[You have previously been warned. No negative comments will be tolerated. Please do not leave the chapter midway, orelse nothing will make sense in the Epilogue. Please read it to the end.]

|•~

N A N D I N I

From the moment I had first seen him, I knew he was worth the broken heart. And I never blamed him for it, it was my heart that considered it as a privilege to have itself broken by him. And I knew it would happen. I knew since day one that he'd break my heart one day, but somewhere deep down I was really hoping he wouldn't. And even if he did break my heart, I just never expected it to be this way.

I stare at the life moving swiftly in front of my eyes. People run here and there, everywhere. But for me, life was at a standstill. As if someone had pressed a pause button to my life where as everyone else was as play. As if I was paralysed, unable to move or do anything except think. And I kept thinking about everything, replaying my life that I lived in the past one year in front of my eyes like a movie.

And I remembered everything. I remembered every moment, every up and every down, every laughter and every tear, all the pain and the unexpected love, the people I lost and the people I gained; it all kept flashing in front of my eyes as if everything was engraved deep inside me and it was weirdly amazing how I remembered every detail, as if I had locked it in the cage of my heart and just found the keys to it today.

And what hurt was not that I'd never be able to live all of it again. I would laugh again one day. I would cry again. I would go through ups and downs and still make more memories with those people. But do you know what would still be different?

Everything.

Why?

Because he won't be there with me anymore— Manik Malhotra, the star crossed metaphor of my life. I always kept calling him a star, my star. But what I had deeply forgotten was, stars burn too and all that remains is darkness.

And that happened. Every happy memory that I had created with him collapsed right in front of my eyes and I just stood there helpless, numb. No tears came out. I didn't wail, I didn't cry, I didn't mourn. I held everything deep inside me, even when I stood there watching his body get buried deep inside the soil, near his father's.

It hurt me. It hurt me more than the knife that was stabbed inside my back when I saw his eyes close and reality hit that those eyes would never open again. I had heard his voice for the last time, I could never hear him annoy me again. I would never feel his hand on my skin as he hugged me to sleep. I would never see his face once he goes down. He'd never be there to protect me anymore. He'd never be there again. We'd never get married. My child would never see her father and all of this hurt more than anyone could think.

But still, I held myself back. It killed me every moment I lived to think that the lips I once kissed were now lifeless and disintegrating and the man I loved countless times was nothing but another pile of ash buried deep inside the soil.

I despised a world without him. But I had to live; and life had to go on.

Manik Malhotra maybe dead for the world. But he would never be dead for me. As long as my heart lives, he would live inside it.

And even after my last breath, if you break my heart open, you'd see him inside my dead heart.

It was always him. It will always be him. No one can replace him in my life because I'd never give anyone the right to.

But you know what?

Even after going far away, he is very close to me. He is with me everywhere, everytime I look at the stars, everytime I hug his shirt to sleep, everytime I look at his picture. He's with me when I think of him and when I don't and I can feel him, I can feel him with me everyday.

And I have no complaints. Unlike others, I don't demand from God why he did this to us or why he took my love away. I don't ask him why me.

Because I'm grateful. I'm grateful to the God and to Manik to give me the love of a lifetime in numbered days. I always knew I And Manik had to end one day, we knew we couldn't be like a normal couple having their own family and a happily ever after.

We were just not that couple of a cliché fan fiction with a tainted boy and a happy girl who mends him and then they solve their problems and live a happily ever after; and we both knew that.

So I'd rather say I'm happy. I'm happy that I got to love Manik and to be loved by him, to have the privilege to hold him close to me and kiss him to sleep every night, to be the one for whom his heart beated till his last breath. It was a privilege to be loved by him, and to have my heart broken by him.

And if you'd think after everything that happened made my belief in love weaker, than you're wrong. No matter what happened, I still believe in falling in love as much as I can— not with another man, but with everything that Manik has left me with, including the little life living inside me.

There was no way a beautiful person like him could ever fall in love with me in this lifetime, but he did. How? Because I hoped. Because I believed in love and I believed in hope and I believed in miracles and miracles happened, a miracle that tied our destiny together in a way that neither of us could resist.

We were meant to be. Even if for a short period of time, we were meant to be and we lived our time. We lived the time we had happily and being crazily in love.

And all the pain that I went through, it was all worth it. Without pain, no one has ever got love.

And even as I sit beside his grave six months later, I sit with a smile on my lips and tears in my eyes as I think about him and me, and whenever I do, I don't cry because it ended, I smiled because it happened.

Every good thing has an end. Ends might not necessarily mean death, but everything has to end one day. Nothing lasts forever. And me and Manik? We never ended. We never had a goodbye. And I don't want to have a goodbye, ever.

Even after he's long gone, he lives. And I don't know how much time it would take, but there's going to be a day when I die too, and I couldn't wait to see him that day. I couldn't wait to have him come and pick me up from my death bed and we live again, together. And that time, no Nyonika would ever interrupt us, ever.

I promised Manik there will be a time where he'd be able to love me limitlessly without any fear of losing me, and maybe that time is yet to come. Maybe Earth was too cruel a place to have a star like Manik Malhotra. And wherever he is, I can only hope he's in a happier place, and he likes it there.

Eight months passed away, and the baby bump on me was very visible. I had bodyguards standing behind me as I sat in front of Manik's Home, placing his favourite flowers like I did every now and then.

A lot of people stopped me from coming here, saying pregnant ladies should never be around the graves because that's where all the evil lies but I never listened to them. How could I? For me, this place was no evil. This was the place where an angel lied in his eternal sleep.

I wanted my child to know her father as much as I do, to know how he loves her even when he's not around. Manik kept visiting his father. So how could I ever stop my child from visiting hers?

"You know what Manik, I completed Humesha today, our book," I told him, a small smile on my face. "And I'm not sad because I'm doing this alone. I just wish you could have been here to read it once and tell me if I'm right in giving it an end in which you leave me," I bite my lower lip.

"Actually, that is not an end at all, just as you wanted it to be. It's a beginning. It's a beginning to you finally finding your peace, away from this world that just gave you pain. It's a beginning to our eternal love. We don't believe in ends, right?" I ask, a little sad giggle in the end, which was followed by deep silence.

Sometimes I just wish he would answer my talks back. If there was anything in this world I could wish for, it was for me to go back into time to just hear his voice, once again, and that breathtaking smile on his face when called me his princess.

Sometimes, I also wonder life would be so different if he would have survived the gunshot. It would have been so beautiful if this would have been some story in which happy endings were definite. If I would have prayed to God and my love would have saved him like in a movie. But in reality, death comes when it has to. If love could prevent death, then every person in this world would be immortal.

"The doctor told me the gender of the baby, Manik... although it's not allowed. It's a girl. Your real princess is coming to the world soon, Manik. And I just hope she's as beautiful as you were, I want everything of you in her, your eyes, your smile, your voice, your everything" a small tear drop slipped away but the smile never faded.

"And we've decided to name her, Myra. Myra means princess Manik, and what better meaning can we find in your daughter?" I smile.

"Also, the doctor had told me I'm very weak to carry this baby because of the knife that stabbed me. But I'm almost eight and a half month down, and she's still safe inside me. Thank you for protecting us from where you are," I was always grateful to him.

"I think I did the right decision by going against everyone and not aborting her. She's my happiness, Manik. And even without being there, she makes me smile all the time. I feel you around me whenever I think of her"

"And one last thing, if something happens to me while I'm giving birth to your princess like the doctors suspect, I want to come right to you. Zubin and Mukti would be amazing parents, Manik," I wipe another tear drop.

Mukti couldn't be a mother. She lost the ability to be a mother when Nyonika had stabbed her with a knife on her stomach, years back and Manik had faked her death. And ironical, isn't it? She can't be a mother and me, even after having a child can't be a mother. The doctors think I won't be able to handle the birth process unlike normal mothers and it could take my life. If anything happens, I'm giving Myra to Zubin and Mukti, and I could trust no one else more than the two of them to take care of the last thing I and Manik would leave behind in this world.

" I feel bad that I might never be able to see her face, ever. But even if it's selfish, I'm happy I'd come to you then. If I live or I die, I'm accepting fate the way it comes to me. And I know you'd always want the best for me and Myra"

"Also, do you believe it? Aryamman and Aliya are getting married! That's incredible, right? If you would have been here, you'd be so proud of your brother. He's outdone himself, with all that he did to Nyonika," I gulp hard. Nyonika was no more. She received a capital punishment when Aryamman gave statement against her, as a witness to everything that happened— his dad's death, attempt to Mukti's murder, putting goons to kill me twice, and Manik's..... death.

"Ma'am, it's time to go. Aryamman Sir is expecting you" a guard behind me reminded and I nodded stiffly. Aryamman had been doing so much for me, from getting me flowers everyday to taking me for dinners and lunch's and getting me baby clothes and everything that could possibly keep me happy.

But my only happiness was Manik.

Pushing the thoughts away, I put on a smile for him, caressing the marble underneath which he was put six months ago. "And I love you too. I'd come back soon again," I whisper before getting up and leaving.

I was driven again, to Manik's Home, which was my home too. As I stepped in, I found all my friends waiting. His friends, were now my friends too.

I hated to see how Cabir smiled a little less, but he still managed to be happy for me. They became the world around which my life rotated.

"How're you warrior?" Cabir came ahead, kissing my forehead. He called me a warrior, contradictory to the princess that Manik called me and I loved it.

"I'm okay," I say, hugging him back. "And the little one?" He asks, keeping a hand on my belly.

"As perfect and happy as her father was," I smile. Unlike most people who stop talking about people after they die, I did not. I, And all of his friends kept him alive within our hearts and in every conversation we made.

I sit on the sofa, tired with all the walking and Zubin sits beside me. Cabir and Aryamman were making a drink while the girls laid the table for lunch.

"Nandini," he says. I knew exactly what he was going to say ahead. We've had this conversation almost every day of the past seven months. "You don't have to do this," he tells again.

"You're going to be an amazing father," I tell him, patting his arm.

"I'm never letting anything happen to you," he says, determined.

"I thought the same thing for Manik until he went away. Unfortunately, none of us control death. He does," I say pointing upwards, referring to God.

"When Myra's old enough, tell her about me and Manik and tell her how much we would have loved her too if were alive." I told him.

"Don't" he says, strictly. "I love Myra already and I always will. I respect your decisions. But I don't want a daughter at the cost of losing you. You can still be happy, you have a full life time ahead of you. You can fall in love again, get married and see what real life is, Nandini. I want you to be happy" he says, his voice cracking down.

I smile. "Maybe. Maybe I fall in love again. But truth being said, I will never be able to love anyone else the way I loved Manik. And happiness? No one can give me the happiness that he did by even doing nothing."

"And, when you got to know that Mukti had died, did you move on? Did you stop loving her?" I ask gently and he nods negatively.

"When Mum died, did Dad remarry and went on a mission to find love again?" I ask again and he nods negatively again.

"I just want you to be happy" he says, in a whisper.

"Then Manik is my happiness. If I'm going, let me go. Don't mourn my death, celebrate my life," I tell him. He nods and I knew how much he was hating to have this conversation now but sometime we had to.

"You know the doctor says you might not be able to take it. But there's more chances that my brave girl will survive it," he tells me and I nod.

"If I can survive it, I promise I will. If I can't, keep me alive in your memories and let me go happily." I instruct and a small tear drop slips from his eye that I wipe away with my thumb before he can drink it away.

"Nandini!" I heard Navya call as she sits across Zubin and me, and I realise everyone had now come back. They had been listening to my conversation with Zubin. Mukti was trying her best to hold her tears and Aryamman wasn't looking at me anymore. They all wanted me to abort the child that could kill me and live my life ahead. But ultimately they all respected my decision.

"Have you thought about publishing Humesha?" She asked and I take a deep breath. Navya was a writer and she helped me writing this book.

"No" I tell her and she frowns. Everyone looked surprise. "Why did you write it then?" Aliya asked and I smiled at her softly.

"Because I wanted to. Manik wanted this story to be ours and he wanted it to be named Humesha." I tell her, "But he never wanted me to publish it. He wanted the book to be realistic, the true story and not false hopes and a fake happy ending. And so I wrote it that ways."

"And about not publishing it, we never wanted anyone to know our story. It's ours, it lived with us and like every real love story, it will die with us too." I tell and Navya presses my hand gently.

"But why did he want it to be named Humesha? As in Forever?" Aliya asked again. She was new to me and Manik and hadn't lived it with us like others did.

"To us, Humesha doesn't mean forever. We never wanted our story to live forever. To us, Humesha is just a word that represents us. Before meeting him, I never knew an ordinary word like that could be given such a beautiful meaning. Humesha is something that will always belong to me and Manik for us. It's what denotes us, we live a little bit of us in every memory. Like for us, I will remember us everytime the stars shine or fireflies glow. Humesha is that love story of ours that will lie only in our hearts, live in every heart beat of us and survive until we do. No forevers, but just a love that could strive an eternity" I smile, words coming directly from my mouth.

"And Humesha has no end. Because the very end, is a new beginning" Navya tells them. Aryamman puts his hand around me, giving me a squeeze and I smile at him.

We have lunch, and then we talk and play and then everyone leaves, except Mukti and Zubin who stayed with me as my delivery date came closer. When I come back into my room, it was early night. The sun had already set, although the last rays were still visible, and the sky was a lovely blue, covered with a thick layer of clouds but faint stars shining in between.

Although the clouds covered the sky, the stars still shone. Although problems will always come, we still have to hope. We have to believe. We have to love to be loved. We have to smile and accept changes, we have to go through the pain to know what happiness feels like.

Everything in this world has an end. But every end, is a new beginnings.

And now, it's not if I believe in love or not anymore, it's whether you do.

And if you still believe in love the way I always did, then don't let love go away. Chase love until love falls in love with you. Believe in reality over fairytales, and the second you start believing in reality instead of fantasy, life becomes better than a fairytale.

I and Manik did not have any fairytale. Our story didn't start with a Once Upon A Time or end with a Happily Ever After, but that doesn't mean that we did not love each other. Real love strives only where there is no fairytale.

As for Manik, I love him. I always will, and until this heart stops beating, he will be the only man to rule it.

I still don't know if forevers exist. But my Humesha does and this Humesha does not mean forever, it just means true love that doesn't fade away with time.

So if you're still reading this, don't tell people about us. Let them read it by themselves and find how love isn't always a fairytale, sometimes love is also true, that strives through reality.

If my love story made a way into your heart, then let it live within you until find your own story. And if you do find your own story, then don't let that go. Hold it close to you just the way i held me and Manik close and I always will.

Because true love is rare, but it exists. I believe in love, and I hope you do too.

I don't know about fairytales, but this was my story, and to me it was better than any fairytale my father read to me when I was a kid. This story might hurt, but it hurts only because it's real and it knows reality.

I don't know about forevers, but this was my Humesha.

Love,
Nandini.

Love
is a strange magic,
where death
can only make it stronger
while the softest kiss
in the wrong direction,
can steal it away forever.

—Atticus

~•|

[I have already written the Epilogue and will post it in a day or two. I know a lot of people must be disappointed by such an end but I have an explanation for it, which is mostly visible in this chapter but I'd anyway upload it after the epilogue]

Love,
Heer.