N A N D I N I

I wish I could alter my thoughts, and remove him out of them, because he hasn't left my mind for even a minute since I returned back from office. And it wasn't as if I could help it in anyway, because I couldn't even take my eyes off his picture for a minute.

His smile was the kind of eccentric drug that you once take, you wouldn't be able to leave ever. You'd just keep holding onto it for more and more and more  with no escape. His love was a chaos in my life full of stillness and I loved how every step I took towards him brought me two steps even farther from him.

Breaking me away from my thoughts, I felt a small tap on my shoulder as I turned the chair of my new room back to see my best friend frowning at me with his hands crossed across his shoulders. Pushing the picture in my hands away, I got up to stand in front of him with a cheeky smile.

"Are you worried about something?" His eyes softened as he asked me hesitant holding my shoulders, slowly making me sit on the bed and I couldn't help but smile at him. Even after losing everything, I still had Zubin with me and I was eternally grateful for that. He was the blessing in disguise for me.

"Haa-... actually no-.... just voh Manik-.... umm nothing!" I smiled pushing away the thoughts of him that kept making their way to me like a spider to its web but no matter what, I wasn't troubling him with my same old Manik thoughts.

"Nandini!" He sighed as he leaned down below my knees, taking my hands in his as he brushed a lose hair strands behind my ear. "Look, I don't know Manik aur tumhaara kya connection hai, why did he do all that and everything, but I don't want you to keep sticking to his thoughts always. You have a life too, a life that comes beyond Manik Malhotra!" He said softly and I took a deep breath, knowing where this conversation is leading us.

"But my life has got connected with him in a way that isn't detachable. And that's not because I love him, that's because just his presence gives me some peace that is unknown to myself. Just sitting besides him is like taking a sip of eternity, even the stars that I've hated all my life seem to be magical, just by his presence," I smiled weakly as if I was begging for him to give me oxygen to live when I all I was doing was asking him to allow me to love a man I don't seem to be able to unlove.

"I don't want to love him to ever get a future with him, to even picture myself with him. I love him like people love the stars, right from the distance, untouched and unfelt. I'd love him just like the dark things are supposed to be loved in secret, between the shadows and the soul. I'd love him without any expectations, without even hoping for him to return a little of the feelings I have for him," I whispered and I knew that even if I let another thought cross my mind about him not being mine ever, I'd start crying.

"But you have a life too, right? For how long will you be able to stay this way, with no love in your life?" He asked, concern written everywhere and I knew he was right but I wish I could explain him that I would be happy for a life time even with his hate. Arguing with him was like an abyss because he was right but I was too determined to give up.

"I don't want to ask a lot, all I want is a promise that you'd try. I have loved someone too, and I know how difficult life gets without love. There are times when you want someone by you and you realise you're alone and nothing hits worse than that. I've been through all the pain, and I never want you to have no one. So just a small promise? Please promise me you'd try to move on?" He asked slowly and my eyes snapped at him as my heart beat fast enough for me to hear it myself as I bit my lower lip. Moving on from Manik meant giving a chance to someone else, falling in love with someone else. I don't know about love, I can't even picture myself with anyone but Manik.

Looking at his concerned face, I gave in. "Promise!" I whispered in a small tone and the smile on Zubin's face increased as he got up and pulled me up too. I could see the happiness on his face, and how clearly he disliked me loving Manik. Actually, it wasn't his fault too. Had I not so hopelessly be in love with Manik, I would have hated him too for everything he did to me.

But moving on from Manik is like not breathing and just as you can't survive without breathing oxygen, I can't unlove Manik. It's as if it's his love that runs in my veins instead of blood. I didn't need oxygen to live, I needed Manik Malhotra.

"So....," he rubbed his hands together looking around and I smiled squeezing my eyebrows at him. "Let's get dressed up, let's go clubbing?" He smiled enthusiastically and I opened my mouth completely nodding negatively. I wasn't much of a clubbing person, I hated it way too much.

"No ways! I have a good book to read, and also, I have no party clothes, left them all behind with my old house!" I shrugged it off climbing on the bed as I pulled out a book from the side drawer and he nodded in a bored face as he pulled out a small bag that he had been hiding all this while behind him.

"No excuses, baby doll!" He smiled as he pulled me out again from my comfort zone and pulled out a all sequins dress from inside, giving it to me and I made a crying face. "No cute faces are going to work, you've to get ready in ten minutes babe, my friends will be coming already!" He smiled.

"Ten minutes? I am a girl, I need atleast thirty minutes duh!" I tried sounding all happy and cheerful just like the old me, for him. I have someone who loved me, someone for whom I had to stay happy. Being loved is the best feeling in the world, and being loved by your best friend is even better.

"You are not the girl who needs thirty minutes for make up, and I know that, okay? Teri ek smile hi kaafi hai for all the boys there," he said with a wink making me blush my brightest smile as he kissed my forehead and left leaving me alone.

Every girl should have a best friend like Zubin.

But no girl should fall in love with a guy like Manik Malhotra.

❤︎

"Oh my god Nandini, you are just how Zubin described, cute but hot!" His friend Aryamman complimented and I smiled my brightest smile, taking his hand as he kissed it. When Zubin said friends, he forgot to specify that he had only one friend Aryamman Khurrana, who though sweet and a gentleman, was a big time flirt.

The music around us blasted at a volume higher than it should and this was one of the main reasons I hated clubbing though I loved dancing. I could dance even to the slightest tunes the moment I hear a song not caring what my surroundings were.

"Should I get you some drink?" Aryamman asked and I smiled at him, my eyes still searching for Zubin who left us for a stupid phone call. "Sure, but a mocktail please!" I bit my lower lip and he politely smiled before moving away. Was being eligible to drink yet not drinking a crime?

I didn't drink because I couldn't handle myself when I was drunk. I got drunk once when I was eighteen and ended up trespassing my neighbours house at four in the midnight with my friends, breaking in like thieves and that happened to be the first and last day I drank.

Pushing through the crowd in search of Zubin to move outside, I banged across something quite hard in the darkness as the dim red lights shone above our heads as I screeched at the human wall I had just banged into.

Scratching my head and rubbing my eyes and almost forgetting that I had smudged my eye liner and mascara, I looked up gritting to find a familiar face shining in the dimness of the pitch darkness as his angry eyes snapped at mine and I lowered my angry eyes in shock.

"Sir?", I slowly whispered gulping as my eyes roamed at his hot body looking even hotter in the white tucked in shirt with black tuxedo as his eyes checked out my body from my loose open hair to my long black heels and I pulled my dress lower, a lot conscious of myself again.

It was weird how no one could make my confident self conscious except him. The more I tried pushing him away, he ended up right in front of me. And this wasn't my mistake, was it?

"Aahh princess!" He smirked with one corner of his lips, folding his hands against his chest and I flipped my hair away, looking at everyone but at him.

"I'm sorry!" I whispered politely still not looking at him as I tried moving past him to the door for Zubin, but he held my arm, stopping me midway and I couldn't help but notice how his hands were cold and rough yet magical.

"Don't you think you should pay back for this?" He snugged pointing at his white shirt that had wine stains and I bit my lower lip, staring at his beautiful face nervously with blank emotions. He looked around everywhere as if finding someone but when his eyes met nothing, he turned back to me, his dark eyes pouring unfigured emotions into mine.

Slowly and softly, he took a small step towards me and I moved backwards. His hands reached his white shirt as he slowly unbuttoned the first and I my eyes widened but his eyes didn't move from me.

"S...sir?" I stammered as my back touched the wall and he leaned even ahead, his two hands on my either sides by the wall. He leaned closer and closer until I could feel his breath mingling with mine and I could even tell what he was drinking till now~ something of mint and lemon, his breath screaming alcohol as it perfectly mixed with the smell of his cologne.

Scared with the enclosure, I closed my eyes even tighter allowing him to lean even more ahead as I waited for his face to almost collide with mine.

"Don't you think you should wash this away for me?" There was an innocent and distant in his voice as I opened my eyes and looked at him standing away from me, as the red hue of embarrassment crept on my cheeks.

"S-...," I was cut off as I saw a fair and tiny hand appearing on the bare part of his chest and I tilted my head to see a living make up kit right in front of my eyes pushing herself on Manik, her blonde hair all over his shoulder as her hands encircled his neck and she pulled him towards her, away from me.

My lips carved into a frown as I saw her all over him and his dark eyes settling on her beautiful curves. Stepping myself away from him, I stole one last glance at them before turning away.

"Excuse me Kiara, I was talking to someone?" He said rudely pushing her a bit away as she frowned pouting, her hands resting on her hips as she looked at me, shooting daggers with her eyes. That's the thing about beautiful girls, they hate rejection.

"Or actually, leave it! Let me just help myself in the washroom," He smiled the fakest smile I've ever seen at her as he left into the corner and I stared at his disappearing figure in the darkness.

Maybe I should actually apologise to him? I actually wasted his pure white shirt that night atleast cost a few bundle of notes. My brain warned me to stay right where I was and find Zubin, but just as always, I did what my heart wanted. Without even thinking twice, I followed him.

Standing outside the men's restroom, my heart beat faster than it has ever did. I've seen girls doing this and it's no big things to enter a men's restroom in clubs, especially when the entire room is isolated except the one man you have work with, yet this was the first time I was ever going to do something like this and my brain warned me to not do anything like that.

Yet pushing my thoughts away, I slowly entered the isolated room, just to be welcomed by the sight I didn't really want to see. He stood bare chested, his hot back facing me. His lower neck had some kind of a black tattoo in it which was just as mysterious as he was and just his back looked so sinfully hot that I couldn't stop myself from imagining how his front would.

But that wasn't the scene I wasn't liking. What irked me was that brunette still clinging to his bare body, his white shirt in his hands as her hands roamed about on his chest and his pulling her close by her waist.

Somewhere deep down, this hurt worst than being stabbed in reverse. Losing him hurt so much even though he was never mine. And my little heart also knew, he could never be mine. Our worlds are different from each other, just like two parallel roads that never meet, how much ever I wish, the truth remains that I wasn't made for him, or rather- he wasn't made for me.

Running by from the sight I saw, I once again bumped into someone. "Nandini? Where the hell have you been? I've been searching for you with this drink in my hand since such a long-.....," Aryamman blubbered but I cut him off as I snatched the drink from his hand and before I knew, it was down my throat.

I needed anything to distract me from thoughts of Manik with another woman in bed, loving her. And when I say anything, I meant anything except some intoxicating drink that I have never had before.

It tasted bitter when it was all down my throat and my stomach burnt but it felt good and different, something like I have never felt. Squeezing my eye brows at Aryamman standing in front of me, I smiled like a fool as everything seemed dazed. "Why have I never had this before? It's yummmmyyyy!" I showed my thirty two teeth like a kid.

"Shit!" He cursed running his hand through his hair as I pouted. How can someone even curse something in front of me? A cute and hot kid like me?

"Alright Nandini! You need to sit!" He held my arms and I pushed him away, pouting. Doesn't he know who I am? Nandini, Nandini Murthy and I don't listen to anyone except myself, I smirked proudly.

"I am going to Manik!" I shouted at him with the same attitude that the girl with Manik had showed. I am sure behaving like her will make me more like her and then Manik will like me too just like he had his hands on her waist ten minutes back.

Without waiting for a reply, I ran to Manik in the men's restroom. Looking at him standing right there, I smiled in content. No matter what anyone says, I will not let Manik be anyone else's. Manik was mine, just mine.

Pushing that plasticy girl away, I showed my thirty two teeth smile to him and he looked at me amused as my hands reached his neck and chest holding him the same way that stupid Barbie doll had held my Manik sometime back.

"Manik," I smiled in content as I kept my head on his chest, keeping him close to me because that's  where he belonged, in my arms. "I have to tell you something very important!" I whispered because what I had to tell him was no less than something I promised to keep a secret.

"I na, I love you! Very much!"

<drunk or sober, all she needed was him; even if he was a labelled poison, she would love him anyway>

~•~