The dream state was relentless and impossible to ignore. I understood what the purple woman had tried to accomplish, but she was unsuccessful. The rest of them still held out a little bit of hope though, in hushed whispers saying that I still might get better. if it took time to set in, it might take time to undo. But I knew that she had not felt a change. Whatever magic was in me, was apparently here to stay.

The one upside to the whole ordeal is that coming out of the dream state was a little easier now. I would laugh and dance with the man with silver eyes. My chest would feel lighter for a few moments. All would seem well. Then he would say my name. it was always desperately hollow. Or he would tell me he loved me and I would hate the sound of it. one word would be all it would take for me to realize that his eyes weren't twinkling like they should have or his mouth wasn't curling at the corners like I wished it would.

But when I would come back, he would be there. Not a cheap figment. Rough fingers would brush my hair back away from my face. Lean muscles would flex when he lifted my bare body into or out of the bathtub. His voice would rumble through songs that I could vaguely recall.

And with this bite, the mark, it was all more intense. When Ryder had first explained the mating process to me, I had been skeptical. How could a physical wound bond people? It was strange and unfounded to my human mind. But, even if I couldn't fathom the reason behind it, I couldn't deny it now. If I wasn't buried too deep in my foggy mind, I could feel it when he entered a room. It was like every word he spoke shimmered over my bones, every smile melted glaciers within.

I just wished it was enough to bring me back to myself.

I hadn't realized how far gone I truly was until Ryder greeted me in the living room with a gentle kiss on my head. A paper to-go cup was put in front of me.

"I'm not sure if you're a pumpkin spice girl, or if you hate it with a passion, but tis the season," he explained, offering me a smile so sweet it could rot teeth.

I wanted to tell him that I would love anything he ever gifted me, from a phone charge cord to a gas station coffee. I couldn't even drag my mouth into a grin. But then I took in his words. Pumpkin spice. Fall. It was fall already. When I had fallen off my mountain bike and followed him in his wolf form, it had been early summer. I might very well be closer to Christmas than I was to Canada day. And I hadn't even known.

"Hey, how was your day?" the dark haired girl, Keiko asked. She remained constant in my days, even now. But I saw much less of her counterpart. Now, she was sitting on the floor of the living room – where I resided most days – with a foam princess crown upon her head. Her daughter was racing around the house with a hobby horse in hand.

"Good, thanks," Ryder replied. But it was hollow to my ears, almost as bad as it was in my dreams.

And I wasn't the only one who caught the way his eyes drifted to a very expensive bottle of scotch that was perched on the counter.

"You haven't been drinking again, have you?" she asked quietly.

I watched his throat move as he swallowed hard. "The last time I drank, I was face-down and passed out on your lawn. But Christ, do I want it now."

"Ryder, honey, I know this is hard," Keiko murmured. "Think about how far you've come."

That was all it took to break a man today. He was pacing in an instant. In and out of my view over and over again. "This isn't hard, Keiko. This is impossible."

"Please, Ryder. There are so many reasons to stay sober. You can't undo everything that you've done."

"What has been done?!" he thundered. When he caught little Clementine falter with her fake horse, he lowered his voice. "When you found me, I had nothing. I was a werewolf without a pack, without a family, without friends. I had no roots to speak of. And because of that, I was perfect for what you needed. I could travel from pack to pack and clean up messes that I didn't make, holding crying mothers and sons and tell them I understood how it felt, telling them it would get better while knowing that it never does. And even if I wanted to settle down here with you guys like Noah, I couldn't stomach it. because I was out there, facing the world alone, getting more and more lost every day, then I would see Ajax come home to you. I would watch you come back from meetings, frustrated and get to spew everything on to him. I saw the suppers together, the game nights as a family, the phone calls to your parents on weekends. And it ripped my fucking heart out every time."

Keiko's eyes filled with tears. Some leaders might have chosen to blink them away and grip their strength instead. She did not. She allowed them to roll down her cheeks, a strength of its own kind. "Ryder, I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you more. I just wanted to give you a safe place to come to, somewhere you knew you were always welcome. I really wasn't trying to shove my family life down your throat like that."

"I know." A frustrated hiss, a repressed sigh from out of view as he continued to move. "You did everything you could and I know that. I love you and Ajax for it. And as hard as it was, I still had hope. I had this idea that my mate would come along and she and I could bring what I needed into the world. She would be my rock. She would become my roots. And she did. Of course, Georgia did. I took one look at her and started thinking about what kind of house we would live in, if we would buy on the coast or in the countryside."

He was out of my view, but I could feel the weight of his eyes on me. I wanted to tell him that I had been so flustered when I had first seen him. It felt like someone had crafted the perfect human for me and plunked them on a platter. I wouldn't have cared if he wanted to live on the highest peak of a windy mountain. I would have followed him anywhere.

"Even when I found out that she was a hunter, I still had hope. I thought that if the moon goddess had put us together, that we could figure it out. And look at where the hope has brought me: I marked my debilitated mate without her consent and I only spend time around her because the idea of Ajax or Noah giving her baths makes me want to slaughter them."

Keiko nodded her head slowly. "I can't say I understand and I pray that I never have to know what you are going through. I just want you to know that she will always be taken care of, whether you chose to be here or not. If you can't...bear it, if it is too painful, I would be honored to take care of her on your behalf. Just please, don't give up. Not yet. We're trying our best."

Ryder smoothed a hand down the side of my head, fingers gently catching the loose strands of hair. "I know you and the doctors are doing everything possible. Sometimes, our best just isn't good enough."

~~~Distraction Section~~~

Bonus Update! 

Tax season is in full swing here so I will be doing my best to update consistently, but please be patient with me. I hope that you're all doing well and getting your taxes filed on time.

Question of the Day: What is your dream car?