Coming down from the heat felt like waking up from a fever dream. One moment, nothing was more pressing than pleasing the man before me. Watching him shake and buckle for me was exquisite. The next, I was pulling my clothes on, realizing that I had let a man who was pretty much a stranger see me completely bare. I mean, at one point, I felt like he wasn't a stranger at all. I felt like I knew him damn well and he knew me better than anyone else on the earth. Which wasn't saying much at this point, but still.

"Are you doing okay?" he asked, tugging his pants up his muscular thighs.

"Yeah, I think so." Realistically, it was odd and I knew I should have felt a dozen things: shame, embarrassment, confusion, maybe even a little bit of anger towards the moon goddess. But, I didn't. It was done.

"You don't regret it?"

"No." The answer was immediate, but honest. "Do you?"

"Of course not," Ryder murmured.

I would never admit it out loud, but it was a relief to hear. "So once was enough to get it out of your system?" I teased.

Ryder didn't even pretend to crack a smile. Mercury eyes swept up and down my form. The clothing that I had put back on didn't seem to matter anymore. It was like he could see every curve, every line of my body. Like he had committed all of me to memory already. "A thousand times could never be enough," he rumbled.

My cheeks flushed. He was right. Having him once, knowing the sounds he made, how he could move so forcefully and so tentatively all at once, only made me want him more. Already, I wanted to explore him, figure out where I could kiss him to make him weak in the knees, how I could move to ensure that he would pull my hair just hard enough.

"I'm going to assume that wasn't your first time," he said. This time, he rose and took my usual spot against the wall, allowing me to sit on the bed, a gift to my tailbone.

I snorted. "What are we, twelve? Virginity is irrelevant. But, if you must know, you are definitely not my first sexual partner. I will say, you are my first werewolf though."

He let out a laugh at that. It hit me straight in the stomach. The butterflies that I thought would never come back to life fluttered so beautifully for his voice. I guess he wasn't kidding about the sex strengthening the bond.

"And was I your first?" I prompted, though the answer was entirely clear. No virgin would be so confident. It took practice to be that confident with a new partner and to communicate wants and needs.

"Well, mating is sacred to werewolves," he began. And when I quirked a knowing eyebrow at him, he sighed. "But no, you aren't my first either. To be fair, all I can think about now it that anyone and anything before was completely inadequate. I just – I don't even have the words."

It shouldn't have bothered me. it was unfair that it bothered me, really. But knowing that his hands had been on another woman, knowing that someone else might have whispered his name during sex, it twisted something deep inside me. and, like the hypocrite I was, I asked, "If it's sacred, why didn't you choose to wait? You know, if it was the norm?"

I watched Ryder deflate right then. His broad chest seemed to curl in on itself. Chin ticked down. No longer able to meet my eyes. The silence carried on for far too long and was far too heavy before he said, "It's just what I became after my parents were killed. We talked about my job with the bike company. I was on track for a good life. Maybe not a world changing life, but a good one. Then, I came home for family supper one day and there they were." His breath seemed to get stuck in his chest, his hands curling into fists. "My mom was face down with a knife in her back. My dad. . . they had bashed in his skull so badly—"

I didn't want to picture it, but I could. Because I had done things like that. I had been fortunate or unfortunate enough to only ever target werewolves in their wolf form, but I had heard the cries of other wolves, I had taken a life by any means necessary. Even if that wolf had a family. Even if it didn't know that it could cause wolf-drain in humans.

"Anyway, after I found my parents, I kind of fell apart. I left the pack I was on and moved to the city. It was awful. I had nightmares about what happened to them, thought I saw them in strangers every time I went to the store, blamed myself for not being there, worried if I was next. It felt like there was no escaping it. so, when I started drinking myself to oblivion and taking girls home and those feelings went away, I kept doing it."

"That's why you don't drink," I whispered, thinking about how he declined going to a brewery with me.

"Right. It was awful. I woke up in the morning feeling my organs ache. The friends I had before the murders couldn't stand to see me kill myself. The new friends I accumulated only wanted to spend time with me if I was wasted and paying for their drinks. I was getting tested every week to make sure I hadn't picked up anything." When he saw me tense, he added, "I'm clean."

"How did you stop?" I wondered. "I mean, I think it's amazing that you did, but if it was the only thing making you feel better, it must have been really hard to let it go."

"It was," he agreed. "Keiko came to check up on me. She wanted to make sure that I hadn't left my pack because of mismanagement or something. She showed up at my door eight months pregnant and was just so kind, honestly."

I couldn't see the woman who ripped out my nails being kind, but said nothing.

"She listened to everything I said. she didn't get angry or frustrated when I told her that I couldn't stop. She just listened to me for hours on end. And then, at the end, she gave me purpose. She gave me a job. A one-time deal where I had to prove myself and I did, because I knew if I failed there was no going back. Nothing was going to bring my parents back. But I could help others. I gave it all up. I did everything I could to be the best that I could be, which must sound crazy."

"No, I understand," I assured. I knew that I would have broken every one of my bones if it made them better, made me stronger.

"And now I'm mated to a woman who had buried her own knife in someone's mother or father," he sighed.

My mouth fell open to defend myself. My parents were alive, yes, but had zero quality of life because of his kind. Just because we had sex, didn't mean he could continue tossing barbs at me. hell, if anything, the sex had made me more tender.

But there was a shuffle outside. A few sets of footsteps were coming for us.

Ryder was on his feet instantly. His nostrils flared as if he was trying to scent who was on the other side of the door.

I hadn't been afraid, but watching his entire body become rigid and lethal, I got to my own feet. And became entirely aware that I had nothing to defend myself with other than a pillow. Against a werewolf, I doubted it would do much.

The lock slid.

And Ajax appeared.

"Hello friends. I see we haven't killed each other yet. Definitely a surprise for me," he greeted, grinning.

Ryder slumped with relief and turned back to me, leaving his back to his king while the monarch surveyed the cell, casually ambling closer to Ryder.

"You were going to say something, George? Maybe argue with me?" Ryder pressed.

Whatever understanding we had had before, whatever sympathy had been in the air, evaporated then. My teeth clenched.

It was Ryder that continued to speak. No longer directed at me though. The sneer was gone and, in its place, panic. "What the hell, Ajax?" he snapped.

When he tried to jerk away from Ajax, I saw that his wrist was bound by a gleaming cuff and Ajax was making quick work of the other one, even as Ryder began thrashing. Ryder was lean man, firm muscles on a tall frame. But as per the animal kingdom, the bigger, brawnier ones rose to the top and I doubted there were many creatures on this earth that could put up a fair fight to the king. With at least forty pounds and a few inches on Ryder, Ajax held my mate in place.

Which meant that judgement day was here for me. 

~~~Distraction Section~~~

Dearest Friends! 

I apologize for leaving you high and dry. I'm currently on vacation and have limited access to wifi. I'm in Holland visiting my SO's family as his grandmother has dementia and it is her birthday soon. Hope you are all well!

Question of the Day: What is your number one travel destination?