*unedited*

M A N I K

If I have to go about listing all the reasons why life is considered unfair, then one Epilogue will never be enough. I'm not here to tell you why my life had a tragic end, or why I won't have a happily ever after.

I'm here to ask you a few things. And to tell you some others.

But for first, let's look at the bigger picture of my life, the one I see from where I am. Let's start from the end this time.

I remember telling Nandini some day that I didn't believe in endings. I don't know if you recollect that day, but I do.

It was the night before I said goodbye to her, and to everyone else of that world.

I remember holding on to her that night, telling her something did not feel right. I remember staying up all night and looking at her face that was pale because of all the food she had vomited out some hours back, and yet shining in the dim light of the stars above our head.

But in between these two things, I remember telling her I was tired. I remember telling her how I didn't want to fight anymore, I wanted to be in a place far away from this world where I can love her endlessly without any boundaries; and she  had promised me in return that some day, I will find such a place.

And this is to let you know that I did find such a place. This place, it's beautiful. Sun is shining overhead at all times here, and there are purple flower meadows that I can keep running into, without the fear of looking behind. The smile never leaves my face as I look at her from above, and I look at the little angel forming inside her.

I was wrong. Death isn't as bad as humans terminate it to be. Death is rather beautiful, death gave me freedom, it took every pain in me away, everything that the world burdened on me. Death got me to this place people call heaven.

It took away all the emotions from me, leaving just love inside my heart, love for the whole world— but mostly, love for my princess.

I look at her everyday. I am there with her all the time. I sit beside her, listening to how she walks into the graves, talking to me for hours; I see how she walk into the beaches and closes her eyes, letting the air kiss her face as if that were me, I sleep beside her as she hugs my white shirt to sleep every night trying to find the hidden pieces of me that I left behind in my clothes, in my house, in my everything. But what she doesn't know is, the biggest piece of me that I left behind in this world is her.

I succumbed to my injuries early that day, the poison that the gun shot inside me was spreading at an increasing rate but I wanted to live for her. I wanted to fight the pain away but I was too tired to fight anymore.

I wanted to let go. And so I did.

I might be selfish for leaving her alone in the world, I felt terrible for days after coming here watching her trying to be strong, trying to make herself happy for the little angel inside her, and how the world kept plunging the past back at her face broke my already broken heart.

But I'm proud of her. I'm so proud of how she managed herself for our child, of how she put on the braver side of her for everyone. But, just so that you know, I can see the scars she's hiding behind her smile as well. I can see her tears and her pain but I can also see how hard she's trying and I love her for that.

We all make choices. But most of the choices people make out based on their beliefs. Believing is good. One must believe in love, in kindness, in grace and in God. But people believe in fairytales. Why? Because fairytales are perfect. And I don't blame you for that. In between pages of a book is a lovely place to be. Everything is happy in there and we get to forget the real world for a while and escape into a world of imagination. No one wants to belong to the real world because it is harder.

Escaping from your reality for a while is okay. But often, people try forgetting it; and that is where they go wrong. Accept reality and embrace it, even if it burns you. Because burns of reality will always be much better than an imaginary pleasure.

And I say this because I have lived it. My death was the consequences of the reality that I and Nandini had started ignoring. We imagined the world around us to be a lovely place and got so involved in ourselves that we forgot about everything else. Our happy place was an imaginary world. And reality hit us back when she was stabbed and I was shot.

No, reality doesn't always mean death. Some reality also means time. Time runs away and every second that goes by will never be returned. The reality is that we don't have a lot of time. No one does. All the time you have remaining could be just a week more, or maybe just a few days, or maybe only today and tomorrow.

Death is final. There is no way we can escape death, or put a time please to death when we finally realise the importance of life, of love and everything else. When you have to go, you just have to go. You can't look back and regret at all the things that you didn't do when you were living, all the things that you didn't say to the people you loved. What will be gone, will be gone forever.

So as long as you're alive, take risks. Fall in love as much as you can. Be kind to everyone. And live while you're living, live the infinity in a finite number of days because at the end, that's what's going to matter.

As I look down at my princess from up, I realise how much time I did have with her and I actually spent it scolding her, fighting with her and not doing things that had to.

I see her sitting still in our room, her brown and lovely eyes now being numb and lifeless and then suddenly how they lit up seeing the pink and blue flowers that were brought to her, how there's a sudden happiness in her heart and she turns around and hugs him— my step brother.

If I would have chosen to spend the time I had with her wisely, it would have been me and not him. But I'm still happy that where everyone fails, he still makes her happy; sometimes bringing her flowers, other times chocolates and even baby clothes. And she smiles at him. I feel sad it isn't me, but what matters to me is her smile. She becomes happy, even if for a little time. And her smile makes me feel lighter.

I have no complaints of what happened to us. I'm just grateful it happened. I'm grateful that she taught a dark man like me what colours of love look like. She effortlessly painted my black and white life into various shades that I had never tasted before, and I believe only very lucky people find a love like that.

Like my girl says, true love is rare. But that doesn't mean it does not exist. If you believe in love, it will believe right back in you.

And you know what I'm saying about love is true when it comes from a man who's been loveless all his life and then there comes a girl who suddenly enters his life like a soft breeze but storms every feeling of his heart and changes him... for the better.

I've lived my story and I'm very content with it. And when I tell you this and I tell you my story, I don't say it to discourage you to love. I tell it to make you believe in love more because if an undeserving man like me gets an angel like Nandini Murthy to fell in love with me, then every human in this world can get love and a love story better than ours.

And to get your love, all you have to do is hope; believe; chase; and be kind. Believe in hope and chase your kindness, and this will lead you to the destiny of your heart.

Nandini was determined upon bringing the baby to life, and giving up her own for it. And I didn't want her to go through that, through the pain, but I knew the future. She would die and our baby girl would be raised by Zubin and Mukti as their daughter.

This day wasn't very far, and although I wanted to protect Nandini from the pain of death, I couldn't wait to go down and pick her soul, embrace her like I used to embrace her when we were alive. I can't wait to see her face and for her to touch me, not fearing that I would disappear and leave her alone.

You might call my love story a tragic one, but for me, it was worth it. And I hope for Nandini, it was worth it too. I might never have a family, I might have committed a few mistakes and there might still be guilt in me but there's just guilt. No regret. I could never regret anything about her, she brought magic to a dull life.

And I found my love. Humesha will never mean forever to us. Humesha will mean our love, it is our love that brought meaning to a simple word like it. Humesha are the stars that she thought my heart was made of and the galaxies of them that I saw in her eyes.

We didn't aspire for forever. And to be honest, I couldn't live a forever. Even if a devil turns into an angel, the angel can't live forever because the old deeds and the mistakes of the past hit him back. And I didn't want to be an angel. I was a blend of black and white and I was fine being grey.

Perfection has loopholes too. Everyone is grey.

Do you remember what Nandini told you in the very first chapter?

No?

Let me tell it again.

Forevers and Humeshas are just a lie,
All we had was a bitter goodbye.

This was not true. We did have a goodbye, and it was bitter; but forever and humeshas are not a lie, it never were.

Forever is a belief. So believe, trust the forever you want to live with your love and aspire for a happily ever after but don't break away from reality. Because reality it very different from beliefs.

Reality requires sacrifice and compassion, peace and war, beauty and it's pain. If you live a belief, you'd love your life. But if you live the reality, you'd know life is all about love.

So choose wisely. And believe in love the way Nandini did. Because if not in that world, then atleast in this, forevers do exist.

And if forevers do exist, then that is how you aspire to fall in love.

As for me and Nandini, this isn't the end. It's just another start, the start to a Forever of loving her. This time, I'm not afraid. I'd love her limitlessly, just the way I always wanted to.

And this time, our love will last forever.

So I hope you did look at the bigger picture this time. Our love might be a tragedy but our tragedy found us our Humesha.

So make your choices wisely. Accept the reality. Fall in love with life first. And find your own happiness because life is short and every story is beautiful.

I and Nandini found our Humesha and I hope you do find yours too.

Love,
Manik.

~•|

[don't forget to read to note of the next chapter. Thank you!]

Love,
Heer.