Surah Yusuf, Verse 86:
قَالَ إِنَّمَا أَشْكُو بَثِّي وَحُزْنِي إِلَى اللَّهِ وَأَعْلَمُ مِنَ اللَّهِ مَا لَا تَعْلَمُونَ

He said: I only complain of my grief and sorrow to Allah, and I know from Allah what you do not know.

Zaitun

Noooo!!! I shrieked making a jolt from sleep away from a horrible nightmare.

Body quivering, throat and lips parched like a lost soul in a no end desert, trails of tears and incoherent words mumbled by my lips to which I know nothing of what it entails.

Zaituun!!

I heard a faint voice which seems so close yet so far enveloping me and shaking my broken physique,  a reflection of my life, BROKEN

"Its okay, everything's fine,just a horrible dream, its all gone now I am here" said the calming voice of which the silhouette of the owner seems blurry and I couldn't place it for being either from my eyes blurred with tears or my cerebrum refusing to access anything and all I could do was stare ahead blankly like a confused spectator watching the unfold of an event.

The seeping warmth of the body embracing me slowly began clutching free my mind muddled with almost everything and nothing and I could now make sense of the person beside me whose face is that which always grace me after my panic attacks.

I think am grateful that I awoke from the haunting scene of my usual nightmare but is it any different because being awake only put my torment to life and confirms the harsh reality of life making it no less better than the dream.

"M-my eyes are heavy I want to sleep...b-but at the same time I don't want to" I had croaked with difficulty and saying that was all it took for me bursting into uncontrollable sobs clutching direly onto her as if my life depended on it.

"Shhh" she had calmed me down with a teary voice.

"Go to sleep" she added stroking my hair, tucking me into the bed and retrieved my phone from the bedside drawer, tuning onto the  recitation of suratul yaseen she placed it next to me and slowly but surely I began drifting into a state of slumber my heaving chest slowing down its pace.

"Fa inna ma'al usri yusra ( verily with every hardship comes ease) my mantra for solitude,  I had chanted inwardly lazily the sleep taking a strong hold on me.

Faintly taking in the form beside me leaving for the door with dropping eyes I had slowly muttered

"Don't leave me also"

Before falling into a deep slumber.

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"And it came tumbling on me"

Anisa finished followed by Aisha doubling in laughter almost falling off the bench we were sitted on tears falling off her eyes.

"Oh my God that was hilarious" Aisha added wiping off the tears from the corner of her eyes and just on cue they all turned towards me.

"That was funny right? Aisha questioned looking at me hopefully with Anisa also joining the stare.

"Er-rm yea"

I said trying hard to evoke a smile but failing and I didn't miss out the way their face fell. They are always doing things to please me and try bringing smile on my face but who were we kidding.

"Zaituun  please its high time you....

" I need to go" I said interrupting Anisa because I know where that lecture is going.

I grabbed my bag from the bench and walked very fast away from there because my emotions was getting everywhere.

"Zaituun! please wait up, let's go home" they shouted.

"Just go on, I want to take the bus home"

I answered back with a croaked voice and went on with my pace and them knowing they can't win against me left me be to join the bus.

Leaning on the railing in the bus I watched interestingly the different varieties of waging cars,city bustling with people with different energies with various expressions marred on their faces and various hues contrasting the view making me so engrossed wishing the journey never comes to an end for I look forward to nothing going back home, the thought making me travel back into time

Flashback****

"Assalamualaykum Zita oh my God can't breath you needtocomenowmumgotthatpromotion.

"Easy I can't get you I said chuckling" "breath and tell me what happened"

"Mum got her promotion" Zara  finished and I could tell her smile was almost getting to her ear.

"Oh my God, am coming right away"

I stood abruptly running for the bus and the outing we were suppose to have with them Anisa long off my mind.

"Zaituun  where are you going"

I heard the distant voice of Anisa and Aisha with a confused expression coated on their face.

"Sorry pals plan cancelled got to run home, will tell you the details when I get home bye" I ran for the bus almost tripping in quest to meet up with it

Getting home on that day made me realize a mothers love is incomparable to no other because amidst the celebrations and merries my mom made me teary eyed by gifting us each an apple notepad to which she took notice of my liking to it in her friends house without me having knowledge of that even though I had even offended her that day for some reason I can't even remember and upon her gift I had envelop her in a bone crushing hug crying out of joy.

Ya Allah who if not a mother....

*****************

I didn't even realize a lone tear escaped my eyes till it dropped on my hands notifying me of it presence and I quickly wiped it away before pulling the handle that leads me into where I dread being in.

Home....

Who would I have thought my sanctuary would turn to be a place I abhor.

Hmmm...irony of life

"Assalamualaykum" I muttered entering into the sitting room my eyes colliding with two pairs of eyes who were portraying varied emotion.

Anger and pain was coated on dad's face which is always radiating smile and love and my grandfather who was sitting adjacent him carried a somber look.

"Waalaykumus salam" they answered in sync turning their attention to me.

I felt a pang in my heart upon my dad's pained look,  breaking my heart and stirring different emotions.

"Come my child"

My grandfather(Alhaji) said welcoming me with his arm and I lodged forward greeting them both and sat down on the sofa beside him.

"My zaitun"

Alhaji called out to me gently with a look of pity which I've now gotten used to since everyone now look upon me with that gaze I so despise because it keeps on reminding me of my plight.

I rose my head from its bowed state to show my attention to his words.

"I've com...

"No Alhaji please don't..my dad interjected with a hoarse voice but was cut off same time by my grandfather.

" Allow me!!

"You are still a child to me and from my perspective the decision I've made will be for the better good of everyone, though some void can never be filled but at least something is better than nothing at all, and doing so am sure will work towards rekindling the light we've all lost".

"I know its not easy but let's try it even for the sake of this innocent soul" he finished gently with a wearied look.

All I did upon their heated conversation was straining my eyes for I kept looking between the two of them making no sense of what they are on about.

"Zaitun, y-your...my father started but said nothing more ducking his head down unable to go on and I chukled dryly internally because I wondered what news they are hesitating to break to me when I've heard worst.

" Zaitun" my grandfather took up noticing my father's inability to convey it and I gazed towards him nonchalantly wanting them to just nail their point so I could head up and seek for solace in my room.

"I want your father to remarry"

He broke out and no words will do justice to the sick feeling that spread through my whole body  rooting me to the spot and I felt as if a bucket of cold water was splashed upon me.

I took a rise from my spot with mind in a muddle, not comprehending the happenings when he finished off his words.

"To your mother's friend Zainab"

And the last thing I heard before loosing consciousness was my name being called out frantically

"Zaitunnnn!!!!!

Eid Mubarak lovelies😘