Sehun's POV, kalma lang. :")
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Sehun

Luhan slapped me over and over and over again. Yung tipong binubuhos nya lahat ng natitirang lakas nya. I endured it because I deserved it. I broke his trust, I hurted him and, I cheated on him. The LAST time I saw him crying, I really wanted to hug him but then, the more I see him hurt, when he told me he trust me and the deeper this guilt on my chest; the more I loses this 'guts' to face him. I don't know what I was thinking with my balls back then but, that doesn't mean I don't love Luhan. I do fcking love him and, still loving him even more every single day.

But I ruined it.. Our marriage.

"Si Yna? Si Yna ba yung babae?! Anak mo ba yung dinadala nya ha, Sehun? Ikaw ba ang tatay nun? Sumagot ka!" Tumango ako at pinagsusuntok nya ang dibdib ko, palakas nang palakas. I held his hand and pulled him into a hug. Hearing his constant loud sobs is only making me want to hit my head. Luhan gave his all to me and all I ever did in return is hurt him. "Ang sakit, ang sakit sakit eh."

"...." I don't know what to say. It will only appear as if I'm making excuses.. What is there left for me to explain? Ayoko ko na syang bitawan ngayon, cause when I do, I don't think I will be able to hug him again.

Luhan calmed down eventually and shoved my hand away, "Now it all make sense," he chuckled sarcastically, "I, I was so stupid to think that the reason you're always mad whenever I mentioned about you having kid is not because you don't want to hurt me," he stared at me. His eyes, so weak yet burning red in anger, "Pinagtatakpan mo lang kasi ang 'katarandaduhang' ginawa mo sa akin. How many times ha, Sehun?! How many damn times did you fck her?"

"Luhan, I'm sorry, please."

"Sorry? Tapos ano? Sasabihin mo na sana maintindihan ko? Fck! Pagod na pagod na ako umintindi! Pagod na akong intindihin ka, Oh Sehun!" Napasabunot sya sa buhok nya and his sobs went even uncontrollable, "Ang sabi mo kinontrata mo lang sya, you fcking liar. I can't believe you fooled me!" He said with a brittle tone, "Ano, you send her off o, patago mong sinusustentuhan ha? Ah, hindi mo alam tapos nagreunion kayo nung aksidente? Baka naman inulit nyo pa?! You know what, just — get out."

I massaged my temples, feeling scared for what's going to happen. I don't wanna lose him — just not him. Luhan is everything to me but — I should have known better that this is the consequences of having an affair with Yna. Fck. I held his hand but he keeps shoving it away, "Alam ko kahit na anong sabihin ko ngayon, hindi na nun maalis ang pagkakamaling nagawa ko," I took a deep breath, meeting his teary eyes, "But swear, I was thinking about you, that it was really you, Luhan." I told him, crying.

"Thinking about me? Naisip mo sana na masasaktan ako eh habang tinutuhog mo sya.. na may asawa ka! Get out. Get out!" he shouted. Humiga ulit sya at tinalikuran ako. I didn't move an inch, I was staring at his shaking back and then, I remembered that moment when I accidentally strangled him before. I remembered those teary eyes while he was struggling hard to — breathe.

I fcking hate myself for all those years while I was having my treatment. I decided to be a better man when I face him again but now, I hate myself even more today. I hurt him for the second time around, not physically but, emotionally. And my sins are unforgivable.

I remembered it, that night.

"What? Aalis ka pa rin?" I asked.

"Sehun, isang linggo lang naman ang seminar na yun sa States. 'Di naman forever. Ako pinadala dun ng ospital. Hindi ba napagusapan na natin yun?" Luhan said while fixing his things. He'll be away for a week para sa pisting seminar.

"Bakit ba kasi hindi ka magquit?!"

"What!? Akala ko ba susuportahan mo ako dito sa trabaho ko? Eh, akala ko ba what makes me happy makes you happy too? Are those just empty words, Sehun? Pagaawayan na naman ba natin yun?!" Tumaas ang boses nya. Kinuha ko ang bag nya't binalik sa cabinet. "Ano ba! Aalis pa rin ako bukas! Please be considerate. I badly want this for my book." Binato ko yung bag sa sahig at, nagkalat ang laman.

"Sige na! Umalis ka! Bahala ka sa buhay mo!" I shouted and stormed out of our room. Argh. Hindi ko na naman napigilan ang galit ko. Kinuha ko din yung bag ko at nag-ayos. I also have a business trip for two nights, dun nalang ako tutuloy ngayon. Mapapaaga ako. Tinawagan ko na muna yung sekretary ko to inform the hotel reservation for early check in.

"Aalis ka? Sehun," he murmured.

"Ikaw lang ba ang pwede umalis?! May business trip din ako." Narinig ko naman na napabuntong hininga sya. Lately, laging busy si Luhan dahil sa librong sinusulat nya. Lagi na lang syang puyat at pagod. Worried lang naman ako but this anger takes control whenever we started having a conversation.

"Sehun naman, wag ganito."

"Magusap nalang tayo pag-uwi mo. You need this for the book di ba? Goodluck." sabi ko at pumasok na ng banyo. After that night, di na kami nagkalinawanan sa alitan. Nakarating ako sa venue ng alas-dyes na ng gabi and spent the whole night just drinking. Tinawagan ako ni Luhan the next morning but, I didn't take it. Nagmessage lang sya na pasakay na sya ng eroplano in a few hours.

Nagreply ako ng... K.

The next night, I only stayed in the hotel room after a long stressful business meeting. I was just drinking a brandy when I heard a knock on the door. Binuksan ko agad, si Yna. Ang assistant ko. "Ah Sir, napansin ko kasing panay hilot kayo sa ulo nyo kanina kaya dinalhan ko kayo ng gamot." Nakangiting sabi nya, "If you don't mind me asking ah, nagaway na naman ba ulit kayo?" aniya.

Napakamot ako sa ulo ko. "Yeah? Tuloy ka, tulungan mo akong ubusin ang pagkain. Napadami ata ang order ko." sabi ko na syang nginitian nya. Nakakausap ko lagi si Yna kapag may away kami ni Luhan. Maybe alam na nya kung kelan bati at, kung hindi kami ni Luhan. "Nasa states sya ngayon, kailangan nya daw para dun sa librong sinusulat nya. Sabi ko wag na pero ayon pumunta pa rin. He looks pale. Mukhang lalagnatin pa sya pero sge pa rin." ani ko.

"Kung ako yun, di ako pupunta."

"Pero iba si Luhan, he's quite persistent sometimes whenever he set his mind on something. Nagaalala lang ako sa kanya but I just can't express myself well dahil nagsisigawan na agad kami." I drank the whole glass of brandy. "Gusto ko lang kasi sabihin na-" Yna cut me off with her laugh.

"Na mamimiss mo sya?"

Napangiti ako dun. Yna understand me most of the times. "Yes," I sighed, "Magulo lang din ang isip ko ngayon. Granpa keeps on forcing me about having a grandson." I drank another glass of brandy, "Kilala ko si Lolo, soon may itututok syang threat sa akin para sundin ko sya. I don't know."

"You can hire a surrogate mother," Yna said. The atmosphere suddenly changed. I stared at her and, somehow she resembles Luhan. Sinalinan nya ng brandy yung baso nya at ininom din. "Yun lang ang choice nyo," I continued staring her; down to her neck, I shifted my gaze when our eyes met.

"I don't know," Again, our eyes met and it's kinda making me feel uneasy. There was this sudden tension. "I think you should go." I told her. I was about to stand up but — I was distracted with her stare. I admit Yna is also attractive like those women I dated with. Her milky skin, gifted bosom and, I can't seem to get my eyes off her mole just below her collar bone. Honestly, I was really attracted to her.

Next thing, Yna leaned and kissed me. I didn't move an inch to push her or even to stop her.

"Loosen up, Sehun, release those worries away." she scooted and sat on my lap, "Wag mo na muna isipin ang problema mo," My head is thinking about Luhan but, my body is reacting in opposite. Fck. She then bit my lips, seductively with lust in her eyes. I responded to her kisses later on, kissing her neck. I can't deny the fact that it's affecting me. I'm a man afterall. "This will be our secret. Don't hold back for I assure you no strings attached boss." she groped my crotch, playing with it.

Luhan... Si Luhan.. My head said.

"Ah fck," I cursed, feeling the warmth of her palm. Maybe it's the liquor, I feel this need to release. I still didn't stop her, I let her do it.

She took her blouse off exposing her bosom. I touched her mole that I find really seductive. She unbuttoned my pants, pulling it down to my knees. She grinded on me and, I felt lost right at there. "Fck me raw, if you're lucky your problem is solved," she touched my cheeks, "You want to have a kid, right?"

"Yna-" she cut me off.

"But, he's not capable."

I brushed off her hair out of her face, "Yes but, we're still married, Yna." I told her, staring at her face. "Don't tell me, you're offering yourself as a surrogate?" I said. 'Di nya ako sinagot. She only held my nape.

"Huwag mo ng gawing dahilan ang Lolo mo na pinipilit ka, ayaw mo lang aminin kasi kapag inamin mo.. para mo na ring sinaktan si Luhan di ba?" Maybe she was right. I really want Luhan to bear my kid but he can't, he can't give me one and as we grow old and stucked to each other, I don't know.

"..." I remained silence. I don't know.

"I saw how happy you are around kids," she said, looking into my eyes. "Wag mo ng lokohin ang sarili mo, Sehun. You're this hard now and I'm taking responsibility," she added and stroked my throbbing member in a fast pace. If everything is that easy. I can't to do this to Luhan but goddamn it. Why am I being such a lascivious man right now? FCK.

That night, I did something, I shouldn't have. As I was moving my hips and thrusting deep into her, I was thinking about Luhan. Hearing her loud moans and grunts, I imagined it was Luhan but, no. I'm having sex with somebody else. I gave in to this lust, thinking about him.

And this selfishness of mine.

A kid, he can't give me.

I didn't mean it? I didn't want to? Who am I kidding? Maybe I was just defending myself for Luhan to spare me a little. I had an affair with Yna and it lasted for a month. Chanyeol is right, I somehow hold onto her offer but I then felt guilty whenever Luhan tells me he loves me so I told her we should stop it for I can't face Luhan after having a lustful night with her. I gave her a cheque but she gave it back to me and, resigned. I never contacted her after that. She told me, she love me but I don't feel the same, it was just plain sex and a hidden agenda for which I can't continue.

When I looked at Luhan's eyes, it made me realize that I don't care about having a kid anymore... I only need, Luhan by my side.

But, I lost him because of selfishness.

"I said, get out Sehun!" he shouted.

"Luhan, I-I'm really sorry."

"Ayaw muna kitang makita. Please, just get out! Di ko alam kung.. mapapatawad pa kita, don't expect for my forgiveness."

Tinalikuran nya na ulit ako. I went out of his room and I sat on the bench, crying with my palm on my face. I was so stupid. "Sehun," I lifted my gaze and saw Yna standing in front of me. She wiped my tears. This woman told me she loves me... na hindi ko masusuklian.
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"Nandito lang kami ng baby mo."
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Long update. Haha! Kung hindi ko itutuloy plano ko, baka may Book 3 to but if itutuloy ko book 2 lang. What do you think kabebes?

Hate Sehun even more? Blaming Yna for tempting Sehun at pinagpilitan ang pagkakaroon ng anak? Or both? :")