this whole chapter is a triggering topic. so, tw for...overdosing
this ain't edited, have fun

(Tom's POV)

I walk past Matt, leaving through the open door. As I walk, I notice Edd and Tord whispering to each other, fearful and frantic. Their eyes caught sight of Matt, safe and sound. Sighing in relief, Edd walks over, between me and Matt.
"Soo...what'd you guys talk about?" Edd tries asking inconspicuously. Matt glances over at me, asking 'Can I tell him?' with his eyes.

"Mhm, only the leaving part, though." I nod, mumbling.
"Tom just told me that he was gonna leave for a while." Matt answers with a small shrug. I hear Edd and Tord sigh in relief.
"H-how long are you going to be gone?" Tord asks, accent strong as ever.
"A long time," I respond vaguely.
"A long time, indeed." Kov hums with a delighted giggle.

"Yes- ah- I mean, why are you leaving?" Edd stutters.
"Do you hear that? He's happy," Kov says. "Look, you're already making things better! Just by the news of it."
"I'm leaving 'cause..." I hesitate.
"Job opportunity,"
"...I got an offer to record a few songs, a-an agent called." I quickly lie, thanks to Kov.
"You're welcome~" Kov purrs.

"O-oh! Good on you, Tom." Edd says with obvious happiness. But not because of my 'job offer', of course.
"Yeah...Hey, I should- probably start packing, I'm leaving in a day or two." I easily get an excuse to leave.
"Okay, you should hurry then. The sooner, the better, right?" Edd says with a smile.
"Mhm, seeya around, Edd." I mumble, the familiar phrase flashing in my mind.

I turn and walk back to my apartment, feeling everyone's gaze on my back. I open my door, which had been left unlocked, and slip back in. Closing it with a quiet click, I walk to my bathroom.
"You have them, correct?" Kov asks from the bathroom mirror. I roll my 'eyes' at him.
"Obviously, they're always there." I answer with a huff before opening up the cabinet.

"I'm just asking, everything has to be done perfectly, after all." Kov purrs. "You can't mess this up. It will be the only chance for our freedom, and their safety."
"...okay," I mumble, pulling out an orange tinted bottle, rattling with painkillers. Opening it up, I quickly count how many there are inside.
"22 is enough, right?"
"Just the right amount!" Kov says in excitement.

"Knife?"
"Here," I answer, pulling it out of my pocket.
"You know what...go get some alcohol for yourself, Tommy! Might as well have one last good time before you can't anymore. A treat, just for you!" I nod numbly, slipping out of the bathroom with the bottle of pills and knife back in the pocket.

Slinking over to the kitchen, I find a few bottles of Smirnoff in the corner of the counter. Snatching 2 bottles, I immediately pop the bottle cap off and chug it like there's no tomorrow (I typed this by accident—). Oh, wait, that's right. There is no tomorrow for me.

I give a small hiccup, my vision doubling. I shake the bottle a bit, hearing the lightest sloshing of alcohol inside. I finish it off in one gulp, placing the bottle haphazardly on the floor.
"Back to the bathroom, host." Kov whispers. I nod again, staggering back to the bathroom with the second bottle in hand. Closing the door behind me with a slam, I slide my back down the door and sit on the cold tiled ground. The pill bottle slips out and clacks noisily on the ground, the medicine rattling inside.

"Open it up. They're the key to their happiness~" Kov coos. I nod, picking up the bottle with clumsy fingers. With a little difficulty, I screw open the cap and shake out the pills into my hand.
"Take them, take them and don't think about it. Wash it down with some of your beloved alcohol." Kov hisses. I shove 5 in my mouth, quickly swallowing them and taking a gulp of Smirnoff to get rid of the roughness left behind.

"Yes, finish them all. Then we'll both be free!" Kov purrs, urging me on. I continue taking the pills, along with mouthfuls of alcohol. I can already feel the nausea and drugs taking effect.
"While we wait, why not pull out that pocket knife of yours? Do everything before the end." Kov suggests. I do as he says, pulling out the knife and flipping it open.

"Paint it red, it's a beautiful color." Kov purrs. I press the blade up against my skin, the surface breaking. I pull away the knife with a swipe, seeing blood well up and start to drip.
"Perfect,"

"It'll all get better now, don't you think, Tommy?~"

(Tord's POV)

"Hey, Edd, I forgot my phone back at the apartment." I tell him, feeling around my pockets.
"Oh, yeah, go get it then. Be careful, though." He warns, looking away from Matt for a moment, earning a small whine.
"Got it," I say as I walk back to Tom's apartment, dreading the chance of interaction with the monster.

I open up the door with my keys, walking in and looking around for my device. Not in the living room, or the kitchen. I check around the apartment, avoiding looking in Tom's room. Strangely enough, it was too quiet for someone who's packing for a trip. I narrow my eyes, finally checking in Tom's room for my phone. I might've dropped it when I was cleaning up.

I slip in, searching around the room. I walk over to his desk, noticing a note in a neat version of Tom's handwriting.
"What..?" I mumble, picking it up. It read the following:

Dear whoever cares (probably Matt),

Sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry I couldn't tell you, I'm sorry I hurt so many people, I'm sorry for becoming a monster in your eyes.
I can't say that it wasn't me.
Because it was, I was a part of it, after all.
It's all my fault. I won't deny it.

I know a simple note won't take back all the lives I've taken, all the ones I've threatened. So, to stop any more pain for you, I'm going to end the problem at it's source.
There is a reason why I've been taking such poor care of myself. It's because it was the only way to pause, to hold back anymore killings by my demon.

This might not make sense. I doubt it ever will, but if you somehow, in some way save me before it's too late, I'll give all the answers you need. I really hope you don't.

But for now,
I'm sorry is the only thing I can say.

I never intended to threaten Matt or anybody else. I never meant to go and kill.
But I can't just say that. A few words doesn't bring back lives.

I guess this is goodbye.

Cordialement, un monstre.

Black stains were dotted all around the page. Before I could even think one single thought, I hear a loud thud.

Coming from the bathroom.