1. Put the sugar in the tea jar, the tea in the coffee jar, and the coffee in the dog's waterbowl. You have excelled in your job if it's not even your dog.

2. Give tourists the directions to a completely different town in the middle of nowhere.

3. Frustrate and annoy dog-walkers by having a perfectly lovely, friendly encounter with their dog, which they can't do. 

4. Pretend to be completely ignorant of knowledge in general and constantly mix things up, slowly nudging the guy who's trying to patiently explain to you the different exotic vegetables mad.

5. Agitate your friends and young children by pretending to be completely ignorant of their favourite bands, deliberatly pronouncing and spelling their name wrong and insist upon them teaching you the lyrics so you can start frustring them by being generally ignorant and musically dead. Dear god, it's fun.

6. Show cameras that you are superior to them by just staring straight at them with a blank expression on your face and completely refusing to smile. Double points if you're smiling the whole way up until seconds before the picture is taken.

7. Send first-years in completely the wrong direction.

8. Flirt with your friends (quadruple points if they're the same gender) and call them 'babe' and 'sweetheart' and constantly hold their hand. Overexaggerate it as much as possible.

9. Give answers to questions that aren't really answers.

Random person: "Where were you?"

An extremely handsome guy. Smiling, funny, relatable, charming, handsome, clever, talented, clever, handsome- oh wait that's me: "A place other than here."

Random person: *sigh* "When'd you get back?"

Me: "Before this encounter."

What turns out to be a person who is in a rElAtIoNsHiP wItH mE: "Dear I love you but this is too much"

Me: "Yes yes now go away"

10. 

Situation: Halloween

Children: *knocks on door*

Me: *opens door and stares at them*

Children: *in child voices* tRiCk Or TrEaT

Me: *closes the door*