⏱️ The Next Day...

°Deanne's POV°
9:10 A.M.

🎶Nice to meet you, I'm sorry.
I'm just here to do my job.
Nice to meet you, no running.
Please don't fear me, I'm just karma...

Let me dance for you, I'm sorry.
You'll wanna love me strong, then I'm gone.
This feeling's just for you and your wrongs.
I am just here to do my job...!

Devil in disguise (oh)... 🎶

My head bops as I sing along to Summer Walker's 'Karma', adjusting the earpiece that's in my right ear as I meditate on the lyrics.

I've been playing my 'I Hate Men' playlist, on repeat, all morning, to keep me company while I wash.

Don't know why, but I thought it fitting...

After what happened yesterday, mi pledge fi stay FAR from man fi the rest of my life!

Because this cyaaa real...

After mi embarrassed miself so, yuh mad?

Rubbing the remnant of sleep from my eye that's burning, I click 'replay' on my phone, before tucking the device back into the waistband of my short biker shorts and flipping the hem of my shirt back over it.

I've been up from after 7 o'clock this morning, and all now mi cyaa feel the energy fi do noth'n. Mi coulda wash tomorrow eno, since mi nawh go a school, but mi a try use washing as a distraction from the thoughts that have been plaguing me since yesterday.

The entire night, nothing named sleep came my way. Every time I closed my eyes, Driva's eyes raking over my naked body flashed across my mind.

Almost like it was taunting me.

No sah...

It must had been my karma for going back on my word about hating men.

But, ever since mi towel decide fi star its own show and expose mi body to a complete stranger, it's like mi cyaa come back to mi senses. Yuh woulda believe say mi bawl?

Lone tears to pussyclaat.

Aye! It's like mi did know say mi shouldn't go the funeral eno. From mi family war; to telling the man say mi can tek hood; to that--everything just tumble dung pon mi one time so. Then, just as cheap we label the whole day as: A Series of Embarrassing Events. Don't it? Because...wah else?

I sigh.

All now mi cyaa believe that happened, to rahtid.

Aye, yuh know shame?

Mi say mi embarrassed!

If mi did eva outta door, when it happened, mi fling mi head inna the dirt like Ostrich to pussyclaat!

I swear to God.

Shaking my head to free my thoughts, I pick up one of my white blouse, from out of the bath pan, plus the clothespin basket, and walk--my crocs squeaking beneath my feet--to the other end of the line that still has a section that's empty; yasso can hold 'bout two uniform blouse and mi marina dem.

As I pin the fabric to the clothesline, my mind flashes back to the look on such man's face. Eyes filled with intrigue, and a hunger burning so strong I could feel the heat, on my skin...and between my legs.

My heart skips a beat.

Instead the man turn weh him yeye, him look eno. Look yuh fuck.

If mi nah lie, mi coulda all swear say mi see him sum'n stand up. Aye!

"Watch mi and him! If mi eva see him again mi ago gi him one big, dutty karate kick, watch," I mumble under my breath, clipping a few of the clothespins onto the mid-section of the big, white t-shirt I'm wearing. "Show him say him fi have respect..."

Laughing aloud, I shake my head at how ridiculous I sound.

No sah, this sweet.

Cause...

Weh mi even ago see the man again?

I laugh again, louder this time. Affi really tek bad things mek joke.

Plus, the man did the only thing he could've possibly done in that moment...look.

And I don't know if I can say I wrong him. Man goodly did well want the likkle yeye bruk.

Then again, mi woulda probably look too, were the roles reversed.

...scratch that! Mi definitely woulda full mi yeye dem!

Waiiii....

"Behave yuhself, Apple!" I tap my wrist while grinning like a fool. "Don't mek the whole world know say yuh n'ave noth'n 'bout yuh, gyalie."

Not yet, at least.

Listen, I'd be lying if I dare say that that man's eyes on me didn't make me feel some typa way though.

Aroused, maybe?

I nod. Yea...definitely.

Although, when it happened, I lied to myself, convincing myself otherwise: that it was merely a trick of the mind, in the heat of the moment.

What was I supposed to do? Own up the fact say mi did turned on by the way he looked at me?

No way! I'm supposed to think men are crawses, remember?

And, I mean, they are!

I just don't mind it too much when them a dig out mi hole...yuzimi?

Deanne Kacia Bradshaw...stop it!

Folding my lips to resist the urge to laugh again, I tilt my head to the sky as a sensation I can't quite explain flows throughout my body.

Mommy waa hear mi fi string mi up and sow up mi clit weh nuh stop jump in a mi shorts.

"No man, yuh know say mi fi do better!" I chastise myself, after a couple seconds pass, walking back to the pan of clothes that's set on the grass a few feet away from where I'm standing.

This nuh safe.

Mi cyaa understand weh alla dah sexual energy yah come from. It just spring up pon mi so, like when yuh dash salt pon frog back to pussyclaat.

This really nuh safe at all.

I don't trust myself when I'm like this. I was much more predictable when I pledged to hate men. A lie I could live with.

Matter-of-fact, I'll continue to be deceived. It's too dangerous out there in those streets. I'm a potential risk to myself, otherwise.

Mhmm.

That's right. N'ave no time fi entertain no man right now. Especially that sexy driva bwoy.

Just ago focus pon school; and mi CAPE exam dem weh deh right 'round the corner.

Mhmm.

Lie.

I chuckle at the thought.

Sometimes we affi lie to wiself fi save wiself yawh.

No joke.

My mind replays the way I felt, being wrapped in Driva's arms, yesterday; his firm body beneath mine and his strong hand gripping my waist as we stare into each other's eyes, as if transfixed. The imagery causes the heat to rise to my cheeks.

One thing I can't lie about, though, is that: he has a vibe.

In fact, I think I'm feeling him a little bit too much.

Something about him is just so attractive to me.

I can't ignore it.

And, if I'm to go by the dreams I had when I finally got some sleep in the wee hours of the morning, this morning, I'd say my body can't ignore it either.

Listen...

When I woke up this morning, I found myself in a sticky situation. Literally. Between my legs. Mi did affi get up, wipe out mi front and change mi baggie to how it did bad.

'Memba mi tell yuh this: the man wake up some things inna me weh mi cyaa control...and mi n'ave nobody!

Jah Jah.

Do you wanna know what the funny thing about this is?

It's that, the only other man, in all my nineteen years of life, that has ever gotten me to feel half of what I'm feeling now was Chance; someone I've known my whole life.

And what I felt with him pales in comparison to what this man--a man whose name I still don't even know--has made me feel in less than 72 hours.

I can't explain it.

But, as my mind goes back to my reaction after the incident, yesterday, I can't help but blush, feeling embarrassed all over again.

The man mussi think me a idiot deh now.

--° Flashback °--

The man standing before me, in the empty hallway, clears his throat, his eyes blazing with a look I can't quite describe.

It's like he's undressing me with his eyes, which shouldn't be hard, considering I'm only wearing a towel.

I feel hot.

Bothered.

In every way.

My skin prickles with goosebumps and I shuffle on my feet.

Suddenly feeling self-conscious, I reach up to tighten the towel around my body.

Only, there's no towel there to tighten.

My entire body fills with dread, as I break away from Driva's intense stare, bringing my eyes to meet the exposed skin, once concealed by a thick white towel; my breasts and vagina on full display.

Jesus Christ!

A frightened shriek leaves my lips as I spring back into the bathroom, slamming the door in the man's face.

Back against the door, my eyes circle the small bathroom space, while I take deep intakes of breath in an effort to calm my racing heartbeat.

Looking down, my frown deepens at the piece of cloth which pools at my feet. With a frustrated huff, I kick it away.

Tek that, drancro! Since yuh waa embrass mi!

The seriousness of the situation dawns on me and my lips tremble.

Yuh woulda think a me obeah Uncle Tony to rahtid...or shit pon him casket mek so much crawses a follow backa mi!

My heart continues to race, as I try to listen for any footsteps. But I hear nothing.

Whether he's still out there or not, I don't have a clue. But I know who's not about to check.

Mi nuh know how mi ago reach home tonight eno, 'cause mi cyaaa show mi face ever again!

After wah just happen?

Yuh crazy!

The more I think about it, the embarrassment I feel, slowly turns into anger.

Anger at myself for acting like a blasted baboon.

How mi nuffi feel say the towel drop offa mi body!?

Anger at the frigging, dutty, stinking towel weh put mi inna tha position ya inna the first place.

And at him weh clearly nuh understand boundaries.

Wah him a do in a the people dem house?

Then, him come in pon mi, and have the nerve fi a gawk over mi body like a typical dutty man!

Like a fuss him a see breasts and pumpum.

I scoff.

But my cheeks flush at the realization that, besides Chance, he's the only man to have ever seen my body, naked, since I touched puberty.

And I don't know how I feel about that fact.

With Chance, it was intentional.

This...this was a mistake.

An invasion of privacy and--

"Apple!" the sudden sound of my mother's voice, on the other side of the door, bellowing my name, makes me jump, breaking my train of thought.

"Yes, Mommy!"

My heart is beating fast, but I quickly pick up the towel from where it had landed next to the toilet, earlier, toss it into the wash bin by the door and pull a clean towel from the rack, quickly wrapping it around my body.

"Yuh still inna the bathroom? Wah yawh wash offa yuh body so long?"

With jittery hands, I open the door, revealing my mother who's staring at the door with narrowed eyes. I force a smile. "Mi done, Mommy. Mi did a dodo."

My mother chuckles, shaking her head, placing her hands akimbo. "Yuh belly woulda must a run after yuh nyam so much mixup mixup."

Holding my head down, I pretend to be embarrassed just to sell the lie.

When I look up, Mommy is watching me. Her smile turns serious as she moves to touch my face. "How yuh face so red? Yuh sick?"

Inna mi head, yes.

"Mi hot," I lie.

The truth is that mi just flash mi pumpum to the bus driver. And now mi waa kill miself.

Mommy doesn't seem convinced but she doesn't pressure the issue. Instead, she hums. "Alright, miss ting. The bus soon ready so try hurry up and get dressed."

The mention of the bus, hence the 'bus driver' makes my heart skip a beat.

Mi affi go bag mi face, 'cause mi cyaa mek the man see mi after wah just gwaan.

Pushing the thought behind me, I nod then frown when I take note of my mother's attire. Wah she still a do inna yard clothes? "Wait, yuh nawh get ready too?"

Stepping into the hallway, I pull the bathroom door closed behind me.

My eyes subconsciously search for Driva, but he's nowhere in sight.

Good.

"No. Mi nawh go up wid uno," Mommy tells me. "Monday before mi come up. Ago stay wid mi sister dem and help 'round the place."

Oh.

"So..."

"Ali say she a come up, so you and her can stay deh 'til mi come," she assures me, sensing my unease, I guess.

"Oh. Weh she deh?"

"She a get ready. And yuh still deh yasso inna towel and night a come. Hurry up and go put on yuh clothes, man!"

I giggle, turning towards the bedroom that's down the hall, when she slaps my ass, making me yelp.

"Yuh batty fat like!"

"Like mother like daughter," I tease, feeling slightly less tense.

Mommy laughs, turning on her heels and walking back through the door leading to the living room.

My smile fades the closer I get to the bedroom.

I don't know how I'm gonna make it out, on that long bus ride tonight, but let's pray I survive the anxiety attack I feel looming in the air.

--°End of Flashback°--

Thank God the universe was on my side and Driva was the one who drove the bus back to Kingston, so we didn't interact at all.

I spent the entire journey home, on my phone, distracting myself from the sneak glances Driva took, through the rear view mirror, every now and then.

The man must think mi nuh used to man. But mi nuh care.

I smile, at the memory.

"Miss, yuh couldn't wake mi?" Alicia's voice breaks my reverie.

Turning to face the direction from where the voice came, I spot my cousin as she steps out onto the back veranda, yawning.

Her face is puffy, causing her already doe-eyes to look sunken. Yuh couldn't wash yuh face first, nasty gyal? She adjusts the hem of her night gown before sitting on the top veranda step.

"Yuh have somewhere going?" I tease, addressing her initial question.

"No, but mi have mi uniform dem fi wash too...and since yawh use the machine mi woulda just wash now instead of plugging it in twice!"

When since yuh so considerate?

That ano Alicia Campbell. Mommy cuss day and night fi that same reason. All if a one piece of clothes Ali has, she ago put it fi wash inna machine. All when the light bill sky high.

A she and Mommy a pay it stillz.

I hum. "Good thing mi nuh dunce. "

"Wah?"

"Look pon the line and tell mi wah yuh see..."

I watch as her eyes squint, trailing along the length of the clothes line where I hung her uniforms.

I'd felt generous this morning, so I washed for everybody.

Her eyes widen in recognition and her mouth opens wide. "A lie! A that's why mi love yuh eno!"

Shaking my head, I feign annoyance by rolling my eyes.

Nevertheless, Alicia makes her way over to me, pulling me into a bone-crushing hug. "Thanks, Favourite!"

"Hmm. Mi a yuh favourite now nuh!" A so when yuh can do things fi people them gwaan eno.

"Stop gwaan so man! Yuh know mi love yuh. Ago buy yuh a bag juice fi that."

She laughs in my face and I scrunch my nose. "Miss, yuh breath a kick!"

Pulling away, she breathes into her palm and smells it, as I watch her, making a disgusted face.

This makes Alicia laugh harder. "Drancro, how yuh so terrible?"

"A Cynthia a mi mother." I smirk.

"Ago tell Aunty!"

"Do that and see if mi nuh dutty up back yuh clothes them...!"

Her smile drops. "A joke!"

I throw her my middle finger, and she laughs before turning back and heading inside the house.

Damn problem child.

A sudden, continuous, beeping sound in my ear tells me my phone battery is dying.

I sigh, pulling it from my waist and resting it on the veranda's railing.

"Ali!" I call.

"Yeah!" she answers from somewhere inside.

Shortly afterwards, I see her pop up at the doorway. "A wah?"

"Yuh can plug in mi phone fimi, please?"

She hums, walking over to the rail and picking it up. "Aunty did say when she a come up?"

Pinning the last piece of clothes to the line, I push up the line stick. "Mussi tomorrow she did say."

"Oh."

"Yeah. A wah?"

"Just a check..."

"Oh. OK."

"Shane ago come over later, yer?"

My eyes snap to her. Just thru Mommy nuh deh yah.

I hum.

"Yuh want nothing offa the road? If not, mi can cook sum'n like how yuh wash."

My belly rumbles at the mention of food.

Shaking my head, I say, "Mi nuh hungry."

Alicia regards me skeptically. "Yuh sure? Mi n'ave nuh problem cook sum'n eno."

Sure sure. "If mi waa sum'n later, mi tell yuh."

"Alright," she says, before disappearing inside once more.

I sigh.

. . .

I'm just about through with spreading out the clothes when a flash of red is caught in my peripheral.

Snapping my head towards the gate, my heart speeds up at the sudden company. Until I see who it is.

"Wash some fimi nuh!" Shavar says, hooking his foot into the fence to steady the bicycle he's on.

My smile spreads. "Yuh wicked to mi eeeh? After mi deh yasso a struggle?"

Shavar laughs. "Ano nuff, a just two shirts. And maybe one pants."

Watchya!

"Gwaan and lowe mi yawh, Shav!" I wipe the sweat from my brows.

Shavar's eyes trail over me, and he bites his lips.

I feel self-conscious under his stare, as I know my nipples are most likely printing through the damp material of my shirt since I'm bra-less.

Mi cyaa wear brassiere inna mi yard, no matter wah mi have on.

"Yuh can manage, man," he presses. "Stop gwaan so."

His tone is suggestive, making my face heat up. "Yuh must know."

He chuckles.

And I fold my arms across my chest. Bad move, as I see his eyes zero in on my chest. I loosen my arms, allowing them to fall to my sides.

"Mi like yuh shirt," he says, smirking.

"Gwaan nuh! Yuh nuh have noth'n fi go home go do, likkle bwoy?"

Shavar is far from little, but I'm trying to rile him up.

"Who yawh call likkle bwoy?" he sasses. "Man a big man."

"Which part?" I tease.

My jaws drop when he grips his crotch. "Look how mi ago tell Miss Peaches!"

This only serves to make Shavar laugh harder. "A bare things yuh gwaan wid eno, Apple!"

I hum.

A moment of silence passes between us, until he breaks it saying, "So yuh still nawh gimme the number?"

I smile sweetly. "Ask yuh bredda."

He hisses his teeth. "Nobada wid that, man, Apple. A full time eno."

He's always been jealous of Chance, his older brother, claiming that he--Shavar-- should've been the one who got me, instead.

"Wah mi do?" I play oblivious.

"Act like yuh nuh know."

"I don't." I bat my lashes.

He sucks his bottom lip between his teeth. "Yuh gwaan man."

I hum, adjusting the bonnet on my head.

"Yuh nuh see say we complement each other?" he says, narrowing his eyes and pulling at the hem of his shirt. "Watchya...white shirt and red shirt. A valentines match that eno."

Hear the mon!

My eyes scan his attire: red Tees paired with blue cut-off foot jeans and black wallabies.

His fade is fresh too, like he's coming straight from the barbershop. Most likely a fresh line-up for school tomorrow.

Rizz.

I laugh. "Yuh corny like."

"How yuh mean? A lyrics that, B!" He frowns.

"Shavar, gwaan and lowe mi mek mi finish do wah mi a do and go inside. Yuh ramp too much."

"Mi waa tek yuh to mi ramping shop, yes."

The big, dirty laugh which leaves my lips is unbecoming of me.

My reaction causes Shavar to shake his head, a small smile playing on his lips.

He sobers up quickly. "Yawh styla eno, yuh gwaan, man."

"If yuh say so."

"Mhmm. Yuh know say such man back inna the place again, don't?"

My smile immediately drops. "Who that?"

I think I know who he's referring to, but just to be sure.

"Chance."

My heart skips a beat at the sound of his name.

I haven't spoken to him in a year. After what happened between us, I've been avoiding him like a plague.

The last I heard he was away, at training. Three months done already?

"Oh."

"Yeah. Him soon graduate. Mussi next month."

I nod, not trusting my brain to form coherent words.

"Yeah man. So him will know wah fi do wid yuh!"

A shiver runs up my spine. I clear my throat. "Yeah. Later yawh, Shav, mi phone a ring."

Not a thing nuh gusso.

He looks slightly taken aback, but nods nonetheless. "Oh, ah..."

Mhmm.

Not sparing him a second glance, I turn and speed-walk to the house, up the steps and onto the veranda.

I can feel Shavar watching me, from the fence, but I don't look back as I go through the backdoor, pushing it shut behind me.

When it closes, with a click, I lean my back against it and exhale.

My mind reels.

Feelings I've tried burying deep, deep down, over these past couple months, immediately start to resurface...and I sigh.

Chance is here again, and I know he's gonna wanna know why I've been avoiding him all this time.

And I don't think I'm ready to open that can of worms just yet.

Especially when someone else has caught my attention.

Chance has never been an understanding guy. Hot tempered and rash. And I have a feeling training to be a correctional officer has made it worse.

Ah boi.

Another sigh leaves my lips at the predicament I've found myself in.

Then...

This nuh safe.

This nuh safe at all.

Shit.