"I've got you in my clutches now, Agent BJ69. There's no escape. Now allow me to explain to you my plans in full as I slowly lower you into this pit full of alligators."

"Sure thing, Dr. Monkeywrench," Agent BJ69 said. "But isn't that your mother down there?"

"Mommy?" Dr. Monkeywrench's voice trembled. "Did you fall into the alligator pit? We talked about this. You need to stay clear of my experiments!"

"No, I'm talking about that big fat cross-eyed alligator that keeps bumping into the wall. Isn't that your mom?"

"Why you-" Dr. Monkeywrench sputtered. "How dare you! But no matter, you still have no choice but to sit there and listen to every excruciating detail of my evil plans!"

"Let me guess. You're going to use that giant magnifying glass you built outside your headquarters to focus the light of the sun on some unsuspecting city and fry it to a crisp."

"What? How did you know that?"

"It's completely obvious, dude. If you're going to build some top secret project at least keep it in a box or throw a curtain over it. My three year old nephew figured out your secret plan, and between you and me, he's not a very bright kid."

"Ah! But you have not figured out my whole plan! And now I will explain it to you as you inch ever closer to the hungry alligators below!"

"You mean the part where you're going to torch the peace talks between the leaders of twenty major nations next Tuesday?"

"Yes, precisely. I mean, what? No! Of course not! How did you know that?"

"Jeez, man. It's only on the news like all the time. It's such an easy target, there's like ten other evil maniacs who are targeting it and personally, I think Dr. Flounderbender's plan is way more likely to work than yours. I hear he's all set to unleash an army of interpretive dancers carrying dull butter knives."

"Dr. Flounderbender? That idiot couldn't come up with a plan if there were instructions laid out right in front of him. He doesn't deserve the label of 'evil genius.' He's more like an evil barely mentally functioning person."

"Whatever you say, Doc. Oh, and by the way. I've managed to wriggle one of my arms free. You bad guys really need to start hiring henchmen who are better at tying knots. Go find an angry Boy Scout who's gone rogue or something. In the meantime, I'm afraid I'm going to have to do this!" Agent BJ69 pressed a button on his belt and a rubber chicken shot out and flew straight at Dr. Monkeywrench. It smacked him in the face, causing him to lose his balance and topple into the alligator pit below.

"All right, now let's go stop Dr. Flounderbender," Agent BJ69 said as he climbed the rope out of the pit. "After, of course, I make love to that Russian woman who's been hanging around and definitely isn't a spy."