Real Life
This oneshot is inspired by a conversation I had while facetiming my friend. It's based on the boys' lives and the events that had lead up to now. Obviously parts of it are dramatized but some of the elements I've written are very obvious in their lives today. The timeline is a little altered and some details have been changed but that's just for the story line. Enjoy.
"God fucking dammit!" Josh yelled as he tugged at his hair.
"Would you shut the hell up?" Tyler snapped in a quiet voice. "If fans or paps find out we're here they're gonna be real intrigued in our conversation. And what is everyone gonna think when golden boy Josh Dun starts screaming cuss words? Huh?"
"Conversation my ass," Josh scoffed, not addressing the second part of Tyler's reply. "It's me losing my fucking mind."
The two band members were currently in a hotel room in Los Angeles and it wasn't a nice one. Hell, it was barely a step up from Motel 8 but Tyler didn't mind it. He never did.
"J..."
"And it's bullshit you're staying at a hotel. I offered to let you stay with me at my place and now you're sleeping in this dump?"
"We both know why I didn't want to stay at your place."
The room went silent.
"Welcome to Guitar Center how may I— oh ew it's you."
"Nice to see you too Chris," Tyler grinned. "And I wouldn't talk that way to the handsome man bringing you lunch," he handed his band mate a bag of Taco Bell.
"Thank you I guess," Chris rolled his eyes playfully and Tyler laughed in response.
"You're welcome. Everything still on for rehearsal tonight?"
"Yeah," Chris nodded as he opened the fast food bag to make sure all of his stuff was in there. He paused. "Tyler?"
"Yes...?"
"Where's my chalupa?"
"I got hungry," Tyler scratched the back of his head nervously.
"Dude why didn't you get yourself something?" Chris laughed despite his missing food.
"I didn't think I was gonna get hungry," he admitted. "And then I did."
Chris just shook his head in disbelief as he grabbed out his cinnamon twists. He had asked Tyler to bring him the $5 cravings box and good thing he did because a piece of it was already gone.
"Should you really be eating by the cash register?" Tyler quirked an eyebrow.
"Normally no but it was supposed to be my lunch ten minutes ago and no one is here to cover—"
Chris was cut off when suddenly the door opened and a guy that looked around Tyler's age rushed in, his brown hair a mess. "I'm so sorry I'm late, Chris. Traffic was terrible and—"
"Don't worry about it, that intersection down the street is always crazy around lunch," Chris waved the unknown employee aside. "Just go clock in. I won't say anything."
"Got it. Thank you," he nodded and disappeared into the back.
"Now I can actually eat my food," Chris said making Tyler chuckle. "My body is so ready but the store bathrooms are so not."
The guy from before came back out to the register. "I really am sorry Chris it won't happen again. If you want those ten minutes back I'll cover for you so you have enough time to eat."
"It's fine, really," he assured. "Oh by the way," Chris gestured to the other employee. "Tyler this is Josh," he pointed to the former. "Josh this is Tyler, one of my band mates I was telling you about. Josh plays drums for a band called House of Heroes."
"That's awesome, man," Tyler stuck his hand out. "Nice to meet you."
Josh looked up at him and cracked a smile. "Nice to meet you too," he shook the outstretched hand.
"Tyler there was no reason you couldn't stay with me. We were still best friends after what happened. You're just being stubborn."
"I'm not being stubborn!" Tyler looked at Josh, defeated. "Things aren't the same as they were before and we both know that! I can't stay in the same house as you while working on this album. I mentally cannot take it," he shook his head.
"You can't mentally take it?" Josh stared at him. "Look at me, Tyler!"
"So... you're telling me you can't do the band anymore?" Tyler glanced up at Chris while Nick sat, not knowing what to say. They were at Chris's house for their usual rehearsal but were interrupted with his announcement.
"Ty..." Chris sat down next to him on the couch. "Working part time at a guitar store isn't enough. My parents co-signed my student loans and they're telling me to get a full time job so I can help pay them off."
"You can still be in the band!" Tyler began. "We'll just change rehearsal time to fit your schedule and—"
"No, that'll throw you and Nick out of balance," he shook his head.
"We could—"
"Tyler they're basically telling me to grow up and act like an adult," Chris sighed. "They don't think being a band will ever work out especially with the type of music we make..."
"What are we gonna do?" Nick finally piped up. "We were just getting started. We have an album and everything! You're just gonna leave us to hang out to dry?"
"Trust me, I wasn't gonna just spring this on you without a possible backup," he was cut off with the sound of the doorbell ringing. "Speaking of..." Chris got up and walked towards the door. He opened it and in walked a man with brown hair. Tyler recognized him this time.
"Josh?"
"Hey," he smiled.
"What're you doing here?"
"Well," Chris began as he shut the door. "Josh here is a drummer and his band said they didn't really need him anymore so he can take my place. I'll always support this band and it'll always hold a special place in my heart but Josh can keep up with it and wants to..." Chris paused. "And he quit his job."
"You quit your job?" Nick looked at him with wide eyes.
"Yeah. Chris's parents may not think this band will go anywhere but I have some hope. Enough hope to quit my job and be your drummer. Y'know, if you'll allow me."
"I don't know..." Tyler glanced at Nick. "What do you think?"
"I say we see what he's got," he shrugged.
Tyler obliged and looked at Josh's current state. He had giant bags under his eyes, making him look way older than thirty two. His dark hair was messy and standing up in all different directions. Tyler remembers how he had decided to stop dying it when he shaved it off during the hiatus. He could also just see the exhaustion and struggle in Josh's eyes. A pant of guilt hit him.
"Oh, Josh..." he stepped towards his band mate. Josh just stared at him, not moving. Tyler slowly moved his hand up to the other's cheek and watched Josh flinch but allow the action regardless.
"I can't believe Nick left," Tyler groaned as he leaned back onto his bed. "A month after Chris."
"What do you wanna do? Do you wanna end the band?"
"Of course not, this band is my baby," Tyler looked at Josh as the latter laid down with him. "Do you wanna leave too?"
"No," Josh replied. "I think it's become some of my baby too. I'm not the biological dad, though. I could never. I'm the fun step dad that takes it out for ice cream after baseball practice even though you say to wait until dinner is over."
"Oh so I'm the mom?" Tyler laughed at Josh.
"Yeah," Josh laughed as well. Tyler noticed the way his eyes crinkled. They soon became quiet and just stared at each other for a moment, basking in the beautiful silence.
However, that wasn't the only thing Tyler though was beautiful.
He would never admit that though.
Josh watched as Tyler took his thumb and slowly brushed it over his cheek. It was only then he realized he had been crying. He lightly pushed Tyler's hand away and wiped the rest of the tears. "I'm fine."
"No you're not, J," Tyler shook his head. "No you're not."
"I've acted okay since the beginning, I can fake it now too."
"No one is asking you to, though."
"Everyone is, Tyler," Josh replied. "They all rely on us. We've saved so many people but they don't know that one of us needs saving too."
"Josh, how does this sound?" Tyler looked at his bandmate. Josh glanced up from the comic book he was reading. The two were in Tyler's room working on music. And by working on music that meant Tyler was writing lyrics and finding melodies and Josh was waiting to see how he could contribute. Tyler definitely pulled the band but neither of them minded. That was just their dynamic. It's how they worked.
Josh made grabby hands towards Tyler's notebook and he handed it over. He watched Josh read it, chewing his thumb nail the whole time anxiously. Finally, Josh spoke up. "This is beautiful, Ty," he said.
"I mean it's nothing special–"
"Do you realize how wrong you are? Your mind is so complex it amazes me. I'm literally a big oaf that hits things with sticks I'm not much more evolved than a caveman."
Tyler laughed in response and Josh cracked a smile as well. "Well, thank you. I was kind of nervous to show you because this is the first album I'm doing with you. I've known Chris and Nick for forever so it was a little less nerve wracking than this."
"Tyler there's literally no reason to be nervous. Like I said I'm not good at that kind of stuff."
"I don't know. I just feel the need to impress you. I'm not special or anything and so many people are out trying to make it in the music industry and I just... I don't think I can do it."
"Look at me," Josh ordered. Tyler did as he said. "You have more talent in your pinky finger than most people do in their whole body. You're hands down the coolest person I've met. This band is mainly yours and you're leading it. When we do make it big it'll be because of you."
"When," Tyler gently smiled. "I like that you said that."
"I mean it," Josh handed the notebook back to Tyler and when he did their fingers brushed together ever so slightly. Tyler felt a spark and he knew Josh did too because he pulled back and scratched his head nervously. "Um. Good work. Do you wanna call it a day?"
"Yeah," Tyler cleared his throat and nodded his head. "I'll see you for rehearsal on Friday?"
"Sounds good," Josh grabbed his jacket and walked towards Tyler's bedroom door. "Bye."
"Bye, J."
"Josh it's okay to need help sometimes. Me out of all people would know that."
"That's the thing, Tyler!" Josh laughed yet there was no humor in it. "You have a loving wife. You're the brains of this band. You have an amazing family. You get so much support from the fans. What do I get? I'm swept under the rug and ignored! I started dating Debby again so people would stop assuming I'm gay! You got the girl, Tyler. You won. You genuinely love Jenna and she genuinely loves you even if the relationship started to avoid management finding out about us. You have a fucking daughter on the way! You have nothing to complain about. Your life is perfect."
"Are you kidding right now?" Tyler scoffed. "Are you saying just because I found someone who loves me that everything is fine? I'm still depressed, Josh! I still have to deal with anxiety and insecurities and things like that."
"Tyler I loved you!" Josh yelled. "I loved you so damn much and you were scared," his voice cracked. "We were taking off and you didn't want to drive labels away so you wanted to just ignore everything. I agreed because I loved you so much and I knew it was your dream. It kills me every single fucking day to see you with someone else."
"Are you ready for tomorrow night?" Tyler asked excitedly. It had been a few weeks since they finished their album, Regional at Best. Tyler self-released it and a few days later they booked a show at one of Columbus's better known small venues. It was the biggest event the band had come across since it was just the two of them.
"Not as ready as you are," Josh laughed, setting his drumsticks down. "You're gonna shoot through the ceiling if you don't calm down."
"Sorry I'm just," Tyler walked over to the couch and Josh followed, taking a seat next to the brunette.
"Just...?"
"Nervous, excited, worried," Tyler replies. "What if people don't like us? Like what if they think we're too edgy or they don't understand our purpose or what if they just think we suck or what about if—"
Josh cut Tyler off by pressing his lips to the other's. Tyler didn't respond at first but then he slowly kissed back. A few seconds later they pulled apart and had equally red faces.
"That was–"
Suddenly the basement door opened and Kelly came down. "Tyler, dinner will be ready in ten minutes. Josh'll have to leave by then."
"O-okay," Tyler stuttered.
Kelly just gave them a weird look before going back up.
"What do you want me to say? I'm sorry? You know my family and you know the kind of issue we would have had if people found out. My parents would disown me. FBR would kick us out of the label. We would lose so many fans. We're apolitical for a reason, Josh. Our music isn't to draw a line between people. It's supposed to make people know they're not alone."
"What about me?" Josh lowered his arms in defeat. "This is the most alone I've ever been."
"I met a girl," Tyler told Josh one day when they were sitting in their shared apartment. "Her name is Jenna."
"That's nice," Josh replied, scrolling through his phone.
"I'm gonna ask her on a date."
"What?" Josh looked up, his full attention on Tyler. "What about—"
"Look, Josh, I love you. I always will. But ever since Fueled by Ramen signed us they've been, I don't know dropping hints about our relationship and what it meant for the band. They insinuated that if we ever became a thing they'd drop us because it would put the band in peril. I think it would be best for us and the band if we stop our relationship."
"So you're dumping me? We've been together half a year and you're dumping me?"
Suddenly Tyler began to cry. "I'm so sorry, J. I just know much this band means to you and it's my dream to be able to reach people and connect with them and have a voice. If you don't want to end this I'll call FBR right now and tell them we're dropping out. I'll end the band for you."
"No, Tyler. I couldn't ask you to do that. I love you but this bands mean as much to me as it does you. We should end this," Josh lied through his teeth.
"Are you sure?"
"Positive."
"What do you mean?"
"I've lost everything. I don't talk to my family anymore. I live out here by myself. I'm dating someone who is toxic for me. I've lost Hayley and Ashley because of Debby. Hell, she took my dog from me. I was only with her for you— both times around. And I've lost you which is the worst part."
"Josh you'll always have me. This is just a bump in the road. You're not yourself."
"No I am myself. I've changed. This band has changed me, Tyler."
Tyler: did Debby really take you off your anxiety meds? is that why you've been weird lately?
Josh: it's doesn't matter she's doing what's best for me
Tyler: Josh she's hurting you
Josh: no she's not
Josh: she's my girlfriend please don't I don't start things with your girlfriend don't start things with mine
Tyler: I've tried taking my issues up with her and she's effecting the band's image
Tyler: she's hurting you too
Tyler: please I care about you
Josh: if you cared you wouldn't have hurt me
erased.
Josh: goodnight Tyler
Tyler: goodnight
Tyler set his phone down and let a tear slip down his cheek.
"Are you okay?" Jenna asked from where she laid next to him.
"Yeah, I'm fine," Tyler shook his head.
"No you aren't," Jenna sat up and held her arms out. "C'mere."
Tyler accepted the hug and cried into Jenna's arms. "I'm sorry."
She didn't say anything, she just rubbed his back as he cried. Finally she spoke up when his sobs died down. "Nothing is your fault."
"What are you saying? You don't care about this band anymore?"
"I don't know, Tyler. I've tried holding out. I left everything for this band. I have no plan B."
"I didn't ask you to quit your job for me."
"But I did because I thought we were gonna do this until we were crippled and old. I thought this band was gonna last forever. I thought we were gonna last forever."
Tyler shook his head. "I'm doing this until I physically can't anymore. What about you? Do you think we can work this out?" Tyler bit his finger nail out of anxiety, something he hasn't done in years.
As he was doing so, Josh saw the ring that adorned his fourth finger and wave of emotion overcame him. It was a constant reminder of what he had lost.
"No," Josh spoke. "I don't think we can," he let a tear fall from his eye.
Tyler looked defeated. Josh hated that he looked like that and he hated it even more that he caused that feeling. "Okay."
"I love you. I still love you. I've never stopped," Josh sobbed out, coming closer to Tyler.
"Josh. I love you too. But not like that anymore. I'm sorry."
Josh held his hand to his mouth and let out a broken sob, causing Tyler to start crying too. "Okay," he nodded.
Tyler watched Josh walk towards the door and open it. He watched as Josh left the hotel room. And he watched as the door shut, signaling the permanent goodbye they just shared.
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