The rhythmic beating of the drums echoed in my ears as I walked out of what once was the procession of the tributes. Rebels and people of the Capitol watched as I made my way down. The fighters gathered behind me and followed me along till the very end. I saw Coin in all pale grey stand looking victorious and proud. She had 'won' She was 'president' of all Panem and she 'had' the Mockingjay in her 'pocket'. The six remaining victors waited in 3 on either side Betee, Enarobia and Annie. Peeta, Haymitch and Johanna.

I came to a stop in front of everyone but most importantly in front of Snow. He was certainly dressed for the occasion. Even his signature white rose where my mark would be. I looked unwavering into his eyes, as Coin began.

"Welcome, to the new Panem." She held out her arms as if welcoming all of them "Today on the avenue of tributes, all of Panem, a free Panem, will watch more than a mere spectacle.

"We are gathered to witness an historic moment of justice. Today the greatest friend to the revolution will fire the shot to end all wars. May her arrow signify the end of tyranny and the beginning of a new era." Snow looked at me as if he was say 'I told you so' over and over again 

"Mockingjay, may your aim be as true as your heart is pure." I removed one of my arrows and slid int into the bow before drawing back aiming it at Snow. I watched his eyes change to another hidden message

'Oh Miss Hawthorne, I thought we agreed never to lie to each other.' He was right, we did. It may have been one of my brothers plans. But he never gave the order. Snow wouldn't kill his people children. He lost and was willing to admit it even in the face of death. The one who had the most to gain though...Coin.

My gaze shifted upwards to her as I let the arrow go in that single moment. As with every shot I made since I was a little girl. The arrow lodged in it targets heart. Killing her instantly. Snow cackled as everyone around me gasped in shock at what I had just done. I took the pill from my shoulder ready to see my mother and father once again. Only I wasn't about to be let go that easy. Peeta snatched it from my hand.

"No!" I protested as I was dragged away by two guards. I watched as my view of Peeta was taken way buy rebels trampling towards the momentarily alive Snow. Shot at him or not. He was dead and I had won twice over. I had retribution for the man I loved and my family. Even though my only decent and none painful way of death was taken away. It was not bad going for the Mockingjay.

I was escorted into one of the many rooms with at least four guards. The door shut behind be with two men keeping their beady eye on me. Well I did not expect this outcome. I removed my finger gloves preparing myself to get comfortable. I don't know how long I would see someone other than the two men. I don't know how long it was but I rested against a wall with my feet up, toying with my wedding ring. The door finally opened and one guard came in whispering to my personal bodyguards. Both he and them left only to be replaced with...Haymitch. Well I'm glad it's no one threatening.

"I hope no one expects me to apologise. I did everyone a favour." He sighs sitting down next to me.

"I'll say this for you Lily." He started "You don't disappoint." I shrugged nonchalantly at him

"Plutarch gave me a leeter for you."

"Don't want it." I replied

"You never make it easy do you?" he grumbled and I smirked towards his direction. Even now I couldn't resist messing with him.

"Now where would be the fun in that? You handle it so well."

"Okay, I'll read it for you..."

Lily

Maybe the country was shocked tonight by your arrow, but once again I was not. You were exactly who I believed you were. I wish I could give you a proper goodbye. But with Snow and Coin dead, the fate of the country will be decided tonight and I can't be seen by your side. Tonight the 12 district leaders will call for a free election.

There is little doubt that Paylor will carry it. She's become the voice of reason. I'm sorry so much burden fell on you. I know you'll never escape it. But if I had to put you through it again for this outcome, I would. The war's over. We'll enter that sweet period where everyone agrees not to repeat the recent horrors.

Of course, we're fickle, stupid beings with poor memories and a great gift for self destruction. Although who knows? Maybe this time we'll learn.

I've secured you a ride out of The Capitol. It's better for you to be out of sight. And when the time is right Commander Paylor will pardon you. Unfortunately your three siblings will remain in the care of Mrs Everdeen, but I'm sure once it has blown over you will be reunited. The country will find it's peace. And I hope you will find yours.

Plutarch

"What now?" I asked my friend and mentor.

"Home. We go home." He took me back to my room where I changed out of the mockingjay and back into Lily. We made our way down the steps of the mansion where I was greeted by Effie waiting.

"I couldn't let you go without a proper goodbye." She smiled softly before embracing me in one of her now very comforting hugs.

"It's your job to take care of yourself now, Lily. Promise me you'll find it." she slowly puled away and rested her hand against my cheek.

"Find what?" I asked

"The life of a victor." she whispered, giving her a soft smile i nodded.

"Goodbye, Effie."

"Goodbye my girl." She gave me one final hug before letting go. I moved past her but looked back as, she and Haymitch shared a few words. He kissed her cheek then kissed her lips. I rolled my eyes as he came over. Once we were further away I had to ask.

"How long have you been wanting to do that?"

"Shut up, Lily" I gave a firm nod, not saying anything else on the matter.

-------

On the train home I finally let the whole thing affect me. Boggs, Castor, Finnick, Mom, Rosie, Gale, Peeta. My sweet Peeta who wasn't with me. Who was still in the Capitol. They say the first year of marriage is hard. No shit. We haven't even had an actual marriage, we were interrupted before we could. Maybe it was too late, after everything happened. To him, to me. What we had both done. Though I still loved him with my heart, mind and soul. Maybe things were to damaged to go back to any kind of normalcy.

Haymitch and I walked into the only upstanding place, the victors village and my home. Neither of us saying a thing, entering our respective homes. Home. The last time I was here I was with my family. It was a sad day as I knew being the only female victor of 12. I was going to be reaped. My mother, trying not to cry in front of the little ones held a stiff upper lip. Gale watched again as his sister went into the clutches of a barbaric man. Rory, Vick and Posy. The feelings that no child or adult should ever have to feel.

Now, just empty. Lifeless. Maybe a bit like me. With no one to be the light I needed I fell into a state of depression and half drunkenness. I get why Haymitch like the bottle, it took the pain and torment away, even if it was for just a little while. I did what I needed to keep sufficiently healthy. There was a clatter in the kitchen. I lifted my head up from one of my latest hangovers.

"Ugh!" I dragged myself up and into the kitchen to see what was happening. Stumbling into the door a saw a very familiar feline. Buttercup. How the hell did that thing get back here?

"Meaow."

"She's gone." I huffed. It meowed again.

"Get out!" I snapped "Get out. She's gone Rosie's gone, She's gone!" I threw a matter of things at he blasted thing but it never got hit. It bowed a little at my screams of anger and sadness. It turned into sobs as I then reached out to pick him up and hold him.

I went for the bottle again. But I got cornered by Haymitch trying to sneak another bottle out of his house. It's not like it wasn't hard. He drank way to much, put himself into drunken comas. I just didn't bother to wake him.

"What do you think you're doing?" he questioned me with a big bottle readying to leave.

"Going to sleep. With a little help." I slurred

"Have you been taking my stash?" I bit my lip holding my self up against the bannister.

"Maybe." I snorted in amusement and rested my head "Just a tiny bit." I tried to measure with my fingers.

"Lily."

"What, you do it, you still do it. Why can't I? All I need is help sleeping." He sighed "It stops the nightmares." He pulled me into a hug while taking the bottle off me.

"You can't do this. The one great thing about you, is that your not me." He pulled away. then took me home, it was in the makings of looking like his house. Bottles laying here and there. Plates waiting to be washed

"Lils, you can't do this if you want your siblings." Ouch, sibling card

"It's been months and they're not here, he's not here. They may never come." I sighed wistfully knowing the inevitable.

"They might. Do you really want the first thing they see is their sister turning into the drunkard next door. We both know the answer." I looked up at him

"Start with yourself then with the house. Think positive."

"That sounds wise Haymitch." I decided to take it I slapped his shoulder "You're getting old, man." I made my way up stairs to take a bath. I then went to remove the bottles, clean the plates, furniture, dust wipe, polish and place. I hunted for food as well of it being brought to the district. I went into a daze of sorts. I wasn't happy positive but I wasn't the down trodden drunk sleeping in her own drool either.