely left me...He was off with Ichimatsu. They were going into a candy store.

I ran to catch up.

Not now, please not again...

Don't leave me behind...

I panted hard at the door of the store. "No Need my bruzza's as I, Karamatsu, have gotten you some-" my voice broke. Jyushimatsu and Ichimatsu came out with a large array of candies. Including lollipops.

Without a word, I walked away. Jyushimatsu followed soon after.

"Karamatsu Nii-San what's wrong?" He asked turning me towards him. Catching Ichimatsu's attention in the process.

I felt as the one hint of a smile I had smashed into pieces before their very eyes. My grip loosened allowing the lollipop to drop. Shattering into the icy concrete below...

Much like my heart in that very moment. If not the kindest of brothers, then who could possibly love someone as pitiful as me...

My chest began to burn. Why...? Why is it hurting?

(A/N)

(●'ω｀●) it's finally done! I'm really sorry for the late update, I was having some family issues. That tied in with my writers block made for a very uneventful week.

Uh uh uhh I wanted to suggest that you read my friend Hashimoto_Nyaa 's fan fiction because she's a lovely person/ writer who deserves the praise!

Also, I wanted to thank you for sticking with my through my writers block. I hope you're enjoying my story so far!

Also, NO THIS IS NOT AN KARAJYUSHI FANFIC. I just wanted to have Karamatsu have a connection with someone so the ending can be harder on you guys. Oops sorry. (~￣▽￣)~